Adventures of the Writer!
by Der Blaue Wolf
Summary: When the writer is kidnapped by Yaoi fangirls, Miku and the other 'loids must save him, before all of fanfiction falls to the yaoi, and Kaito ends up *censored*ing  Len. This is Blasphemy, this is madness. This IS PARODY! Completed. Now with added extras.
1. Save 1

_A fore-forenote, if anybody wants to use Derrick, Wolfie or any original character, then just ask, and I'll probably (99%) say yes. The exceptions are Misty, Lumi and Chewy, who are representative of other people, so you'll have to ask them._

Wolfie, the Writer: "Just a forenote, this story has had it's name changed from 'Save the Writer!' after I decided to create differently named 'sequels' and put them all under one story. Also, any yaoi fangirls who are easily offended, you might want to press the back button. Now enjoy..."

Save the Writer, Ch1

_Somewhere in the depths of fanfiction, just past the gates to crackland, Miku Hatsune was, for some insufficiently explained plot reason, waiting._

Miku: "It's not really insufficiently explained: I'm waiting for my friends, and Kaito, to show up."

_Ah yes, Kaito's coming today isn't he? Well then I'll have some fun torturing him._

Miku: "I don't think the Kaito torture is gaining you any popularity you know."

_Screw the popularity, I have Pokemon Black._

Miku: "Seriously, who came up with that name? Black and white? I am so glad that 'yellow' is already taken, so they'll probably call the third one 'grey' or something."

_Anyway, as I was saying, Miku was waiting. She was however, not left waiting for very long, as she soon saw waving pink hair running towards her. Said hair was on the scalp of a certain Luka Megurine._

Luka: "Hi Miku!"

Miku: "Hey Luka, what took you so long?"

Luka: "Narrative convenience."

Miku: "Ah, Wolfie-sama strikes again I see."

_I'm not exactly striking. More typing._

Miku: "Same thing for you." _Seeing two figures with blond hair running towards them, _"Ah, here come the twins."

Len & Rin: "Sorry we're late!"

Len: "Rin took ages getting ready."

Rin: "Len was eating a banana."

Len & Rin: _Stare at each other._

Miku: "Let's be honest, we all know you were having sex weren't you? And if anybody was 'eating a banana,' it was you Rin!"

Len: "We~ll..."

Rin: "..."You could say that."

Luka: "In other words: 'yes.'"

Voice from behind them: "My dearest princess Miku, I am so terribly sorry I'm late!"

Miku: "F***! Here he comes."

Kaito: _Running up to the assembled group _"My sweet princess, yes 'tis I, your humble servant."

Miku: "Why did we invite him again?"

Wolfie, the Writer: "Because spoilers."

Miku: "Wolfie? When did you turn up?"

Wolfie: "Miku dear, I have been narrating for however long, I've been here the whole time."

Miku: "Then how come I couldn't see you?"

Wolfie: "Because I didn't say that you saw me."

Miku: "Ri~ght."

Kaito: "Wolfie! I challenge you to a duel for Miku!"

Wolfie: _Sighing, _"Yes I know you do, and I also know that you are about to be attacked by my friend/rival/personal-pain-in-the-ass Misty."

Kaito: _Spinning round on the spot, _"Where is he?"

Wolfie: _Typing furiously, _"In the hole under your feet."

Kaito: "What ho...? AHHhhhhhhhhh..."

Miku: "Did you just write that in?"

Wolfie: "Of course I did."

Luka: "Don't we need him for plot progression?"

Wolfie: "True... there!"

_Kaito falls out of the sky, and lands unceremoniously, but still in one piece._

Kaito: "What the hell just happened?"

Wolfie: "I showed you why you should never screw with the guy typing the story... wait what's this?" _Stares at laptop, _"Shit! I got a virus!"

Miku: "I take it that's bad."

Wolfie: "Nah, not really. I have anti-virus software, it just means I can't start fiddling with the story for a while, until the virus is dealt with."

_It is of course at this point that the group have a not-so-random encounter._

Girl: "Hello, are you the writer?"

Wolfie: "Yes... wait a sec, who the hell are you? I don't remember writing you in."

Girl: "I'm just a girl..." _Sees Len and Kaito within three metres of each other, _"SQUEEEEE! LENXKAITO FOREVER!"

Wolfie: "Shit, we have a yaoi fangirl on our hands."

Yaoi fangirl: "Damn, me cover is blown. Yes! I am the queen of yaoi fangirls. But you can call me Derrick."

Wolfie: "Derrick? Isn't that a guy's name?"

Derrick: "It's my internet name, _Satoru_, and just like yours, it doesn't reflect the real me that much at all."

Wolfie: "Actually, Satoru comes from the Japanese for 'to know,' and people do say I'm quite knowledgeable..."

Derrick: "Shut up! Now that your laptop has succumbed temporarily to the virus, we can take you down, and turn all your stories into yaoi!"

Wolfie: "You wouldn't!"

Derrick: "Oh yes I would!"

Wolfie: "Oh no you wouldn't!"

Derrick: "Oh yes I would!"

Wolfie: "Oh no you wouldn't!"

Derrick: "Oh yes I would!"

Miku: "Um, you two, if you don't mind could you..."

Wolfie: "Oh no you wouldn't!"

Derrick: "Oh yes I would!"

_Five hours later_

Wolfie: "Oh no you wouldn't!"

Derrick: "Oh yes I would!"

Miku: "WOLFIE! Stop it, or else it's the couch for you for a month."

Wolfie: _Now looking at Miku, _"Y-you wouldn't!"

Miku: "Don't start that again!"

Wolfie: "Sorry..."

Derrick: "Anyway, time for some plot advancement. MINIONS! Seize him!"

_Minions 1 to 4 appear out of nowhere, and grab Wolfie._

Wolfie: "I won't go down without a fight!"

Yaoi fangirl minion 1: "Really? Number 2, use the weapon!"

Yaoi fangirl minion 2: _Takes out a yaoi doujinshi for Higurashi, _"What do you think of SatoshiXKeiichi? Eh?"

Wolfie: _In severe pain, _"How could you? Satoshi and Keiichi are clearly straight! Well, Satoshi maybe not, but the point stands! I wouldn't mind if you took some guys who at least _might _be gay, but this is inhuman!"

Yfm 1: "If you don't come quietly, there's more where that came from."

Wolfie: "Shit! Yaoi doujins reduce my powers. I can't fight back, Miku, help me!"

Miku: "What am I supposed to do... wait a second..." _Walks over to Luka, _"Luka, sorry about this..." _Miku quickly forces her lips on Luka._

Derrick: "Wh-what is this?"

Wolfie: "That, Derrick, is yuri!"

Derrick: _Turning to see Wolfie, who has broken free of his captor_s, "You... you shall not get away!"

Wolfie: _Raising a katana which appeared from nowhere, _"F***ing hell I will!"

Derrick: "No you won't, because..." _Pulls out a screen, which displays certain images, and shows it to Wolfie, _"I have enough yaoi for an entire fangirl army! Feel the YAOI!"

Miku: _Breaking off the kiss with Luka, _"Shit, this won't be enough... NO! WOLFIE!"

_Wolfie collapses, as his katana shatters. The Yaoi minions grab him and his laptop, and flee the scene._

Derrick: "Ahahaha, now to put our stereotypically evil plan into action. Soon, all of fanfiction will be taken over by yaoi! Mwahahaha! I will see you girls later." _Disappears in a puff of squee_.

Miku: _Crying, _"Wolfie-sama."

Kaito: "Miku, don't worry, now that he's gone you're a free woman."

Luka: "Kaito, I hate to break it to you, but if those girls manage to break into Wolfie's user, then they'll send yaoi into all his stories. The short of it is that you'll end up *censored* with Len. Also, may I add in here that I feel strangly violated by Miku."

Rin: "NO! Len is only allowed to *censored* with me!"

Luka: "That's precisely the problem: these fangirls don't think that Wolfie does enough, scratch that, any yaoi, and so are going to force it into his fics."

Kaito: "But it's not like Wolfie's the only writer on FF, their plan isn't going to convert everybody to yaoi."

Luka: "It may be badly thought through, but it'll still cause us problems if their plans work."

Miku: "Hang on, won't it mean that Kaito ends up *censored*ing Len, and not trying to do anything to me?"

Luka: "Yes, but Wolfie will probably also lose any interest in girls."

Miku: "F***! We have to save him. We need a plan right now!"

Luka: "Okay, here we go... oh wait, chapter break. Well we'll sort out what we're doing next time then..."

Bis Bald

Derrick, MWAHAHAHA

'SMASH'

_Ahem_, _sorry about that..._

Bis Bald

BW


	2. Save 2

Save the Writer, Ch2

_Location,__ time, date and any other useful information unknown._

Wolfie: _Tied up, with his hands chained to the arms of the chair he has been placed on,_ "So Derrick, you're going to try hacking into my laptop, and then use it to re-write all my stories as yaoi? Seriously, with your rabid hoard of fellow fangirls, could you not have just, I don't know, written some yaoi yourself?"

Derrick: "Yes, but this is more evil!"

Wolfie: "So what? Being evil isn't always the best way to get something done. Trust me, I've tried, and it doesn't always work."

Derrick: "Well what do you think I should do then?"

Wolfie: _Thinks before answering, _"Let me go, return my laptop, then go buy yourself a shit load of yaoi doujin to share with your friends, and leave my fics alone."

Derrick: "How come I'm leading us and not you? That sounds like a perfect plan!"

Wolfie: "Because I'm a straight male, and thus have no interest in yaoi."

Derrick: "Oh yeah, and that is why, as a principle, I can't take your advice."

Wolfie: "Your loss, but I still have writer's privileges. Scene change time!"

Derrick: "No, don't do tha..."

* * *

_Back where we left them, our (arguable) heroes are busy trying to come up with a plan to defeat the yaoi fangirls, with limited success._

Miku: "Okay, what the hell do we do?"

Luka: "We could always put 'Derrick' into the fanfic search engine..."

Miku: "Luka, willing as I am to try anything right now, I don't think she'd make it that easy for us to find her. Also, I already tried, and it came up with five profiles, no yaoi whatsoever."

Kaito: "We could always just wander around until we get a random encounter..."

Miku: "Kaito, shut up."

Kaito: "Yes princess."

Luka: "We need to work out where a yaoi fangirl would be likely to go... or who would know how to defeat one..."

Miku: "Okay, here's my idea, we split into three groups, one group will hunt for some way to defeat the yaoi fangirls, another will search for their base, so that we can kick the bitches' asses, and the last will... uh... make the tea?"

Luka: "You just don't want to be anywhere near Kaito do you?"

Miku: "You got me."

Meiko: "Fear not, I'm here to keep him in order!"

Miku: "Meiko? Where'd you come from?"

Meiko: "Oh, I was having a drinking party with Haku, but she left, so I came to find you guys. So you're having a problem with yaoi fangirls are you? I conveniently know how you can beat them."

Miku & Rin & Len & Luka & Kaito: "HOW?"

Meiko: "Well, I don't know how exactly myself, but I know who can tell you. The great prophet of the internet, known to us only as the server-master."

Miku: "How do we find him?"

Meiko: "First, you must find the three great keys of the internet, scattered throughout the many countless areas of the internet... or at least somewhere."

Luka: "Okay so where do we need to look?"

Meiko: "First, the Key of Trolls, found within /b/ on 4chan! Second, the Key of XXX, found within the depths of the nearest available H-site! Third, the Key of Anime and Gaming, found within the Japanese servers! Bring them together at the Gate of Fandom, and you shall meet with the Server-Master!"

Miku: "Are you sure?"

Meiko: "I dunno, I might just have ripped off something while drunk, but still, better than what you have at the moment."

Miku: "True... okay! Luka, you and I shall venture to 4chan, Rin and Len, you must go to Japan to find their key, and Kaito and Meiko, you two must deep into hentai to retrieve the last key."

Kaito: "Me... with her... into an h-site...?"

Miku: _Smiling innocently, _"Yes."

Kaito: "F***!"

Meiko: "That's precisely what I was planning."

Miku: "Well, there's no time to be lost. Len, Rin, don't waste too much time *censored*ing okay? And Meiko, don't force yourself on Kaito... too much."

Len & Rin: "We won't!" _Run towards a conveniently placed sign saying 'Japan, this way.'_

Luka: "I'm surprised the net is this well signposted. Well Miku, lead the way." _Leaves, following Miku._

Kaito: "So I guess we'd better be going too..." _Shudders, _"Come on then Meiko."

Meiko: "Hehehe, now I have Kaito all to myself!"

Kaito: "Oh shit."

_And so, our (kinda) heroes venture off to retrieve the three internet keys. Their fates is now in the hands of the server, may they complete their task in one piece and return to their homes._

Wolfie: "A~nd... scene shift!"

Derrick: "How do you do that when you don't even have your laptop."

Wolfie: "I'm the writer, you don't seriously think that without my laptop I'm powerless do you?"

Derrick: "Then how come you haven't escaped yet."

Wolfie: "Because, in case you'd forgotten, you've surrounded me with more yaoi than I thought previously possible to fit within a person's view."

Derrick: "Oh yeah, so yaoi weakens you? Isn't that kinda homophobic?"

Wolfie: "No, only yaoi that shouldn't exist given the character's sexual preferences as made clear by their original media weakens me, as it's completely stupid."

Derrick: "And yet you're fine with yuri? Isn't quite a lot of that the same?"

Wolfie: "Yes but shut up."

Bis Bald

BW


	3. Save 3

Save the Writer, Ch3

_In the depths of the less fashionable areas of the internet, two of our heroes (well one a heroine) venture forth, in search of the Key of XXX._

Kaito: "Why XXX? I mean, it's a stupid name."

Meiko: "'Cause if you gave it any other name, you'd have to censor it."

Kaito: "Anyway, so where are we?"

Meiko: "Well according to the web address, we're at *Censored*.hentai.*Censored*.

Kaito: "So we're on the right track?"

Meiko: "Given the copious images all around us of *censored* around us."

Kaito: "Is this entire chapter going to be about things which are censored?"

*Censored*: _Appearing out of nowhere, _"Yes."

Kaito: "Who are you?"

*Censored*: "Oh, just another denizen of this site."

Meiko: "Hey, I don't suppose you know where the Key of XXX is?"

*Censored*: "Oh yeah, you see that building over there? It's in there, just go in and ask for it."

Kaito: "It's that easy? No way are we able to waltz in there and take it just like that."

*Censored*: "Well, it might be a struggle to ask... given who's in there." _Disappears._

Kaito: "O~kay, that was weird. Well let's go."

_The pair approached the building, which was a huge skyscraper, with 'MIH' above the door in large gold letters. They reached the doors, and they opened before them, to reveal..._

Kaito: "WHY THE HELL IS THERE A MASSIVE ORGY IN HERE?"

Meiko: "This_ is_ the centre of an H-site."

_To describe the events in detail would render this fic an M in seconds. So, to keep it clean, we will skirt over the mass of writhing bodies, to the one person not engaging in any of the 'acts' of the others. This man sat at the top of a flight of stairs, like a king surveying his court. He wore bright red shirt, trousers and hat, with a black waistcoat and tie, and a pair of yellow sunglasses. Coming out of the shirt pocket was a golden watch-chain._

Kaito: _Carefully avoiding the group on the floor, approaches the solitary figure, _"Uh... excuse me, but what is this place?"

Figure: "This is my domain, MIH: Military Intelligence, division: Hentai. May I introduce myself? I am lord supreme pimp, Illuminati_47, The Bitch King. But you can call me Lumi.

Kaito: "Er... okay... um... We were wondering if we could possibly have the key of XXX?"

Lumi: "Oh, you must be the ones from Wolfie's story-zone."

Meiko: "How did you know?"

Lumi: "Wolfie and I are good friends. When he wants a bitch broken, he sends her to me, to do as I like with."

Kaito: "Er... is it just me, or is there something seriously wrong with you?"

Lumi: "There's something wrong with both of us."

Kaito: "Right, just checking."

Lumi: "Anyway, with regards to the key, I'll help you get it, as I can't have those yaoi fangirls gaining any power. My people have been warring with them for years. While I'm all for a fair share of all interests, the proportion of yaoi those girls want is far too high."

Kaito: "Is your only priority your porn?"

Lumi: "You're in an h-site, and you bother asking me that?"

Kaito: "Anyway, so where is the key?"

Lumi: "At the top of this tower."

Meiko: "So we just have to climb the tower and grab it? I assume you have a lift."

Lumi: "Well... yes we do..."

Meiko: "Ah there it is!" _Walks towards it._

Lumi: "Don't open that!"

Meiko: _Presses the open door button on the lift. The doors slide open to reveal... _"AH! TENTACLES!"

_A great tentacle beast pulls itself out of the lift, tentacles poised ready to defile any it can reach. Fortunately for Meiko's virginity, Lumi jumps into action._

Lumi: "HEY! How many times have I told you? Tentacles are to stay on the fifth floor! You are NOT to come down here unless you have special permission."

_The tentacle monster turns all its tendrils to face Lumi, then creeps back into the lift, and presses the '5' button._

Meiko: "O...kay... Maybe we should take the stairs..."

Kaito: "Yeah... I wonder how the others are getting on."

Wolfie: "SCENE CHANGE!"

Derrick: "STOP IT!"

_

* * *

Somewhere, still in the lands of fanfiction, Luka and Miku walk determined. Well, Miku is determined, Luka is wondering where the hell they're going._

Luka: "Miku, I was wondering, where the hell are we going?"

Miku: "Oh, well before we go fight the trolls, I want to pick something up."

Luka: "What?"

Miku: "You'll see."

_The pair approach a massive building. It is a giant futuristic fortress, towering over them._

Luka: "What is this?

Miku: "It's the place Wolfie made for me in case of an emergency. Inside is a null-fic area, protecting anything in it from any direct effects of a writer, including Wolfie. It's a bastion, created to enable me to protect myself from any of Wolfie's enemies who seize his laptop. It even includes a negi-dispencer."

Luka: "Right... that sounds highly protective, and a little creepy."

Miku: "Oh~ you think so. I think it's just 'cause he cares. He swore that when he goes to London, if there's a single plushy of me in the city, he will buy it."

Luka: "Okay, that's just downright obsessive and strange."

Miku: _Looking slightly put-out, _"It's just because he loves me..."

Luka: _Sighing, _"Still, you have to admit, it's a little strange."

Miku: "We~ll, maybe a little. But with that Kaito out to get me, it's not surprising that he's rather protective."

Luka: "Have it your way."

_The two enter the building, and walk through the futuristic, space-ship type, metal-plated corridors, until they reach a large metal door. Miku enters a code into a lock, and it opens, to reveal a large room, full of flashing lights and monitors: the perfect place to observe the outside. And sitting on a chair in the centre is..._

Luka: "You?"

Miku: "Oh god... I don't believe this..."

Misty, Wolfie's personal pain-in-the-backside-but-at-the-end-of-the-day-friend: "Ah, Miku. I'm sorry to hear about Wolfie. Although, being surrounded by all that yaoi might finally pull him out of the closet."

Miku: "First: why are you here and how did you get into, supposedly, the most secure location in fanfiction? Second: why are you implying my husubandu is gay?"

Misty: "I'm here because Wolfie would want me to help you guys, I got in because Wolfie set things up so that I could in an emergency, which this qualifies as, and I'm implying that Wolfie is _bisexual _because it annoys you, and him, so much."

Miku: "Okay, so how are you planning to help?"

Misty: "Well, by hopping between the three storylines at random intervals and helping you guys out however you need. Much as we like not to give the impression, Wolfie and I do actually care a little about each other's wellbeing."

Miku: "So, what help are you giving us?"

Misty: "Ah, well I assume you know about the secret weapon that Wolfie told you to use only in an emergency?"

Miku: "No actually, I just came here for fun. Of course I do!"

Misty: "Well here it, or should I say, they are." _Chucks a bag at Miku._

Miku: "What is this?" _Stick her hand in the bag, and pulls out a futuristic-looking bracelet, of grey metal with a glowing pulse of bluish green running through the middle, moving along a black screen._

Luka: "There's one for me too, only it's pink..."

Miku: "And a pair of yellow one, a blue one and a red one... so I guess we put them on?"

Misty: "You guess correctly, but only one, and only your own."

Miku: "I'm guessing it's one each then, but how're the twins supposed to tell theirs apart?"

Misty: "Wolfie didn't explain that... I honestly have no idea."

Miku: "Oh well." _puts the bracelet on, _"Now what?"

Misty: "Sing, apparently."

Miku: "But which song? Wolfie's favourite?" _Begins singing 'World is Mine.'_

_The bracelet glows brightly, but then dims._

Miku: "That felt like it was going to work..."

Misty: "Ah, the weapons aren't completely ready yet due to you not being far enough through the plot. For the moment, they only have one mode, with one particular song."

Miku: "Weapons huh... I got it!" _Stands back from the other two, _"Black Rock Shooter... wherever did you go?"

_A green light engulfs the trio._

* * *

Wolfie: "A~nd chapter end, on a cliffhanger of sorts."

Derrick: "Oh for f***'s sake, how can you still be in control?"

Wolfie: "Because I can."

Bis Bald

BW


	4. Save 4

Save the Writer! Ch4

_In the middle of Miku's fortress, the glowing green turns darker, and then fades away._

Luka: "Miku! What in fanfiction happened to you?"

_Miku's hair has turned black, and her left arm is now covered by an obscenely large canon of dark steel. Her clothes have changed from her usual shirt and skirt to a black bra, black short shorts and a torn black coat., with long black boots. Her eyes were blue, and a flame seemed to burn in her left eye, the same colour as her eye. Black chains ran along her body, coiling round her arms._

Misty: "Ah, Wolfie, you've outdone yourself with that weapon."

Black Rock Shooter/Miku: "I feel... strange."

Luka: "What sort of strange?"

BRS/Miku: "I don't feel an unnatural craving for negi!"

Luka: "That's strange for you?"

Miku: "What about you and tuna?"

Luka: "Okay, fair point."

Miku: "But my desire to eat negi has been replaced by a desire to kick ass of the troll kind. Let's go Luka!"

Misty: "No thanks for me then?"

Miku: "Of course not. Wolfie'll thank you eventually I'm sure."

Misty: "He doesn't usually."

Miku: "Oh well, there's a first time for everything, right?"

Misty: "I suppose."

Miku: "Okay! Off we go!"

_Miku runs off towards the exit. Luka begins to follow, but turns at the door._

Luka: "Hey, Misty, catch!" _Chucks the bag of 'weapons' to Misty, _"Give these to the others will you?"

Misty: _Sighing,_ "Sure."

Luka: "Thanks!" _runs after Miku._

Derrick: "Finally, I gagged Wolfie. Now he can't declare the scene shifts! Now: SCENE CHANGE!"

_Nothing happens._

Derrick: "What the hell! **SCENE CHANGE!**"

_Nothing happens._

Derrick: "What? But I even bolded it..."

Wolfie: _Laughing through gag, _"Schene schange!"

* * *

Len: "Oh Rin!"

Rin: "Len!"

Len: "RIN!"

Rin: "LEN!"

_Ahem, skip five minutes._

Rin: _Fixing her skirt, _"Okay, time to get going again little brother!"

Len: "Yes onee-san."

_Gods Rin, why the little brother fetish?_

Rin: "But he's such an adorable little brother, how could I _not _have a fetish?"

Len: "Um... I'll take that to be a complement."

Rin: "Of course it is silly!"

_Anyway, the two continued onward towards the Japanese servers._

Len: "So once we're there, how're we going to find the key?"

Rin: "I dunno, I was hoping that it'd be signposted or something."

Len: "Ri~ght." _Spots a signpost saying 'Key of Anime and Gaming, this way,' _"Okay, maybe it is."

Rin: "I told you so!"

Len: "Yes... your logic, if you can call it that, seems to be remarkable."

Rin: "Len, remember who out of us owns a road-roller!"

Len: "Me, but you constantly borrow it without asking, and then crash it, leaving me to pay on my insurance."

Rin: "Oh yeah..."

_The pair adventure on through the quiet servers. Eventually, the lack of people online begins to perturb them._

Len: "It's quiet."

Rin: "Too quiet."

Len: "Oh yeah, Japan just had that massive tsunami... it's a sad thing."

Rin: "Oh, yeah, they did... you know Len, I don't feel like taking the piss out of them just now..."

Len: "Me neither... maybe we should hope for a scene change, to get us out of this sad situation."

Wolfie: "Scene change, and one thing we, Derrick and I that is, can agree on, is that the tsunami is not a thing to laugh at."

Derrick: "Very true..."

* * *

Kaito: "Okay, so, we've got to climb to the top of this tower, avoiding all the 'delights' that there are on each floor."

Lumi: "Pretty much. Although some of them are quite tempting, I mean, on the 13th floor there are furries..."

Meiko: "How many floors does this place have exactly?"

Lumi: "A lot, let's just leave it at that."

Kaito: "No, let's not, I want to know how much climbing we've got to do."

Lumi: "About... 500 floors. One for each major genre of hentai."

Kaito: "5...500?"

Lumi: "Yes."

Kaito: "Well, we'd better get climbing."

Meiko: "Good thing I packed some sake!"

_Ten floors later._

Meiko: "Okay... this is monotonous."

Kaito: "Seriously, maybe we should try the lift again."

Lumi: "I suppose it might be safe."

_Kaito steps over to the lift, and presses the button to open the doors._

Kaito: "Wh-what is this thing?"

Chewbacca: "Waaaagh!"

Meiko: "Why has Star Wars invaded?"

Lumi: "That's... not exactly what's happened. But even if it were, rule 34."

Kaito: "Hang on, does that mean...?"

Lumi: "Yes, there is, somewhere in here, hentai of you. Floor 456 to be exact."

Kaito: "Shit... but hang on, is it MeXMiku?"

Lumi: "If there were, Wolfie would have destroyed it, along with all the rest of the Miku hentai he found."

Kaito: "Noooooo!"

Chewbacca: "Waaaaagh!"

Lumi: "Yes chewy, Wolfie hates anybody who tries to take away his waifu, and will smite them with the power of the writer."

Kaito: "On second thoughts, I don't want to save him."

Lumi: "So you want to *censored* with Len?"

Kaito: "On third thoughts, let's go."

Chewy: "Waaagh... waagh, waaaa!"

Lumi: "There's something behind us?" _Turns around._

Kaito: "Oh my god, it's..."

_Elsewhere, Miku and Luka are surfing the web, trying to find a way into 4chan without being noticed. Which is difficult, as Miku still has the massive gun on her arm._

Miku: "Ah! A link!" _Clicks it... how I don't know, but she does._

_The pair are transported to a place with a cream background, and nothing else._

Luka: "Where the hell are we?"

Mysterious text: '4chan of course.'

Miku: "We got into /b/. Yes!"

Text: 'No actually, you got into /c/.'

Miku: "It's obviously /b/, I mean it even says so in the web address."

Text: 'It lies.'

Miku: "No it doesn't!"

Luka: "Miku, I think that's a troll."

Miku: "Aha! In that case..." _Raises the gun on her arm, _"I'll kill the bastard!"

_Miku fires repeatedly at the text, but the text seems unharmed. A giant trollface appears at the bottom, and the text swirls around it, forming a body, with the trollface moving to the head._

Miku: "What is that?"

Troll: "You've been trolled!"

Miku: "Shit!" _Fires repeatedly, but the troll takes no damage._

Luka: "Okay, time to fight." _Puts bracelet on, _"Japanese Ninja No.1!"

_Luka's bracelet glows bright pink, expanding out to fill the screen._

Wolfie: "And... call it there!"

Derrick: "So whatever I do, you'll always be calling the chapter endings and scene shifts?"

Wolfie: "Yup, that's about right."

Derrick: "Great."

Wolfie: "May I just add a personal message, my condolences go out to those affected by the Japanese tsunami at the moment. I just can't take the piss out of them right now."

Derrick: "Wolfie, you're being a nice person!"

Wolfie: "Is it that weird?"

Misty: "Yes."

Derrick: "How did you get in here?"

Misty: "It'll be explained next chapter."

Wolfie: "So, you've given Miku and Luka their bracelets."

Misty: "Yes, how did you know?"

Wolfie: "Whenever my Miku sings, I can hear it."

Misty: "Ri~ght."

Wolfie: "Anyway, that's it for this chapter, see you guys next time."

Bis Bald

BW


	5. Save 5

Save the Writer! Ch5

Kaito: "Yaoi fangirls?"

Yaoi fangirl fighter: "YES! We have come to stop you in your tracks! You shall not stop the YAOI!"

Kaito: "That sentence contained far too many exclamation marks."

Yaoi fangirl wizard: "That's true, Yaoi fangirl fighter, you don't need to emphasise things so much."

Yff: "Oh SHUT UP!"

Yaoi fangirl rogue: "Guys, maybe we should actually, I dunno, fight these guys."

Yaoi fangirl cleric: "Yeah, Yff, do you think you could swallow your annoying shouting for three seconds?"

Yff: "Well I'm sorry, just 'cause I took 'shout loudly' as one of my ridiculous number of feats."

Yfw: "Anyway, maybe we should kill these gu..." _Turns to attack the vocaloids, only to discover they have disappeared._

Kaito: "Good thing they were unobservant, and let us escape into the lift."

_The group hear a banging, and the lift stops. The doors open to reveal the yaoi fangirls._

Kaito: "What the... how did you catch up?"

Yfw: "Time stop, it's a handy spell."

Meiko: "Any idea how to beat these guys Lumi?"

Lumi: "Uh... well, I could always... I know!" _A look of concentration passes over his face, then a blindingly bright light fills the area._

* * *

_In 4chan, the pink light around Luka fades away, revealing her now in a black kimono, with twin knives clutched in her hands._

Ninja Luka: "Now this is kinda cool!"

Miku: "Great, but in that transformation sequence, I killed the troll."

Luka: "What? How?"

Miku: "It turns out that the weak point of the trolls is, unsurprisingly, the head, or face, whatever you want to call it."

Luka: "Well... that was a let-down."

Miku: "I wouldn't worry, after all..." _A flurry of black text flows all around the board, _"We'll have plenty to deal with. Here comes Anonymous!"

_The text takes the forms of countless trolls, each growing a trollface as they reach their full height. They begin their advance on the two figures standing in the centre._

Miku: "Luka, you ready?"

Luka: "If I'm not, what happens?"

Miku: "I would say hit alt and f4, but I don't think that'll work somehow."

Luka: "To me, it sounds like a briliant idea."

Miku: "Yeah, but that'd prevent us from having a single decent action scene anytime soon."

Luka: "Fair enough, well, let's go!"

_The pair leap into action against the trolls._

* * *

Len: "God, Rin, did you really have to leap on me as soon as the scene shifted away. Kaito and Meiko are the ones on the h-site."

Rin: "I just wanted to play with my little brother!"

_*Ahem* Rin, can you please stop randomly *censored*ing with Len? It slows the story down with sex jokes._

Rin: "Don't you mean *censored* jokes?"

_Er... no. '*Censored*' has far worse connotations than just sex._

Rin: "Right... maybe we should stop this here."

_That's what Len said, before you forced him to..._

Rin: "I SAID, maybe we should stop this here!"

_Right, right, let get on with the story then._

Len: "About time."

_The pair continue adventuring through the server, looking for the key._

Rin: "He~re key, key, key! He~re key, key, key!"

Len: "Onee-chan, I don't think that'll work somehow."

Rin: "Who's the one that got us this far with the signs?"

Len: _Mumbling barely audibly, _"Well I suppose it was you."

Rin: "Right, so we do things my way! He~re key, key, key! He~re key, key, key!"

Len: "Why me? Why? Why is it I who is stuck with a sister who doesn't realize that keys are non-sentient?"

Key of Anime and Gaming: "Who said we all were?"

Len: "You are f***ing kidding me."

_The key, a floating blob of pixels, forms into the shape of a young woman._

Key: "Well hello there young shota, it's nice to meet you."

Len: _Noticing Rin's rising fury, _"Er... hello."

Key: "Oh~ squee! You're so cute!"

Rin: "You're not a yaoi fangirl are you?"

Key: "No, I'm just a shotacon, and your brother here is a shotacon."

Len: "Why do the Japanese have to use the same word to mean two different things?"

Key: "Actually, that's an American and English thing, the Japanese used to just use it for a person with a fetish."

Rin: "Also, why are you attacking Japan, given that we are Japanese?"

Len: "Er... well..."

Key: "Hm... you aren't so bad young lady."

Rin: "You neither."

_The pair high-five._

Key's thoughts: 'Now I've garnered her trust, I can make my move on the cute guy without her suspecting, and then...'

Len: "Rin, why is she just standing there doing nothing?"

Rin: "She's doing a Nale... I mean having an inner monologue, give her a moment."

* * *

_Luka throws stars through several trollfaces, while Miku sends a single blast straight through a long line. The two land, panting heavily._

Miku: "I make that my 57th."

Luka: "I'm on 54."

Miku: "Shit, how many more of these things are there?"

Luka: _Counts quickly, _"Er... I lost count at two-hundred and something, and it's increasing."

Miku: "Shit!"

Misty: _Appearing out of a mysterious black hole, which then disappears as soon as he's out of it,_ "Don't worry, I'm here to help!"

Miku: "How the hell did you get here?"

Misty: "I travelled through a plot-hole. There are so many at the moment, it's easy to get just about anywhere within Wolfie's story verse."

Miku: "That's all very nice, but how are you planning to help us?"

Misty: "Like this." _A laptop appears in front of him._

Miku: "That's... a writer's laptop?"

Misty: "Precisely. Now, unfortunately, this being Wolfie's story-verse, I only have a few permissions. But I can certainly make this easier for you." _Starts typing furiously._

Miku: "This'd better work." _Leaps into the air again, the gun on her arm reforming into a sword._

Misty: _Typing so fast his fingers are a blur, _"Give her insane speed, grant her weapon an energy pulse to release when swung. Grant her god-like reactions... and... ENTER!"

_Miku becomes a blur as Misty hits the enter key. The blur of blue-green flies around the area, and trolls collapse left right and centre, as pulses of energy, the same shade as the blur, wipe through dozens of trolls at once. Soon, there is only one left, fleeing for the escape button. But Miku lands on his shoulder, the gun returned to its original structure._

Miku: "Troll this." _She fires at point blank. The troll explodes in a suitable final-enemy-from-a-movie style._

Misty: "Phew... I never knew I could type that fast." _His laptop starts to smoke, _"Oh shit."

_The laptop explodes, the pieces scattering across the area._

Miku: "Looks like we're out of writer-aided assistance. But how did you write inside Wolfie's story-zone?"

Misty: "Ah, well I have editor permissions. I sometimes proof-read his stuff."

Miku: "Right... well it looks like you need a new laptop."

Misty: "Yeah, I'll go get one then." _Jumps through another plot-hole._

Luka: "Well, at least there aren't any more of them..."

Miku: "Er... Luka, look behind you."

_Luka turns, and see a massive construct of text, towering miles over them. At the very top, they can just make out a trollface._

Luka: "Shit."

* * *

Wolfie: "Ah, another cliffy."

Derrick: "You gave Misty editorial permissions?"

Wolfie: "Well normally, I can just overwrite anything he does, but _someone _had to go and steal my laptop."

Derrick: "Well I still haven't managed to hack into it yet. Pain in the ass this security stuff, and I though that virus I sent you would take you down completely."

Wolfie: "Yeah, well you evidently failed completely."

Derrick: "Shut up!"

Wolfie: "Ah well, no point trying to reason with him."

Bis Bald

BW


	6. Save 6

Save the Writer! Ch6

_In MIH headquarters, floor 23. The bright light surrounding Lumi fades, revealing... nothing much._

Kaito: "What the hell was that about? You did nothing."

Lumi: "Hey, complain to Wolfie. You know how Misty has the power to turn into mist? I get the power to turn into light. It's good for blinding people, but that's about it, and it seems these girls managed to close their eyes in time."

Meiko: "Great, everybody role initiative."

_Turn order: Yf Rogue, Yf Cleric, Yf Wizard, Yf Fighter, Kaito, Meiko, Lumi, Misty._

Kaito: "Wait, Misty?"

Misty: "Yup! I jumped through a plot-hole."

Meiko: "A plot-hole?"

Misty: "Yes, don't ask. Anyway, I brought you these." _Chucks a blue bracelet at Kaito, and a red one at Meiko._

Kaito:"What the heck are these?"

Misty: "Just put the damn thing on and start singing something!"

Meiko: "Change me!" _A red light surrounds her, and when it fades, Meiko is wielding two empty sake bottles, and her clothes have gained several studs._

Kaito: "Um... Cantarella..."

_His bracelet glows with a blue aura, which rises up, and takes the form of Wolfie... a very angry Wolfie._

Image of Wolfie: "Kaito... That was a bad move!"

_The bracelet flies off Kaito's arm, and ends up on Misty's._

Misty: "I get this one? Cool!"

Image of Wolfie: "Seeing as you helped Miku out last chapter, you can have it. Now..." _Disappears back into the bracelet._

Misty: "Okay, now what should I sing to start this up?"

Voice of Wolfie: _Speaking from the bracelet, _"Just use the emergency override button."

Misty: "You installed an emergency override button?"

VoW: "Only on your one, because, let's face it, I couldn't trust Kaito."

Misty: "Fair enough. Now let's kick some ass!"

YfRogue: "Actually, we all get to go first, and you're flat-footed."

Meiko: "Actually, by transforming, I got an initiative bonus of +20. So add that on... I think I get to go first." _Runs up to the rogue, and hits with both bottles._

_YfR takes 2d6+4 damage. YfR's turn, attacks Meiko, inflicts d6+2 damage._

Misty: "This could take a while."

* * *

Miku: _Dodging a fist as the giant troll attacks,_ "Okay, any bright ideas?"

Luka: _Jumping to the side of one of the monster's feet. _"I dunno. Oh, and by the way, your hair's gone back to green, instead of black. I wonder how that happened."

Miku: "Continuity error from last chapter. Look carefully, and I'm a blue-green blur, not a black one."

Luka: "So it's just because Wolfie made a mistake?"

Miku: "Yeah, I mean, he might now work it into a plot point, but it started off as a mistake."

_Actually, I've been working on that Miku, and have worked it into a plot point which you'll be rather glad of._

Miku: _Dodging again, _"Well you'd better tell me quickly, or I won't be able to be glad for very long."

_Well, you see, as mentioned earlier, your bracelet, unlike the others I might add, has the ability to evolve, enabling you to use more powerful attacks etcetera. Your hair changing colour was the signal for that._

Miku: "So you're telling me that I can get something better than a gun the size of my body?"

_Yes, that's about the size of it._

Miku: "Okay then, what song?"

_Take a guess._

Miku: "Erm... Koi was Sensou?"

_The familiar green light surrounds Miku. This time, when it fades, the gun is still strapped to her arm, but her clothes and hair are back to normal,and her eyes are glowing a deep red. In her free hand, she holds a megaphone. She looks up at the troll, and grins an evil grin._

Luka: "Oh, shit."

* * *

_Meanwhile, millions of miles away..._

Key of Anime and Gaming: "Oh~ Len, the perverts here are scary!"

Rin: "Hey, hands off my boy!"

Key: "He may be your brother, but that far from makes him yours!"

Rin: "Well he damn well is!"

Key: "Oh, do you have a receipt?"

Rin: "I don't need one! He's mine!"

Len: "Do I not get any say in the matter?"

Key & Rin: "No!"

Len: "Pity, I'd choose Rin anyway."

Key: "But she abuses you the whole time, and virtually rapes you!

Len: "Precisely."

Key: "What? Are you a masochist or something?"

Len: "No, but I love her enough not to mind her repeated beatings, and abuse, and borderline-rape."

Rin: "I'm not sure whether that statement made me happy or not."

Len: "Please just take it as a compliment. Please! I don't want to be beaten again!"

Key: "You really love her that much?"

Len: "Yeah, why else would I stick it through all the stuff she does to me... well, the sex is good..."

Rin: "Le~n, would you like me to push you into the hole you just dug for yourself, or do you want to dig it deeper?"

Len: "Eeek!"

* * *

Derrick: "Finally! I have broken into your laptop!"

Wolfie: "You mean you finally found the 'on' button."

Derrick: "Hey, let me have my moment before dashing it, please!"

Wolfie: "Now you just have to hack through the ridiculous security that I installed for a laugh. Never thought it would actually come in useful."

Derrick: "Great, well I'd better get started... ah, the first password."

Wolfie: "You'll never guess it."

Derrick: "Hm..." _Typing as he speaks, _"M-i-k-u-i-s-a-w-e-s-o-m-e. Enter."

_The screen flashes up, "Password recognised."_

Wolfie: "As I said, I didn't think I'd ever actually need the security."

Derrick: "Okay, the next password... M-i-k-u-i-s-h-o-t. Enter!"

_"Password incorrect."_

Wolfie: "Phew, one you won't guess."

Derrick: "Oh really? Recovery questions time!"

Wolfie: "Let's leave that for next chapter!"

Bis Bald

BW


	7. Save 7

Save the Writer! Ch7

_Miku leaps over the fist of the giant troll, and shouts into the megaphone._

Miku: "How do you like 18d8 sonic damage!"

Luka: "Miku, it's Kaito and Meiko who are doing the D&D rip-off."

Miku: "Do I look like I care?"

Luka: "I was just saying..."

_The troll sways from the blast of sound, but soon swings again. Miku narrowly dodges and then leaps onto the arm, running up it, and leaping as it tries to shake her off, landing on its shoulder. She points her gun at the head, and opens fire._

_Now, let's do a little calculation here. The gun on her arm fires at 1200rpm (rocks per minute). Miku sustained her fire for 30 seconds. Each rock inflicts 3d6+8 damage, with a critical hit being on a 20. Assuming she hits 75% of the time, and that the troll has 50% damage resistance, what is her expected amount of damage?_

_Answer: a lot._

Miku: "Screw the numbers, I have a massive gun."

_I am not going to argue with that. But it's actually 4275._

_Miku continues to fire, until the troll starts to crumble, and she falls down with it. She does some death-defying leaps that are too awesome to fit into words, and will need to wait until this thing gets an animation to be understood, and lands on her feet, just in-front of where the giant troll's head landed._

Luka: "…"

Miku: "That wasn't too hard after all."

Luka: "So where's this key then?"

Miku: "I take it it's the troll-face." _She walks over to it, and it shrinks as she takes a hold of it, to the size of a human head._

Luka: "So, now we've just got to get back."

Miku: "Don't worry, I bookmarked the Gate of Fandom, so we can get there easily."

_The pair select the Gate from their bookmarks, and the area around them fades, then a new area materialises. They are standing by a large gate, with the letters 'FF' at the top in gold. The gate posts were made of blue marble, and the actual gates were solid silver. In one of the posts was a hole which looked suspiciously like a human._

Luka: "So this is the gate of fandom?"

Miku: "Yeah, Wolfie brought me here once for a look. I never thought the server-master would be behind it though."

Luka: "So... now we wait for the others..."

Miku: "Yeah..."

Luka: "…"

Miku: "…"

Luka: "So..."

Miku: "Yes..."

Luka: "You and Wolfie ever thought of having children?"

Miku: "Well, we've thought about it, but we thought it'd be rather difficult, me being a fictitious entity belonging only within the realms of imagination, and not actually having a presence in the real world beyond being a voice, and him being... well..."

Luka: "Real?"

Miku: "Yeah, something like that. What about you and Gakupo?"

Luka: "Wh-what? Who said I and Gakkun were...?"

Miku: "Nobody, but it's just so blindingly obvious."

Luka: "Damnit! I hope there's a scene change soon."

Miku: "Don't worry, this is only appearing because Wolfie can't think of anything better to fill the first quarter of this chapter. There should be a scene change right about..."

* * *

Kaito: "...now!"

Meiko: "Sorry Kaito, I didn't catch that over the scene change."

Kaito: "I said, 'Finally it's my turn now!'"

Lumi: "Actually, you spent your ten seconds talking, so it's my go."

Kaito: "F***!"

_Lumi pulls out a spell-book. He turns to the back page._

Lumi: "Maximised, Empowered, Still, Silent Magic Missile!"

_9 missiles fly from Lumi's hand, hitting Yaoi fangirl Cleric._

Misty: "Wasn't that a level nine spell after all the metamagic."

Lumi: "Yes."

Misty: "Does this not strike you as... no never mind. But if it's silent, how come you said it?"

Lumi: "'Cause otherwise how would you know which spell I was casting?"

Misty: "Never mind... oh, my turn. Now, activate the emergency override setting..."

_Misty... doesn't glow, the bracelet just transforms into a longbow, still attached on his left wrist. A quiver of arrows._

Misty: "Cool... what are these arrows made of?"

Voice of Wolfie: "They are made of Yuriston metal, a substance anathema to Yaoi Fangirls."

Misty: "Fine by me. Now, I seem to have got twin-shot feat..." _Pulls two arrows from the quiver, and attaches them to the bow. He releases the string, and one arrow hits Yf Rogue and Warrior._

YfR & YfW: "Argh!"

Misty: "Oh, and look at that, I got an initiative boost. My turn again." _Fires at Yf Wizard and Cleric. They both fall._

Meiko: "Finally, we're safe."

Kaito: "I didn't get a turn."

Meiko: "Oh well, now you can make full round actions against my ****"

Kaito: "What?"

Lumi: "Oh, well Wolfie just realized he should probably develop the romantic relations in this fic a little. He's going a little bit far, maybe, but this is MiH..."

Kaito: "Let's just get the key, and get out of here."

Lumi: "Okay, it should be safe to take the lift now... hang on, where's Chewy?"

Misty: "You know the plot-hole I came here through?"

Lumi: "Yes..."

Misty: "His disappearance was that plot hole. Speaking of which, I have to go..." _Jumps through a large black sphere._

Kaito: "Come on... I hope Rin and Len are okay..."

* * *

Key: "Come on Len!"

Len: "No!"

Key: "But I'm so much better than that flat little midget. A~nd, I'm not your sister, so nobody'll have a problem."

Len: "If I cared that much about what people thought, and that little about Rinny, then do you think I'd still be with her?"

Key: "We~ll... Okay, but I have something she doesn't." _Leans forward to make her bosoms clear._

Len: "And? I like Rin's chest more than yours, however big they may be relatively. I love only Rin!"

Rin: "Aw~ that's so sweet Lennykins!"

Len: "Rin?"

_Rin leaps at her brother, and puts her arms around him tightly. Then she turns to the key._

Rin: "Hands off _my _Len!"

Key: "Okay then I'll play this card. Len *censored*s me, or I won't come with you!"

Rin: "Oh really?" _Releases Len and walks over to the key._

_Len turns away, in time to see a black sphere appear, and Misty jump out of it._

Misty: "Hey there Len! Wow, my transport's been upgraded from a hole to a sphere. Cool!"

Len: "Hey..." _Hear's the key's screams in the background, as Rin shouts _"Now try to sleep with him!" _at the top of her voice._

Misty: "You know, I was going to give you weapons, but your sister seems to be managing fine by herself. But here you go anyway." _Hands Len a bag._

Len: "Er, thanks... I guess."

Misty: "I'll leave this to you..." _Jumps into another plot-hole-sphere-thing._

* * *

Wolfie: "Derrick, give it up!"

Derrick: "Why? Ah! Security question number one! 'What is your Waifu's maiden name?'"

Wolfie: "Shit!"

Derrick: "Question two: 'What is your Waifu's favourite food?'"

Wolfie: "Double-shit!"

Derrick: "Three: 'What is your real name?'"

Wolfie: "Phew... you won't get this one."

Derrick: "I don't have to, I only have to get three out of four, and question four: 'Wolfie, what's the scouter say about Miku-chama's awesomeness level?"

Wolfie: "It's over nine-THOUSAND!" _Pauses briefly, _"Ah f***."

Derrick: "Indeed."

Wolfie: "Oh well, you're only through two levels. It will at least take you a while to get through all of the other layers... but for the moment..."

Bis Bald

BW


	8. Save 8

Save The Writer! Ch8

Kaito: "So, after that initial resistance, the rest of this place was really easy to get through."

Meiko: "Yeah, it's amazing how we've already reached floor 500."

Lumi: "It's also amazing how easily Wolfie managed to get us into a position to move on in the story arc in two sentences."

Kaito: "True, but I'm not complaining."

_The lift stops as the number '501' appears on the display. The three step out into a large room, and see a large pedestal, with convenient lighting effects to make it's importance nice and obvious. Upon the podium sits..._

Kaito: "Oh. My. God. That is the key?"

Lumi: "What did you imagine it would be? This is the key of XXX we're talking about."

Meiko: _Going over to the key, and picking it up, _"Wow, it's really long, and hard, and... purple?"

Kaito: "I'm sure that no man's privates look anything like that."

Meiko: "Oh wow, it even comes with a switch."

Lumi: "I suggest you don't press that, it makes it vibrate a lot."

Kaito: "Right... can we just go now?"

Lumi: "Okay, direct link to the Gate of Fandom... here we go!"

* * *

Len: "Rin, did you have to tie her up like that?"

Rin: "To make her come with us, yes."

_The twins are riding along on a roadroller, which mysteriously appear when they activated their bracelets, with the captured key tied up on the back._

Len: "Oh well, we should reach the Gate soon... ah, there it is!"

_The pair ride up to the gates, where Miku and Luka are standing, evidently bored._

Miku: "Finally, you do realise we've been waiting here since last chapter for somebody else to arrive."

Rin: "Well we're here now, and we brought the key." _She points to the aforementioned key._

Miku: "Good, now we just have to wait for..."

Kaito: "Princess!"

Miku: "I'm not sure whether I should be glad we didn't have to wait for Kaito, or annoyed that we didn't get to wait for Kaito."

Kaito: "Don't worry princess, I'm here now."

Miku: "That, at the risk of sounding cliché, is what I was worried about."

Meiko: "How have three seconds in Miku's presence undone all of the last five chapters of him learning not to be annoyingly clingy to anybody."

Luka: "I think he just didn't want to be clingy to anybody else."

Meiko: "That's... sad. Anyway, here's our key."

Rin: "That's a..." _Looks at the three keys before her, and at the peculiar hole by the gate. _"One second..."

_Rin takes the key of XXX and shoves it somewhere in the key of Anime and Gaming that had best not be discussed, flicking the 'on' switch. She then shoved then into the hole, and takes the troll-face, and places it over the pained face of the other key._

Miku: "What..."

Len: "...the..."

Luka: "...f***?"

_The gates swing open._

Miku: "Okay... ignoring the weirdness of what just happened, come on guys, let's go meet this server-master!"

All: "Hai!"

* * *

Derrick: "Watch them squirm! They shall all fall in the end."

Wolfie: "Why are you talking like a cliché evil villain who is shortly to completely fail?"

Derrick: "I wanted to try the voice just once."

Wolfie: "You know, there's one thing I've been wondering about. Why have you got me locked up in your throne room, right next to my laptop? I mean, supose Miku broke in and freed me now, I could take my laptop back, and then tear this place apart."

Derrick: "Again, I'm being a clichéd villain, how do you expect me to act?"

Wolfie: "My point still stands."

Derrick: "Well... uh..."

Wolfie: "Nevermind, let's get back to proper plot progression."

* * *

Miku: "So where is this damn server-master?"

Luka: "Well, I'd estimate that he's about 10 lines away."

Kaito: "Why would you say that?"

Luka: "Because it's just long enough for dramatic tension to build up, and then be dashed."

Meiko: "Why would you want to dash the tension?"

Luka: "This is Wolfie we're talking about."

Miku: "She has a point."

Kaito: "If you say so my princess."

Miku: "I am NOT your princess."

Kaito: "Very well, my queen."

Miku: "KAITO! SHUT THE **** UP! This is beyond annoying!"

Voice: "Um... excuse me."

Kaito: "But... Miku darling..."

Miku: "Ugh... you disgust me!"

Voice: "Er, hello?"

Kaito: "B-but!"

Miku: "No buts!"

Voice: "HEY! LISTEN TO ME WILL YOU DAMNIT!"

_Everyone turns to the speaker, a short girl with a blonde side-ponytail. Even as she speaks, she is madly tapping away at her phone. Her clothes are almost identicle to Miku's, only with yellow replacing green-blue._

Miku: "Neru? What are you doing here?"

Neru: "This is where I work."

Miku: "What?"

Neru: "I'm the server master... well, server mistress actually."

_The group looks around them, and sees that somehow, they have entered a room filled with flashing lights and wiring connecting various devices together._

Kaito: "How did we not notice all this before."

Meiko: "We're suffering from a lazy narrator."

Miku: "Anyway, Neru, why in the name of Wolfie are _you _server master/mistress/whatever?"

Neru: "I needed a job, as I was saving for a new phone."

Miku: "You took a job as the overlord/lady of the internet, all the responsibilities with it, and all of the power that comes with the job in order to pay for a new mobile phone?"

Neru: "Yes."

Miku: "I'm not sure what's more worrying, the fact that you did that, or the fact that I'm genuinely not surprised."

Neru: "Anyway, you want to know where the Yaoi fangirls' base is right?"

Miku: "No actually, we trekked all the way here, enduring Kaito's idiocy and fights with assorted enemies, just because we wanted to say hi. Of course I want to know where the base of those b****es who kidnapped my husubandu is!"

Neru: "Okay, okay, don't get your negis in a twist. I'll tell you the way."

Miku: "Don't tell me it involves gathering more keys."

Neru: "No, you just need to go through this door." _Indicates a door behind her._

Miku: "Oh, that's simple."

Neru: "It'll be more complicated once you get there."

Miku: "You instil me with hope as always Neru."

Neru: "I try."

Luka: "Well come on then, let's go."

_The group goes through the door, while Neru watches them leave. They close the door behind them._

Neru: "You can come out now Misty."

_Misty steps out of thin air._

Misty: "Good job there Neru."

Neru: "Your praises mean nothing, as long as I get my new phone."

Misty: "Don't worry, Wolfie set aside a special budget for bribery."

Neru: "Good, although I still don't see why you're siding with Wolfie. I mean, it's not like you're straight."

Misty: "Just because I'm bi, does not mean I want as much homosexuality as possible."

Neru: "Well, no skin off my nose."

Misty: "Anyway, I'm off too. They'll need help if they're going tyo beat Derrick and co."

Neru: _Now fully absorbed with her phone, _"Sure, just shut the door on your way out."

* * *

Miku: "O~kay... this isn't in the least intimidating."

_The group stand on a hill, looking down on a huge fort, the walls of pink reaching high up above the hill they are standing on._

Luka: "So... any bright ideas?"

Len: "Well... we have a roadroller..."

Miku: "And I have a machine-cannon... improvised tank anybody?"

Luka: "On a normal day, I'd disagree with you. But this most certainly isn't a normal day."

Miku: "Okay guys, then let's go kick ass!"

* * *

Wolfie: "Finally, they're almost here!"

Derrick: "Yes, but now they have to fight their way through my army of fangirls!"

Wolfie: "You really think your little army could beat Miku when she's pissed at you? Trust me, this will not be pretty."

Derrick: "Regardless, I just need them to delay her. I only need an hour or so finish hacking!"

Wolfie: "Really? So, what's the next set of recovery questions?"

Derrick: "First: 'How many beans make five?' That's easy." _Enters 'five.'_

Computer Message: "Incorrect!"

Derrick: "What?"

Wolfie: "Must resist the temptation to flaunt my mathematical knowledge and tell him why it isn't five."

Derrick: "Wait... you don't mean... bastard." _Enters 'Five over beans.'_

Computer Message: "Correct."

Wolfie: "F***"

Derrick: "Okay, next... 'what is the in-flight velocity of a swallow?'" _Ponders for a moment, then types in 'African of European?'_

Computer Message: "Correct."

Wolfie: "Damn! The obscure Monty Python reference failed."

Derrick: "Okay, next is..."

Wolfie: "Let's... just leave it there..."

Bis Bald

BW


	9. Save 9

Save the Writer! Ch9

_In the headquarters of the Yaoi Orientated Females Associated Group (Y.O.F.A.G.), two yaoi fangirls are going about their daily business._

Yaoi Fangirl One: "Hey Yaoi Fangirl Two. How are you?"

Yaoi Fangirl Two: "Great! Ever since our titles got fully capitalised, things have been getting better."

YF1: "Yeah, poor old Yaoi fangirl wizard and co. didn't have their titles fully capitalised, and look what happened to them."

YF2: "Hang on... our names just got abbreviated... shit!"

YF1: "Does that mean...?"

_Her question was never finished, as a hail of rocks and a large steam/roadroller crash into the building. The vehicle rolls into the girls, reducing them to 2D shapes._

Miku: "What's wrong with that? 2D is better than 3D."

_There's a difference between 2D and being squashed._

Miku: "Fair enough."

_Miku lets fire with her canon once more, spraying the surrounding area with rocks. When the roadroller approaches the stairs, she and Luka leap off the roadroller onto the stairs. Rin spins the steering wheel, and the roadroller turns to face the oncoming hoard of yaoi fangirls._

_Miku and Luka run up the stairs, as the sounds of fangirls giving out their last 'SQUEE!' echo up to them._

Miku: "I hope they can handle it down there... what am I saying? Rin has a giant machine of destruction. How can they not be able to handle it?"

Luka: "Let's just concentrate on getting to Derrick."

_The pair run up several floors with little resistance._

Miku: "This is far too easy..."

Luka: "Don't say that!"

_As if on cue, several dozen fangirls drop down at them from the ceiling. More ran up from the floor below and another group came from the floor above._

Miku: "How come some came from below? I mean, we just came from there, and there weren't any."

Yaoi Fangirl 3: "We have created the great Plot Hole Travelling Device, or as we like to call it 'Phated.'"

Miku: "Why 'fated?'"

YF3: "No! 'Phated,' with a 'ph.'"

Luka: "Why is it alkaline, or acidic? Isn't that dangerous?"

YF3: "NO! As in it has a 'p' and an 'h' at the beginning!"

Miku: "Okay, now we've sorted that one out, I think that it's time for us to solve the next problem:" r_aises her gun, _"you!"

_Her gun stutters, but no shots fire out of it._

Miku: "Wh-what gives?" _Raises her megaphone, _"WELL THIS SHOULD!"

_Her voice comes out at normal, if shouting, volume._

Miku: "How...?"

YF3: "Well, it looks like this should be easy!"

_YF3 advances toward Miku, ready to attack, when an arrow sprouts out of her from nowhere._

YF3: "Wh-what? YURISTON? NOOOooo..." _Melts out of existence._

Misty: "You know, you aren't the only ones who can use plot hole travel."

Miku: "Misty! Good timing!"

Lumi: "Not just Misty."

Chewy: "WAAAH!"

Luka: "Eh? Who are you?"

Lumi: "Come on, you know exactly who we are."

Miku: "Yes, but according to the plot, we haven't actually met before, and Kaito and Meiko didn't fill us in on the details of who you are. So according to the storyline, we shouldn't."

Lumi: "That aside, we're here to help, now go!" _Miku and Luka escape past him,_ "Misty! Supporting fire!"

Misty: "On it." _Reaches for an arrow, _"Hang on, why have I only got 5 arrows left."

Voice of Wolfie: _Speaking from Misty's bracelet, _"Budget cuts. I could only afford so much yuriston, and what do you think Miku and the other's weapons are made of. Given the current situation, yuriston's worth a fortune."

Misty: "Wolfie, you're a f***ing twat. How am I supposed to fight off a horde of yaoi fangirls with only 5 yuriston arrows?"

Wolfie: "With extreme difficulty, and a dash of epic awesomeness. Oh, and you cheat."

Misty: "Fair enough. What's the chances I take out ten with one arrow?"

Wolfie: "If this were reality, 1/1000000, but this is crackfic, so it's 1/...1"

Misty: "F***... YEAH!"

Wolfie: "Oh, just remember, you don't stand a chance against Derrick. Dramatic tension demands that he's Miku's."

Misty: "...Damnit. Can't I at least play a part in Derrick's destruction?"

Wolfie: "We~ll... maybe, if I'm feeling generous."

Misty: "So... that's a no then."

Wolfie: "Basically... yes"

Misty: "Arsehole."

Wolfie: "You can call me what you like, I'm still the arsehole that runs this place."

Misty: "And you're still an arsehole... and I still have yaoi fangirls to dispose of."

Wolfie: "True, and I have a Miku to assist in saving me."

* * *

_Miku and Luka continuing running up the stairs toward the top._

Luka: "Shit, I hear more of them!"

Miku: "Really? I don't hear a thing."

Luka: "It comes from being a ninja. I need a decent listen check."

Miku: "Think you can handle them on you own?"

Luka: "I can try." _Stops at the base of the last flight of stairs before the top. _"Miku, you go. I'll hold them as long as I can! You go save the Writer!"

Miku: "Luka, thanks. You know, if this is might be the last time I get to speak to you, there's something I want to say."

Luka: "Miku?"

Miku: "If I were lesbian... I hope I would be lesbian for you!" _Runs up the stairs._

Luka: "That was... weird..." _Turns to face a hoard of fangirls running at her._

Voice from the window: "LUKA!"

_A figure crashes through the window. His purple hair slightly thrown out by his landing, but otherwise miraculously unharmed._

Luka: "Gakkun?"

Gakupo: "Yes, it is I! I couldn't leave you to fight by yourself, now could I?"

Luka: "No... well..." d_raws twin knives as Gakupo draws his katana, _"Let's go!"

* * *

_Miku reaches the top of the last flight of stairs, and points her gun at the door._

Miku: "Even if you won't shoot, please work now!"

_The gun transforms into a sword, and she slashes through the door. She runs through the door, revealing Derrick, and a rather harassed looking Wolfie._

Miku: "Wolfie!"

Wolfie: "Miku! You made it!"

Miku: "You sound like we're going to a party."

Derrick: "Ah, Miss Hatsune, I've been expecting you."

Miku: "You have to tell me that? I know you've been expecting me. If I thought you might be surprised then I wouldn't have come in by blowing the bloody doors off!"

Derrick: "Fair point. But now, you see, I have the laptop, and am ready to use it. I finally finished hacking it. Now this fiction-verse will be mine."

Wolfie: "Really? You finished hacking it you say?" _Looks to the laptop, _"Voice command: shut down!"

_The laptop lights blink, and the machine turns itself off._

Derrick: "It matters not, it will only take three minutes for it to reboot!" _Draws a sword out of somewhere, _"And in the mean time, I shall best you."

Miku: "Wolfie, my gun won't work."

Wolfie: "Miku, just calm yourself a moment. Think Miku, this is the final boss."

Miku: "So... it's time for my full power to be unleashed... for everybody fighting here today..."

_Dramatic flashes appear, of Kaito holding a girl as Meiko brains her with a bottle, of Len kicking another off the roadroller as Rin drives it over the hoard, of Misty shooting arrows made of pure mist, while Lumi fires beams of intense light at the attacking girls, and Chewy hits them with repeated punches, and last of Luka and Gakupo fighting side by side at the foot of the stairs._

Miku: "The World... Is..." _Glares up at Derrick, _"MINE!"

_A green aura fills the room completely._

Bis Bald

BW


	10. Save 10

Save the Writer! Ch10

_At the top of the Y.O.F.A.G. base, the green light surrounding Miku fades._

Derrick: "Whoa..."

Wolfie: "So... beautiful..."

_Miku stood, in a short,__ white_ one-piece dress, stopping just a little above her knees. Her hair was it's usual twin tails, held by black and red scrunchies. In her hands, she held two leeks.

Miku: "Check... 1...2!" _Leaps at Derrick._

Derrick: "AAAAH!"

Wolfie: "Your fault!"

Miku: "Wolfie, now's not the time to be reciting song lyrics." _Hits Derrick with her leeks._

Derrick: "I'll teach you!" _Swings his sword at Miku._

Wolfie: "Miku, quickly, just free me!"

Miku: "No! I must win this by myself. Otherwise... how can I call myself Wolfie-sama's Waifu?"

Wolfie: "Miku... much as I understand the sentiment, right now I think that releasing me and letting me do the beating up would be a wiser move."

Miku: "No, I must... protect my Wolfie-sama!" _Draws back one leek, _"Negi fang!" _She swings her leek, and a shockwave emanates from it. Derrick dodges it._

Derrick: "You could never understand! Yaoi corridor!" _He slaps the ground, and a pulse of energy rises around him in a hemisphere, knocking Miku back._

Miku: "Ah!" _Lands a few feet away._

Wolfie: "Miku! Your health is red! Use it now!"

_Miku runs up to Derrick, and presses 'A,' 'B' and 'X...' how we don't know, but she did._

Miku: "I'll show you... Divine... Negi!" _Her leeks fuse into one massive leek, and a bar comes in above her face, reading 'Miku's Crest.' A cut-in of her face flashes past, before she swings downwards with her leek._

Derrick: "I just wanted a world... for my Yaoi and me..."

Miku: "Goodbye... … … … Derrick."

Derrick: "Ah heck, I've gotta get out of here! Fortunately, I have a Phated on me." _He presses a button on a concealed device, _"Remember this, Hatsune, Klein. You may have won this battle, but now... can you win the war?" _He fades away, as a black sphere grows around him, and he disappears._

Miku: "Is... is it over?"

Wolfie: "No... it's just beginning..."

_The tower shook, and a sound like an explosion rung through the place._

Miku: "What the f*** was that?"

Wolfie: "You know how evil bases always have a self-destruct system built in, which is really easy to access once you've beaten the final boss? This is why those systems exist. Derrick's going to blow this place apart."

Miku: "Can't you stop it?"

Wolfie: "Miku, I've been tied up for the best part of the last 9 chapters, do you really think I'm at my peak of capabilities right now?"

Miku: "But Derrick wouldn't leave his minions to die would he?"

Wolfie: "They all have Phateds, which is a really stupid name by the way, so they'll all have left."

Miku: "How are we going to survive then?"

Wolfie: "It's simple."

Miku: "How?"

Wolfie: "We're named characters!"

_The building explodes._

* * *

_Outside, the group from the ground floor have escaped, with Gakupo and Luka landing from ridiculously impossible jumps, and Misty and co. stepping out of a plot hole. The others stand around the roadroller, with Len and Rin checking it for damage._

Kaito: "Any sign of Miku?"

Luka: "She went to the top floor to find Wolfie. I hope she's okay..."

_At this point, the tower exploded._

Luka: "...No!"

Kaito: "This can't be!"

Misty: "Don't worry, look carefully."

_The group look through the falling debris, and see a pair of wings, glowing a bright golden, then shifting to purple, then to every colour as they flapped. Attached to the wings was a figure, and in that figure's arms was another, with two green-blue ponytails._

Kaito: "Miku!"

Lumi: "So you made it Wolfie."

Wolfie: _Landing, still holding Miku in his arms,_ "Did you think I wouldn't?"

Lumi: "Well, even for you, escaping from an exploding tower by flying out the top seems a bit unrealistic."

Wolfie: "No skin off my nose if I have to do something impossible to save my waifu."

Miku: "Wolfie... that's so... sickeningly sweet... but... so... romantic..."

Kaito: "Ah, screw this, I give up on ever getting into her pants."

Meiko: "So would you like to get into mine?"

Kaito: "Well... better than nothing I suppose."

Wolfie: "I suggest you wait for the celebratory sex, this isn't over yet."

Luka: "What makes you say that?"

Wolfie: "Just the massive space-fleet of yaoi fangirls flying just outside of my fic-zone, where I can't write them out of existence, ready to fire at us."

Misty: "Just that?"

Wolfie: "Yeah, so I'm only really guessing."

Miku: "Wolfie, do you have a plan?"

Wolfie: "Yes, and it involves you, that fortress I built for you, and a bucket load of artistic license, aka screwing the rules because you have an art."

Miku: "So... is it time to say that?"

Wolfie: "Yes!" _Clears his throat, _"To the Wolfmobile!"

* * *

_Wolfie drives the Wolfmobile (think the Batmobile, only blue, and with wolf-heads painted on I places. He weaves past bombs being dropped by the enemy ships, and accelerates hard, all the while background music on repeat of somebody singing _"Wo-Wo-Wo- Wo- Wo- Wo- Wo- Wo- Wo- Wo- Wo- Wo- Wo- Wo- Wo- Wo- Wolfie!_"_

Miku: "How much further?" _Raises her BRS gun, which has mysteriously reattached itself, through an open window and fires at several incoming missiles._

Wolfie: "We're almost there." _Swerves around, then breaks hard, and comes to a stop at the edge of a cliff._

Miku: "Why are we stopping."

Wolfie: "Everybody, hold on tight." _Unfurls his two wings as the roof opens up, and then reverses off the edge._

_The vehicle begins to plummet, but Wolfie flaps his wings hard, and manages to keep it flying. It gently lowers to the ground, and Wolfie drives away quickly, the top of the car sliding back into place._

Misty: "Why did we just do that?"

Wolfie: "Because it's faster this way."

Misty: "I mean why didn't you just drive off the cliff and write in a bouncy castle underneath?"

Wolfie: "You expect me to type that in, while driving a frigging car? Get real here!"

_Wolfie drives in a straight line, until the fortress comes into view. He drives up to it, and a door opens, allowing them in. He drives through, and stops in a parking bay._

Wolfie: "Right, come on! We need to get to the middle of the building, and remember this is a null-fic zone, so I can't write anything in!"

_The group follow Wolfie and Miku through several corridors, until they reach a barrier. Beyond the barrier is a large open space, going several yards up and down, and reaching even further back, and filling the space is..._

Gakupo: "A space-ship?"

Wolfie: "Indeed, this is my personal craft. All aboard the 'Supreme Badassery!'"

Bis Bald

BW


	11. Save 11

Save the Writer! Ch11

Wolfie: "Ah shit!"

Miku: "What?"

Wolfie: "I just remembered I forgot the disclaimer!"

Miku: "Oh well, you don't really need one."

Wolfie: "Yes I do."

Miku: "Why?"

Wolfie: "Because... I dunno, but I'm having one!"

Miku: "Fine..."

DISCLAIMER: Wolfie-sama/Der Blaue Wolf/Satoru Klein does not own Vocaloid or any associated songs, Yaoi (of any type), Fangirls (again, of any type), D&D, Yuri, 4chan, Hentai or any associated websites/literature/etc, Japan, Mist, Light, Star Wars, the Internet, Ninjas, Keys (well, not _all _keys), Trolling, Plot Holes (other than his own), Megaphones, Len (Rin owns him), Yu-Gi-Oh the abridged series, PRIMARCHS (both of which I rip the jokes off, kinda), Dragon Ball, Leeks, Toys of an adult nature, Steamrollers, Monty Python, 'This is Why,' Acidity, Continuity, Tales of Symphonia, Batman, Self-Destruction Mechanisms, Spacships or any Sanity. All of the above belong to the appropriate parties. The characters Misty, Lumi and Chewy are each representative of a real-live person, who has permitted their character to be tortured by Wolfie, and their characters are not fully representative of themselves.

Wolfie: "There, all done."

Miku: "Good, now can we get back to the inter-chapter private time. We haven't *censored* since before this story started."

Wolfie: "Sorry Miku, but we're starting the story now."

Miku: "Damn!"

Wolfie: "Okay guys, from the top..."

_Everybody hurries to their positions._

Wolfie: "Action!"

Kaito: "So, Wolfie, you own your own private space ship?"

Wolfie: "Yeah, cool isn't it?"

Kaito: "One might almost call it badass."

_Silence._

Meiko: "Kaito dear, please can you work on your jokes."

Miku: "I don't get it."

Wolfie: "What's the ship's name Miku dear?"

Miku: "Oh..." _A look of horror crosses her face, _"He did not just..."

Wolfie: "He did... but before we get caught up in another ridiculous argument, how about we get on board and go kick ass?"

Miku: "I'm in!"

_A door opens in the side, and the group hurry on board._

Wolfie: "I'll take the main wheel! Misty, Lumi and Chewy, man the guns! Miku, you know what to do!"

Miku: "Yes Satoru-kun!"

Lumi: "Very well."

Misty: "You ordering me around? Oh well, I'll live."

Chewy: "WAAAH!"

Luka: "What about us?"

Wolfie: "Ah, I have something special for each of you..."

* * *

_Aboard his flagship, the 'Intense Yaoi,' Derrick stands surveying the fortress that his enemies have fled into._

Derrick: "DESTROY THEM! THEY MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO LIVE! Once Wolfie is dead, then we can take over this fic-zone!"

Yaoi Fangirl Pilot: "Then why didn't we kill him before hacking into his laptop?"

Derrick: "...I didn't think of that..."

_Alarms ring loudly throughout the ship._

Derrick: "What? What's happening?"

Pilot: "An unidentified ship is approaching us from the direction of the fortresse!"

Derrick: "Bring up a visual!"

_A screen shows the ship: a gigantic thing of blue. One the top was Miku, holding up a sign reading 'Hi Derrick!'_

Derrick: "Concentrate all fire on that ship!"

_Countless weapons turn towards the 'Supreme Badassery' and the girl standing on top of it and the guns fire._

Derrick: "Taste our fire-power! Wait... she's changed her sign!"

_Miku holds up a new sign, reading 'How do you like my latest song: 'Only My Railgun?'"_

* * *

Miku: "How do you like this?" _Points a massive railgun at the sky, and fires. Through dramatic convenience, the shot destroys all the incoming fire, and takes out a line of eight Y.O.F.A.G. ships. _"Pity that's only one shot..."

Wolfie: _Speaking through the ship's comms system,_ "Miku, time to change to move to stage B!"

Miku: "Okay!" _Runs back inside the ship._

* * *

Derrick: "How's the damage?"

Pilot: "Eight ships wiped out. Debris scatter badly damaged another six."

Derrick: "Damn! But we still have the upper hand!"

Pilot: "More craft detected leaving the main ship!"

_Four spacecraft leave the main ship. One in the shape of a steamroller, only with massive wings, and a spiked roller. Another a rocket in the shape of an ice cream cone. The third, a huge tuna. Finally, a mecha leaped from the ship._

Derrick: "My yaoi! It's a Miku Hachune mecha!"

Wolfie: "Yes, or as we call it, the Micha."

Derrick: "Wolfie?"

Wolfie: "Oh, don't worry, this is just a projection of my voice. I'm not standing there ready to kill you. I don't need to be. Miku will kill you for me."

Derrick: "Shit..."

Wolfie: "That would approximate your situation right now, yes."

Derrick: "Hang on, this is out of your fic-zone, how are you messaging me?"

Wolfie: "Oh, sorry, plot inconsistency..." _Voice stops in a puff of continuity._

* * *

_Dodging around the copious firepower of the battlefield, the three tiny ships fly. The Micha is flying as well for the record._

Miku: "Luka, how do you like your tuna ship?"

Luka: "It's brilliant, a bit short on space with Gakkun in here as well, but that's okay, he's nice and cuddly!"

Miku: "It looks like Rin and Len are enjoying theirs too." _The skyroller, or whatever you want to call it, crashes through a daring ship which had tried to stop it. It failed._

Luka: "But the 'Ice Cream Cone of Death' isn't getting very far."

_Kaito and Meiko's rocket is under constant fire._

Miku: "Well, we do need a distraction, anyway, it's time to go kick some ass!"

Luka: "Sure!"

_The Micha flies quickly towards the enemy ships. It fires leeks from what appear to be shoulder-mounted rocket launchers. The leeks explode on contact with the ships. The Micha then draws two more leeks, and flies up to one ship, slicing it in two with the leeks. Yes, they're blunt, so that shouldn't work, but do you want to tell Miku that?_

Miku: "Screw realism, I have..."

_Stop with the LittleKuribo references, please._

Miku: "You do it lots."

_Yes, but I think we've kinda overdone it by now. Unless you're about to have Brooklyn Rage, or summon the executive producer, which would both help right now._

Miku: "I don't think so."

_Right, well in that case, can we get on without the LK references?_

Miku: "Oh~ I suppose we could."

_Miku pilots her mecha directly towards the 'Intense Yaoi.' She fires off a volley of yaoi-seeking-leeks, striking the ship. The ship begins to plummet, but from it leaps a solitary machine. The new mecha flies towards her._

Derrick: _Shouting really loudly from his mecha, _"You may have destroyed my ship, but face the 'Knight of Yaoi!'"

Miku: "Seriously, could you not come up with a better name?"

Derrick: "Hey, I'm working on a budget here!"

Miku: "Could you really not afford three seconds for a better name?"

Derrick: "Time is money!"

Miku: "No it isn't. I'm spending time arguing with you, and it's not costing either of us anything apart from sanity!"

Wolfie: "Actually, he may have a point."

Miku: "Wolfie, shut up or it's the couch!"

Wolfie: "Are you determined to make that a catchphrase?"

Miku: "Yes goddamnit!"

Derrick: "Anyway, maybe we should fight."

Miku: "We could, or I could let Luka attack you from behind."

Derrick: "What?" _Turns around, but Luka isn't there, _"She's not..." _Turns back in time to see Miku stab at his machine._

_Derrick dodges, and slashes at Miku with a sword he drew from somewhere. Miku fires her leek rockets, which Derrick cuts through. Her then fires rockets of his own, which Miku dodges, causing them to collide mid-air._

Miku: "Why are you even doing this? What does filling Wolfie's fic-zone with Yaoi gain you?"

Derrick: "You don't understand! He slams yaoi fangirls point blank! He bring this on himself, we must rid the Internet of his kind!"

Miku: "You may have a reason, but you think that's a good enough excuse to kill him?" _Flies towards Derrick, ready to swing her leeks._

Derrick: "What does your opinion count? In this fic-zone, you are merely a creation of his! You don't even exist! You're just a delusion!" _Blocks Miku's leeks with his own weapon._

_The two push with their weapons against each other, sparks flying._

Miku: "A creation? A delusion? Yes! I am those. But I'm something else too!"

Derrick: "What have you fooled yourself into believing you are?"

Miku: "Wolfie's Waifu!" _Kicks Derrick's machine, which flies backwards. She flies up, preparing to impale him with her leeks._

_The sound of metal breaking resounds, as a machine is run through._

Miku: "How..." _Looks down, to where Derrick's sword has run through her machine, _"...can this be?"

_The Micha explodes._

Bis Bald

BW


	12. Save 12

Save the Writer! Ch12

_Fragments of the Micha fall to Earth, as Miku freefalls along with them._

Miku: "Is this it...? Oh well... I managed to free Wolfie... as long as he's happy..." _Blinks a couple of times, _"Hang on, I don't want to die! I'm a goddamn main character! I can't die here!"

_Miku spreads herself out, trying to slow her fall as much as possible. Then, in the corner of her eye she sees a massive tuna._

Miku: "I must be being delusional... wait a second! Luka!"

_The tuna flies under Miku, and it's mouth opens. She falls inside onto a cushioned area inside the mouth._

Luka: _Speaking through a comms system, _"Miku, you okay?"

Miku: "Yeah, just about. But we have to go and help Wolfie!"

Luka: "Miku, I don't think he needs help right now..."

* * *

Derrick: "That was pathetic Hatsune! Pathetic! Ahaha... Ahahahaha... AHAHAHA!"

Wolfie: "BASTARD!" _Flies up to Derrick, angelic wings spread wide, and looking very pissed._

Derrick: "Wolfie? We're out of your fic-zone. Out here, you are weak!"

Wolfie: "Really? I don't think so!" _Holds out his right hand, _"It's time, Kuin!"

_Blue light spins around Wolfie's hand, and it is pulled together, as if by an unseen hand, into a katana, which Wolfie grips tightly._

Derrick: "Oh~ nice light show."

Wolfie: "Wolf fang!" _Swings his sword, releasing a wave of freezing energy at Derrick._

Derrick: "Is that all you've got?" _Dodges, and fires a dozen missiles at Wolfie, laughing manically while doing so._

Wolfie: "Shatter, Kuin." _His sword breaks into a thousand pieces, and the pieces fly around him, striking the missiles, cutting them to pieces._

Derrick: "Fancy trick there. Pity it won't help you block this!" _Flies straight at Wolfie, ready to strike him with his sword. But the sword cuts thin air, _"Wh-what?"

Wolfie: "You think you can beat me? I am Satoru Klein, Der Blaue Wolf, the Writer... and Master of Time!" _Appears behind Derrick, having moved with insane speed._

Derrick: "This cannot be!"

Wolfie: "Oh yes it can!" _Points his katana at Derrick, _"Lupine Laser!" _A beam of blue light blasts from the sword's blade._

Derrick: "No...!" _His machine disintegrates, but a black sphere of a plot hole surrounds him, as he escapes._

Wolfie: "Damn! Escaped again!" _Sees Luka's tuna ship fly up towards him, _"Luka? Did you catch Miku?"

_The mouth of the tuna opens, and Miku smiles out. Wolfie flies up to her and she jumps into his arms._

Miku: "You beat him!"

Wolfie: "He escaped again, unfortunately. Still, it was cool using moves I haven't used since I cancelled that story however long ago it was."

Miku: "Wasn't it the character Fenris that used them?"

Wolfie: "Yes, but no, but yes."

Miku: "Explain..."

Wolfie: "He is kinda me, but not, but kinda, but... it's not really worth it."

Miku: "No, I don't suppose it is. So what do we do now? We need to find Derrick again, but where could he have gone?"

Wolfie: "I don't know."

Miku: "We have to start a search."

Wolfie: "Good plan, but one thing first."

Miku: "What?"

Wolfie: "Maybe we should get out of the air, especially given there's the rest of the fleet to fight."

Miku: _Realising they are still a few hundred yards above the ground, and lasers are still flying through the air around them, _"Ah... yeah, you might be right."

* * *

_Meanwhile, millions of miles away... well actually just a few different numbers in the web address away, Derrick sits upon his throne of yaoi doujinshi._

Derrick: "Wolfie, you may have beaten me in your fic-zone, and indeed on neutral ground, but not here, in my home... your world will soon be mine... mwahaha... mwahaha... MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Yaoi Fangirl Servant: "Sir, would you like some more yaoi?"

Derrick: "Oh yes, what do you have?"

YFS: "There's some IchigoXChad, some ShinjiXKaworu, a new TaichiXYamato and an OkazakiXSunohana."

Derrick: "I'll have... the OkazakiXSunohana."

YFS: "May I ask why?"

Derrick: "Bleach is too main-stream, Digimon is kid's stuff (even if it is rated 18), and Shinji and Kaworu are so obviously gay it makes it feel really natural."

YFS: "Very well sir."

* * *

_Back with the good guys (yes I am stretching the word 'good' too it's limits there) Miku and Wolfie are back on the 'Supreme Badassery.'_

Miku: "O~w, my Micha got destroyed. Can't you write me a new one?"

Wolfie: "Out of my fic-zone I'm afraid. Don't worry, the next super-secret-awesome weapon I make, I'll give it to you."

Miku: "YAY! I love you so much Wolfie!"

Misty: _Quietly to Lumi,_ "This really doesn't seem like a healthy relationship does it?"

Lumi: "Objectively no, but subjectively, you see that the man is fulfilling all of the woman's desires and vice versa. The fact that the woman's desires are to blow stuff up, and the man's are to continue in a rather worrying self-delusion have nothing to do with it."

Misty: "True."

Wolfie: "You know, I heard every word of that."

Misty: "How? It even said we spoke quietly!"

Wolfie: "Yes, but you're forgetting that I am more paranoid than Inquisitor Coteaz."

Miku: "I think you need a better reference than that, not many people will get that one."

Wolfie: "Um... more paranoid than Keiichi with lv5 syndrome."

Miku: "Still not that obvious."

Wolfie: "Okay, I'm super paranoid, let's leave it at that. So I bugged your control consoles."

Misty: "What?"

Wolfie: "Are you really surprised? I didn't even know who I'd have to have manning them."

Misty: "Hang on... now that you mention it, I'm manning a gun, right?"

Wolfie: "Yes."

Misty: "And Lumi's manning a gun?"

Lumi: "Yes."

Misty: "And Chewy's manning a gun?"

Chewy: "WAAAH!"

Misty: "So, Wolfie, who's manning the wheel?"

Wolfie: "I am... wait a second... no I'm not." _Turns to look at the wheel, which is left alone, devoid of control._

Miku: "How are we still flying then?"

Wolfie: _Leaping up to examine the wheel, _"Short answer: I don't know. Long answer: I do know, but you won't like it."  
Miku: "What is it?"

Wolfie: "We're... um... not."

Miku: "Not what?"

Wolfie: "Flying... more like falling with style... or you know, without style, about to crash."

Miku: "Then pilot this thing!"

Wolfie: "Ah, about that... I kinda got angry when I saw Derrick blow up your machine and I... er... ripped the wheel off..." _Lifts the wheel with ease to show what he means._

Miku: "F***!"

* * *

Yaoi Fangirl General: "Lord/Lady Derrick! We have received information that the 'Supreme Badassery' has just crashed within our borders!"

Derrick: "Excellent, now they'll have to fight through the yaoi-fic-zone to reach me. Let them come, they shall be struck down!"

YFG: "Shall I send out forces to meet them?"

Derrick: "YES! Let our women taste the blood of the infidels who would dare defile our holy yaoi!"

YFG: "Sir/Madam, can I just ask, aren't you going a little far by making yaoi into a religion?"

Derrick: "Do you not understand, YFG? Wolfie is a true-born atheist! Organised religion is a bane of his. Bless our weapons with the power of yaoi, and he shall finally be laid to rest. Tell our forces that today they shall hunt our Beelzebub himself!"

YFG: "Okay... but it might be difficult to mobilise them. We just received a shipment of new yaoi."

Derrick: "What? How much?"

YFG: "Oh, about 50,000 books."

Derrick: "WHAT? Then they shall not march today, instead, make it a public holiday!

* * *

Miku: "Phew, good jump Wolfie."

Wolfie: "Yeah, we both got clear, but as for the others..."

_Misty appears out of a plot hole, Lumi materialises from a beam of light, and Chewy eats his way out of the wrecked ship._

Wolfie: "Okay, guess everybody's fine."

Misty: "Next time Wolfie, please don't destroy the ship we're on."

Wolfie: "Really? I think I did quite well, crash landing in the one place where we can easy find Derrick."

Miku: "What do you mean? Where are we?"

Wolfie: _Pointing at a sign saying 'Welcome to the Y.O.F.A.G. Union,' _"His front door."

Bis Bald

BW


	13. Save 13

Save the Writer! Ch13

Miku: "So... we crashed into his front door?"

Wolfie: "Yup, and now we need to start knocking on it!"

_Wolfie summons his sword, then looks thoughtful for a moment._

Wolfie: "this is the point where I do something ridiculous all for the sake of getting a few cheap laughs and somehow moving the plot on right?"

Miku: "Yes, that would be the tradition."

Wolfie: "Good, just checking..." _Spreads his wings, and flies into the sky, _"Knocking on heaven's door..." _Raises his sword, _"Divine awesome!"

_A massive sphere of light surrounds Wolfie, and fires as a beam off into the distance._

Miku: "What the hell was the point in that?"

Wolfie: "Wait for it..."

* * *

Derrick: "So, Yaoi Fangirl General... do you have a name, that would make this easier."

YFG: "It's Rebecca, Rebecca Darkgrey."

Derrick: "Since when was Darkgrey a name?"

Rebecca: "Since Wolfie discovered that he couldn't use a real person's full, real name in a fanfic, even if they are the world's worst musician."

Derrick: "Ah, I see. Anyway, so Becks... you don't mind being called Becks do you?"

Becks: "Nah, that's fine."

Derrick: "Good, so, Becks, why exactly is it that my palace disintegrated around us, destroying all of our yaoi within it?"

Becks: _Looking around at what little remained of the palace,_ "Well, that'd be because Wolfie just a-fired his lazor at us."

Derrick: "Ah... that'd explain it. Well then, I suppose the holiday is off. Get the army marching! Meanwhile, I'll have our builders commence secret project X!"

Becks: "Why is it secret project _X_?"

Derrick: "Because what sounds cooler: project T or project X?"

Becks: "X I suppose, but why T?"

Derrick: "Because it was the 20th project we came up with. The first 19 were complete crap."

Becks: "Ri~ght... anyway, I'll go mobilise our troops."

Derrick: "Good girl."

* * *

Miku: "So in one shot, you just destroyed our enemy's base?"

Wolfie: "Yes."

Miku: "Why?"

Wolfie: "Well naturally, they'll send their entire force to attack us, as stereotypical evil guys do, so we just need to go around them."

Misty: "Genius, apart from one flaw."

Wolfie: "What?"

Misty: "They have phateds."

Wolfie: "Hang on... that means they'll be here as soon as..."

Becks: "...we find a convenient plot hole."

Wolfie: _Turning to see an endless (not literally, but nearly so) horde of yaoi fangirls surrounding them, _"Ah... didn't think of that."

Becks: "Now Wolfie, stand down. You may be able to defeat us by yourself, but by the time you kill us, your waifu would be dead!"

Wolfie: "Wow... you actually made a decent plan."

Becks: "Oh... thanks."

Wolfie: "Tell me, why are you working for Derrick? I'm sure you could go it alone."

Becks: "What, you mean rebel against Derrick?"

Wolfie: "Sure, I mean, he's just using you. Think about it, if he could command the army himself, why would he have you do it?"

Becks: "You make a good point."

Miku: _Whispering to Wolfie, _"What the hell are you doing?"

Wolfie: "Trying to ensure a sensible leader is put in charge of a country on the verge of political collapse through bad management, and meanwhile trying to get us out of this situation."

Becks: "I have thought through what you have said, and have decided... that Derrick was right! You are foul heretics against our holy yaoi!"

Wolfie: "Okay, that didn't work... but that's okay, fighting works too!"

Miku: _Singing World is mine to gain twin leeks, _"Oh boy! This'll be fun! I can beat up all of them!"

Misty: _His bow activating as he summons an arrow of mist, _"More pointless violence?"

Lumi: _Suddenly bathed in light, _"There's no avoiding it."

Chewy: _Pulling out a gun from somewhere, _"WAAAH!"

Wolfie: "Well said Chewy. Now guys, onward!"

Becks: "My minions forward!"

* * *

Luka: "Maybe we should go after them."

Kaito: "I'm sure they'll be fine, and we have bigger problems to worry about right now."

Gakupo: "What do you mean by that?"

Kaito: _Pointing at a wrecked ice cream cone, _"We don't have any transport or much in the was of weapons."

Luka: Gazing_ sadly at her wrecked tuna, _"Yeah, it's a pity they crashed."

Rin: "Yeah, the skyroller was great fun."

Len: "I'm still dizzy from your driving."

Rin: "What was that Len?"

Len: "Erm... I want you to drive me dizzy Rin!"

Rin: "With what?"

Len: "With *censored*!"

Rin: "Oh Len!"

Meiko: "Guys, get a room please."

Rin: "O~h, but I want to *censored* right here and now!"

Kaito: "In that case, just give us long enough to get out of earshot."

* * *

Misty: "How many of these girls are there?"

Lumi: "A lot... Sunbeam!"

Chewy: "WAAAH!"

Misty: "Well, the happy couple over there are having fun."

_Miku is busy hitting anybody who gets close with her leeks, while Wolfie covers her back with pieces of his shattered blade flying at his will through anybody who tries to sneak up on the girl._

Miku: "This is brilliant! The best fun I've had since we last *censored*!"

Wolfie: "We should do this more often!"

Miku: "Yeah, we should."

Wolfie: _Landing by Miku, _"Yeah, well it's only really good because I'm with you."

Miku: "Aw... Wolfie..."

_The pair kiss, while fangirls shriek as Wolfie's blades continue to fly around attacking them._

Miku: "Hey, Wolfie, you really know how to make a woman feel loved."

Wolfie: "I only know how to make _you _feel loved Miku... because I love you so much."

Miku: "Wolfie... that's so... romantic..."

_A yaoi fangirl leaps at Miku from behind, waving a yaoi manga, only for Wolfie to raise a hand and blast her in the face with a fireball._

Wolfie: "It isn't romantic, it's truthful."

Miku: "Oh Wolfie..."

Misty: "IF YOU TWO HAVE QUITE FINISHED! There is a battle going on here you know."

Miku: "He has a point Wolfie..."

Wolfie: "Yeah, maybe we should finish this later... alone."

_Miku blushes, then Wolfie steps back, and leaps into the air again._

Wolfie: "Now fangirls, the faster I kill you all, the faster I get laid, so let's not have any idiocy about this. All of you, come at me!"

Becks: "You heard him, attack!"

Wolfie: "Now... which spell, which spell... aha! Got it." _A glowing ring appears at his feet, glowing a deep purple, as he begins chanting, _"I stand at the end of all things."

Miku: _Countering a yaoi fangirl, as she dodges the attacks of the horde which has just reached her, _"Any time around now would be good."

Wolfie: "Eternity, bend at my command."

Misty: "Seriously, what is up with powerful spells having ridiculously long incantations?"

Wolfie: "This is the end!" _His sword returns to his hand, but now, instead of a katana, it is a huge double-edged blade, which he grips with both hands. When I say huge, imagine a sword the length of Sephiroth's, and the thickness of Cloud's (no that is not an innuendo)._

Miku: "Ah, about time." _Hits another fangirl, then leaps back behind Wolfie._

Wolfie: "Even the gods shall fall... Götterdämmerung!"

_Wolfie flew towards the horde, a wave of purple energy surrounding him, throwing the fangirls aside as he flew. He reached the centre, where Becks looked at him horrified._

Becks: "No... this can't be..."

Wolfie: "This is your twilight!" _Raises his sword and strikes down at Becks, releasing a wave of energy into the horde, throwing them down. When he raises his blade, Becks is no more, having dissolved into data within the internet. Some of the other fangirls suffer the same fate, as trails of data flow upwards and disappear, _"And now, this is your night."_  
_

Miku: "What was that with the weird data coils?"

Wolfie: "Data returning to the server. The online users have been defeated, but they will be restored. Those that haven't dissolved were NPCs, created by Derrick as fill-ins."

Miku: "So... this whole time, we've been fighting fakes?"

Wolfie: "Mostly, the point is, we didn't defeat any real fangirls up to this point, only NPCs, which Derrick has a virtually limitless supply of."

Miku: "So our enemy has an endless army? How do we defeat that?"

Wolfie: "Simple, all writers have one weak spot right? And Derrick, in order to have a fic-zone must be a writer..."

Miku: "His laptop!"

Wolfie: "Indeed... Lumi!"

Lumi: "Yes!"

Wolfie: "I need you to start work on a virus, one that'll let us control Derrick's laptop!"

Lumi: "Certainly Wolfie!"

* * *

Derrick: "What? Becks was defeated? Incompetent fool!"

Becks: _Appearing as a fuzzy sprite,_ "S-sir... my online self i~s re-re-regenerating. Will be back wiiithiiiin th-th-three-ee-ee hours."

Derrick: "Spare me your incompetence, I have no more need of you." _Pulls out a rifle and shoots her._

Becks: "You... betray yaoi..." _Fades._

Derrick: "I betray nobody! You betrayed my trust! Soon, all shall fear the great Queen Derrick!"

Bis Bald

BW


	14. Save 14

Save the Writer! Ch14

Wolfie: "Lumi, how's the virus going?"

Lumi: "Almost complete."

Miku: "That was fast!"

Lumi: "All I needed was notepad and a little knowledge of coding. This stuff is child's play."

Wolfie: "Lumi, we want to take over his laptop, not just crash it."

Lumi: "I know that."

Wolfie: "So how are you going to do that with just notepad?"

Lumi: "I have my methods."

Wolfie: "Ri~ght. Now, where'd Misty go?"

Misty: _Stepping out of a plot hole, _"I just went to get these guys." _The other vocaloids step out of the plot hole after him._

Luka: "Miku! You survived the crash!"

Miku: "Yeah, thanks to Wolfie."

Misty: "You forget that he caused the crash in the first place."

Wolfie: "Shut up Misty."

Rin: "So... what's the plan at the moment?"

Wolfie: "We wait until Lumi is fin..."

Lumi: "Finished!"

Wolfie: "Okay... how are we getting the virus onto Derrick's laptop then?"

Lumi: "Simple," _inserts a memory stick into his computer and types quickly, _"I've set this up so that as soon as it is put into his laptop, the virus will be put onto it."

Wolfie: "So, we just need to put it into his laptop? Simple."

Miku: "You really think so?"

Wolfie: "Yeah, it's simple. Doesn't mean it's easy, just simple."

Miku: "Somehow, I just understood that sentence."

Wolfie: "Okay, so who's going to do it?"

Kaito: "Shouldn't it be you?"

Wolfie: "Look, if you hadn't already guessed, I'm going to have to distract Derrick. Heck, he would suspect that I'd be carrying something specifically that could beat him, if I can't innately kick his ass, so somebody else'll have to use it."

Miku: "I'll do it!"

Wolfie: "Miku dear, he'd expect you to be carrying it... hang on... reverse psychology says therefore he'd expect... yes!"

Luka: "I'm lost."

Wolfie: "Simple, Derrick would expect us to expect him to expect that Miku had it and so would expect us not to give it to her, so by giving it to her, we counter his expectations!"

Meiko: "But wouldn't he expect that?"

Wolfie: "If he did, he's more confused than I am right now, and so wouldn't be expecting either way really."

Len: "But wouldn't he also expect you not to have anything?"

Wolfie: "Len, he expects my super-inflated ego to dictate that I have to carry our ace. He won't expect my ego's one weak-point!"

Rin: "You mean Miku?"

Wolfie: "How did you guess?"

Rin: "You seriously don't know?"

Wolfie: "I was being sarcastic."

Rin: "Sorry, it's difficult to tell when it's only being written."

Wolfie: "Fair enough."

Miku: "So I have to take this memory stick, and stick it into Derrick's laptop, while the rest of you provide a massive distraction?"

Wolfie: "Well, it's like I always say, if blowing the doors off and kicking the bitches' asses doesn't work, it provides the best distraction ever!"

Meiko: "Ri~ght... and what about the point where the horde of yaoi fangirl fanatics, lead by the single craziest person ever, beats us down, and defeats us outright?"

Wolfie: "A minor detail, if that happens at all, which I doubt it will. Now come on, we only have about half of this chapter left, and we've just been sitting here chatting."

Miku: "Okay! To the ruins of Derrick's castle!"

* * *

Derrick: "How is the secret project coming along?"

Yaoi Fangirl Supervisor: "Not too badly, but may I ask why we're building a massive..."

Derrick: "NO! Don't say it! You'll ruin the dramatic suspense!"

YFS: "Dramatic suspence? But nobody is listening."

Derrick: "Yes, but somebody is likely _reading_!We are within a fic-zone after all."

YFS: "Of course..."

Derrick: "For the record, do you have a name?"

YFS: "Given you shot the last person you asked that to, no sir/madam, I don't."

Derrick: "Then I'll give you one... how about... Becks II!"

Becks II: "I suppose... okay then."

Derrick: "May you do better than your forebear."

Becks II: "You mean, may I live until next chapter?"

Derrick: "Something like that."

Becks II: "Well, we're already half way through, I should manage..."

_A loud explosion rocks through the ruined building, and a pillar, which had somehow survived the first attack, crumbled, and fell on Becks II._

Becks II: "No... this cannot be..."

Derrick: "That's an overused line. I used it myself once, and being the epitome of cliché villains, if I use it, it must be old."

_Becks II dies, and transforms into a data stream._

Wolfie: "Found you!"

_Derrick turns to see Wolfie, sword in hand, flying towards him. Wolfie slashes his sword, and a shockwave flies from it. Derrick dodges, leaping back behind a ruined wall._

Derrick: "So... you've come to destroy yaoi once and for all?"

Wolfie: "No..." _Lands, and raises his sword into the air, _"Not yaoi... but you... Lupine Chaos!"

_Wolfie swings his sword three times, each releasing a shockwave, the first two damaging the wall that hides Derrick. The third, however, is much larger, and when it hits, the wall freezes over instantaneously, then shatters._

Derrick: "You're trying to impress me? Show you're superior? As long as we're here, I can defeat you!" _Pulls out his laptop, _"As long as we're here, my word is quite literally law!"

Miku: "About time!" _Leaps from where she had hidden behind a pillar, twin leeks held in her hands._

Derrick: "What? You'll try to destroy my laptop? Foolish girl!" _Dodges her effortlessly._

Miku: "Oh, you saw through my attack right away. Pity." _Lands and swings her body round, her leeks transforming into the black rock shooter gun. In the barrel is a small object._

Derrick: "A... memory stick?"

Miku: "Yup. Wolfie, you're good at maths, when I fire this, what do you think are my chances of hitting the usb port?"

Wolfie: "Given the masses, speeds, sizes, other assorted forces and required accuracy, I would say 0 for all intents and purposes. However, given this is fanfiction, I'd say 1 for all intents and purposes."

Miku: "Good good." _Pulls the trigger._

_The memory stick flies true, and through some miracle insert itself into the usb drive._

Derrick: "What? System error? You... hacked me?"

Wolfie: "Yup. That's right."

Derrick: "Very well." _Throws his laptop on the floor, and steps on it, breaking the screen, then jumps on it, destroying the entire machine._

Wolfie: "Ah... didn't think you'd think of that."

Derrick: "And now, to show you, in this realm, I am GOD! Ahaha... ahaha... AHAHA!"

_Derrick's laughter resounds through the area, as a cloud of yaoi doujinshi fly around him/her. The cloud rises into the air, and then dissipates, revealing Derrick, but now changed._

Miku: "What the heck?"

Derrick: "I... am... GOD!"

Wolfie: "You already said that."

Derrick: "Just making my point clear."

Wolfie: "Right... well I still think you only needed to say it once."

Derrick: "Maybe, I'm not sure. I quite like the repetition."

Wolfie: "There is such a thing as over-emphasis. You need to save the 'I am God' line for a more appropriate time. For example, if/when we win, you shout out 'BUT I AM GOD! How can this have happened?'"

Derrick: "You may have a point there."

Wolfie: "Anyway, where were we... oh yeah, you were about to attack us."

Derrick: "Oh yeah."

Miku: "Gods Wolfie, you should stop doing this all the time."

Wolfie: "Sorry Miku sweetie."

Miku: "Oh... just get on with it."

Derrick: "Okay... MORTALS, YOU SHALL FALL!"

Wolfie: "Shit... good thing that stupid conversation we just had gave us just enough time to begin my backup plan."

Derrick: "Backup plan?"

Wolfie: "Yeah... run away!"

_Derrick notices that all the time they had been talking, Wolfie and Miku had been running away from him._

Miku: "I can't believe this is our backup plan."

Wolfie: "It's standard procedure, go in all guns blazing, if that doesn't work, then run like f***!"

Miku: "Right now, I don't blame you... although I'm not sure why. What's so scary about this Derrick?"

_Oh, sorry, I forgot, the fact he's 30 foot tall, armed with a sword just as tall, and has scaly wings which look oddly like a devil's._

Miku: "Ah, that might explain it."

Wolfie: "Look, up ahead! There's... a stage?"

_The pair run up to the stage, and look around._

Wolfie: "Wow, I always wanted to try writing a script."

Miku: "Isn't that kinda what you're doing now?"

Wolfie: "Miku, do you see any stage directions? I mean, scripts aren't allowed on FF."

Miku: "Actually, I can see one." _Points to a sign saying 'Exit: stage left.'_

Wolfie: "Okay, point."

Miku: "More importantly, why is there a stage here?"

Derrick: "Ah, so you've found Project X! Which has been mysteriously completed since I discussed it earlier with Becks II."

_The pair look up to see the over-sized Derrick standing over them. Surrounding the stage, an army of yaoi fangirls advance towards them._

Miku: "Shit, nowhere to run!"

Wolfie: "Oh... well actually, you remember what Derrick said?"

Miku: "What?"

Wolfie: "He's a _god_."

Miku: "What...? Oh! I get it."

Derrick: "Get what?"

Miku: _Turning to Derrick, _"You're a god... and I'm a _God Slaying Machine!_"

_A black aura surrounds Miku._

Bis Bald

BW


	15. Save 15

Save the Writer! Ch15

_The back aura around Miku fades. Her hair is now black, as it was when she became BRS. But this time, no gun is strapped to her arm. Her eyes are closed, but when she opens them, they glow red. Her size isn't any different from normal, and she doesn't seem to have a weapon._

Derrick: "What? You're going to fight me unarmed?"

Miku: _Her voice metallic, _"On the contrary..." Metallic_ limbs, blades of solid steel, burst out of her back, _"I have many arms."

Derrick: "Not enough to deflect my hoard's firepower! Attack!"

_A hail of bullets fire at Miku. She simply stands there, and her hair flies around her. It blocks the bullets, deflecting each and every one._

Miku: "Don't you get it Derrick? You don't stand a chance! This form was created for only one purpose!"

Derrick: "What?"

Miku: _Smiling menacingly, as she walks through the hail of bullets towards Derrick,_ "Destroying you!"

_Miku leaps into the air, and her metal arms whir into life, slashing at Derrick, who flies backwards, and slashes at Miku with his sword. The pair continue rising into the sky._

Wolfie: _Speaking to the hoard _"Well then, down here, it looks like it's just you and me."

Yaoi Fangirl Captain: "For Yaoi!"

Wolfie: "A few thousand yaoi fangirls, versus me... this'll be cake." _Sword glows in his hand, _"It's time!" _Leaps from the stage and flies at the advancing hoard._

* * *

_Meanwhile, several thousand feet above._

Derrick: "Why can't you understand? You are fighting a pointless battle! You are but one songstress, but I am Yaoi incarnate!"

Miku: "You want to know what I think you should do with your yaoi? Stuff it up your arse! I've had it up to here..." _indicating a few inches above her head with a metal arm, _"...with you and your 'Yaoi is so great' attitude. Seriously, even Wolfie has fewer complexes than you, and this is the guy who admits that his superiority complex has it's own superiority complex."

Derrick: "Well so~ry if I am a little bit pro-yaoi."

Miku: "A little? You tried to kill Wolfie over it. Which, according to the way real people seem to work in this story, wouldn't actually have done much."

Derrick: "Okay, fair point, but I am the yaoi fangirl queen. I do have to keep up appearances."

Miku: "Really? Because my eight extra arms are just itching to cut through some self-important, gender-ambiguous, yaoi-obssessed, self-deifying flesh!"

Derrick: "Bring it!"

_The pair fly at each other, weapons at ready._

* * *

Wolfie: "506... 507... 508... EXPLOSION! 564... 565... 566... INDIGNATION! 673... 674..."

Yaoi Fangirl Captain: "You're keeping count?"

Wolfie: "Yes... 681..."

YFC: "F*** this." _Pulls out a massive laser canon from somewhere, _"I'll kill you myself."

Wolfie: "Really? 695... Do you really think you can do that? 696..."

YFC: "Yeah, why do you think I wouldn't be able to. I mean, I'm afirin' ma ARGH..."

Luka: "BACKSTAB!"

YFC: _Falling forwards and dropping the laser canon, _"How did we all fail our listen checks?"

Luka: "Natural 20 on my move silently. For the record, I have a 5x multiplier on that backstab."

YFC: "Damn... you..." _Dies, turning into a data stream._

Wolfie: "So you made it Luka! 712...713..."

Luka: "Yeah, and the others are here to help too." _Indicates the other Vocaloids, Misty, Lupi and Chewy leaping out of a plot hole into the hoard._

Wolfie: "Good good." _Spinning round as his sword transforms into a bow, and he unleashes an arrow which goes straight through a few dozen fangirls, _"783..."

Luka: "Seriously, how on Earth are you keeping count?"

Wolfie: "A couple of things. 792... First, we're not on Earth, 795... and second, I'm a Mathematician when I'm not writing. 800!"

Luka: "That's precisely what I mean. Everybody knows mathematicians can't count."

Wolfie: "Well this one can. 803..."

_Across the battlefield._

Kaito: "You know, we jumped out of that plot hole all gung-ho and all that sort of shit, but I just remembered, I'm unarmed."

Gakupo: _Slashing with his katana, _"You should have thought of that before we left."

Kaito: "Well I didn't okay? So what do I do now?"

Gakupo: "We~ll... you could try encouraging Meiko."

Kaito: "Why?"

Gakupo: "I dunno, might give her an attack bonus."

Kaito: "Okay, I'll try. Meiko!"

Meiko: "Yes?"

Kaito: "Come on, show 'em hell."

Meiko: "Kaito..."

Kaito: "Give 'em all you've got... for me..."

_Meiko goes into an insane fury, striking down fangirls left and right. Her twin bottles whirled around her in a soaring arc._

Gakupo: "Wow, who'd have thought that love could grant bonus feats? She gained whirlwind attack, and all the greater strength feats."

Kaito: "I'm a little scared now."

Gakupo: "If you encourage her more, she might start using epic-level spells."

Kaito: "That would be a little too much."

_A little way away._

Rin: "WEEEE!"

Len: "AAAARGH!"

_The pair are driving around on their roadroller, crushing fangirls all around them... let's leave them to it._

Misty: "Why do we have to fight Wolfie's battles for him?"

Lumi: "Well, he is our friend."

Chewy: "WAAAH... Waa... Wa..." _Coughs out a furball, which knocks down some fangirls, _"Well it's not like you objected earlier."

Misty: "You spoke?"

Chewy: "Yeah... oh yeah that reminds me, I've been wondering for a while Misty. What does yaoi mean?"

_Misty and Lumi both visibly blanch._

Misty: "Which definition are you looking for?"

Lumi: "Misty, this, fortunately, isn't Lucky Star."

Misty: "Okay... Chewy... you know what happens when two guys love each other very much?"

Chewy: "Like you and Lumi?"

Misty: "NO! Since when?"

Lumi: "Since Wolfie decided on another rushed relationship addition."

Misty: "Oh, okay." _Turning back to Chewy, _"Well... it's what happens then, only made into a manga, or an animé."

Chewy: "So like Misty's favourite manga?"

Misty: "No!"

Chewy: "The one's I once caught you in the toilet with?"

Misty: "NO!"

Chewy: "The one's you were..."

Lumi: "Much as the end of that sentence may be hilarious, we have more important things to do right now."

Misty: "Such as?"

Lumi: "Fighting this battle."

Misty: "Oh yeah."

* * *

_Meanwhile, millions of miles away..._

Wolfie: "Stop the LittleKuriboh references!"

_You know, talking to yourself is the second sign of madness._

Wolfie: "Isn't it usually the first?"

_For you, the first sign of madness is being yourself. Anyway, up in the air, Derrick and Miku continue to fight._

Miku: "Derrick, give up. You've lost. Even if you somehow beat me, you'll have to go through Wolfie and the others."

Derrick: "Don't you get it? There are two ways of utterly destroying Wolfie. Destroy his body, or destroy his soul!"

Miku: "You mean..."

Derrick: "Yes, if I kill you, Wolfie'll be crushed."

Miku: "You don't know him at all..."

Derrick: "What do you mean?"

Miku: _Flying back, and bringing her arms behind her back, _"Come on then! Finish me!"

Derrick: _Flying towards Miku, _"Very well!" _Swings his sword down, striking Miku down._

Miku: _Falling, _"Wolfie... the rest is up to you..."

_Miku's fall is cut short by the stage, and Wolfie turns to her._

Wolfie: "Miku... no!"

Derrick: _Descending from the sky,_ "Now, Wolfie. Let your spirit be crushed!"

Wolfie: "Derrick!" _A dark blue aura radiates around him._

Derrick: "What? You're supposed to..."

Wolfie: "It's time... Kuinagi no Katana!"

_The katana in his hand glows a deep purple, then shatters. The pieces fly around him, as he floats into the air, shielding him from sight. The pieces then come apart, revealing they have become two great wings, even larger than his normal ones. In his hand is his katana, but now glowing, and surrounded by energy._

Derrick: "Shit..."

Wolfie: "Now... you can't beat my Brooklyn Rage!"

Derrick: "One, you said no more LK references, two you aren't from Brooklyn."

Wolfie: "Screw what I said... I have insane powers..."

Derrick: "Check."

Wolfie: "...a severely injured waifu..."

Derrick: "Ch-check."

Wolfie: "...AND COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF RAGE!"

Derrick: "Checkmate..."

_Wolfie flies towards Derrick, prepared to attack._

Bis Bald

BW

P.S. No rules were screwed in the making of this chapter.


	16. Save 16

Save the Writer! Ch16

_Wolfie swings his blade at Derrick, who leaps backwards out of the way. Wolfie's blade passes through thin air, but the air around it maintains a purplish glow even after his sword has passed it by. Derrick leaps to attack him, but his sword stops at the glowing air._

Derrick: "What gives?"

Wolfie: "Just use a translator on my sword's name."

Derrick: "Okay... Kuinagi no Katana... translate... time-cutting blade..." _Stares at Wolfie, _"Shit."

Wolfie: "Precisely." _Points his sword at Derrick, _"Every slash will freeze whatever it cuts."

Derrick: "Damn you!" _Swings at Wolfie, avoiding the frozen air. Wolfie parries with his blade._

Wolfie: "You really are a fool, guess what I've cut now."

Derrick: _Trying to move his sword, but finding it frozen in place, _"No... this can't..."

Wolfie: "Oh yes it can!"

_Derrick drops his sword, which hangs in mid-air, and leaps back, picking up a handy pillar on the stage. He hurls it at Wolfie, who blocks it with his sword. The pillar breaks apart, but Wolfie's sword blade also breaks, a good three quarters flying off._

Derrick: "That wasn't so difficult."

Wolfie: "Really now?" _The broken off blade shatters, and a whirl of pieces reattach to the hilt, _"You haven't even got anywhere. As long as I have physical contact with any part of the weapon, I can repair it, or even..." _raising the sword, as it morphs into a spear, _"...transform it."

Derrick: "The f***?"

Wolfie: "You brought this on yourself, Derrick, you hurt Miku!" _Hurls the spear at Derrick, who jumps, just avoiding it. The spear hits the stage below._

Derrick: "You missed!"

Wolfie: "At the risk of sounding cliché, I wasn't aiming for you."

_Derrick feels pain, as a thousand tiny blades, pieces of the spear, fly through him, stopping him in time._

Wolfie: "When did I say I needed to be holding the weapon to shatter it?"

Derrick: "H-how... c-c-a-a-an... thi-s be? I... a-m... god."

Wolfie: _Landing on the stage, _"No Derrick. You are but a pawn in a game, and also for those who were counting, 1000 kills to the Wolfster!"

Derrick: "I'm free...zing... how... long will I...?"

Wolfie: "One cut only freezes you for a few minutes tops. But a thousand? You'll be there for at least a day."

Derrick: "Th-then... I have failed... the great one..."

Wolfie: "Who? Who do you work for?"

Derrick: _Breaking into a frozen bundle of data, _"The singer who is greater than... all... Vocaloids..."

Wolfie: "WHO?"

Derrick: "He's... just..." _Freezes up completely, as he turns completely into data._

Wolfie: "DAMN IT!"

Luka: "Wolfie! Miku's... she's..."

_Luka is knelt by Miku, who has returned to her normal form. Her body is bloodied, and her face pale. Wolfie steps over to her._

Wolfie: "Good thing I studied temporal reversal." _Lays his hands one on each of her cheeks. A purple glow surrounds Miku, and her wounds begin to reknit themselves, as the blood seems to flow backwards into her._

Luka: "Will she be okay?"

Wolfie: "After a bit of r&r, she'll be good as new."

Luka: "As new? What, like a baby? She'll only be eating soft foods and won't be able to go to the loo by herself?"

Wolfie: "Not _that _new."

Luka: "Oh... phew."

Rin: _Running up to the pair, _"Hey, guys, are we meant to keep killing the fangirls?"

Wolfie: "Why do you ask?"

Rin: "Well, this girl came up and told them to stop fighting, so they retreated."

Wolfie: "Who is this girl?"

Becks: "Me."

Wolfie: "Becks? You're alive... oh wait a sec, of course you are. You're a PC, well, kinda."

Becks: "Yeah, my avatar only just regenerated. So yeah, I came to stop Derrick, before he had all the yaoi fangirls fight to death."

Wolfie: "So what now?"

Becks: "Well, as Derrick is gone now and as we just heard he was working for somebody else, I'm in charge. I'll spend my time forging alliances between the Y.O.F.A.G. Union and our surrounding nations, like Yuritopia, and promoting peace rather than war, all the stuff that Derrick _didn't _do."

Wolfie: "Well, it looks like a happy ending for everybody then... except Derrick, speaking of whom, what should we do wi..." _Turns to see that Derrick has completely disappeared, _"...th him... ah crap."

Becks: "Don't worry, we'll make sure that if he comes back, we'll capture him."

Rin: "Yay! Beat the hell out of him for me will you?"

Becks: "Ah~ what a cute little girl..."

Len: _Appearing behind Rin, _"I suppose that's one way of describing her."

Miku: "Uh... what's going on?"

Luka: "MIKU! You're awake!"

Miku: "Yes, but I have a headache, as you would too if you'd just fallen out of the sky, so could you keep it down please?"

Wolfie: "Miku!."

Miku: "Wolfie... you beat Derrick then I take it?"

Wolfie: "Yeah, I did."

Miku: "So does that mean that we'll get some alone time soon?"

Wolfie: "As soon as this chapter's over."

Miku: "Yay!"

Misty: _Walking up with all the other main cast, _"Well well well... this seems to have gone well."

Chewy: "Wolfie, what's 'alone time?'"

Wolfie _Blanching, _"Erm... It's time you spend alone together."

Chewy: "Oh... why is that so exciting?"

Wolfie: _Sweating profusely, _"Erm... because Miku and I enjoy each other's company."

Chewy: "What do you do together?"

Wolfie: "Chewy, let me answer your question with a question: are you trying to turn my hair grey before it's time, or are you genuinely this naïve?"

Chewy: "Why would I turn your hair grey?"

Wolfie: "Just... forget it... it's not worth it."

Gakupo: "So... what's everybody going to do now?"

Meiko: "Well, I'm stealing Kaito away to *censored*."

Miku: "Sounds remarkably like what I'm going to do with Wolfie... only without the ropes and collar."

Wolfie: "We'll leave the readers to work out from that what they will."

Rin: "You know, that also sounds like what I'm going to do with Len, only he's the one who gets tied up."

Len: "Help!"

Luka: "Guys... is anybody here not going to go f*** somebody else?"

_Chewy raises his hand, the others all have theirs by their sides._

Wolfie: "Er... Lumi, Misty, who the hell are you going to...?"

Misty: "Isn't it obvious?"

Lumi: "Those yaoi undertones last chapter weren't just for show."

Wolfie: "Forget I asked. Also, yaoi undertones? Does nobody else notice the huge amount of irony jumping up and down at that? No... just me? Okay."

Rin: "Anyways, I'm off. Come on Len."

Wolfie: "WAIT!"

Rin: "What?"

Wolfie: "We're standing on the biggest stage we're ever likely to see. Is it only me that thinks that this is an opportunity that we can't just pass up?"

Misty: _Pulling out a base guitar from somewhere, _"You may have a point there."

Lumi: _His clothes mysteriously changing to all-black, with fresh waistcoat and sunglasses, as he mysteriously gains a guitar, _"This should be good fun."

Wolfie: _A keyboard falling out of the sky and landing in front of him, _"Hell yeah!"

Miku: _Standing from where she had been lying down the whole conversation, and grabbing a microphone out of nowhere, _"Yay! A live concert!"

Wolfie: "Take it away Miku!"

Miku: "The World is Mine, yes I'm the princes number one!"

* * *

_Somewhere, watching the performance in secret._

?: "So... they have defeated Derrick, little matter. They shall fail against my next servant!"

Next Servant: "I shall do as you desire, Lord..."

?: "DON'T SAY MY NAME!"

NS: "Oh... sorry, forgot, readers..."

?: "Soon... Miku Hatsune, and you Satoru Klein, you will both taste my wrath!"

* * *

_The next morning._

Wolfie: _Lying in bed looking over at where Miku it combing her hair._ "That was a great concert Miku."

Miku: "Thanks sweetie."

Wolfie: _Looking out the window, staring into space, _"Yeah... I wish all the time could be like this."

Miku: "Wolfie... is something wrong?"

Wolfie: "Oh... just having a protagonist's foreshadowing. Don't worry about it..." _Smiling as he reaches out, and grabs Miku, pulling her back to the bed, _"Just worry about what's about to happen to you."

Miku: _Giggling, _"Oh trust me, I'm not worried at all."

* * *

_Save the Writer: Fin_

Wolfie: "Okay guys, here's the low-down on what's happening with this. Obviously, this is a cliffy. Now, some of the more astute of you may notice that this story's name has changed from 'Save the Writer' to 'Adventures of the Writer.' The reason for this is that Save the Writer is going to be the first of a four-part series. The next 'book' of the story will be coming up as soon as I get around to it, so watch this space. If you don't want to keep checking up all the time, I suggest you alert this story. All four parts will eventually be in here."

Miku: "So you can read about all our adventures in one place. Convenient isn't it?"

Wolfie: "Indeed. I don't know how long it'll be before I start on part 2. Could be days, could be weeks. We'll see. But for now..."

Auf Wiedersehen

BW

_Watch out for: 'Worship the Writer.'_

_When a fan starts a cult around Wolfie, worshipping him as God, all seems to be fine. Until Wolfie remembers: he's allergic to organised religion!_

_Out: When Wolfie can be arsed!_


	17. Side Story: First Meeting

Side Story: First Meeting of the Writer

_It was a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away... well to be honest it was about six months ago in fic-time, in a bar just on the edge of Wolfie's fic-zone..._

Wolfie: _Entering the pub, and taking a seat by the bar, _"A pint of coke please."

Meiko (the barmaid): "Coke? As in a coke and vodka?"

Wolfie: "No..."

Meiko: "A coke and rum?"

Wolfie: "No..."

Meiko: "Coke and..."

Wolfie: "No! Just a pint of coke."

Meiko: _Sighing, surprised that anybody would come in and not ask for alcohol, _"Right, right. Here you go."

Wolfie: "Thanks," _sipping his drink, _"Quiet tonight."

Meiko: "Yeah, well if the narrator would get off his backside and describe this place as 'crowded' we might have better business."

_If I weren't on my backside, I couldn't type, and I do accept bribes you know._

Meiko: "Well then, if this bar is filled within 30 seconds, I'll give you free drinks all evening."

_Okay... the pub was quite crowded._

Wolfie: "Busy tonight."

Meiko: "Yeah... so narrator, what'll you have?"

Wolfie: "Another coke please."

Meiko: "What?"

Wolfie: "Oh yeah, I'm the writer."

Meiko: "What? Oh... m-my apologies."

Wolfie: "Don't worry about it, I have a friend who calls me a complete prick all the time. Being told to get off my backside is surprisingly refreshing."

Meiko: "Well... hang on, if you're the writer, what're you doing here? Couldn't you just write up infinite amounts of coke?"

Wolfie: "It's copyrighted, trademarked, all that shit. I can't just write it in."

Meiko: "Ri~ght... I'm sure that makes sense."

Wolfie: "So yeah... I came here to drown my sorrows in coke."

Meiko: "Sorrows?"

Wolfie: "Just kidding, I'm here to find a cute chick while maintaining my sobriety for long enough to enjoy the result."

Meiko: "Really?"

Wolfie: "Yup, so do you know any hot chicks?"

Meiko: "Well there's me."

Wolfie: "But after what I've just said, would you hook up with me?"

Meiko: "No."

Wolfie: "Precisely, so, any other hot girls? I like 'em with green hair."

Meiko: "Well, there is one, not exactly green hair but close enough, she's not here yet, she'll have to turn up as soon as I've finished telling you about her, for dramatic effect and all that. She's a singer, with a stalker... a cute stalker admittedly, but a stalker none-the-less."

Wolfie: "A singer?"

Meiko: "Yeah, she sings here sometimes. In fact... you're in luck, she's singing here tonight."

Wolfie: "No I'm not."

Meiko: "What?"

Wolfie: "I'm not in luck. In fiction, every tiny detail is for a reason."

Meiko: "I suppose you're right. Ah, as if on cue, here she comes."

_The pub door opens, and in walks a radiant presence, with supple blue-green hair, beautiful eyes which matched her hair perfectly, and..._

Misty: _Out of nowhere _"GET TO THE POINT!"

_*Ahem* Okay, Miku walked through the door. Stalking her was a rag-tag pervert in blue, who..._

Meiko: "Do you really want to finish that?"

_Okay... she was stalked..._

Meiko: *Evil glare*

_...followed by Kaito._

Miku: "For the last time Kaito, stop following me!"

Kaito: "But princess, I haven't finished recounting my words of boundless adoration for you."

Miku: _Walking up to the bar, _"Meiko, the usual."_ Meiko gives her a leak, which she hits Kaito with, knocking him unconscious, _"He always falls for that one."

Meiko: "Miku, we were just talking about you."

Miku: "Who's 'we?'"

Meiko: "Me and..." _Indicating Wolfie, _"...this man here."

Miku: _Looking Wolfie up and down, _"Urgh... I feel a plot point coming on."

Wolfie: "Sorry, people get that a lot around me."

Miku: "So who the hell are you?"

Meiko: "Miku! This is the writer!"

Miku: "Really? Then make me a better leek for hitting Kaito with."

Wolfie: "Okay..." _Produces a leek that looks identical to Miku's previous one._

Miku: "Doesn't look much..."

Wolfie: "Give it a go."

_Kaito stands up and rubs his head. Miku swings with the leek, and Kaito flies into a wall, which breaks. The wall then mysteriously repairs as Wolfie taps on a laptop._

Miku: "Wow... you're the real thing."

Wolfie: "Indeed."

Meiko: "Hey, Miku, it's almost time for your performance."

Miku: "Okay, well then Mr. Writer, I'll see you later."

Wolfie: "The name's Satoru Klein, Der Blaue Wolf, Lord of Time, The Writer, Lord of the Angelic Host, Fenriswulfr... but my friends just call my Wolfie."

Miku: "Er... okay... Wolfie." _Walks off towards a stage which, for some reason, was built into the pub._

Meiko: "Did you really have to reel off a list of titles?"

Wolfie: "Sorry, I didn't catch that over how awesome I'm feeling right now."

Meiko: "Why?"

Wolfie: "That girl, Miku, she seems brilliant. This'll be the greatest one-night..."

Miku: _Singing from the stage, _"The World is Mine, yes I'm the princess number one!"

Wolfie: _Jaw dropping, and staring at Miku, _"Scratch that comment, I want to marry this girl."

Meiko: "You changed that much from just hearing her sing."

Wolfie: "No, that was just a joke, I'm still not sure about her, but she is so far more awesome than any other girl I have ever considered."

Meiko: "And do you think that she's likely to want you in particular?"

Wolfie: "She hasn't hit me with that leek yet. This can only be a good sign."

Meiko: "You may have a point..."

Miku: "But you're the most dangerous one here... Oh! Hey baby... aaaaah!" _Applause sounds from around the pub. She bows, and goes back to the bar._

Wolfie: "That was amazing Miss Miku."

Miku: _Cocking her head, _"Ah, you're moving onto stage two."

Wolfie: "Stage two?"

Miku: "In the standard method of hitting on me that men try. First comes introducing themselves, then comes flattery, which is where you are. Those that get beyond that generally ask if I want to hang out with them, and then I turn them down like a bedspread."

Wolfie: "Okay... but you're assuming I said that to flatter you."

Miku: "Oh~ somebody with a way with words."

Wolfie: "I am the writer after all."

Miku: "Hm... you seem rather better than the usual pervert who comes and try to get my attention."

Wolfie: "Who said I wasn't perverted?"

Miku: "Oh? So you are a pervert? I bet you'd like to all kinds of pervy things to me."

Wolfie: "Who wouldn't?"

Miku: _Giggling, _"Gods, this is probably the best conversation I've had with a guy in months... scratch that, years... maybe ever..."

Wolfie: "Now who's using flattery?"

Miku: "Ah, now you're assuming I said that to flatter you."

Wolfie: "Touché, ma dame."

Miku: "The language of love?"

Wolfie: "Actually, I hate French myself."

Miku: "We have a lot in common. Ever since some chat-show hosts decided to slag me off."

Wolfie: "Oh? Tell me more..."

* * *

_Some time later, near the same spot._

Miku: _Slightly drunk, _"And then... *hic* Rin shouted 'He's mine, stop tempting my brother with that banana of yours.'"

Wolfie: _Slightly less drunk, _"Ahaha, good one." _As I said, 'slightly' less drunk._

Mr. T: "Yo better watch yo jibberjabber punk!"

Miku: "Why is Mr. T here?"

Wolfie: "Oh... I've had alcohol, and my laptop... this happens sometimes."

Miku: "That's cool... you know, I'm surprised that Meiko has leek cider."

Wolfie: "Me too... and also, how did I get drunk on coke?"

Miku: "Don't you remember how I said you should drink some beer to prove that you had balls?"

Wolfie: "Oh yeah, that."

Miku: "You know we're both surprisingly coherent, for two complete drunks."

Wolfie: "Actually, we're only 'slightly' drunk."

Miku: "That was before we each downed another pint or three."

Wolfie: "True..."

Miku: "Now... I think we're both sufficiently drunk for Meiko to come and tell us..."

Meiko: "Guys, it's closing time... you going to be okay getting home?"

Wolfie: "I'll be fine."

Miku: _Rather loudly _ "Yeah! I'll be fine too!"

Meiko: "Er... Wolfie, would you mind taking her home?"

Wolfie: "You're asking one drunk to take another one home?"

Meiko: "I'm asking a responsible(ish) not-very-drunk to take a completely plastered girl home."

Wolfie: "Fair enough. I'll just have to make sure that I don't fly."

Meiko: "Fly?"

Wolfie: "Yeah, because I have a tendency to fall out of the sky when flying drunk." _Looking at the readers, _"So remember kids, don't drink and (nose)dive!"

Meiko: "O~kay... maybe I should take her home myself."

Miku: "Urgh..." _Dashes to the bathroom, from whence loud vomiting sounds come._

Meiko: "Er... actually, you can take her."

* * *

_After some slight difficulties, Wolfie and Miku arrive at her home: a small flat about half a mile from the pub._

Wolfie: "So this is it?"

Miku: _Having sobered up (a little), _"Yeah... gods I need some water."

Wolfie: "Let's get you inside."

_Miku fumbles with her keys, and unlocks the door, and the pair step inside. Miku heads through a doorway, while Wolfie just stands there, wanting to make sure the girl was all right._

Miku: _Stepping out of the room, with a large glass of water, _"Thanks for bringing me back... after the fourth time I threw up, most people would've left me."

Wolfie: "Hey, no trouble."

Miku: _Smiling, _"You're not a bad guy at all."

Wolfie: "Well some people say I am."

Miku: "Hang on... you said your name was Klein... Satoru Klein..." _Points a finger at him, _"I KNOW YOU! Gods... I didn't realise."

Wolfie: "Eh?"

Miku: "Your stories... I've read some of them."

Wolfie: "Oh... what did you think?"

Miku: "Well the early ones were complete crap."

Wolfie: "Ouch."

Miku: "Just telling it how it is. But the later ones are okay."

Wolfie: "That's... good."

Miku: "Yeah... anyways... um..." _Blushes slightly, _"I kinda wanted to meet you for a while."

Wolfie: "Wh-what?"

Miku: _Advancing slowly towards Wolfie, _"Because... I...wanted to..." _Puts a hand behind her head, as if to scratch it, but then pulls out her leek and swings, _"PUNISH YOU FOR PAIRING SATOKO WITH THE PERVY DOCTOR!"

Wolfie: _Dodging, _"B-but... that was only for comedy effect."

Miku: "And would you pair me with Kaito for comedy effect?"

Wolfie: "N-no..."

Miku: "And why?"

Wolfie: "B-because..." _Miku prepares to swing again, _"You're too cute to pair with him!"

_Miku stops her swing, and drops her leek._

Miku: "Y-you... pervert..." _Giggles._

Wolfie: "Wh-what?"

Miku: "You heard me, you pervert." _Laughs hard._

Wolfie: "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Miku: "Oh, I only have to put up with a pervert like you!" _Continues to laugh._

* * *

Wolfie: "So kids, that's the story of how I met your mother."

Luka: "We're not kids, and Miku is not our mother."

Wolfie: "I was quoting."

Luka: "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Kaito: "So you're the one who gave her that leek?"

Wolfie: "Yup, that was me."

Miku: "The first present he ever gave me, and one of the best."

Kaito: "Excuse me while I go and cry in a corner over the brain cells I've lost to that thing." _Leaves._

Miku: "Do you think I've overdone it with all the hitting him with a leek act?"

Wolfie: "If it were anybody else, I'd say yes. But this is Kaito, so no Miku, you haven't done it nearly enough."

Miku: "Oh phew... I was worried I'd overdone it. Then I wouldn't be able to hit him for a while."

Wolfie: "Ah well... I suppose that tale has come to an end. So this filler chapter must too."

Misty: "*Sigh*"

Bis Bald

BW


	18. Worship 1

Worship the Writer! Ch1

_Deep within Wolfie's fiction-zone, just beyond where the fourth wall used to be, there lies a magnificent mansion, which reaches up five floors, the walls a shimmering white in the sun. Within this mansion, our main heroine is waiting for something interesting to happen._

Miku: _Pacing around the room, _"Gods, ever since we beat Derrick, nothing has happened. As in literally, nothing."

Wolfie: _Sat at a desk, typing on his laptop, _"Well we had some awesome..."

Miku: "True, but you are not going to finish that sentence, are you Wolfie?"

Wolfie: "No, of course not sweetie." _His laptop makes a noise, _"Oh, Misty's just messaged me... 'Something's up, come to the...'" _DUN DUN DUH!_ "'...Cathedral of Death quickly.'"

Miku: "The..." _DUN DUN DUH!_ "...Cathedral of Death?"

Wolfie: "Yeah, I made it when I was bored once. The..." _DUN DUN DUH! _"Cathedral of Death is where we take the piss out of religion, as the..." _DUN DUN DUH! _"...Cathedral of Death is the most dangerous place in my fic-zone because of all the fanatics, apart from anywhere within 100 yards of you when you're pissed."

Miku: "I know I am dangerous, but you're the most dangerous one here."

Wolfie: "Hey baby... aaaah!"

Miku: "That's not what I meant. Anyways, hadn't we better be going to the..." _DUN DUN DUH! _"...Cathedral of Death? Also, whoever's doing the '_DUN DUN DUH!_' shut the f*** up!"

Wolfie: "Oh sorry about that, just some of the fanatics from the..." _DUN DUN DUH! _"...Cathedral of Death. One second..." _Pulls out a shot gun and points it at a wall. When he fires it a loud _"ARGH!" _is emitted from the wall, _"That should stop them doing that every time somebody mentions the..." _DUN DUN DUH! _"Cathedral of Death... ah screw it."

* * *

_Some time later, near the DUN DUN DUH! Cathedral of Death._

Misty: "Ah Wolfie, you made it."

Wolfie: "Yeah, although the '_DUN DUN DUH!_'s almost made me erase this place."

Misty: "Good thing you didn't, because... well..."

Stranger: "LORD WOLFIE! May I grovel at your feet and bow down to you!"

Wolfie: "What the...?"

Stranger: "Oh, let me introduce myself, I am Robert, at your service my Lord."

Wolfie: "Robert? Well then Bob... why do you keep calling me lord?"

Bob: "Because you are God, my lord."

Wolfie: "Yes I know I am, but that doesn't explain..."

Misty: "Wolfie, what have I told you about your god complex?"

Wolfie: "I was kidding."

Bob: "Ah! The great God shows his ability to trick the heathen!"

Wolfie: "Wait... you genuinely think I'm a god?"

Bob: "Yes lord!"

Miku: "So what does that make me?"

Bob: "The great consort of our lord!"

Miku: "Consort? Don't make me sound like a slut, I'm his waifu!"

Bob: "Er... apologies madam."

Wolfie: "Okay... so why did you want to speak to me exactly?"

Bob: "Well, I was thinking of starting the cult of the Blue Wolf, and was wondering if I could use the..." _DUN DUN DUH! _"...Cathedral of Death as our HQ."

Wolfie: "Wow, so you're asking your god for permission? That's not something many religions do, they just guess at the meanings of the things he said."

Miku: "Right now isn't the time for a full ridicule of religion Wolfie."

Wolfie: "It's always the time to ridicule religion!"

Misty: "You ought to be careful Wolfie, remember that your fangirl, the one who reviews every chapter with equally unhelpful comments is religious."

Wolfie: "Point, so I shouldn't actively offend the only fanbase I have. At least, the only fanbase that likes to make itself known."

Bob: "So... do we have permission?"

Wolfie: "Who is 'we' exactly?"

Bob: "Just me and a few thousand other people."

Misty: _Spitting out tea which he had conveniently been drinking, _"A few thousand?"

Wolfie: "Okay... this sounds rather suspicious, but my massive ego is seeing a lot of stroking-potential from these supporters. Okay, you can go ahead and do it."

Bob: "Hooray! Followers! We've got the go-ahead!"

_A massive throng of followers rushes into the Cathedral, bowing to Wolfie as they pass._

Wolfie: "The heck?"

Miku: "So I'm now God's wife?"

Misty: "Oh my god... you are so self-centred Wolfie, it's not believable! Don't you remember? You're allergic to organised religion!"

Miku: "But... I thought you created a cult around me?"

Wolfie: "Yeah... the rash I got from that lasted for a month."

Miku: "But you haven't had a rash so far, since this cult started up."

Wolfie: "Yeah, but until now, it didn't have an HQ, so it wasn't strictly organised... but now..." _Begins subconsciously scratching his throat, _"… it's starting to itch... ah!" _Falls to the ground, still scratching._

Miku: "Wolfie!" _Drops to her knees beside him, and grabs his hand, putting her free hand to his forehead, _"He's burning up!"

Misty: "Good thing I'm here." _Grabs onto Miku's shoulder and Wolfie's arm, _"There are still enough plot holes from the yaoi fangirl incident to travel through. Hold on tight."

_The three disappear in a black sphere._

* * *

Luka: "Miku, how is he?"

Miku: "Luka! He's okay, he's just resting."

_The pair are standing in the entry to Miku's mansion, Miku having just opened the door for Luka._

Luka: "So... somebody started a cult around him?"

Miku: "Yeah... it was horrible, he was coming up in a massive rash, fortunately we had some medicine for him."

Luka: "Medicine?"

Miku: "Yeah, we injected him with ink used to write 'The God Delusion.'"

Luka: "And that cured him?"

Miku: "Well, not entirely. Unfortunately, we couldn't find 'The Atheist's Bible,' so he's still a bit shakey. We got him reading 'His Dark Materials' though, so he should be fine."

Luka: "So... what are we going to do now?"

Miku: "What do we always do?"

Luka: "Go in, talk to them diplomatically, and hope against hope we can stop them through persuasion?"

Miku: "No, go in all guns blazing, kill a few to show them we mean business, find out their motives, and then kill the rest."

Luka: "Oh yeah, of course."

Miku: "Anyway, we should probably go up and see him."

Wolfie: _Appearing at the top of the stairs_ "No need ladies."

Miku: "Wolfie? You should be in bed."

Wolfie: "Don't worry, I'm fine. After the fiasco with the Cult of Miku, I made this place resisistant to religion. As long as I'm in here, the religious waves can't enter without a vector."

Miku: "But, you were feeling really awful earlier... are you sure you're all right?"

Wolfie: "Don't worry."

Misty: _Coming down the stairs, _"I've called the others. But it's strange, Lumi isn't available."

Wolfie: "Oh, that... he'll turn up in his own time, trust me."

Misty: "What did you do to him?"

Wolfie: "Nothing, for once, it wasn't actually my fault."

Misty: "I'll just take your word for it. So what now?"

Wolfie: "Simple, I just write the..." _DUN DUN DUH! _"… Cathedral of Death out of existence. Of course, that probably won't work, but I'll try it anyway." _Starts typing on his laptop._

Miku: "I hope this won't take long."

Wolfie: "It shouldn't... oh shit!"

Miku: "What?"

Wolfie: _Turning to the others slowly, _"Fanfiction dot net... is down due to a virus... and I think I know what virus..."

Misty: "What do you mean."

_Wolfie turns the screen to show them. A message is displayed._

Message: "Fanfiction is down due to the 'ScrewYouWolfieFromDerrick' virus. We apologise for any inconvenience."

Miku: "So..."

Luka: "...this means..."

Wolfie: "...Derrick is involved again."

Miku: "Oh crap... not again."

* * *

Bis Bald

BW


	19. Worship 2

Worship the Writer! Ch2

Wolfie: "Okay, so... what the f*** are we gonna do now?"

Kaito: "We, since all the rest of us have arrived now, we could launch a full-scale attack."

Wolfie: "Nope, won't work."

Kaito: "And why not?"

Wolfie: "The moment I step outside, I get a rash and collapse, and I can't just type up something to get us out of this situation."

Meiko: "He has a point Kaito, I mean how are you going to fight his worshippers?"

Kaito: "Um... I could... er..."

Meiko: "Precisely."

Kaito: _Pointing to Wolfie, _"Well at the moment I'm more useful than him."

Wolfie: "Really? So you're going to call down a missile strike on the..." _DUN DUN DUH! _"...Cathedral of Death are you?"

Kaito: "You're going to call down a missile strike?"

Wolfie: "No, but suppose I were..."

Miku: "Wolfie, that has nothing to do with the current situation."

Wolfie: "True, but everybody thought it did."

Miku: "I suppose... sort of..."

Luka: "But that still doesn't help the situation."

Wolfie: "I suppose not, but just remember who created this world in the first place for you to live in and fight over!"

Misty: "You know, that strictly means that this whole mess is your fault."

Wolfie: "Shut up Misty."

Miku: "Now that is a valid point of yours Wolfie."

Wolfie: "Thank you."

Gakupo: "So what's the plan?"

Miku: "Plan? You think we have a plan? I was hoping somebody would turn up and tell us what to do like last time."

Meiko: "Sorry, I don't know about any more keys to other (un)helpful entities."

Miku: "Well this time, we know where we've got to go anyway, so why don't we just go and blow it up with that dose of awesome that we've been saving since last story."

Wolfie: "You know, this is the point when somebody tells you exactly why that won't work, so here I go: that won't work!"

Miku: "Why?"

Wolfie: "Think about it, blowing the place up would just make it into a holy site to visit, and killing the people there would make them martyrs. Religion proves it is possible to gain more from failure than from success."

Miku: "So what do we do?"

Wolfie: "I would say discredit them, but when did that ever work against a religion? Also, I'd be trying to argue that I don't exist. So instead, we need to work out what their motives are, and then dissuade them from their current course of action, and try to channel their beliefs into something different, so as to enable me to move freely and continue our next stage of operations."

Miku: "In plain English?"

Wolfie: "Find out why they're doing this, stop them, and then work out what to do after that."

Miku: "Sounds simple enough."

Wolfie: "Yeah... Misty, why have all my plans suddenly become so sensible and simple?"

Misty: "Because you've realised that plans with too much flourish don't usually work, and so you should stick to making the plan as simple as you can."

Wolfie: "Yeah, that'd be it."

Miku: "So... we just go up to them and ask them why they've suddenly started worshipping you?"

Wolfie: "Basically, yes."

Miku: "So, are we all going?"

Wolfie: "Yeah... oh and make sure that Misty goes with you."

Misty: "Why me?"

Wolfie: "Remember what I said about turning their beliefs elsewhere?"

Misty: "You don't mean... ah, I get you!"

Miku: "I would ask, but after knowing you two for this long, I think it'd be better just to go with the flow and how it all works out in the end."

Misty: "Don't worry, now, into the plot hole!"

* * *

Miku: "Misty, I thought you were going to take us straight to the..." _DUN _"...Cathedral."

Misty: "Remember the..." _DUN DUH! _"...'of Death' part."

Miku: "My point still stands."

Misty: "Well I'm sorry if I couldn't find a plot hole near enough to it for you, but Wolfie's been rather careful with the plot holes recently, after Y.O.F.A.G. developed Phateds."

Miku: "Still, you got us out the front gate of our mansion! How the heck is that the nearest plot hole to the..." _DUN _"...Cathedral."

Misty: _DUN DUH! _"…of Death."

Miku: "There's a reason I stopped saying the full name, it cuts down on the 'DUN's and the 'DUH's"

Misty: "Shouldn't that be 'DUH!'s"

Miku: "Does my face look bovered?"

Misty: "Yes actually."

Miku: "Then go screw yourself with a cathedral."

Misty: "I've already got that down for Friday lunchtime."

Miku: "Guys, help!"

Luka: "Misty, one simple question: why?"

Misty: "I would like to answer your question with a question: why not?"

Luka: "Because shoving a cathedral up any of your orifices would likely cause you severe pain, and probably some lasting damage."

Misty: "I hadn't thought of it like that before."

Chewy: "Misty, what's an orifice?"

Misty: "I'll tell you when you're 15."

Chewy: "I'm 16."

Misty: "Oh... er..."

Miku: "Tell me again, why did we bring him?"

Luka: "Do you want this torture to be inflicted upon Wolfie while he's sick?"

Miku: "True... but why did anybody call him in the first place?"

Misty: "Wolfie told me to call everybody."

Miku: "Yeah, but it's not like you called Derrick over is it?"

Misty: "Er... well..."

Miku: "You didn't...did you?"

Misty: "Well... suppose I told you I had... what would you do to me?

Miku: "Beat the crap out of you with my leek, then rush back to help Wolfie."

Misty: "Ah..."

Luka: "Don't worry, I'm sure Wolfie'll be fine."

Miku: "What makes you say that?"

Luka: "That." _Points to the figure of Derrick flying past them away from the mansion, while frozen solid, with a spear in his chest._

Miku: "I just hope Wolfie remembers to clean his spear. If he doesn't, I end up cleaning it."

Luka: "Is it hard?"

Miku: "Very hard, and there's usually a ton of liquid on the tip, and I have to rub it down."

Luka: "Has he ever stuck it in you?"

Miku: "Are we talking about the same thing?"

Luka: "What were you talking about?"

Miku: "His spear."

Luka: "I was talking about his spear too."

Miku: "I think we're still talking at cross-purposes, and how come you're the one thinking all the dirty stuff for once?"

Luka: "Change of pace I suppose."

Gakupo: "That's what you said last time we..." _Stops talking when a tuna hits him in the face._

Luka: _Retrieving her tuna, _"Anyway... where were we?"

Miku: "About halfway to the place that I'm not even going to start saying the name of..."

Rin: "You mean the..." _DUN DUN DUH! _"…Cathedral of Death?"

Miku: _Sighing, _"Yes, yes... there..."

Len: "Where sorry? The..." _DUN DUN DUH! _"...Cathedral of Death?"

Miku: "Yes..."

Misty: "Remind me why are we going there again?"

Luka: "Where?"

Misty: "The..." _DUN DUN DUH! _"…Cathedral of Death."

Miku: "YES! OKAY WE'RE GOING TO THE F***ING..." _DUN DUN F*** DUH!_ "...CATHEDRAL OF F***ING DEATH! CAN YOU GET OVER THAT NOW, PLEASE?"

Luka: "Sorry, I didn't catch that, can you be a little quieter?"

Miku: "You heard me perfectly the first time."

Luka: "Yeah, but it's funny when you get angry."

Voice of Wolfie: "So long as it's not towards you, if it is then it's not funny."

Luka: "Where's your voice coming from this time Wolfie?"

VoW: "Oh, nowhere in particular."

Luka: "Oh... fine."

Miku: "Right... can we go kill something now? Please!"

Misty: "I suppose so... ah here we are."

_The party had at last arrived at the DUN..._

Miku: "DON'T YOU F***ING DARE!"

_...Cathedral of Death._

Miku: "Better."

* * *

Wolfie: "And now for some self-advertising!"

Miku: "Wahoo!"

Wolfie: "So... Misty..."

Misty: "Yes."

Wolfie: "Have you ever wanted to read all of the stories in the general 'Writer' (dis)continuity?"

Misty: "Not really no."

Wolfie: "But suppose you did, what would you do?"

Misty: "Go to your profile, and look for your crackfics."

Wolfie: "But suppose you wanted an easy way to do it, especially bearing in mind that other writers might start writing in my continuity."

Misty: "I dunno then."

Wolfie: "Well now there's a simple solution to your problems! Go into my profile, and click the 'Communities' button. There you'll find the 'Writer's World' community. That's the place where you'll find all of the stories for the Writer, and any in the same continuity."

Misty: "So... has anybody apart from you written any for it yet?"

Wolfie: "No, but Lumi said he would."

Misty: "Oh goody."

Wolfie: "Anyway, self-advertising over!"

Bis Bald

BW


	20. Worship 3

Worship the Writer! Ch3

_Within the Cathedral of Death, ('DUN DUN DUH!'s having been removed by a rather angry Miku), Bob, leader of the Cult of the Blue Wolf, and Derrick, former Queen of Yaoi, discuss their evil plans._

Bob: "So, you tried to attack Wolfie head-on?"

Derrick: "Yes, well he's supposed to be weakened, but according to the spear to the face that I received, that's not quite the case."

Bob: "Yeah, well we have received information that he has built up a religion-resistor into the mansion he and Hatsune share, so he is currently untouchable. As soon as he steps outside however, he gets a rash that's larger and redder than Miku's hair in the 'Parade of Liars' artwork."

Derrick: "Is 'redder' a word?"

Bob: "According to spellcheck, yes it is. But according to spellcheck, 'spellcheck' isn't a word."

Derrick: "Oh, good good."

Bob: "Anyway, so how exactly did you escape at the end of the last story?"

Derrick: "Oh, Wolfie failed to cut my phated more than a minor scrape, and I managed to activate it just before it froze up, so once it unfroze I teleported away. Unfortunately, I then died, so far as a PC can die in this f***ed up world."

Bob: "Yeah... this does beg the question how in fiction do we hope to beat Wolfie permanently if he'll just regenerate later, and more angry?"

Derrick: "I don't give the orders, I just follow them."

Bob: "Oh yeah, that reminds me, how the hell did you create a virus that took down the whole of the FanFiction site?"

Derrick: "That? In real life, I'm a computer programmer."

Bob: "Really? Then why didn't you just hack Wolfie's account?"

Derrick: "Programmer, not hacker, there's a major difference. You need all kinds of expensive equipment to hack effectively."

Bob: "But couldn't the master have just bought it for you?"

Derrick: "As I said, I don't give the orders, I just follow them."

Bob: "You were giving the orders for most of the last story."

Derrick: "Yes, but that's because Mr Big Bad hadn't been revealed. Why do you think I became gradually more deranged as time went on? He was getting more desperate, and giving me weirder orders... or maybe he hadn't had his daily dose of YouTube dislikes."

Bob: "Fair point. But be careful, or you'll give away his identity."

Derrick: "Anyway... so what are we going to do now?"

Bob: "I dunno, I was just going to sit around making more fanatics for Wolfie, and you can... provide some of them with Yaoi."

Derrick: "No can do I'm afraid. Becks changed the password on the Yaoi Monarchy's Yaoi4U account, so I can't access it any more, and spend the Y.O.F.A.G. Union's money on it."

Bob: "That's a point, are you actually a yaoi fangirl?"

Derrick: "Yaoi fan, yes. Girl, maybe."

Bob: "Right... I won't ask."

Derrick: "What? I'm just this story's androgynous character."

Bob: "So basically you're an evil rip-off of V from Order of the Stick?"

Derrick: "FEAR MY ULTIMATE YAOI POWERS!"

Bob: "...As I was saying..."

* * *

Miku: "So... having stood here for however long waiting for Wolfie to update, we can finally move on."

Misty: "What? Are you thinking we should just charge in and kill anybody unlucky enough to get in our way?"

Miku: "Basically, yes."

Luka: "We discussed this last chapter, that'd just make them martyrs."

Miku: "Damnit."

Misty: "So... somebody has to go in and pretend to be one of them."

Kaito: "But who?"

_Everybody looks pensive for a moment, but the Miku looks up, a smirk on her face._

Miku: "Kaito..."

Kaito: "Yes."

Miku: "You know how much you like Wolfie..."

Kaito: _Eyes full of fear as everybody looks round at him, _"No... No... NO!"

* * *

Kaito: "Why... did it have to be this way?" _Kaito's hair has been cut into the shape of a wolf, and has on a t-shirt with 'Praise the Wolfster!' on it. _

Miku: "Right, you know what to do?"

Kaito: "Yeah... yeah... I know.."

Miku: "Good, now go!"

Kaito: "Okay, okay..."

_Miku and the others roll for hide in plain sight, and somehow all pass. How they manage that in an open field, with two guards nearby, I don't know, so stop asking. Kaito starts walking towards the Cathedral. At the gates, he encounters two fanatics._

Fanatic1: "Halt! Who goes there?"

Kaito: "Oh, I'm Kai... Kairo, a fellow subject of his holiness the Wolf."

Fanatic2: "Oh... that's all right then, in you go."

Kaito/ro: "What? You're just going to let me in?"

F1: "Yeah, sure, as long as you worship Wolfie, which you clearly do."

Kaito: "Um... fine then." _Walks through the gate._

_In the distance._

Luka: "I can't believe that worked."

Miku: "I'm not sure what's more worrying, the fact that Kaito was somehow clever enough to outwit those guards, or that those guards were stupid enough to be outwitted by Kaito."

Meiko: "Don't worry about it Miku, it makes everybody's brain hurt."

Luka: "Shouldn't you be sticking up for your boyfriend?"

Meiko: "If I wanted brains in a guy, I'd be hard-pressed to find one. I just like him for his full-round-attack actions with his huge sword."

Misty: "Hey, I resent that, I have brains."

Miku: "So does Wolfie."

Meiko: "Wolfie is taken, and Misty, you come with certain... luggage."

Misty: "What luggage?"

Chewy: "Misty, what does 'full-round-attack action' mean?"

_Awkward silence._

Misty: "I retract my previous question."

* * *

_Back with Kaito... or should that be Kairo?_

Kaito: "What the heck is going on here?"

Fanatic Girl: _On a stage surrounded by countless other fanatics,_ "The World is Mine, yes I'm the princess number one!"

Kaito: "What the heck is going on here?"

Wolfie: "You just said that."

Kaito: "Yeah I know, but my question still stands."

Wolfie: "Is that all you're going to ask me?"

Kaito: "Why, what else were you expecting me to ask?"

Wolfie: "How I got here, maybe."

Kaito: "Yes, but you always turn up in places where you shouldn't be, and always explain it in some ridiculous way that only just makes sense, so I've stopped wondering."

Wolfie: "Ah... fair point, but if you're interested, I'm just a voice in your head."

Kaito: "Really?"

Wolfie: "No, not really, I'm actually talking to you through the radio I wrote onto all of you after the last story in case of emergency."

Kaito: "So you've heard everything we've done since then?"

Wolfie: "Goodness no, I've had them turned off for the most part, do you really think I want to listen to you and Meiko *censored*? Or Rin and Len? Or indeed Misty and Lumi?"

Kaito: "Fair point... so what the heck is going on here?"

Wolfie: "Isn't it obvious? These are Miku's fandubbers."

Kaito: "Good god..."

Wolfie: "Precisely, and it gets worse. These are the ones that got rejected from Nico Nico."

Kaito: "So you mean..."

Wolfie: "Yeah, these are the ones who are, for want of a politer way of putting it, complete carp."

Kaito: "Don't you mean crap?"

Wolfie: "Sorry, typo, but how many of you had(dock) noticed it before Kaito pointed it out, eh? That put you in your plaice."

Kaito: "Who are you talking to now? And why the fishy puns?"

Wolfie: "Just my readership, don't worry, and the fish puns? Because they just jumped at me, so I had to."

Kaito: "Ri~ght. So... what do I do now?"

Wolfie: "Well, I'd say now is about the time that..."

Fanatic in a suit: "You! Yes, you! The one with the wolf hair."

Kaito: _Realising that they mean him, _"Oh... yes?"

Fias: "You're up next to sing."

Kaito: "Er... what?"

Fias: "I said..."

Kaito: "No, I know what you said, but shouldn't the 's' in Fias be capitalised."

Fias: "No, 'Fias' is my name."

Kaito: "Ah, sorry... wait, I've got to sing?"

Fias: "Yes, you do."

Kaito: "O...okay..."

Wolfie: _Whispering, _"Don't screw this up Kaito."

Kaito: "Don't worry, I won't...

_Two minutes later._

Kaito: _Running from a hoard of Fanatics _"Well how was I supposed to know they didn't like Cantarella?"

Wolfie: "You know, given these are my worshippers, and thus MeXMiku fans, you could've guessed. Also, you sang better than any Nico reject, so they want to kill you, it's natural. Also, what happened last time you sang it?"

Kaito: "Fair point. Well now what do I do?"

Wolfie: "You still have the microphone?"

Kaito: "Yeah."

Wolfie: "Hold it to your throat, that's where my radio is."

Kaito: "What are you going to do."

Wolfie: "You'll see."

_Kaito does as bid, and puts the microphone to his throat._

Wolfie: _Through microphone, _"MY SERVANTS, I, WOLFIE-SAMA, HAVE COME TO GIVE YOU A MESSAGE!"

Kaito: "This won't work..."

Fanatics: "Lord Wolfie-kami-sama, what is your divine message?"

Kaito: "… I don't believe this..."

* * *

Wolfie: "Time for more self-advertising!"

Miku: "Wahoo!"

Wolfie: "So, Misty, have you ever wanted to read about our adventures with Vocaloids in a serious context?"

Misty: "Not especially."

Wolfie: "Yes you have!"

Misty: "You can't prove that!"

Wolfie: "Maybe not, but you know it to be true!"

Misty: "Okay, *sigh* yes I have..."

Wolfie: "Well, now you can! In my new and serious story, 'The Last Page,' available now from all good Der Blaue Wolf profiles on FanFiction!"

Misty: "You mean, it can be reached from you profile."

Wolfie: "Yes."

Misty: "Then why didn't you say that?"

Wolfie: "Because, at the risk of sounding cliché, shut up."

Misty: "But you've already said that once in this story."

Wolfie: "That was a 'yes but shut up' in chapter 2, and that is why I said 'at the risk of being cliché.'"

Misty: "You just want to make that you and Miku's catchphrase."

Wolfie: "Well it already is, so there. Anyways, so yeah, if you like my characters, then at least some of them will turn up in 'The Last Page.' Probably not Derrick, but you never know."

Misty: "Have you finished the self-advertising now?"

Wolfie: "At the risk of sounding cliché, yes."

Bis Bald

BW


	21. Worship 4

Worship the Writer! Ch4

Miku: "Look, Kaito's back."

Luka: "So how did it go?"

Kaito: "I... have no idea. I've tried to wipe that experience from my mind. I don't even know how I got back here. Last thing I remember is Wolfie being ready to give a 'divine message.'"

Miku: "What? How?"

Kaito: "Via a microphone located on my throat apparently."

Luka: "Why was there...?"

Kaito: "Don't ask."

Meiko: "Does that mean he heard...?"

Kaito: "No, he had them turned off."

Miku: "Them?"

Kaito: "He wrote one onto all of in case of an emergency."

Miku: "So my husubandu has bugged us all?"

Misty: "He's always bugging me."

Miku: "Shut up Misty."

Luka: "I knew he was as paranoid as..."

Miku: "Don't do another comparison, it didn't work last time."

Luka: "Okay, he's super paranoid, but I didn't think he was _that_ paranoid."

Miku: "Really? I'm not surprised really. Well actually I am, I'm just surprised he didn't attach yaoi-sensors to us all."

Misty: "But then you'd have your gaydar going off whenever you went near me."

Miku: "Point, but I thought I told you to shut up."

Misty: "You didn't pass your diplomacy check."

Miku: "It was an intimidate check, and yes I did."

Misty: "Hang on, 15+5+13=33. My DC is 32... ah, okay you wi..." _Suddenly goes mute._

Miku: "Better."

Luka: "Haven't we slightly overdone the D&D references?"

Miku: "Maybe, but they're easy to throw into just about every situation we end up in."

Luka: "Why don't we try to go a whole chapter without making them."

Miku: "But that will involve making will checks against the temptation to make them, but then we have to take a will check to stop ourselves making the will check reference, and then..."

Luka: "Okay, we get the idea."

Kaito: "How did you just waste over 100 more words on more D&D?"

Miku: "Because the plot progression in this is complete shit, thanks largely to Wolfie not pre-planning what's going to happen in the story."

Kaito: "That might explain it."

Miku: "So... did you find anything out in there?"

Kaito: "Well, I found out that the majority of the people worshipping Wolfie are Nico Nico rejects."

Miku: "Nico Nico rejects?"

Kaito: "Yeah. Do you have an idea?"

Miku: "Yes actually. Misty, do you have your laptop?"

Misty: "…"

Miku: "You can speak now."

Misty: "Yes I do."

Miku: "I need you to go onto Nico's site, and start downloading as many of their songs as you can."

Luka: "Oh dear..."

* * *

Fanatic1: _Among a large group of fanatics all with TVs,_ "Wow, that divine message telling us to stop singing was really an eye-opener. I mean if I hadn't heard that, I might have wasted my life singing when I should be doing the Wolf's bidding."

Fanatic2: "I know, I'm so glad that the lord gave us a new aim in life."

Fanatic1: "So... let us continue."

_Fanatic2 presses a button on his controller, and they both prepare to play. The title 'Tales of Symphonia' comes up on the screen._

F2: "So... this should only take 80 hours according to the box."

F1: "I heard the lord and a friend of his managed to play through in 14 hours."

F2: "The lord is truly praiseworthy!"

F1: "So... here we go."

_F2 selects 'start game.'_

Voice of Kratos: "Once upon a time, there existed a giant tree..."

F1: "Wow, this is awesome already!"

Miku: _Bursting into the cathedral, _"STOP EVERYTHING!"

F2: "Hang on, let the man finish his speach."

Miku: "Oh... okay..."

Kratos: "...and that marked the beginning of the regeneration of the world."

F2: "Okay, continue."

Miku: "Okay... STOP EVERYTHING!"

F1: "Why, oh great wife of God?"

Miku: "Because, I have an important message! Misty!"

Misty: "Okay... here we go."

_Misty hits 'enter' on his laptop._

Laptop: "I... just wasted... ten seconds of you life."

Misty: "Oops.. wrong set of tracks... hang on... right, here we go!"

_Misty hits 'enter' again._

Laptop: "Watashi wa koi wo..."

F1: "What? That's... NICO NICO?"

Miku: "Yes, oh, and guess who found the input for your speaker system? LUKA!"

Luka: "Okay!" _Puts a cable into the speakers' control._

Speakers: "Papa to Mama ni oyasumi nasai..."

Fanatics: "NO~!"

Miku: "Yes!"

Bob: _Running into the room, _"What is this?"

Miku: "By the decree of Wolfie, this set of music is to be played thrice each day in order to praise him!"

Fanatic1: "I refuse!"

Miku: "Oh, we have _I Refuse_ on here as well."

F1: "NO!"

Bob: "My fellows... I apologise..."

Fanatic2: "Father Bob?"

Bob: "I believed that Wolfie cared for us, his flock, but it seems he's a traitor to our feelings of reverence. We must seek him out, and slay the false god!"

Fanatics: "HAI!"

Bob: "And first, we must slay the whore with whom he lies!"

Miku: "Do you know how big a mistake you just made?"

Bob: "What?"

Miku: "First, now that you aren't worshipping Wolfie, he can leave the mansion. Second, you just called me a whore."

Bob: "So?"

Wolfie: "NOBODY CALLS MY MIKU A WHORE!" _Bursts through the ceiling cutting it apart with his sword, _"At least, nobody has and lived!"

Bob: "F***... FANATICS, CHARGE!"

Fanatics: "FOR... um..."

Fanatic1: "What exactly are we fighting for again?"

Fanatic2: "Um... great justice?"

Bob: "Me of course!"

F1: "But why should we get our asses handed to us for you?"

Bob: "Because... um... er... I'll show you a new path."

F1: "But you got it wrong first time."

Bob: "Er... well you feel betrayed by Wolfie right? In my next religion, he can be the devil."

F2: "Sounds good by me."

F1: "Yeah... but still, what exactly are we fighting for?"

Bob: "The Big Bad!"

F1: "Odd name for a god, but okay."

Fanatics: "FOR THE BIG BAD!" _Rush at Miku and Co._

Miku: "This'll get hairy."

Misty: _His bow extending from his bracelet, _"You know, it's far too early for our final battle, what in Fiction is going on here?"

Miku: "I dunno... Black Rock Shooter!"_ The huge gun materialises on her arm, _"Rin! Back up!"

_The roadroller bursts through the the wall, Rin laughing maniacally from the top, while Len tries to hold on._

Misty: "Did you know this would happen or something?"

Miku: "I just came prepared."

Luka: "Ri~ght, you were hoping for this weren't you?"

Miku: "Perhaps, now let's go!"

_Over near the altar._

Wolfie: "So, Bob, you work for the Big Bad eh?"

Bob: "Yes! Of course I do! The whole religion thing was to weaken you and then take you down. I didn't expect you to have built a religion-resistor in your mansion."

Wolfie: "Well I conveniently did so. I'm surprised I actually had the luck that my paranoia paid off for once."

Bob: "Anyway... so you're going to attack an unarmed man?"

Wolfie: "No, because you aren't actually unarmed are you?"

Bob: "Okay, you got me." _Pulls out a shotgun, _"You know, guns are so much better than swords."

Wolfie: "True..." _His blade transforms into an assault rifle, _"You have a point."

Bob: "F*** YOU!" _Points his gun at Wolfie and pulls the trigger._

Bis Bald

BW


	22. Worship 5

Worship the Writer! (Name now subject to change) Ch5

_Within the Cathedral of Death,Miku and her friends fight a hoard of Nico-Nico-rejects-come-fanatics._

Miku: _Shooting through a group of fanatics_ "Damn this is fun."

Luka: "Aren't you meant to be the naïve a sweet one of us? Why do you like fighting so much?"

Miku: "Wolfie based my personality off the 'World is Mine' persona."

Misty: "Or as Isometimes call it, the WiMp. Great acronym, isn't it?"

Luka: "We~ll..." _Glances nervously at Miku, who has murder in her eyes, whether the fanatics' or Misty's is unclear, _"...it's... original at least."

Miku: "Screw this..." _Speaking in her best Khorne Berserker impression, _"...why aren't we killing yet?"

Luka: "You really ought to stop using references that only a small fraction of the fans of this thing will understand."

Miku: "But if I make enough of them, everybody will feel included because I made a very specific reference that they actually understood."

Luka: "That logic deserves a prize. Whether it's the booby prize or not is still up for questioning."

Miku: "No it's not, is it." _Glares at the readers, who all shiver simultaneously._

_Meanwhile, over by the alter._

Bob: "Die!" _Fires his shotgun at Wolfie._

Wolfie: "No, I don't want to die thanks very much." _Leaps into the air, and fires his assault rifle at Bob, who narrowly dodges._

Bob: "Why won't you frigging die?"

Wolfie: "Do I really have to explain it?"

Bob: "Yes!"

Wolfie: _Sighing, _"Okay... okay..."

_A black board appears behind him, and a piece of chalk starts writing as Wolfie speaks._

Wolfie: "Now, within every story, there are a select group called 'protagonists.' This group is equiped with plot armour, which makes them immune to all lethal damage except for damage from plot-weapons. Plot weapons are usually carried by a second group, the 'antagonists,' but they will likely only affect certain of the protagonists."

_Two stick figures are drawn on the blackboard, one with 'protag' written above his head, the other with 'antag.' The latter is carrying a sword labelled 'plot weapon,' while the other is wearing something labelled 'plot armour.'_

Fanatic: "Die Wolfie!"

Wolfie-sensei: "Quiet down, it's your own time you're wasting."

_Instantly, silence falls, as everybody present takes out an exercise book and a pen, and copies the stuff on the board._

Wolfie: "So, the fact is that I being a protagonist, am equipped with plot armour, but I'm a very special protagonist, with a plot weapon."

Fanatic: _A different one from last time, _"Sensei! What's your plot weapon? Is it your sword?"

Wolfie: "No, it's the blackboard."

_The blackboard suddenly flies at the fanatic and squashes him. All the other fanatics remember exactly why they had been fighting, and jump up to fight the vocaloids again._

Wolfie: "Oh well, it was only going to last so long."

Bob: _Grabbing the blackboard _"But now I have your plot weapon Wolfie!"

Wolfie: "You know, I was kidding when I said the board was my plot weapon. Obviously the ridiculously overpowered Bleach-style katana is my frigging plot weapon!"

Bob: "Oh... so this is just a blackboard."

Wolfie: "Yeah, it's just a high-explosive blackboard, capable of tearing open space-time when it blows up."

Bob: "Oh... WAIT A SECOND!"

Wolfie: "Another joke."

Bob: "Oh, really?"

Wolfie: "No, not really."

_The blackboard explodes._

* * *

Miku: "Okay, where the hell are we?"

Wolfie: "In space, or time?"

Miku: "Both."

Wolfie: "We are currently on the planet Tau, about as far from Earth as we can get, in the year 40999, Tuesday."

Miku: "Why?"

Wolfie: "Because I blew up my explosive time-space-distorting blackboard, which flung us into a different continuity, which has been stuck in 999M41 for the last 20 odd years."

Miku: "Right... that'd explain why I'm in this bulky armour with this weird 'I' round my neck, Luka's got a black stealthsuit (not the mecha type), Rin is in a weird truck with a spikey roller on the front, with Len manning the gun, Gakupo is wielding a glowing sword, Misty is in a battlesuit (this time the mecha kind), Meiko's holding a flamethrower whle wearing similar armour to mine, and Kaito is wearing soldier's fatigues with a pathetic gun worthy of him."

Kaito: "Why do I have to be a conscript?"

Miku: "Shut up, don't talk back to an inquisitor!"

Wolfie: "You know, of all the continuities to end up in, we could have ended up somewhere worse. At least I know the plot of this place."

Voice: "Hello there."

_They all turn to the source of the the voice, and see..._

Luka: "What the hell is a hello kitty doing in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium?"

Wolfie: "Oh no... this... ARGH! IT'S THE HELLO KITTAU!"

Hello Kittau Fire Warrior: "For the greater pocky!"

Wolfie: "WHY? Why did we end up in the 40Cents universe? We need to get out!"

_Miku shakes Wolfie awake from his nightmare. He awakes in his bed back at the mansion._

Miku: "Uh... Wolfie, there aren't any Hello Kittau."

Wolfie: _Groggily _"Eh? Oh, it was a dream... thank goodness."

Miku: "Yeah... you know that exploding blackboard? It kinda completely destroyed the Cathedral of Death, and you were caught in the blast. You kinda... almost died, but thanks to that plot armour, you survived?"

Wolfie: "And the cult?"

Miku: "Well... most of them were killed, but they'll have started to revive by now, and they'll be angry."

Wolfie: "So we have a load of fanatics ready to chase us down and kill us all?"

Miku: "That's about the size of it."

Wolfie: "Then we have to resort to Operation Delta! Assemble everybody!"

_About 2 minute later, downstairs._

Wolfie: "Battle brothers! Vocaloids! The enemy is at our door!"

Miku: "I think we've done enough 40K references for one chapter."

Wolfie: "Okay, so as you know, most of our..."

Miku: "*Glare*"

Wolfie: "…Enemies are going to be coming here soon, to kill us. I have decided that we are to begin Operation Beta!"

Miku: "Wasn't it Delta a minute ago?"

Wolfie: "First, it was at least two minutes ago if you read the time-skip. Second, I changed my mind, Delta's a shit operation."

Kaito: "So, does Delta not involve me being the distraction?"

Wolfie: "No, but all my operations involve that."

Kaito: "Why do you hate me so?"

Wolfie: "Do you really want me to explain that?"

Kaito: "No... I think it'll waste less time if you don't."

Wolfie: "Right, Operation Beta is a simple operation. As we're fighting a group of effective-immortals, there is only one way to win."

Luka: "How?"

Wolfie: "Simple..." _Grins broadly, _"Make 'em rage-quit."

* * *

Bis Bald

BW


	23. Worship 6

Worship the Writer! Ch6

Miku: "You know, that title is becoming gradually more inappropriate."

Wolfie: "Screw it, we're not having a new title until next story arc."

Miku: "Ah well, let's see how long you can squeeze this one out."

Wolfie: "Indeed... so... how are we going to make them rage quit people?"

Len: "We could repeatedly make 'your Mum' jokes at them repeatedly."

Rin: "That'd just be childish and extremely immature."

Kaito: "Isn't that exactly what we need?"

Wolfie: "Kaito, I have standards!"

Meiko: "Well we just need some task that you can't ever complete, right?"

Wolfie: "I suppose... oh... aha!"

Miku: "What is it?"

Wolfie: "I've worked out exactly what to do!"

* * *

_A large group of Nico rejects advances towards the mansion._

Bob: "Come on! The devil's home is near!"

_The group approaches, but they suddenly notice a gaping chasm between them and the mansion. There is a single bridge, old and rickety, and before it stands a single figure._

Figure: "Stop! You who would cross the Bridge of Death, answer me these questions three 'ere the other side ye see!"

First Fanatic: "Ask me the questions bridge keeper, I am not afraid."

Figure: "What is your name?"

First Fanatic: "First Fanatic."

Figure: "What is your quest?"

First Fanatic: "To kill Wolfie!"

Figure: "If a wolf falls at terminal velocity for one mile, and then hits the ground, how far away will the furthest piece of the wolf be?"

First Fanatic: _Thinks for a moment, _"203.48 yards."

Figure: "Very well, off you go."

First Fanatic: "Oh, thank you very much."

_Second Fanatic approaches._

Figure: "What is your name?"

Second Fanatic: "Second Fanatic."

Figure: "What is your quest?"

Second Fanatic: "To kill Wolfie!"

Figure: "What is the size of Wolfie's ego in cubic light years?"

Second Fanatic: "It's over 9000!" _Flies up and falls into the chasm._

Bob: "How was he wrong?"

Figure: "It shrank after he was kidnapped, it's currently only 8999.99 cubic light years in size."

Bob: _Stares at the figure closely, realisation suddenly dawning,_ "Kaito, why are you in disguise as an old man?"

Kaito: "I'm not!" _Flies into the chasm._

Bob: "That was... remarkably easy..."

_The group cross the bridge, and rush forwards, while a well hidden Luka speaks into a radio._

Luka: "This is Pink Tuna. The Cone was strangled by the Black Angel."

Miku: _Through the radio, _"What?"

Luka: _Sighing, _"Don't you remember the codes we discussed?"

Miku: "What codes? It's not like we're going to have somebody tap into this frequency."

Luka: "You can't be too careful."

Miku: "Yes you can actually."

Luka: "Well..."

Miku: "Look, can we just get on with this?"

Luka: "Okay..."

* * *

_Back with the hoard of fanatics. While they are running, four walls suddenly rise up around them. A ceiling appears, and from it hangs..._

GLaDOS: "Welcome gentlemen and ladies."

Bob: "F***! Not her, anybody else, just not her."

GLaDOS: "Would you like some cake?"

_A cake appears in the centre of the room._

Bob: "No!"

GLaDOS: "Ah... what a pity. I'll have to release the deadly deadly neurotoxin then."

Bob: "F***."

GLaDOS: "You have six minutes to escape... then my neurotoxin will be released."

Fanatics: "What?"

Group of Fanatics: "We're not staying for that!" _Log out._

Bob: "No! If we leave now, we won't be able to get Wolfie!"

Fanatic: "If we don't leave, we'll die!"

Bob: "No... there has to be a way out of here..." _Stares at the cake, _"Oh... you didn't... you did not!"

GLaDOS: "What if I did?"

_Bob pushes the cake out of the way, and discovers a tunnel._

Bob: "Quick! Down here!"

_The fanatics follow him, and find their way through the tunnel to the outside again._

GLaDOS: "Ah, such a pity."

* * *

Miku: "How did you persuade GLaDOS to help?"

Wolfie: "She owed me a favour for writing Chell into a different continuity so that they never have to meet each other again."

Miku: "Well, she failed."

Wolfie: "Actually, she was just a second distraction, and some of them logged out."

Miku: "She was a distraction?"

Wolfie: "Yeah."

Miku: "So what is the actual plan?"

Wolfie: "The plan is to take over the entire internet! I plan to start by making a fanfic so popular it gets its own page on TVtropes, and from there, expand into the whole internet!"

Miku: "No, I mean the plan to get rid of the fanatics."

Wolfie: "Oh... well that's pretty simple. You'll see soon enough."

Miku: "What was the plan you thought I meant?"

Wolfie: "My plan for this story."

Miku: "So you're planning to use this story to get a TVtropes page, which you will in turn use to take over the internet?"

Wolfie: "Yes. So readers, if you want me as your lord and master, make me a 'tropes page!"

Miku: "You know, somebody is actually going to do that."

Wolfie: "That's the idea."

Miku: "Oh... shit..."

* * *

_Back with the fanatics._

Bob: "Finally, we're here!"

Fanatics: "YAY!"

Bob: "Now... all we have to do is break in!"

_The group approach the main doors, and a hologram of Wolfie appears._

Wolfie: "Well... you've got here. I'm actually kinda impressed."

Bob: "Save your praises Wolfie! We all can't wait to kill you!"

Wolfie: "Now now, patience is a virtue. Now, I'm going to let you in."

Bob: "What? You'll let us in."

Wolfie: "Yes... under one condition."

Bob: "What?"

Wolfie: "First, you have to win... against my computer."

Bob: "That shouldn't be too hard, what at?"

Wolfie: "Noughts and Crosses."

Bob: _Stunned, _"Sorry... what?"

Wolfie: "You have to beat my computer at Noughts and Crosses."

Bob: "But... that's..."

Wolfie: "Well, you'd better get started." _Disappears._

Bob: "F***..."

* * *

_Several hours later, near the same spot._

Bob: "Another draw... another FRIGGING DRAW!"

Fanatic: "Sir... um... the others have got bored and gone to bed."

Bob: "What does Akita Neru have to do with anything... oh, I see."

Fanatic: "Yeah... shall we... you know..."

Bob: "Leave?"

Fanatic: "Yeah... I mean... this whole story arc has just been one big farce, since Wolfie ran out of ideas around chapter three. I think it's best for all concerned if we just... give it up."

Bob: "You know... you're right." _Starts to walk away from the mansion, _"Say, Fanatic, what's your name?"

Fanatic: "It's Fanny sir."

Bob: "That's not terribly Fanny."

Fanny: "It's a real first name sir!"

Bob: "I know, I jest. So Fanny, you wanna go catch a movie?"

Fanny: "Sure."

_The pair walk off into the sunset._

* * *

Wolfie: "That worked surprisingly well, I even managed to close the story arc."

Miku: "I thought you were going to milk it for all it was worth."

Wolfie: "I was, then I decided not to. Far easier to move onto something fresh."

Miku: "I suppose... does that mean we get to have end-of-story-arc sex again?"

Wolfie: "Sure."

Misty: There's just one thing I've been wondering."

Wolfie: "What?"

Misty: "Where is Lumi?"

_Everybody realises suddenly that he's still missing._

Wolfie: "Oh, well he should turn up any minute..." _A plot hole opens up above them, and Lumi falls through, _"...now."

Lumi: "Wow... that was weird... what story arc are we on at the moment?"

Misty: "We just finished 'Worship.'"

Lumi: "So that means that 'Betray' is next right?"

Misty: "Yes, but we aren't meant to know that yet."

Miku: "What does he mean Wolfie?"

Wolfie: "You'll see... soon enough... Now... I think it's time for a song!"

Misty: "No Wolfie, it really isn't."

Wolfie: "Damn you! Oh well... in that case... Miku, bedroom, three minutes!"

Miku: "I'll be there!" _Dashes upstairs._

Kaito: "...We'll go now."

Meiko: "Kaito, how in fanfiction did you get out of that chasm?"

Kaito: "I'm the comedy-beat-up character. I can survive anything and return in one piece, as long as it's for comedic effect."

Misty: "Anyway, all aboard the plot hole express."

_Everybody apart from Wolfie disappears into a plot hole. Once they are gone, Wolfie pulls out a radio._

Wolfie: "Captain, are you prepared?"

Ominous voice: _From the radio_ "Yes sir!"

Wolfie: "Good, prepare to launch the attack."

Ominous voice: "Of course sir!"

Wolfie: _Putting the radio down_ "Oh... readers, yes, that was a plot point just there. Don't worry though, I won't spoil you... too much... now... bye."

Auf Wiedersehen

BW

Miku: "WOLFIE! Hurry up!"

Wolfie: "Coming darling!"

_Worship the Writer: Fin_

_Watch out for: Betray the Writer._

_When Miku learns that Wolfie is serious about his plans to take over the internet, she is forced to try to stop him. But is it already too late?_

_Out: Once Wolfie can be bothered._


	24. Side Story: Proposal

Side Story: Proposal of the Writer

_After a short jump through a TARDIS (Time and Relative Dickishness in Stories) we find ourselves five months in the past, in Wolfie's mansion. Wolfie is pacing around the study, while Misty sits exasperated on a rather comfortable looking chair._

Misty: "For goodness' sake!"

Wolfie: "This is an important matter Mist!"

Misty: "Urgh... don't call me 'Mist,' it sounds weird in this continuity."

Wolfie: "So~rry."

Misty: "Regardless, you are having trouble trying to decide how to ask a fictitious character to marry you? I mean, don't you find that a little bit weird?"

Wolfie: "When did I last do something normal?"

Misty: "Fair enough. But still, even for you, this is exceptionally weird."

Wolfie: "Really?"

Misty: "Really!"

Wolfie: "This isn't a Shuffle! sequel you know."

Misty: "What?"

Wolfie: "Never mind."

Misty: "Anyway, given you are the closest thing to God in this fiction zone, I'm sure you'll be fine."

Wolfie: "But forcing her to become mai waifu would be unethical."

Misty: "And?"

Wolfie: "It wouldn't be right."

Misty: "So?"

Wolfie: "How come I'm being the (vaguely) moralistic and upstanding one of us, and you're being the total bastard?"

Misty: "I dunno, I felt like a change of pace."

Wolfie: "Hm... that's a good line, I'll have to use that some time, maybe get Luka to say it when she has dirty thoughts instead of Miku."

Misty: "Stop it with the predicting the future because it's already happened."

Wolfie: "But it clearly says at the top of the page that this is five months ago."

Misty: "Yes, but that's no excuse to... you know what, screw it."

Wolfie: "It's a pity I couldn't actually have seen the future, then I wouldn't be going to have written 'Worship,' that will have been an awful waste of time."

Misty: "Yeah, but you still are going to... as it were... this is confusing..."

Wolfie: "How about we stick to the present."

Misty: "Yeah, before the readers realize that the continuity has looped, because you should know that Miku's going to marry you in the end, so you shouldn't be worrying about it..."

Wolfie: "Yeah... before any of them realize that..."

Misty: "Yeah... so anyway, why don't you just go and ask her?"

Wolfie: "Because the way you do it is really important. You have to make sure everything is just right!"

Misty: "Yeah, and you can just do that with a few taps on your keyboard."

Wolfie: "That's not the point!"

Misty: "That is exactly the point!"

Wolfie: "No it's... urgh, never mind!" _Storms out of the room._

* * *

_Some time later, in a pub that would be familiar to anybody who read 'First Meeting of the Writer.'_

Meiko: "So you're going to pop the question?"

Wolfie: "Remind me why I told my plans for the future of my romantic life to the perpetually drunk owner of the bar where the subject of my romance sings?"

Meiko: "'Cause you're desperate, and are about five over the eight."

Wolfie: _Sipping his twelfth vodka and coke, _"Oh yeah."

Miku: _Entering the pub, and walking up to the bar,_ "Hey Meiko, Wolfie! What's up?"

Meiko: "Oh, well Wolfie was just telling me his plans to..." _Suddenly become mute._

Miku: "To what sorry?"

Meiko: "…"

Miku: "Wolfie, what did you do to her?"

Wolfie: _Hiding his laptop, _"Nothing... I promise."

Meiko: "*Glare*"

Wolfie: "What? 'I' didn't do anything. It was my laptop!"

Miku: "He has a point Meiko, so suck on it."

_Meiko by this point is extremely pissed (in more senses than one) and leaves the two alone._

Miku: "So what was she going to say?"

Wolfie: _Blushing slightly, _"Oh... nothing important."

Miku: "What were you planning? Come on, you can tell me."

Wolfie: "It's really nothing."

Miku: "Can't you tell your girlufuriendu?"

Wolfie: "That was a disgusting waifuisation."

Miku: "Waifuisation?"

Wolfie: "Yes."

Miku: "What does that mean?"

Wolfie: "It means that Wolfie's making up words again!"

Miku: _Laughing a little, _"You know, considering you're supposed to be drunk, you are surprisingly coherent."

Wolfie: "You said that the first time we met."

Miku: "Did I? I don't remember much about it... except that when we woke up we..."

Wolfie: "Yes, I know!"

Miku: "...the bin and then we..."

Wolfie: "Please, that was the most embarrassing moment of my life..." _Thinks for a moment, _"Okay... the most embarrassing moment of that month... possibly... if you discount... no I won't go there."

Miku: "That's usually a good plan. So what were you planning that you can't tell your girlfriend?"

Wolfie: "I can't tell you."

Miku: "Why not?"

Wolfie: "You said it yourself, I can't tell my girlfriend."

Miku: "Then if I break up with you, will you tell me?"

Wolfie: "No, 'cause then the entire plan is void."

Miku: "So I just need to wait for you to put your plan into action?"

Wolfie: "Yeah."

Miku: "When'll that be?"

Wolfie: "By the end of this chapter... so not much longer."

Miku: "Oh... cool..."

_The pair sit there and just stare into space for a while._

Miku: "Why aren't we doing anything?"

Wolfie: "Cause I'm trying to use up words here, we're only on 862."

Miku: "Oh... well... um... we could..."

Wolfie: "Ah... to hell with this! Miku!"

Miku: _Surprised by Wolfie's sudden change of tone, _"Y-yes?"

Wolfie: _Getting down on one knee in front of Miku, _"Miku Hatsune... will you do me the honour of becoming mai waifu?" _Produces a ring, designed to look like a spring onion/leek coiled round on itself._

Miku: _Her face turning red, _"W-Wolfie..." _Swallows hard, _"That... was the worst proposal ever!"

Wolfie: "Eh?"

Miku: "You proposed while three quarters of the way to unconscious from alcohol, in the middle of a pub. No build up, no romanticism, nothing!"

Wolfie: "M-Miku... I-I... I'm sorry... I..."

Miku: "Yes."

Wolfie: "Eh?"

Miku: "I'll be your waifu."

Wolfie: "Really? I'm not dreaming?"

Miku: "Well some people might call the self-delusion you currently exist in, where I exist and am capable of marrying you, a dream, but I don't, so no, you aren't dreaming."

Wolfie: "Miku..." _Standing up and taking Miku's hand to slip the ring on, _"I love you Miku..."

Miku: "I love you too Wolfie..." _They close together, lips inches apart._

Lumi: "I win £30."

Misty: "Damn you!"

Wolfie and Miku: _Turning to see Misty handing money over to Lumi, _"EH!"

Misty: "Oh, we just took a little bet on whether Miku'd reject Wolfie the first time. I lost 30 quid 'cause I thought you would."

Lumi: "Chewy would've won £50 from each of us if you hit him with your spring onion."

Chewy: "Oh well, I only lose £30."

Wolfie: _A slightly demented and creepy smile playing on his face_ "Miku darling..."

Miku: _The same smile appearing on her face_ "Yes sweetie."

Wolfie: "Who do you want to kill first?"

Miku: "I'll take Lumi if you don't mind."

Wolfie: _His sword materialising, _"Okay, I'll take Misty."

Misty: "Oh shit..."

_Several seconds, and some gross violence later._

Wolfie: _Sitting on Misty's bloodied body._"Ah... that was satisfying."

Miku: _Standing on Lumi, while stuffing a furball down Chewy's throat, _"I know just what you mean."

Wolfie: "Come here sweetie."

Miku: _Leaning closer to Wolfie, then smelling the alcohol fumes in his breath, _"Darling, I hope you won't take this the wrong way... but..." _Takes out her spring onion, _"…your breath stinks."

Wolfie: "Damn..." _Narrowly dodges Miku's attack, and runs out of the building, Miku chasing after him into the night._

* * *

_Present_

Chewy: "So that's why I couldn't speak for most of 'Save.'"

Miku: "Yeah, it was wonderful."

Chewy: "What do you mean?"

Wolfie: "Never mind."

Misty: "You got a kind treatment, I was frozen for about a week."

Lumi: "He was frozen that day!"

Wolfie: "Doesn't work Lumi."

Lumi: "Oh well."

Kaito: "Why wasn't I in the story."

Wolfie: "Cause I hate you. That do?"

Kaito: "Yes actually."

Luka: "I only got a mention as well."

Wolfie: "That's 'cause you were busy *censored* with Gakupo."

Luka: "Oh yeah..."

Rin: "What about me and Len?"

Wolfie: "You were *censored* with each other, obviously."

Len: "He's right Rin."

Rin: "Um... yeah, he probably is... we do *censored* a lot."

Wolfie: "Anyways... that's it for the moment."

Miku: "See ya readers!"

Wolfie: "Indeed..."

Bis Bald

BW


	25. Betray 1

Betray the Writer, Ch1

_Within her lair, Neru Akita the (part-time) server-mistress watches the internet around her. Not very attentively it has to be said, as she was texting some of her friends to organise a trip at the weekend._

Neru: "Ah... this job is amazing. All I have to do is sit here and makes sure the internet doesn't collapse around me any more than normal. I hardly need to do anything. I mean, it's not like anything big is going to happen..." _Thinks about what she just said, then sighs, _"Me and my big mouth..."

_A large objects breaks through the side of her office. The object looks like a giant purple...thing. Like... a space pod, with large side hatches is I suppose the best way of explaining it. The hatches open up, by slamming down to the ground, and out of it step ten men, in ridiculously large suits of futuristic armour, with over-sized shoulder-pads. One is clearly a leader._

Sergeant: "Men! Forwards!" _Looks at where Neru is sat dazed, staring at them._

Neru: "Why did you just drop though my ceiling?"

Sergeant: "Oh, we're here to take over this area. Sorry, but you're getting kicked out." _Takes her, and literally kicks her out. She flies out several hundred miles, through some ridiculous means._

* * *

_Meanwhile, just outside Miku and Wolfie's mansion._

Miku: "Thank god that story arc is over. I mean that was just painful."

Luka: "What story arc?"

Miku: "Worship."

Luka: "I thought we all agreed never to mention that story arc ever again. It was just an embarrassment."

Miku: "Oh... true..." _Neru crashes into her._

Luka: "Neru? What are you doing here?"

Miku: "And would you watch where you're flying in future?"

Neru: "There's no time for jokes! These crazy guys in big suits of space-armour just attack my office!"

Miku: "So somebody just attacked the main internet server?"

Neru: "Yes!"

Miku: "So... what the heck are we meant to do?"

Neru: "Save it!"

Miku: _Sighing, _"Okay... we'll help."

* * *

_Sometime later, at the Gate of Fandom._

Rin: "Wow, that bitchy key is still there, and that thing still hasn't run out of battery."

Miku: "How long is it since you put her there?"

Rin: "Must be a few months at least."

Miku: "Oh dear..."

Luka: "She's been there all this time?"

Kaito: "That would explain the massive wet patch under her..."

Miku: "Too much information Kaito!"

Neru: "Come on!"

Misty: "We're still waiting for Wolfie."

Neru: "Screw Wolfie! Let's get going!"

Miku: "Hey! Only I can screw Wolfie!"

Neru: "That's not what I meant."

Miku: "I know, that's why I said it."

Misty: "Regardless, maybe we should just go, those people aren't just going to sit around and wait to be attacked. Well, given this is fiction, they probably will, but let's go anyway."

Miku: _Sighing, _"Okay..."

_The group advance to where the central server is located. When they get there, they see the building badly damaged, and surrounded by the soldiers that attacked earlier._

Lumi: "Why are there Space Marines (copyright Games Workshop, which we don't own, so don't f'ing sue us GW)?"

Misty: "Why are there Terrans?"

Lumi: "They are clearly Marines."

Misty: "Yes, Terran Marines."

Lumi: "This isn't damn Starcraft!"

Misty: "Nor is it 40f***ingK!"

Miku: "Let's just ask them."_ Turns to the leader, _"Who the hell are you guys?"

Sergeant: "We are the Plot Marines, armoured in plot, wielders of the sacred cannon, we fight in the name of the Writer upon the Golden Computer Chair!"

Miku: _Turning to Misty, _"They're SMs."

Misty: "That could also mean sado-masochists you know."

Miku: "Yes, I do. But I thought we were all mature enough to get over that fact. Evidently I was wrong."

Chewy: "Misty, what's a sado-masochist?"

Misty: "Well... um..."

Miku: "I think the answer is 'weird.'"

Luka: "Please let that do... please."

Lumi: "Anyway, if we backtrack a bit, didn't those guys say they were working for the Writer... as in Wolfie."

Miku: "There is more than one writer on the net."

Lumi: "But is there another writer who's a megalomaniac, who would create super-soldiers to fight for him, put plot armour on them, and then throw them through the side of a building in a metal pod?"

Miku: "Yes, lot's of them actually, including you and Misty."

Misty: "Hey, I wouldn't give them plot armour."

Miku: "Well that just means you're stupid."

Lumi: "She has a point Misty."

Misty: "Shut up!" _Sulks._

Miku: "So... what are we going to do about these guys?"

Luka: "Kill them? Isn't that the standard plan?"

Miku: "Well... we can try... but they have plot armour... I do have plot weapons, but it'll still be tough..."

Misty: "Ow, I didn't know you were such a wuss Miku."

Miku: _Glaring, _"Do you want a hit with the leek?"

Misty: "No."

Miku: "Then shut up."

Neru: "Can you guys stop bitching at each other, and start killing them?"

Miku: "Okay... although you're not exactly doing anything Neru."

Neru: "Well I'm sorry if I don't carry round weapons!"

Miku: "Quiet, it's time for the killing to start, Black Rock Shooter!" _Her gun appears on her arm._

Luka: _Turning into a ninja, _"Here we go again."

Miku: "Charge!" _The group run at the plot marines._

Plot Marine: "Enemy spotted!"

Sergeant: "Charge!"

Miku: _Leaping into the air and firing with her gun, _"Charge this!"

Plot Marine: "Taking damage."

Luka: "Do they have to say everything that's happening."

_The plot marines start falling back, as they start taking injuries._

Plot Marine: "Squad broken."

Miku: "That was easy."

Mysterious Voice: "_Fimbulwinter_."

_Chewy, Lumi, Misty and all the Vocaloids except Miku are frozen in ice rising from the ground. Miku slips on the ice, and falls down._

Miku: "What... but that voice was..."

Wolfie: "Damnit! Why did you all have to interfere?" _Striding towards Miku, sword in his hand, _"You should have stayed back home... but now it's no use."

Miku: _Eyes wide with shock, _"You... Wolfie... why?" _Scrambling away, but slipping again on the ice, _"Why are you doing this? Attacking Neru... and then freezing the others..."

Wolfie: "I only froze them to stop them attacking my troops. As for Miss Akita, she wasn't harmed, remember. But I need this place, for my plan."

Miku: "Wh-what plan?"

Wolfie: "Domination of the internet!"

Miku: "You...You've gone mad... nobody can control the internet."

Wolfie: "I shall take it over!"

Miku: "No, seriously, the internet has a mind of it's own. The last guy who tried to control it got trolled out of power."

Wolfie: "I will make the impossible possible then!"

Plot Marine: _Running up to Wolfie, _"Lord! We have taken control of the central system, it is now directly controllable from your laptop."

Wolfie: "Good, we have no more need of this place then." _Spreads his wings, and floats into the sky._

_A large aircraft lands nearby, and the plot marines all rush over to it and climb in. Wolfie lands on top of the aircraft, and turns to Miku._

Wolfie: "I suppose you won't want to rule the internet by my side, will you?"

Miku: _Raising the Black Rock Shooter, _"No way in Hell!" _Pulls the trigger._

_The gun suddenly falls from her arm, cut in half. Pieces of Wolfie's sword float around it, then fly back to Wolfie._

Wolfie: "A pity... I love you Miku, but... this must be done..." _A circle of red glows at his feet, _"_Ragnarok_!"

_Flames rise up, engulfing Miku and the ice, as the aircraft, with Wolfie still on top, flies away._

* * *

Misty: "So... what do we do now?"

Lumi: "I'm still wondering how we were frozen solid, then flash-melted, and are still perfectly okay."

Kaito: Lying_ on a bed, covered in bandages, _"I'm wondering why I'm the only one who isn't okay."

Meiko: "It's because Wolfie hates you dear."

Kaito: "I know."

Luka: "I'm worried about Miku, she's been locked in her room for the last three hours."

Misty: "Well, her husband did just try to kill all her best friends, and Kaito, it's not surprising she's upset."

Lumi: "Hm... yes... but what now?"

_The doorbell rings, and Luka goes to answer it._

Mist: "Well... we're fighting the guy who rules this place... so I suggest we get out of it."

Miku: "No, we should go to my fortress!"

Meiko: "Miku! When did you turn up?"

Miku: _Eyes red from crying, _"I Came down to answer the door."

Misty: "Of course! The fortress has a null-fic zone!"

Mysterious Voice: "Indeed, a good idea, but I have a better one!"

Miku: "That voice... sounds familiar..."

_The group all turn to see Luka showing someone into the room._

Misty: "It can't be..."

Lumi: "No... seriously..."

Luka: "'Fraid so."

Derrick: "Good evening."

Bis Bald

BW


	26. Betray 2

Betray the Writer! Ch2

_After last chapters shock revelation... no, not the one where Wolfie is a complete bastard, that wasn't a shock... the one where Derrick turned up. Yeah, about 30 seconds after that, if you ignore the Writer's laziness in not updating, Miku is being restrained by Luka, Rin, Neru, Meiko and Lighting Assistant Three. Derrick is cowering in a corner, shielding him... her... heck even I don't know any more... itself with a yaoi doujinshi._

Miku: "LET ME GO! I NEED TO KILL IT!"

Derrick: "Why?"

Miku: "Well, aside from the fact you tried to kill me, my husband, my friends, Kaito, and various supporting cast members, you also assisted the guy who shall not be mentioned in the story arc that shall not be named."

Derrick: "You mean Bob in '*censored*.'" _Pauses, _"In '*censored*...' what gives?"

Miku: "As I said, it shall not be mentioned. Wolfie put a filter on it, so whenever anybody says it, it gets censored."

Rin: "Why?"

Miku: "Because, first we don't want to remind people about how awful those six chapters were, and second we can make a running joke out of it."

Len: "Surely those two are mutually exclusive."

Miku: "True, but either way, we win."

Misty: "Except for the fact that your husband just tried to kill us all."

Miku: "A minor detail."

Derrick: "So... can I explain why I'm here and progress the plot a bit?"

Miku: "Why should we progress it? We all know perfectly well that if we progress the plot at all, then Wolfie will start acting. But as long as the plot is stationary on our end, he won't do anything at all."

Derrick: "Really? 'Cause, in case you'd forgotten, he's a PC, unlike you. He is more than just a program."

Miku: "Well we aren't programs either."

Derrick: "You're story characters, whose movements are even more predetermined."

Miku: "Anyway, so why did you come here?"

Derrick: "To tell you (conveniently) how to beat Wolfie."

Miku: "How?"

Derrick: "Well, you must take the sacred Sword of Not-Time."

Miku: "Please tell me that's not its name."

Derrick: "Its actual name is..." _Reels off a ridiculously long name, _"… but most people call it Steve."

Miku: "Steve?"

Derrick: "Yes."

Miku: "Why does the sword have a name like Steve?"

Derrick: "Hey, swords are people too!"

Miku: "No they're not."

Derrick: "Still, they can have a name too!"

Miku: _Sighing, _"Okay... so we have to go and find this sword called Steve... and use it to fight Wolfie."

Derrick: "Yes."

Miku: "Why is this plot-line beginning to resemble that of a shonen manga?"

Misty: "The thing is, that plot-line would cover an entire shonen manga... for at least the first 15 volumes."

Lumi: "While I'd be surprised it was still here in 15 chapters."

Miku: "Fair point."

Luka: "So... do we know where 'Steve' is?"

Derrick: "Nope... but I know who can tell you."

Miku: "Wait right there! Whenever anybody says that, the person who is going to tell us dies either just before he tells us, or just afterwards, when the villain breaks in and kills him. So please tell me, is it Kaito?"

Derrick: "Nope."

Miku: "Damn!"

Kaito: "That's not very nice Miku."

Miku: "And? Do you think I care? Honestly?"

Kaito: _Thinks for a minute, _"I'd say the probability of you caring is approximately equal to the the probability of the Kagamines going a day without *censored*."

Miku: "And what is that probability?"

Kaito: "About 0.1... times 10 to the minus 50... thousand."

Miku: "Exactly."

Kaito: "Okay... fair enough, I'll just go cry in a corner along with the MikuXKaito fans."

Miku: "Trust me, most of them left around chapter 1 of Save."

_Kaito leaves to cry, while the others turn to more important matters... relatively they are important, all right?_

Miku: "So who is it we have to ask?"

Derrick: "The great sage of the internet, and the master who I serve. Known to most as the 'Big Bad.'"

Miku: "Is it just me, or is anybody else suspecting it might be a bad idea to ask somebody calling themselves the 'Big Bad?'"

Luka: "I feel that it'll bite us in the butt later, but that it's the only way this story will get us anywhere."

Misty: "He's obviously only calling himself that because he's a nice guy."

Miku: "Are you about to make an extremely unconvincing argument involving reverse psychology?"

Misty: "Yes."

Miku: "Then shut up."

Misty: _Rolling to avoid being intimidated, _"Is a 12 a pass? No..." _Shuts up immediately._

Luka: "We really need to stop stealing jokes."

Miku: "It's not really stealing it, unless he now says..."

Misty: "Wait! I rolled a 13!"

Miku: "...Okay, you have a point Luka."

Lumi: "Perhaps we could get on, I have an appointment for 7:30, I have another bitch to break."

Misty: "Which one this time?"

Lumi: "Flay Allster, from Gundam SEED."

Misty: "Who?"

Lumi: "She's a super bitch... but we have ways of making them *censored*."

Miku: "Why am I so glad the end of that sentence was censored?"

Misty: "Do you really want to know the answer to that question?"

Miku: "No... on second thoughts, I really don't."

Derrick: "Anyway, so shall I take you to the 'Big Bad?'"

Miku: "I suppose... well come on then everybody!"

* * *

_Sitting on Golden Computer Chair, Wolfie looks down at the kneeling Plot Marines._

Plot Marine Sergeant: "Hail the Writer!"

Wolfie: "Your report."

Sergeant: "We have managed to successfully infiltrate Google, which now affords us an advance post for any and all attacks. We are ready to strike with the wrath of the righteous... well sorta righteous."

Plot Marine: "Not very righteous at all really."

Sergeant: "Brother E, be quiet."

Brother E: "Since when were we assigned letters?"

Sergeant: "We're all named after mathematical symbols and constants, so I'm Sergeant Pi."

Wolfie: "I can already hear the pie jokes..."

Sergeant Pi: "It could be worse, Brother Plus and Brother Minus were once asked if they were gay, since opposites attract..."

Wolfie: "That's awful..."

Sergeant Pi: "And Sergeant Sigma was asked if he could sum everything up, and then told not to deviate."

Wolfie: "What about Brother-Captain Theta?"

Sergeant Pi: "That depends on what angle you take."

Wolfie: "Chaplain Delta?"

Sergeant Pi: "Do you expect any change?"

Wolfie: "Okay enough with the maths jokes..."

Sergeant Pi: "Good, because otherwise Librarian Mu will kill me, and he really means business."

Wolfie: "That was truly dire."

Sergeant Pi: "Well it seems I've come full circle."

Wolfie: "ONE MORE BLOODY MATHS JOKE AND YOU'LL BE REPLACED WITH BROTHER NU."

Sergeant Pi: "They keep telling me he's twice the man I am."

Wolfie: "…Actually, I hate Nu. I mean, what the hell is the point in it?"

Sergeant Pi: "That's what I said, cause he needs chopping in half all the time."

Wolfie: "Whereas we just need two of you... but we digress."

Sergeant Pi: "You could say we've gone off on a tangent."

Wolfie: "Right, I'm going to make this exceptionally clear, go and take over as many websites as you can, and wipe out any resistance!"

Sergeant: "How should we differentiate friend and foe?"

Wolfie: _Sighing, _"You should be able to c a difference..."

* * *

Bis Bald

BW


	27. Betray 3

Betray the Writer, Ch3

_The vocaloids and co. lead by Derrick approach a large mansion, from which countless calls of 'squee' emanate. Miku feels a nasty chill up her spine._

Miku: "Urgh... I'm getting a nasty chill up my spine."

Luka: "Logically, that'd be 'cause it's cold. However, logic doesn't really apply around here, so it's probably foreshadowing."

Miku: "Great, more foreshadowing of random events in the future."

Derrick: "Come on, we need to get there as fast as we can."

Miku: "Says the guy who forgot to bookmark his master's home(page)."

Derrick: "Hey, normally I just search my history, but I cleaned it this morning."

Miku: "Then you fail."

Derrick: "Well excuse me princess."

_Everybody else blanches, including Chewy._

Misty: "Never quote that ever again."

Derrick: "Well excuse..."

Miku: "GAG HIM!"

_There is a massive bundle on Derrick, resulting in him being bound, gagged, and attached to a rope._

Miku: "Now, take us there without speaking."

Derrick:"*Incomprehensible Noise*"

Miku: "Ah... so much better."

* * *

Wolfie: "So, Sergeant Pi, what was it you wanted to talk about?"

Pi: "Well, I was wondering if we could start naming the Plot Marines after something other than Mathematical constants and signs. We're running out of well-known ones to make jokes about, I mean Brother Nu was pushing it a lot last time."

Wolfie: "So what should we name them after?"

Pi: "Well, I was thinking of things within Physics, so we can have a Brother Wave."

Wolfie: "Just as long as he isn't stationary."

Pi: "Or maybe a Sergeant Alpha."

Wolfie: "He sounds like a radiator."

Pi: "I was also thinking a Librarian Uranium."

Wolfie: "This joke is decaying fast."

Pi: "Well you only have one half-life."

Wolfie: "What about having a Brother Proton?"

Pi: "Are you positive?"

Wolfie: "Not sure."

Pi: "But I don't think we want a Brother Nucleus."

Wolfie: "Too dense."

Pi: "And if we have a Brother Stress, we can't have a Brother Strain."

Wolfie: "Indeed, it would be too tense."

Pi: "Maybe..."

Wolfie: "Hang on, stop there. Otherwise all the non-physicists reading will give up." _Talking to the readers, _"So if you want further Plot Marine jokes on a particular subject, you'd better review and tell me, 'hint, hint.'"

Pi: "So... what exactly is the current plan oh mighty lord?"

Wolfie: "Try to get this story to be discussed all over the internet!"

Pi: "How the heck do we do that?"

Wolfie: "Simple, I posted this on VocaloidOtaku, so now more people will read it, and it will spread throughout the internet!"

Pi: "That is a brilliant plan my lord!"

Wolfie: "I know, I thought it up, now, onwards and sideways!"

* * *

Miku: "Are we nearly there yet?"

Derrick: "Mghph!"

Miku: "Translation?"

Chewy: "We'll be there in 5 minutes with this tail wind, but 8 if it changes more than 45 degrees. Maximum time is approximately 15 if the wind turns against us."

Miku: "You understood that much from just one noise?"

Chewy: "I spent several months with a furball lodged in my throat,thanks to a certain someone, so I got used to speaking like that myself, and understanding other people in the same situation."

Miku: "Still, how does that noise translate into such a long sentence?"

Chewy: "It's not just the noise, but the internation, the body language, all those sorts of things."

Miku: "Ri~ght... I'll just pretend I believe you."

Derrick: "MGHPH!"

Chewy: "He said..."

Miku: "Unless it's life-threatening, I don't want to know."

Chewy: "Oh, then I won't tell you that we're there."

Miku: "We're there?"

Chewy: "Oh, so you do want to know now?"

Miku: "Know what?"

Chewy: "You do want to know that we've arrived at our destination, are about to meet the big bad, and we should look behind us."

Miku: "No I don't want to know that, nor do I want to know why we want to look behind us."

Chewy: "So now you're saying you don't want to know that we should look behind us to avoid the ambush that's set for us the moment we take three more steps."

Miku: _The black rock shooter gun appearing on her arm, and spinning around, _"Nope, I really didn't want to know that." _Fires at the inconspicuous shrub positioned behind them._

Shrub: "AHHH!" _A group of three people run from the shrub, dodging the shots from Miku's gun._

Chewy: "So why didn't you want to know that?"

Miku: "I'll explain when you've passed adolescence..."

Chewy: "I have, two years ago."

Miku: "...again."

Chewy: "What? But that'll be..."

Misty: "Probably never, but we can but hope."

Miku: "So where is this big bad guy?"

Big Bad: "I'm right over here."

_The group turn, to see a figure, clothed in black, and wearing a mask over his face. Behind him is a massive fortress, made of black stone._

Miku: "Is it just me that feels that voice is suspiciously familiar, but that we won't realise why for the next ten chapters or so?"

Luka: "I know what you mean."

Big Bad: "Look, you're not going to find out now, so just listen why I give the overly-long speech about what you have to do, only so that I can use what you do to my own advantage later, then oppose you in some stereotypically evil way, only for you to eventually work out my weakness and defeat me in an unbelievable final battle."

Miku: "Sorry? I stopped listening after the bit about an overly-long speech."

Big Bad: "Never mind. I'll just tell you what you have to do."

Miku: "Okay, we're listening."

Big Bad: "First, you must cross the Desert of Doom, then wade through the Swamp of Suffocation. After that you will reach the River of Ruin, and finally, you must climb the Mountain of Murder. Upon its peak, you will find the Sword Steve!"

Miku: "Are you sure there's no Alter of Alliteration on the mountain."

Big Bad: "Now you mention it, yes there is."

Miku: "You have to be kidding me."

Big Bad: "Hey! I don't make this universe, I just am evil... I mean exist in an unaligned fashion... in it."

Miku: "Why are all my senses screaming 'TRAP!' at the tops of their voices."

Big Bad: "Because Wolfie wouldn't leave the single weapon capable of defeating him unguarded."

Miku: "Yeah... something like that."

Big Bad: "Anyway, Derrick will take you to the Desert of Doom, after you've untied him. However, from there on, you're on your own."

Miku: "Hang on, you have this massive fortress, so presumable you have some sort of army, right?"

Big Bad: "Well... yes."

Miku: "And that army wouldn't happen to have aircraft would it?"

Big Bad: "Well... yes."

Miku: "So couldn't you just... maybe, possibly, fly us over to the mountain?"

Big Bad: "Nope."

Miku: "Why?"

Big Bad: "You'll see when you get there..."

* * *

_Now standing at the beginning of the a massive expanse of sand that is the Desert of Doom, Miku and the others stare at the massive sandstorm completely obscuring their view._

Miku: "Ah... I kinda see why now..."

* * *

Bis Bald

BW


	28. Betray 4

Betray the Writer, Ch4

Miku: "So... this would be why we can't fly over the desert..."

Luka: "You mean the massive sandstorm reaching up into space?"

Miku: "No, of course not."

Luka: "Just checking."

Rin: "So what now?"

Miku: "Well... we could use your roadroller Rin."

Rin: "It'd just get stuck, there's a reason why it's called a 'road'roller not a 'sand'roller."

Miku: "Damn... well I suppose we'll have to walk then..."

Len: "But what if we get stuck in quicksand?"

Miku: "We'll just have to be quicker."

Misty: "I think logic just got broken..."

Lumi: "Maybe... I'm really not sure..."

Miku: "Hey, I'm trying to come up with answers on the fly here, cut me some slack."

Misty: "I refuse."

Miku: "Is the name of one of my songs, yes..."

Misty: "That's not... never mind."

Miku: "Now, off into the desert we go!"

_The group troop off into the desert of whatever the hell it was beginning with 'd.'_

Miku: "I think it was 'doom.'"

Luka: "I thought it was 'death.'"

Len: "I thought it was 'distraction.'"

Chewy: "I thought it was 'defecation.'"

_Everybody blanches._

Chewy: "By the way, Misty, what does 'defecation' mean?"

Misty: "I'll tell you when I can come up with another line... or I give up and recycle an old one."

Miku: "Why did we bring him again?"

Rin: "So we could get him to lie down and walk over him if we came across quicksand."

Miku: "No, that's why we brought Kaito."

Kaito: "Hey, at least I've been quiet recently. And I don't think I've mentioned princesses for a few chapters at least."

Miku: "Precisely, so if we kill you off-stage now, nobody'll notice."

Meiko: "She does have a point Kaito dear."

Kaito: "Oh... shit..."

Miku: "I'll give you a chance, start running now, and we'll let you have a ten second lead."

Kaito: "F**K!" _Starts running._

Miku: _After waiting ten seconds, _"After him, quick!"

Luka: "You're not seriously going to throw him in quicksand are you?"

Miku: "No, but if we take the same route as he does, we know there isn't any quicksand there... as long as he hasn't already fallen in some, but that'd kill two birds with one stone. Or to put it another way, it would kill an idiot and solve a problem with one sand pit."

Luka: "That's either genius or idiocy."

Miku: "Let's hope genius and just go!"

_The group begins to run after Kaito._

* * *

Wolfie: "So, Sergeant Pi, how goes our evil plan to make people review?"

Pi: "Well... not very well... the thing is... nobody else has reviewed..."

Wolfie: "Damnit! Next you'll be telling me that the Bleach story, which shall not be named that I wrote when I was young(er) and somewhat less of a genius than I am now, is now more popular, or at least has more hits this month, than this story!"

Pi: "Ah... it's funny you should mention that..."

Wolfie: "Oh no..." _Checks his story stats page, _"You are frigging kidding me..."

Pi: "So... what's the new plan?"

Wolfie: "I dunno, make as many jokes as possible... try to hint that reviewing would be a good idea... I don't have a frigging clue!"

Pi: "Oh dear... we could... um... just do what everybody else does."

Wolfie: "What do you mean?"

Pi: "At the end of every chapter, just write 'please review.'"

Wolfie: "When has that ever worked? Also, I'll just get stupid reviews, like the one I got the other day: 'Nice story!'"

Pi: "I know. First they write something completely devoid of information, then, just to add insult to injury, they put an exclamation mark on the end."

Wolfie: "Precisely."

Pi: "Well, it could be worse... you could have some yaoi fangirl have her period and then decide to review."

Wolfie: "Yeah... that totally hasn't happened before."

Pi: "What do you mean?"

Wolfie: "Don't worry, it's from before your time, as in before you were even (mentally) conceived."

Pi: "O~kay..."

Wolfie: "Anyway... so... I need an idea..."

Pi: "Um... well..."

Wolfie: "Ah screw it, back to plot progression."

* * *

Miku: "So... after two hours of chasing Kaito, we've got about half way to our destination... well this is boring."

Luka: "How are we even tracking him? He was running insanely fast, mainly cause he's learnt that you being angry usually means he is going to be in severe pain shortly."

Miku: "Have you forgotten, there's one thing that''s better at finding him than that stalker is at finding me."

Luka: "What?"

Miku: "That." _Points to Meiko, who seems to be smelling Kaito, and following his scent._

Luka: "I am now really scared."

Gakupo: "Don't worry Luka, I'll protect you!"

Luka: "How?"

Gakupo: _Moving to block Luka's line of sight to Meiko, _"Like this."

Luka: "Wow, you had the initiative to come up with that by yourself? But aren't you meant to be an idiot?"

Gakupo: "Hey, just because all the fans make me out to be one, doesn't mean I am. I mean, look at Miku, she's not really a naïve nice-girl, nor is she head over heals in love with Kaito, quite the opposite."

Luka: "I suppose, but you still like eggplant right?"

Gakupo: "Yeah, of course."

Luka: "Oh good."

Gakupo: "What do you mean?"

Luka: "That's a secret."

Miku: "She means she's going to prepare a romantic dinner for you when this is over, and she already bought the eggplant."

Luka: "MIKU!"

Miku: "Just telling it how I saw it."

Luka: "But you didn't have to say that!"

Miku: "Just look at Gakupo though."

_The pair both turn to Gakupo._

Gakupo: "Luka's cooking... and eggplant... let's get this over with quickly!" _Speeds ahead and starts pushing Meiko to go faster._

Luka: "I didn't think my cooking was that good..."

Miku: "It's called love. You should take advantage of it, you never know when the guy you're in love with will turn into your enemy over night."

Luka: "That that ever happens..." _Thinks for a moment, _"Okay, sorry, point."

Miku: "Don't worry about it. Wolfie may be an insane guy with more complexes than teeth, but he's still my insane guy with more complexes than teeth, and I intend to remind him of that."

Luka: "I do find it odd that he would do anything to risk his marriage with you."

Miku: "Oh, well he knows he's not going to risk that, whatever he does, and besides, I'm surprised you haven't already worked out that he has some plan which he can't tell us for it to work."

Luka: "Eh? What do you mean."

Miku: "Think about it, whenever a guy who couldn't possibly do something seemingly does so, it's because he's only pretending to do it."

Luka: "Or because he was pretending beforehand that he was the kind of person we all thought he was."

Miku: "But then Wolfie would just have killed us all."

Luka: "True, so you think he's faking being evil, so that something specific happens?"

Miku: "Probably."

Luka: "Putting aside the improbability of that, what could he hope to achieve?"

Miku: "I don't know, that's the idea, the main party isn't supposed to be able to guess what the not-really-evil guy is trying to achieve, because otherwise he won't achieve it."

Luka: "Right... I think I somehow understood it... but won't knowing that mean that it already didn't work."

Miku: "Nope, because we have no idea what it is he wants us to do, and besides, in the long run it'll all be for the best... I hope."

Luka: "Okay... I'll pretend that reassures me..."

Miku: "Yeah... wait, is that...?"

_The pair run up to where Kaito is now being molested by Meiko, just beyond where the sand stops, and it mysteriously turns into a swamp straight afterwards._

Miku: "Yay! The next area!"

* * *

Wolfie: "Now, I have a couple of words to say now, literally a couple: PLEASE REVIEW!"

Bis Bald

BW


	29. Betray 5

Betray the Writer, Ch5

Miku: "So, now that Meiko has finished doing things we'd rather not discuss to Kaito, let's be on our way."

Kaito: "But I just got raped!"

Miku: "Yeah, but rape is funny when it's female on male, TVtropes says so."

Kaito: "But..."

Meiko: "Anyway, it wasn't really rape, as you consented, didn't you Kaito?"

Kaito: "No I..."

Meiko: _Glaring at Kaito, _"Didn't you Kaito?"

Kaito: "Y...yes..."

Meiko: "Good."

Miku: Now come on! Let us enter the Swamp of Suffocation!"

Luka: "You actually remembered the name?"

Miku: "Nope, there's a sign over there." _Points to a sign saying 'Swamp of Suffocation.'_

Luka: "Again, why the hell is the internet so well signposted?"

Miku: "Don't ask, just play along."

Luka: "Right..."

_Our gallant heroes, and Miku, Neru, Rin, Len, Kaito, Meiko, Misty and Chewy, continue on._

Lumi: "Nice to know I'm gallant."

Luka: "Me and Gakupo too."

Miku: "Why aren't I gallant?"

_Because being gallant is boring._

Miku: "Good point."

_Anyway, they keep walking, until suddenly..._

Miku: "Why the hell is there a giant monster all of a sudden?"

Misty: "Random encounter."

Miku: "Of course..."

_Random fight ensues. Come on, I don't really need to write in what happens do I? You read the last 27 chapters, if you can't fill in the fight details at least roughly, then you really suck._

Miku: "Well that was easy."

Misty: "You know, we didn't actually end up fighting them."

Miku: "Yes, but we need to pretend we did!"

Misty: "Meh."

_They continue on until..._

Miku: "Shit, another random encounter!"

_3000 small furry creatures approach._

Miku: "This'll take ages..."

Luka: "Hang on, what's that button under 'begin battle?'"

Miku: "Autoresolve... hell yeah!" _Clicks the button._

Announcement: "You win!"

Miku: "Yeah, we know. I like this autoresolve thing."

Misty: "It does make games faster when you can skip easy battles."

Miku: "Well, let's keep going..."

_They keep walking for a little longer, then..._

Luka: "Oh gods... another random encounter."

_1 small furry creature approaches._

Miku: "Autoresolve..."

Announcement: "You lose!"

Miku: "What? But there are..." _Adds up quickly, _"Eleven of us, versus one damned small furry creature!"

Misty: "That's the problem with autoresolve, it's almost always better for the players to actually fight the battle."

Miku: "Screw this! I'm killing that small furry creature!" _Pulls out her BRS gun and blows the sfc to pieces._

Luka: "At least there aren't any tree-huggers around to tell us off for that."

Random Druid: "You accursed beings! You tear the heart out of nature."

Luka: "I spoke too soon."

Miku: "Don't worry." _Turns her gun on the druid, and reduces him to ash, _"You see, you were right: no tree-huggers around."

Luka: "Er... yes... ehe... I suppose that's true..."

Lumi: "That girl is scary."

Misty: "You only just realised this? She's scared the shit out of the rest of us for the last twenty-something chapters, and you only just realised now?"

Lumi: "Well, some people do say I'm... hard to scare."

Misty: "I can believe that..."

Miku: "Anyway, come on guys, this swamp is boring, I want to get to whichever area it was next."

Neru: _Checking the internet on her phone, _"It was the River of Ruin."

Miku: "Ah, okay. So let's go."

_The group walk on... and on... and on..._

Miku: "Well this is monotonous."

Luka: "Yeah..."

_They keep walking for a little longer..._

Misty: "Oh, I see what's going on here, Wolfie can't think of anything to happen, so he's just filling in with walking."

Miku: "But that means that something will happen soon, right?"

Misty: "Probably."

_The group walk on for another hour or so, with nothing happening still._

Miku: "I'm just about ready to scream, there had better be some sort of encounter within the next hundred feet."

Luka: "Why can I smell tuna?"

Miku: "Eh? You can smell tuna?"

Luka: "Yeah, you know how you have highly adapted negi-seeking-senses? I have the same, only for tuna. I'm guessing it's about..." _Smells the air, _"500 yards ahead, moving at a steady rate of 5mph West, and there's a lot of it."

Misty: "Okay, now I'm scared..."

Miku: "That must be the river! Let's go quickly!"

_The group run forward, as Luka leads them, until..._

Luka: "Oh a fishmongers!"

Gakupo: _Putting his hand on his wallet, _"Oh dear..."

Luka: "Gakkun sweetie..."

Gakupo: "Alright... how much?"

Luka: "Oh, not too much, we are going to have to carry it with us."

Miku: "Why... not only do we not find the river, there isn't any sign of any spring onions/leeks anywhere!"

Fishmonger: "Are ye lookin' fer the River o' Ruin?"

Miku: "No, we are looking for the River of Ruin, and my lunch."

Fishmonger: "Right... well if ye go that way," _point to his right, _"and carry on fer a few hundred yards, ye'll get to the river."

Miku: "And the Negi?"

Fishmonger: "Here, I have some tha ma friend gave me."

Misty: "What accent is that?"

Fishmonger: "Wolfie's attempt at a 'commoner' accent."

Miku: "Oh dear..." _Munches on her negi._

Luka: "He really is bad at his accents." _Eats a whole, raw, tuna._

Gakupo: "Why do I feel that my money just got devoured?"

Luka: "What was that darling?"

Gakupo: "Nothing..."

Miku: "Anyway, now, onwards! To the River of Ruin!"

_The group rush towards the river, and the swamp area ,which, for the record, somehow obscured their vision to only a few dozen yards, disperses, and they see..._

Miku: "The River!"

Luka: "Wow... there must be even more tuna here!"

Gakupo: "Oh no..."

Kaito: "Doesn't the river look... well... a little... wide?"

_The river is, for the record, about a mile wide._

Meiko: "We're gonna need a boat..."

Miku: "Well, boys, she's right we do need a boat..."

All the boys: "Fine..." _Go and begin work on the boat._

Neru: "You're really unscrupulous you know."

Miku: "Yeah, and? It get's the job done."

Neru: "Who said I was complaining?"

* * *

Wolfie: "So, they've reached the River of Ruin?"

Sergeant Pi: "We should go and intercept them!"

Wolfie: "No, it'll be much more amusing to let them flounder their way across. Trust me, the only reason I don't fear crossing that river is 'cause I can fly."

Pi: "Oh... dear..."

Wolfie: "I'm just wondering why nobody has spotted the major problem with what they've been doing?"

Pi: "What? They've just been travelling towards... oh... oh... I see..."

Wolfie: "Precisely. Anyways, that's the end of this chapter. See you all next chapter, and don't forget to review, HINT HINT!"

Bis Bald

BW


	30. Betray 6

Betray the Writer, Ch6

_While the guys of the group work on making a boat, Miku and the other girls sit by the banks of the River of Ruin, and drink various random drinks that had mysteriously appeared._

Miku: "Ah... this is nice."

Luka: "I have to agree. Finally we get to sit down and relax."

Meiko: "It's only been five chapters since we left, we managed 16 on the trot before."

Miku: "Yeah, but that was ages ago now."

_Actually, it was only a couple of months ago, and I can't believe I'm still churning this out... somehow._

Miku: "Stop ruining our girl time narration!"

_Well excuse me princess._

Miku: "Remember what happened when Derrick quoted that thing?"

_Yeah, I narrated it, which is presicely why I'm safe. You can't do anything apart from speak without narration!_

Luka: "He has a point you know Miku."

Miku: "At the risk of sounding cliché, f*** that!"

Rin: "..."

Neru: "What's wrong Rin?"

Rin: "Why are you concerned about me?"

Neru: "I was trying to be nice, but oh well. I'll rephrase my question, why the hell are you moping around Rin?"

_And the natural balance of rudeness is restored..._

Rin: "Well, I'm not with Lenny!"

Luka: "Seriously, do you have to be with him every second of the day?"

Rin: "Well, no..."

Miku: "Good thing too, imagine if one of you needed the toilet..." _Blanches, _"Wait a second... you don't... do you?"

Rin: "NO OF COURSE NOT... very often..."

Luka: "I'm now disturbed."

Miku: "Me too..."

Meiko: "Excuse me while I go and drink enough sake to get amnesia."

Neru: "If I get the guys from Steins Gate to help, I can change the past so that I never heard that..."

Rin: "Hey! It's not like we watch while..."

Miku: "Really Rin? Really?"

Rin: "There's nothing wrong with it!"

Miku: "Just the same as 'there's nothing wrong with incest' that's subjective."

Rin: "WAAAH! Lenny! Miku's being mean to me!"

Len: _Running to his sister, _"Miku! What on Earth are you doing?"

Miku: "Asks the guy who goes to the toilet with his sister..."

Len: _Blanching, _"Rinny... you didn't tell them about that did you?"

Rin: _Crying, _"I'm sorry Lenny..."

Len: _Standing, _"Then... it's time we left here, for somewhere where we can live our lives in solitude, nobody understands us Rin, so let it just be you and me, together forever."

Rin: "Len... yes! Let's go!"

Miku: "Reality check guys... even if this isn't really reality... where are you going to go off to? In case you'd forgotten, Wolfie and his plot marines are in control of the area, and it's amazing they haven't attacked us yet. If you're all by yourselves, they are going to get you."

Rin: "But we have a roadroller!"

Miku: "Armour facings?"

Rin: "Uh... 11,10,10..."

Miku: "Yeah, I don't think that's high enough. Heck, in the 41st millenium, rhinos have better armour than that!"

Rin: "Yeah, but those are troop transport tanks, not grey animals that roam savannahs."

Miku: "Still, one shot from a missile launcher and you're likely stuffed."

Rin: "Actually, the odds are fairly low still, even on the sides..."

Miku: "I don't need any mathhammer right now thanks. Regardless, you'd be stuffed, trust me."

Len: "But if you're going to be mean to Rinny..."

Miku: "You're fault for having such weird sex lives."

Len: "Going to the toilet isn't part of one's sex life!"

Miku: "Good, you understand, now act on that understanding."

Len: "No! Shut up Miku!"

Miku: "Why should I? I'm merely stating what is common sense."

Rin: "Len, let's leave."

Len: "Okay Rin, we're going!"

_The twins storm off towards the forest._

Luka: "What was that for? They're in danger now thanks to you!"

Miku: "Don't worry, they'll be back any second..."

_The twins return._

Miku: "...now."

Len: "Um... we don't know the way back..."

Miku: "No, of course you don't."

Rin: "Miku be quiet!"

Miku: "No, it's a free country, freedom of speech, freedom of sexuality, freedom of interesting hobbies between yourself and your twin sibling."

Rin: "Mi~ku..." _Activates her bracelet, _"You'll regret that!"

_Rin and Len's roadroller appears, and they begin chasing after Miku._

Miku: "Okay, Black Rock Shooter!"

_Miku jumps in the air, and somehow floats there, before pulling her trigger._

Miku: "By the way, Strength 10, AP 1, Heavy 10. Have fun!"

_Len and Rin's roadroller explodes in a ridiculous fashion, leaving a massive hole where it was._

Luka: "Miku... I think you overdid it... also that gun is ridiculously overpowered."

Miku: "It's firing however many rock at them per second, it's going to do some damage... also why am I still flying?"

_Miku floats to the ground, then walks over to where the Kagamines are lying in a heap._

Miku: "Okay guys, much as the exercise was fun, let's not try killing each other again, okay?"

Len: "Urgh... I banged my head really hard...Rin, why were we fighting?"

Rin: "I dunno, I forgot..."

Miku: "Oh well, all's well that ends well."

* * *

_A little way away..._

Misty: "How the hell did Wolfie manage to make an entire chapter out of Rin and Len's visits to the toilet?"

Lumi: "I don't know, and I don't want to find out."

Chewy: "Misty, what did they mean about Rin and Len going to the toilet?"

Misty: "I'll tell you when I tell you all that other stuff I'm going to tell you some time."

Lumi: "That means 'never,' right?"

Misty: "That's the idea."

Gakupo: "Come on guys, if we don't finish this boat by next chapter, Luka will hit me with one of the fish she bought."

Kaito: "And Meiko will force me to *censored* with her."

Chewy: "Oh yeah, I've been wondering Misty, what does *censored* actually mean?"

Misty: "Even I don't know that Chewy. I doubt Wolfie does either, and he's the one censoring stuff."

Lumi: "If he does, he's not forthcoming."

Misty: "And thank goodness for that."

* * *

Wolfie: "And, at the risk of sounding cliché, that's a wrap."

Pi: "Isn't 'at the risk of sounding cliché' now cliché?"

Wolfie: "Well, at the risk of sounding cliché..." _Thinks, _"...at the risk of sounding cliché, at the risk of sounding cliché..."

Pi: "Infinity of clichés!"

Wolfie: "No it isn't!"

Pi: "But... it should be..."

Wolfie: "But it isn't because I'm the only writer who uses it, and only for two characters, making it a catchphrase, not a cliché."

Pi: "Damn it!"

Wolfie: "Anyway, yeah, as per usual, please review and all that."

Bis Bald

BW


	31. Betray 7

Betray the Writer, Ch 7

Miku: "Ah, the boys have finished the boat!"

Luka: "I wasn't expecting something so... well..."

Miku: "Big?"

Luka: "Yeah."

_The boys (minus Len) are dragging a small steam-powered ocean cruiser to the river._

Kaito: "My princess! We have brought you your ship!"

Miku: "Have you guys even considered how deep that river is? Or rather how deep it _isn't_! That thing will drag along the bottom, not sail!"

_The guys all look at each other._

Misty: "We didn't think of that... I'm not quite sure how."

Lumi: "Normally Wolfie shouts out all the logic, even the bits that anyone sensible would get..." _Glances at Chewy, _"...although that's kinda fair enough... so without him we didn't even bother thinking about it."

Miku: "Well... what do we do now?"

Luka: "I have an idea!" _Turns to the river and shouts at the top of her voice, which is pretty loud, _"TAKO LUKA!"

_There is a rumbling, and the ship nearly tips from the apparent earthquake. The sky darkens, and the sound of thunder rumbles across the sky. Then, the water of the river begins to bubble, and from its murky depths steps..._

Tako Luka: "Hello everybody!"

_A small, pink octopus-thing, vaguely resembling a nightmare version of Luka's face and hair, steps out of the water._

Miku: "Anticlimax much?"

Neru: "This chapter is just getting silly now. How is one tako-thing going to help this boat float?"

Tako Luka: "Assorted-character-tako unit! MOVE OUT!"

_A swarm of Tako-characters rush up the bank of the river, and swarm around the ship._

Neru: "Okay, sanity just took its summer holiday."

Miku: "All aboard the HMS Spring Onion!"

Luka: "HMS Spring Onion?"

Miku: "Hime-Miku-San's Spring Onion."

Luka: "Ri~ght..."

* * *

_The group are all on the ship, which is moving across the water on the backs of the countless Tako-things._

Miku: "I cannot resist the temptation..." _Music begins to play._

Miku&Luka: "I'm on a boat, I'm on a boat. Everybody look at me 'cause I'm takoing on a boat. I'm on a boat, I'm on a boat. Take a good hard look at the motherf***ing boat!"

Misty: "Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat, It's a big blue watery road. Hey Wolfie, Look at me, oh-wo-wo-wo~. Never thought I'd see the day, when a big boat coming my way, believe me when I say, I f***ed Lumi!"

Lumi: "*Ahem*" _Music stops._

Neru: _Turning green (in the face, not the hair, that'd just be confusing)_ "Should I be getting sea-sick when we're not even really floating ourselves?"

Rin: _Also turning slightly green,_ "Don't think about it, just find the bathrooms on this thing."

Misty: "Damnit! I knew we'd forgotten something!"

Rin: "You mean..."

Neru: "There aren't any bathrooms on this thing?"

Misty: "Look, we constructed an entire, functioning steam ship from only the materials in a swamp. Give us some goddamn credit!"

Rin: "Neru... over the side?"

Luka: "That'll hit the Takos."

Rin: "Then where can we vomit?"

Luka: "Can't you just hold it. We're about half-way across."

Miku: "Right, so everybody get ready for a fight!"

Luka: "Why? There's nothing ahead, there's absolutely no sign of any enemies..."

Miku: "Exactly! Dramatic suspense demands that half-way across a river, we will be attacked! If our ship takes damage then the middle is the worst possible place, so that's where we'll be attacked."

Luka: "That's rid..."

_The ship rocks suddenly._

Luka: "...icuf***inglous!"

Miku: "Black Rock Shooter." _The massive gun appears on her arm. _"If I had a spring onion for every time I get one of those 'dramatic suspense' moments right..."

Luka: "You eat enough of them as it is."

Miku: "I don't eat enough!"

Luka: "Never mind..."

Misty: "What the hell is attacking us?"

Lumi: "The answer will reveal itself any line..."

_A massive sea serpent rises out of the sea._

Lumi: "...now. Why does this keep happening? I want to finish my freaking statement before the motherf***ing monster of the week turns up!"

Miku: "It happens because Wolfie."

Lumi: "Remind me to have a word with him once we're out of this whole mess!"

Miku: "He won't listen."

Lumi: "Okay, remind me to feed you spring onions until you and your negi go and have a word with him."

Miku: "That might work."

Sea Serpent: "Excuse me. I'm the monster of the week here. Could you please, at the very least, attack me, or something. I've got a busy schedule this week, I've got to go fill-in in Yu-gi-oh. Levia Dragon Daedalus is taking the week off."

Miku: "Sure, this won't take long." _Fires the BRS at the serpent._

Serpent: "Oh, that tickles. Now, stop playing around and actually attack me."

Miku: "Eh? Okay... plan B... World is Mine..." _Twin negi appear in her hands, and the appropriate costume change takes place, and she leaps at the serpent._

Serpent: "Oh! Lunch!" _Eats the negi, and knocks Miku back onto the boat._

Miku: "He... ate... my... negi..." _Her eyes begin to water. _"WAAAH! HE ATE MY NEGI! HE'S HORRIBLE!" _Cries violently._

Serpent: "Oh... sorry... I didn't realise they meant so much to you."

Wolfie: _Appearing out of nowhere just above the serpent, _"YOU MADE MIKU CRY! REJECTION!" _Conspicuously presses the backspace on his laptop._

Serpent: "NO! Don't delete me..." _Disappears, and the two negi fall and land on the ship._

Wolfie: "Nobody makes Miku cry!"

Misty: "Hey jerk, she was crying when you betrayed us all!"

Wolfie: "Oh... Sorry darling... I didn't mean to..."

Misty: "You freaking betray her and then say you 'didn't mean to' hurt her?" _Bow extends from his bracelet, and an arrow of mist forms in his hand. _"You bastard!"

Wolfie: "Oh dear, looks like I touched a nerve. Come on then, attack me!"

Lumi: _Casting a spell, _"Mass fly!" _He, Misty and Chewy begin flying suddenly._

Misty: "Since when was there a 'mass fly' spell."

Lumi: "Since shut up."

Misty: "Fair enough."

_The three of them fly towards Wolfie._

Misty: "Come on then Wolfie, fight us!"

Wolfie: "You're asking to fight the guy who's writing this story? You mad?"

Misty: "Yes, very. Lumi, magic support!"

Lumi: "Isaac's greater missile storm!"

_A load of apples fly at Wolfie._

Wolfie: "I thought we already did the physics jokes."

Misty: "Don't argue!" _Fires his arrow at Wolfie._

Wolfie: "Oh dear..." _Dodges the apples and the arrow effortlessly. _"I put a lot of points into the 'fly' skill you know. Also, you forgot something."

Chewy: "What?"

Wolfie: "Greater dispel magic."

_Misty, Lumi and Chewy stop moving suddenly, then start moving again. Only this time they're moving down, very quickly._

Lumi: "Mass feather fall!"

Wolfie: "Dispel magic."

Lumi: "Feather fall, feather fall, feather fall!"

Wolfie: "Dispel magic."

Lumi: "How many 'dispel magic's did you memorise?"

Wolfie: "Actually, I'm a spontaneous caster."

Misty: "You always were pretty spontaneous."

Wolfie: "Yeah, regardless, you probably don't want to know how much fall damage you're going to take."

Lumi: "Summon Monster 9!"

_A giant devil flies up suddenly and catches the trio._

Wolfie: "Banishment!"

Lumi: "Counterspell!"

Wolfie: "Implode!"

Lumi: "Counterspell!"

Wolfie: "Oh f*** this!" _His sword appears, and he flies toward the devil, cutting it in half._

_The trio fall to the ground again._

Wolfie: "Now that's been dealt with..." _Looks to where the ship has landed, and now sits deserted. _"Oh great... lost them."

* * *

Miku: "Talk about a distraction."

Luka: "Yeah, but now we're three men down."

Miku: "Yeah, but I think we'll be fine... now... Anybody climb a mountain before?"

_The group look up at the vertical cliff facing them._

Miku: "This could take a while..."

Pi: "Hurry up! Find them!"

Wolfie: "Urgh... I'm gonna go to the top of the mountain myself."

Pi: "Then why'd you come here in the first place?"

Wolfie: "Details, details, now I need to go to the Sword Steve! But for the moment readers, that's it for this chapter. Please review and all that shit."

Bis Bald

BW


	32. Betray 8

Betray the Writer, Ch8

_Miku clambers up rocks, skilfully moving from handhold to handhold. It was almost as if somebody had put all the handhold and footholds in just so that you could climb up the cliff..._

Miku: "Wolfie totally did that."

_Okay, yes, he/I probably did, but, at the risk of sounding cliché..._

Miku: "Screw that."

_Hey! You interrupted my narration! That's not allowed!_

Miku: "You always interrupt everybody else."

_Grrr... I suppose you have a point._

Miku: "Of course I do." _Reaches the top of the cliff, and pulls herself over the ledge._

Luka: _Sitting waiting with Gakupo, _"You took your time."

Miku: "Just 'cause you're a ninja and Gakupo took the 'impossible entrance' feat, allowing him to get anywhere as long as his entrance is... how do the rules word it? 'Awesome.'"

Luka: "You should have thought about it earlier, last time you levelled up."

Miku: "Well at least I have some points in acrobatics, unlike some people..." _Looks down the cliff-face, at the other Vocaloids struggling up the cliff. _"We could be waiting a while..."

Luka: "Yeah..."

Miku: "..."

Gakupo: "..."

Luka: "..."

Miku: "... Somebody... please think of something to do..."

Luka: "..."

Gakupo: "..."

Miku: "Oh f*** this..."

* * *

_Meanwhile, in the Plot Marine Battle Barge, 'The Continuity...'_

Pi: "All systems online Captain!"

Captain: "Take off every 'ZIG.'"

Pi: "Sorry?"

Captain: "I mean... prepare for take off!"

Pi: "Yessir!"

Captain: "It is time for us to take off and do battle!"

_The Captain and Sergeant Pi walk along a metal bridge, to the back of an aircraft, which they enter._

Plot Marine Pilot: "Ready for take off."

Captain: "Then, off we go! To the Mountain of Murder!"

_The aeroplane, (a thunderhawk for those who care/understand) takes off, and flies towards the mountain._

* * *

Miku: "Ah, you've all finally arrived guys!"

Kaito: "Must... get... ice cream..."

Rin: "Thanks for the piggyback Len!"

Len: "Must... stop... letting her... eat... so many... oranges..."

Rin: "What was that?"

Len: "Nothing..."

Neru: _Still texting, as she had been doing the whole way up the cliff, _"Gods, you guys are pathetic."

Miku: "Now we need to get going again..."

_A large purple plane flies overhead._

Luka: "Was that...?"

Miku: "The only people I can think of who'd have a bright purple plane around here are Gakupo and the Plot Marines."

Luka: "They're going to beat us to Steve!"

Miku: _Thinks for a second, _"Neru, that phone can do video calls, right?"

Neru: "Yes."

Miku: "Okay..." _BRS gun appears, and she fires at the plane._

* * *

_In the plane, just after it is rocked by an explosion._

Captain: "What happen?"

Pi: "Someone set up us the bomb!"

Plot Marine: "Actually we were shot..."

Pi: "We get signal!"

Captain: "What!"

Pi: "Main screen turn on."

Captain: "It's you!"

Miku: _Speaking through Neru's phone camera, _"How are you gentlemen! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction."

Captain: "What you say!"

Plot Marine: "We don't even have any 'base' to 'belong to' them, and what's up with all those exclamation marks when there should be question marks?"

Miku: "You have no chance to survive, make your time. Ha ha ha ha..."

Pi: "Captain!"

Captain: "For great justice. Screw this, land and prepare to fight!"

Pi: "Yes sir!"

* * *

Miku: "Well that was fun."

Neru: "I'm charging you for use of my phone."

Miku: "Just put it under business expenses. Anyway, come on!"

_The group start moving quickly up hill._

Pi: "Stop there!"

_The group reach a large group of Plot Marines, and halt._

Captain: "You may have downed our craft, but we will stop you here!"

Miku: "Really?"

Captain: "Yup, cause we have ploters, like bolters, only they're plot weapons!"

Miku: "Okay then, Captain... what was your name?"

Captain: "It's Obvious."

Miku: "No it isn't! I can't tell your name just by looking!"

Captain: "No, my name is 'Obvious,' Captain Obvious."

Miku: "Oh... right... so anyway Captain, how do you plan to stop us?"

Captain: "By playing... TEAM FORTRESS 2 AGAINST YOU!"

Miku: "You...you're on!"

* * *

_A short time later..._

Miku (Heavy): _Waving the BRS around, _"MEDIC!"

Meiko (Demoman...woman...): "We doon't ha' woon!"

Miku: "Sorry, I don't speak Drunkard."

Len (Scout): "She said we don't have one."

Miku: "I suppose given our team-mates..."

Neru (Engineer): "Well I built a dispenser back there."

Miku: "Thanks!" _Runs to the dispenser._

Rin (Pyro): "RAAAGH! SPYCHECK!" _Runs around throwing fire everywhere._

Len: "Why did we let Rin go pyro?"

Miku: "I don't know..."

Kaito (Soldier): "Come on, we need to attack, and capture the intelligence!"

Miku: "Those Plot Marines don't have any intelligence, they're all complete idiots. Besides, this game is CAPTURE POINTS!"

Kaito: "Oh... oops..."

Luka (Spy): _Uncloaking, _"They're all camped on the middle point."

Miku: "Okay... where's Gakupo?"

Luka: "Oh, he just went to change class."

Gakupo (Medic): "Hey guys, so we ready to attack?"

Miku: "A medic... now... Oh well, start healing me and let's go kick some butt!"

_The group rush forward, with Gakupo healing Miku._

Miku: "WHAT SICK MAN SENDS BABIES TO FIGHT ME!" _Shoots at the marines._

Meiko: _Shooting several explosive rounds at the marines, _"Ka-BOOM!"

Luka: _Backstabbing a scout, _"Well, time to go visit your mother!"

Gakupo: "You aren't having an affair are you Luka?"

Luka: "No, I was just... compelled to say that... I dunno why."

Gakupo: "I am fully charged!"

Miku: _As Gakupo uses his __ü__bercharge, _"I... am IRON!"

_The plot marines were, in short, screwed._

Miku: "Well, that was relaxing."

Luka: "Depends on your definition of 'relaxing' really."

* * *

Miku: "Well, now to the sword!"

_The group dash up the mountain, and reach the peak far too quickly given it's a freaking mountain, but, as with so many other things in life, screw that._

Miku: "We're here!"

Wolfie: "Yes, yes you are. But so am I."

_Standing at the mountain's very peak is an altar, with a katana buried in it up to the hilt. Sitting on the altar is Wolfie, looking bored._

Miku: "So... you're here to stop us from taking Steve."

Wolfie: "Oh no, too much effort. You can have the sword if you want it, here..." _Grabs the sword, pulls it out of the altar and throws it (handle first) towards Miku, who catches it._

Miku: "You just gave me the one weapon capable of defeating you?"

Wolfie: "And? If nobody could defeat me ever then this story wouldn't be very interesting."

Miku: "Maybe... but now, prepare to taste defeat!" _Holding the sword tightly, charges at Wolfie._

* * *

Pi: "Due to unforeseen circumstances..." _An image of Miku charging at Wolfie appears, _"...Wolfie is unable to give the closing messages. So, as per usual, please review, or else Miku (and Steve) will pay a visit to your house and chop you into little pieces."

Bis Bald

BW


	33. Betray 9

Betray the Writer! Ch 9

_Since last chapter, Miku has (very slowly) continued her charge at Wolfie, who has just stood there waiting._

Kaito: "Why is she charging so slowly?"

Luka: "She has to make it last into the new chapter... oh it's started!"

Miku: "Freaking finally!" _Speeds up, running full-speed at Wolfie._

Wolfie: "Okay... well here goes!" _Swings his sword in the way to block._

_As Miku slashes at Wolfie, and the man blocks, there is a blinding flash of light as the two swords clash._

Miku: "What the heck is going on?"

Wolfie: "Oh shit... I forgot to calculate this eventuality..."

Miku: "What freaking eventuality?"

Wolfie: "Sword of time plus sword of not-time equals holy f***ing shit!"

Miku: "So what's happening?"

Wolfie: "We've just torn a hole in the fabric of reality, and are being sucked through the hole!"

Miku: "What's on the other side?"

Wolfie: "God only knows... scratch that, even I don't have a clue, and I'm writing this damn story!"

_The light fades, and, as any observer would have noted, all of the vocaloids and Wolfie had disappeared._

* * *

Miku: "Where in the name of Cthulu are we?"

Kaito: "Well... it looks pretty similar to the mountain we were on before... except I'm sure that the trees were the other way around before..."

Luka: "And look, there's still a sword in the altar, but Miku's still holding hers."

Wolfie: "Holy crap in a bucket, we're in a reflection universe!"

Miku: "Um... Wolfie, while that might be useful information, I still have to fight you."

Wolfie: "Please, can we leave that until after we've worked out how to get back home, rather than trying to kill each other, and getting stuck here because it turned out that the one of us who was badly injured was the one required for us to escape?"

Miku: "Fair point, we don't want irony giving us a kick in the backside... so where exactly are we?"

Wolfie: "We're in a reflection of our own universe, where everything is swapped around. Physical structures are reflected, personalities and even genders flip."

Miku: "So somewhere here there's a female version of you?"

Wolfie: "Yes... that's a little bit scary..."

Miku: "And a male version of me..."

Wolfie: "Terrifying."

Miku: "Quite."

Kaito: "So does anyone know how to get back home?"

Wolfie: "I was thinking of wandering around until we encounter a plot point, but actually, I have a better idea."

Kaito: "What?"

Wolfie: "Wait for that plot point to come to us."

Everybody: "Eh?"

Miku: "Wolfie dear, normally the player goes to the plot point, not the other way around."

Wolfie: "Think Miku, there's another version of each of us somewhere in this world, and I would bet a year's supply of coke that they'll be coming towards this point right as we speak!"

Miku: "You may have a point."

Mysterious voice: "What the heck? Luki, come and see this!"

Wolfie: "I hear a year's supply of coke flowing into my cup."

_A group of people come up the mountain to the vocaloids. Each one resembles one of the vocaloids closely. The main difference being their gender, each being the opposite of their counterpart._

Miku Reflection & Miku: "Who the heck are you guys...? ...We're the Vocaloids... "

Miku: "I'm Miku."

Mikuo: "I'm Mikuo."

_Total silence._

Wolfie: "As the only person without a counterpart present, I'm going to interject at this point, before things get crazy. You, Vocaloids who just arrived, names, now!"

Luka Reflection: "Luki."

Meiko Reflection: "Meito."

Kaiko Reflection: "Kaiko."

Neru Reflection: "Nero."

Rin Reflection: "Rinto."

Len Reflection: "Lenka."

Gakupo Reflection: "Gakuko."

Wolfie: "Okay, now that's been sorted out, why the hell are you here?"

Mikuo: "To get the sword Stevette and defeat the writer!"

Wolfie: "And who is the writer?"

Mikuo: "The dreaded... MARY SUE!"

Wolfie: _Looking shocked, _"You... are... f***ing... kidding..."

Mikuo: "No, I'm not."

Wolfie: "That means that the opposite of me is..."

Miku: "Mary Sue..."

_Miku and Wolfie look thoughtful for a moment._

Miku: "Wolfie, I am so glad I married you. If your opposite is Mary Sue, that makes you just about the most awesome person ever to exist."

Wolfie: "I... feel strangely violated for some reason."

Miku: "Don't worry darling, I'll strangely violate you later."

Luka: "They were quick at making up."

Gakupo: "You know, the whole 'flung into a universe where you can see everybody's opposites' thing can cause people to act a bit odd."

Mikuo: "What on wherever the hell this universe is are you talking about?"

Miku: "This could take some explaining."

* * *

_Some time later, after recounting their story to their gender-bent versions..._

Miku: "And then we ended up here."

Mikuo: "So... that guy betrayed you, and you're still willing to sleep with him?"

Miku: "Yeah, that's about right."

Mikuo: "I suppose I can understand, after all, I'd sleep with my beloved Kaiko whatever happened!" _Leaps at Kaiko, and tries to hug her._

Kaiko: "Get away from me you pervert, I'd never like you in a million years, not if hell froze over!"

Wolfie: "Actually, if you go deep enough into hell, you end up at the frozen river Cocystus."

Kaiko: "Shut up!"

Mikuo: "But my princess...!"

Miku: "Where have I heard that before?"

Kaito: "I have no idea."

Miku: "Kaito, remember that I still have Steve!"

Kaito: "Yes, I am remembering that. That's why I have kept away from you at all times. I have no desire to have my balls removed."

Miku: "Finally house trained."

Meiko: "Don't worry, I'll protect them for you Kaito. I'll provide them with all the cover I can personally provide."

Meito: "I can't believe my opposite is such a slut."

Meiko: "Hey! I'm only a slut for Kaito!"

Meito: "And that makes it alright?"

Meiko: "Of course!"

Wolfie: "This is so annoying to type you know, having to make sure I get 'Meiko' and 'Meito' the right way around the whole time."

Nero: "Then why bother?"

Neru: "Yeah, it's not like Meiko or Meito is important."

Meiko & Meito: "I resent that!"

_Neru and Nero ignore the pair, while they exchange phone numbers._

Miku: "So... what do we do now?"

Mikuo: "Well I'm going to take the Sword Stevette, which the Little Good told us to get."

Miku: "Ri~ght... this world is getting to me already."

_Mikuo goes to the sword and pulls it out of the altar._

Mikuo: "The ultimate sword of not-space, it's mine at last!"

Wolfie: "I take it then that Ms. Sue has the sword of space."

Mikuo: "Yeah, how did you guess?"

Wolfie: _Sword appearing in his hand, _"Sword of time."

Mikuo: "Right..."

Miku: "So... what now?"

Mysterious Voice (Yeah, they get around): "Ah! We finally found you guys!"

_Three figures approach. One is a beautiful woman, one a girl with the worst fashion sense ever, and the one who had spoken was..._

Wolfie: "Misty? What the hell are you doing here?"

Misty: "Do I know you?"

Wolfie: "Eh? It's me, Wolfie... the writer... wait a second..." _Looks at Misty's two companions, then bursts out laughing._

Miku: "What's so funny Wolfie?"

Wolfie: "Misty... you're your own opposite."

* * *

Sergeant Pi: "Due to his being stuck in a different universe, Wolfie is unavailable to comment. However, he requests reviews as always, and thanks you all for reading."

Bis Bald

BW


	34. Betray 10

Betray the Writer! Ch10

_Since last time, nothing really has happened... at all..._

Misty: "You what?"

Wolfie: "It seems you are your own opposite... which does lead to the question of what gender you are, but I don't want that question answered."

Miku: "I thought Derrick was the gender-ambiguous character for this story."

Wolfie: "Well now we have a pair. Add in me, you Miku and Rin and that makes three violent lunatics. Put them together and we have a full house!"

Miku: "Wolfie darling, this isn't poker."

Wolfie: "I know, I know. Pity, that'd be a good hand."

Mikuo: "What on Earth is wrong with you two?"

Wolfie: "Think of what's right with you. That's what's wrong with Miku."

Kaiko: "But there's nothing right with Mikuo."

Wolfie: "Therefore there's nothing wrong with Miku."

Mikuo: "You don't mean that Kaiko-hime-sama!"

Kaiko: "Yes I do."

Miku: "Kaiko, you should get a boyfriend to fend that guy off, it worked for me."

Kaiko: "But the only guy I'm interested in it Meito... and he wants to just be friends..."

Luka: "Who asked me to sing 'Just be Friends?'"

Miku: "Nobody Luka, go back to having a tuna war with Luki. Now Kaiko, if Meito's not interested, then make him interested. Find out all the things he likes, wear nice clothes for him. I'm sure if you truly like him and try hard enough that eventually he'll start to like you."

Kaiko: _Looking thoughtful, _"You're right! I'll go start trying now!"

_Kaiko skips off, smiling. Mikuo watches sadly, then looks at Miku._

Mikuo: "Do you think that could work for me too?"

Miku: "You know, there's a difference between the person you like being indifferent, and actively disliking you."

Mikuo: "That hurts."

Miku: "At the risk of sounding cliché, sucks to be you."

Mikuo: "But you're my opposite!"

Miku: "Precisely, so if you lose, I win. Exact opposites, including in luck."

Wolfie: "While the logic is shaky, she has a point. Which means if I hurt you, Miku will heal..."

Mikuo: "Please don't."

Wolfie: "I won't..." _Smirking, _"At least, at the risk of sounding cliché, not yet."

Mikuo: "Oh... dear..."

Wolfie: "Anyway, in the interval between chapters, I was working on something, which is... interesting."

Miku: "What?"

Wolfie: "An alignment chart for the characters in this story... and... well... there's a problem."

Miku: "What?"

Wolfie: "Well... all our characters are good or neutral, none are evil, right."

Miku: "Yeah, that's to be expected."

Wolfie: "And our opposites will have opposing alignments, right."

Miku: "Yeah... ah... so... what alignment do I have?"

Wolfie: "Chaotic Good..."

Miku: "Mikuo, what alignment are you?"

Mikuo: "Lawful evi... neutral!"

Miku: "No you aren't! You're evil!"

Mikuo: "Yeah, okay, maybe I am, what's it to you?"

Wolfie: "Much as I can't believe it, we have a bigger problem."

Miku: "What?"

Wolfie: "Well you know how my opposite is the writer of this universe."

Miku: "Yes."

Wolfie: "Do you think you can guess what alignment she'll be?"

Miku: "Well you're lawful neutral, so... oh... f***..."

Luka: "What's wrong?"

Miku: "We have a CHAOTIC writer! Can you imagine the results?"

Luka: "Um... if that's the case, how come gravity's still working?"

Wolfie: _Looking down the mountain at the surrounding area, _"It's not..."

Luka: "What?"

Wolfie: "Well... except for here... more of my fic-zone must be leaking in than I thought..."

_The group look out to see a town floating in the sky, some buildings upside down. Near them, there are some cows being farmed... in mid-air._

Wolfie: "Um... people from this world, how long have you guys actually been walking on the ground?"

Luki: "Since we reached the foot of the mountain. We fell out of the sky suddenly, it was weird. I'm still wondering why we can't fly any more."

Wolfie: "Oh... shit..."

Miku: "So the only reason we're on the ground right now is because your fic-zones are overlapping?"

Wolfie: "Yeah... and now I need to separate them... but how?"

Beautiful Girl from last chapter: "Hey, Mr. Wolfie, love the name by the way, I think I know how you could do it."

Wolfie: "Ah, Chewy's opposite! How?"

BGflc: "The name is Swalla, oh and this is Atra."

Atra (The badly dressed girl from last chapter): "Hello."

Swalla: "But yes, what you need is to get Mary Sue's account suspended, or better yet deleted."

Wolfie: "Why are you suggesting this? Surely it benefits you if this fic-zone survives."

Swalla: "Well I can't resist such an attractive man." _Leans forward to show off her breasts._

Wolfie: "I'm married thanks."

Miku: "Yeah, get away from him slut."

Swalla: "What? I was merely saying he's attractive."

Miku: "And flashing your boobs at him!"

Swalla: "Just because yours are small, doesn't mean other women can't have them."

Miku: _Suddenly quiet, _"Yeah... mine are too small... I can't compete with Luka-chan... or Meiko-chan... or the slut... I'm useless!" _Runs off in tears._

Wolfie: "Miss Swalla, I do believe that you just made my waifu cry."

Swalla: "Just cause she's got little ones, doesn't mean she has to get jealous."

Wolfie: "You know, I'm going to give you the worst punishment ever when I get back from comforting Miku, and believe me, it will be bad."

Swalla: "What on Earth could it be?"

Wolfie: "I'll make you spend time with the one man even _you _would never sleep with."

_Wolfie runs after Miku, who is sitting away from the others, staring down the mountain._

Miku: "I'm useless..." _Cries a little._

Wolfie: "Miku, I don't care about your breasts!"

Miku: "Yes you do! You're a heterosexual guy! Of course you do!"

Wolfie: "Okay... but I don't care how big they are! Because they're yours."

Miku: _Looking at Wolfie oddly, _"Wolfie?"

Wolfie: "I wouldn't care if they were microscopic or massive, they'd be yours, and that's all that'd matter!"

Miku: "W...Wolfie... that's so sweet." _Stands up and steps over to Wolfie, _"I love you Wolfie!"

Wolfie: "And I love you... now... I need to get Chewy here."

Miku: "Why?"

Wolfie: "You'll see..."

* * *

Misty (Original World): "We finally found you! Wolfie, you're going down!"

Wolfie: "By 'found' you mean 'fell through the same time-space hole as.'"

Misty OW: "Regardless, you're going down!"

Wolfie: "Right, right... but first, do you want to see something funny?"

Misty OW: "Sure, where?"

Wolfie: _Points to Chewy and Swalla, _"Right over there."

Swalla: "So, you're my reflection. I didn't expect you to be so hairy."

Chewy: "Why? I'm a Wookie."

Swalla: "But I didn't know... never mind. So sweetie, what kind of play do you like?"

Chewy: "D&D!"

Swalla: "So you like to roleplay?"

Chewy: "Yeah, I like being the nice polite guy, with the awesome backstory that reeks of epicness!"

Swalla: "Er... so... um... what would I roleplay as?"

Chewy: "Oh don't worry, I can tell you exactly how your character would act around mine!"

Swalla: _Looking at the others and mouthing, _"*Help!*"

Wolfie: "As I said, the worst punishment ever."

* * *

Pi: "As Wolfie still hasn't returned, our Captain will do the messages!"

Captain Obvious: "Please review and all that... and thank you for reading. Now, may the writer rule!"

Pi: "Er... yeah."

Bis Bald

BW


	35. Betray 11

Betray the Writer! Ch11

Wolfie: "So... now that Swalla has been subdued, what next?"

Miku: "Well, we have to get Mary Sue's account deleted. So the obvious way is just to hack into her account and post loads of stories that violate the rules of the site."

Wolfie: "But hardly anyone even has their account suspended for that. It would take a racist rant, claiming that black people will rape and eat your children to even get a warning. Not that I have anything against black people that is, it's just an example."

Miku: "That's true, but between us, I'm sure we can come up with something that would insta-perma-ban any account."

Wolfie: "Hm... you know, you just might be right! Lumi!"

Lumi: "Turning on the computer!"

Wolfie: "Chewy!"

Chewy: "Preparing questions!"

Wolfie: "Misty!"

Misty (Both): "Which one of us?"

Wolfie: "Both. We need to come up with the most disgusting thing ever to post on fanfiction (dot) net, and I can't believe I can't actually type that properly as the stories can't have links in them."

Misty (Original World): "Well that shouldn't be too hard."

Mikuo: "Meanwhile, why don't we take you to meet Mary Sue?"

Miku: "Why the hell would we want to meet the bitch?"

Mikuo: "I dunno, plot progression?"

Luka: "But won't creating this 'story' to post cause an advancement in the plot anyway?"

Mikuo: "Well... maybe, but we don't know for sure."

Miku: "Whatever, can you get her here?"

Mikuo: "Well... I can't personally... she and I hate each other."

Miku: "Eh? Really?"

Wolfie: "Remember Miku, opposites."

Miku: "Oh... so because we're a couple..."

Wolfie: "Yeah, they hate each other."

Miku: "So how can we get her here?"

Mikuo: "Nero, call her."

Nero: "Sure, whatever," _Dials on his phone, _"Oh, hey Mary. Yeah, Mikuo wants you to come here. Some weird people have fallen through from an 'opposite world' and are currently trying to get your account deleted... yeah, see you in five." _Hangs up._

Wolfie: "I can't believe you just told her that!"

Nero: "Really? True neutral motherf***er, do you know it?"

Wolfie: "Don't talk like that to me!"

Nero: "Why not?"

Wolfie: "Because I could divide you into small pieces in three seconds flat."

Nero: "Well then f*** you kindly sir."

Wolfie: "Well then, time you died," _His sword appears in his hand._

Mysterious Voice: "I wouldn't do that if I were you Wolfie."

Wolfie: "Who is that?"

Mary Sue: "It is I your opposite, the noble and eloquent, all-powerful and strikingly beautiful Mary Sue!"

_Mary Sue appears, as trumpet blare, and she descends from the sky upon a cloud. She steps onto the ground by the side of Nero._

Mary Sue: "So, Mr. Opposite, why are you trying to kill my friends within my lands, the noble land of Dlrow S'retirw."

Miku: "What the hell?"

Wolfie: "Say it backwards."

Miku: "Oh... OH!"

Mary Sue: "Now, Wolfie, I cannot accept this affront, we shall honourably duel!"

Wolfie: "Hang on, you're the chaotic one, and you're suggesting the duel... this is so obviously a trap it's painful, but go on then, what kind of duel?"

Mary Sue: "A summoning duel, in which we summon the most powerful characters our writing skills allow us to wield!"

Wolfie: "I accept your duel! So I guess it's time to quote that..."

Miku: "Ready Wolfie?"

Wolfie: "At the risk of sounding cliché... It's TIME TO D-D-D-D..."

_Five hours later..._

Wolfie: "...d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d..."

_Another three hours later..._

Wolfie: "d...d...d...d... DUEL!"

_A massive duelling stadium rises out of the ground near them, with two raised platforms, one at each end. It's a sleek white, with the usual techno-random stuff on it, like electric lights that are on even during the day, those weird strips that run around a stadium with what appears to be a pulse moving along it. All that crap._

* * *

_Shortly thereafter..._

The Teacher who does the Announcing in Baka to Test: "Contestants please step forward."

Mary Sue: "Wolfie, you had better be ready to face defeat."

Wolfie: _On the other side of the stadium, _"I can't hear you!"

Mary Sue: "What?"

Wolfie: "You're too far away, I can't hear you!"

Mary Sue: "Sorry, I can't hear you!"

_A buzzing sound assails their ears._

Mary Sue: "Ah, the comms are working, good, good."

TABT: "Ccontestants please summon your yanderes."

Mary Sue: _Doing a traditional twirl for summoning, _"Summon!"

_Kaede Fuyou from Shuffle! appears, brandishing a knife. A small rectangle with '257,' her yandere score, on it appears next to her._

Wolfie: "Summon!"

_Shion Sonozaki from Higurashi appears. A rectangle with '23' on it appears next to her._

TABT: "Begin!"

Mary Sue: "You don't stand a chance against me with that few points. Kaede, use box cutter attack!"

_Kaede jumps in the air, and hurls knives at Shion, who stands there staring up at the girl in fright._

Wolfie: "Shion! That girl kidnapped Satoshi!"

_Shion's eyes suddenly go into psycho mode, and her yandere number starts increasing suddenly, suddenly reaching triple digits, then it keeps increasing, until it finally stops at..._

Mary Sue: "750?"

Wolfie: "Yeah, nobody wants to mess with her when it comes to Satoshi..."

_Shion draws a tazer in her left hand, and a pair of knives in her right, and leaps up to attack Kaede, hurling the knives, then swinging with the tazer, striking the other girl down. She then pulls out a whip, and starts lashing the downed girl. Kaede's points fall to 0._

Mary Sue: "NO!"

Wolfie: "Hell yeah! Shion, return!" _Hurls a pok__é__ball at Shion, which absorbs her in a flash of red light._

Mary Sue: "Okay, next round I'll beat you! Summon!"

_Minami Shimada from Baka to Test appears. She has a yandere score of 12._

Wolfie: "How's that going to help you?"

Mary Sue: "Minami, did you know that guy said that you have such tiny breasts that Yoshii will never love you?"

_Minami's score increases to 907._

Wolfie: "Oh dear, I only have one yandere left who can top that.

Mary Sue: "She doesn't exist!"

Wolfie: "Oh yes she does... SUMMON!"

_A black circle appears on the ground, and a red pentagram appears. Rising up from it is..._

Mary Sue: "No... the mother-of-all yanderes!"

_Yuno Gasai, from Future Diary, stands before them. Yandere score: 666._

Mary Sue: "Ha! She still can't compare to my servant!"

Wolfie: "Yuno, look at your diary."

_Yuno looks, latest entry: 'Mary Sue killed Yuki!' Her yandere score rises... and rises... and rises..._

Mary Sue: "Oh... my... god..."

_And infinity sign appears where Yuno's yandere score was._

Wolfie: "I think I win."

_Minami runs away terrified. Wolfie wins._

Mary Sue: "Screw this! Vocaloids! Attack him!"

Mikuo: "For once, I have reason to do as you suggest."

Nero: "Yeah... may as well."

Kaiko: "But he's not that nasty..."

Meito: "If I get to fight that slut I'm game."

Kaiko: "I suppose if Meito wants to..."

Luki: "I still have tuna to use on that other girl."

Gakuko: "For great eggplants!"

Wolfie: "Now that's cheating. Fortunately, I have backup too!"

Miku: "Mikuo, you're going down!"

Neru: "I even gave you my number, you bastard!"

Kaito: "I dunno... they were at least as nice to me as you guys..."

Meiko: "Kaito, fight or else I'll kill you."

Kaito: "Er... okay."

Luka: "I wish to settle this in a calm and diplomatic manner. However, calm's on holiday and diplomatic is currently busy in Africa, so let's get them!"

Gakupo: "In eggplants we trust!"

_The two groups attack each other. This will be a battle of epic proportions! Who'll win? Who'll lose? Who'll end up going home and crying to their mother that 'the nasty man/woman hurt me?' Who'll make the fried bread for tomorrow's breakfast? Why are there so many questions? And will somebody please review this? Find out the answers to some of these questions and more in the next episode of 'Betray the Writer!'_

Bis Bald

BW


	36. Betray 12

Betray the Writer! Ch12

_The two sides have begun to clash, opposite against opposite, as above the Vocaloids fighting on the ground, Wolfie and Mary Sue fly above, typing furiously..._

Wolfie: "I will out-type you bitch!"

Mary Sue: "Well I can touch type!"

Wolfie: "So can I!"

_...Let's leave them to it..._

* * *

Miku: "Mikuo, you're going down! Miku Fang!" _Releases a shockwave from Steve._

Mikuo: "Guardian!" _A green aura surrounds him, _"Miku, I will defeat you!"

Miku: "No you won't, I'm the original version. You're the opposite, therefore you will lose. Look at every literary example ever!"

Mikuo: "Yeah, but this story avoids clichés like the plague."

Miku: "Alternatively it runs straight into them on purpose, depending on how Wolfie currently feels."

Mikuo: "So really, we have no idea who's gonna win this?"

_The pair stare dumbly at each other, as they realise that they could actually lose the fight within the bounds of this fanfiction._

Miku: "Oh well..." _Shrugs, _"DIE BASTARD!" _Runs at Mikuo._

Mikuo: "Odd. I'm your opposite, yet I was thinking almost exactly the same thing. DIE BIATCH!" _Runs at Miku._

* * *

_Meanwhile, a little way away._

Luka: "SNEAK ATTACK!" _Hits Luki with a tuna._

Luki: "F*** that hurts!"

Luka: "I feel somehow stronger suddenly."

Gakupo: _Dueling Gakuko nearby,_ "It's just like Wolfie said, when one gets hurt, the reflection gets healed."

Luka: "So if I keep hitting this guy, I gain hit points?"

Gakupo: "Pretty much."

Luka: "Excellent." _Turns to Luki who is recovering on the ground, her eyes glinting, _"Feel the TUNA!" _Starts attacking Luki, _"Ah! Hit points!"

Luki: "F*** you bitch!" _Draws a sword and stabs Luka._

Luka: "NO! My temporary hit points!"

Luki: "Yeah, very temporary." _Stands up, as his injuries heal up._

Gakupo: "Be careful Luka, if he hurts you, he'll heal too."

Luka: "Yeah... I got that..."

* * *

Meiko: "Die!" _Swings her two bottles at Meito._

Meito: "Bitch!" _Counters with his own bottles._

Kaito: _Sitting on the side, _"You know, I know how we all jumped into battle last chapter, but the thing is, I don't have a weapon, or any fighting ability..."

Kaiko: _Sitting next to him, _"Me neither... all I have is a level in noble and ice cream..."

_This is true, there is a large vat of ice cream next to each of the pair. The two of them are slowly eating the ice cream as they watch the other pair fighting._

Kaito: "So you're saying you aren't the comedy-relief character of your group?"

Meiko: "YOU BASTARD!"

Kaiko: "Nah, I'm the intelligent one. Mikuo's the idiot who always get into trouble."

Meito: "BITCH! Take this!"

Kaito: "So he's not like my princess then?"

Meiko: "F*** YOU!"

Kaiko: "No, Mikuo IS her opposite after all."

Meito: "This is the part where I kill you!"

Kaito: "Her guys, we're trying to have a conversation here, could you kill each other more quietly please?"

Meiko & Meito:_ Halting their fight to glare at Kaito, _"SHUT UP!" _The pair return to killing each other._

Kaito: "There's no reasoning with that pair... vanilla Kaiko?"

Kaiko: "Oh, thank you."

* * *

Neru: "I will defeat you!"

Nero: "No, I shall defeat you!"

_The pair are busily tapping on their phone, busily trolling all of the other's sites._

Neru: "Haha! I've completed my trolling of your Facebook page!"

Nero: "Well I got your Tumblr!"

Neru: "Bastard!"

_Moving swiftly on..._

* * *

Len: "Why didn't we join in the battle cries at the end of last chapter?"

Rin: "Because we were *censored* and Wolfie forgot about us."

Lenka: "So here we are."

Rinto: "Fighting and trying to hide the scars. I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye!"

Lenka: "You know, just 'cause I used part of a song's lyrics in my sentence, does not mean you need to continue."

Rinto: "Yeah, but I wanted to."

Rin: "So, shall we continue?"

Lenka: "Okay, let us begin the first ever round of... ROADROLLER JOUSTING!"

_The two pairs are on their road rollers, facing each other as a fence runs down passing each of them. Rin and Lenka each hold spears while Len and Rinto are in the driver's seats._

Rin &Lenka: "CHARGE!"

_The two machines roll towards each other... and carnage will shortly ensue._

* * *

Wolfie: "My... fingers... ache... so badly..."

Mary Sue: "Mine... too..."

_The pair are now typing slowly, as their hands stiffen._

Wolfie: "F*** this." _His laptop disappears._

Mary Sue: "Quite, let our true strength be settled by the blade!" _Her laptop disappears too._

Wolfie: "We could do it that way, but there is the alternative."

Mary Sue: "What?"

Wolfie: "I cheat! Meteor Swarm!" _Meteors fall from the sky towards Mary Sue._

Mary Sue: "FUUUUU..."

_The meteors hit Mary Sue._

Wolfie: "Hang on, that's the first time somebody's cast a spell and it hasn't been dispelled or counterspelled."

Mary Sue: "Yeah, you're a casting class, so I've got levels in fighter."

Wolfie: "Ah... so because I took a level in badass..."

Mary Sue: "I took a level in jerkass."

Wolfie: "For the record, my spell-check doesn't believe 'badass' is a word. I have now told it off, and added it to my dictionary."

Mary Sue: "Also, you aren't actually that badass."

Wolfie: "That's why I took a level in it, to try to boost my badassery. For the record, spell-check doesn't think 'badassery' is a word either."

Mary Sue: "Anyways, my round now!" _Moves up to Wolfie, drawing a rapier, and stabbing repeatedly at Wolfie._

Wolfie: "Ah, that stings."

Mary Sue: "Your magic won't help you now, I have the sword of space!"

Wolfie: "Right, right. And I have a sword three times larger." _Kuin appears as a greatsword in his hand, _"And for the record, you can ask Miku, this is totally NOT COMPENSATING!" _Slashes at Mary Sue._

_The two duel with the utmost elegance... well kinda. You can't really be that elegant with a greatsword._

Wolfie: "Screw the elegance, I have 2D6 plus 1.5 times Strength damage!"

_Wolfie knocks Mary Sue out of the sky with one great sweeping strike. She lands at the edge of a cliff._

Mary Sue: _Standing from where she landed, _"You know, you should surrender Wolfie, this is my fic-zone, and I am Mary Sue, you will lose!"

Wolfie: "Surrender? You make me laugh."

Mary Sue: "Choose your next words carefully Wolfie, or they may be your last as The Writer."

_Wolfie stares away briefly, then turns and points his blade straight at Mary Sue, forcing her to the edge of the cliff._

Mary Sue: "Madman... you're a madman..."

Wolfie: "You'll only find earth and water down there."

Mary Sue: "No man, original or gender-bent threatens a writer!"

Wolfie: "You bring the crowns and heads of conquered writers to MY fic-zone's steps. You insult mai waifu, you threaten my people with slavery and death. Oh I've chosen my words carefully, Mary. Perhaps you should have done the same."

Mary Sue: "You're trying to beat a Mary Sue in her own story... that's impossible... This is blasphemy! This is madness!"

_Wolfie steps back, lowering his blade, and looking down the mountain, to where Miku is fighting Mikuo._

Wolfie: _Looking back at Mary Sue,_ "Madness?... THIS IS** PARODY**!" _Kicks Mary Sue off the cliff._

_Mary Sue falls in slow-motion down the cliff, as Wolfie turns away and his sword dissipates._

Wolfie: _Hearing a loud crash resound up the cliff, _"Farewell Mary Sue. I'll see you in hell." _Walks away from the cliff, his laptop appearing and floating along beside him. _"Let's see how this world turns out with me in charge... Motherf***ing hell yeah!"

* * *

Misty (Original World): Should we be glad he forgot about us for the chapter?

Lumi: "Probably yes."

Atra: "Yeah... you know, this is only my second line..."

Chewy: "So Swalla, you're playing a female character? She'd totally sleep with my character."

Swalla: _Crying, _"I'm so sorry Wolfie, Miku, I'll never be slutty again!"

Misty (Reflection): Aren't you normally meant to break the cutey?"

Misty OW: "Dunno... and we never did get the answers to any of those questions from last chapter, except we now know that Mary lost."

Lumi: "Actually, for the record, I made the fried bread, and someone did review this. But more reviews are needed to keep Wolfie working hard on this story. So people keep reviewing!"

Bis Bald

BW


	37. Betray 13

Betray the Writer! Ch13

_The Vocaloids and their opposites continue their violent struggles..._

Kaito: "Kaiko and I are just enjoying some ice cream!"

_...their VIOLENT STRUGGLES while Wolfie slowly advances towards the nearest pair._

Neru: "Haha! I've trolled your Myspace!"

Nero: "I haven't even been on there in years!"

Neru: "Well then f*** you!"

Nero: "I've trolled your Imageshack!"

Neru: "I have an Imageshack account?"

Nero: "Apparently... last thing you uploaded was several years ago though..."

Neru: "Oh..."

_The two start to realise that this might, possibly, be a waste of time, when Wolfie arrives suddenly._

Wolfie: "Nero, you remember how you told me to kindly f*** myself?"

Nero: "Yes..."

Wolfie: "Well then, _sir_,kindly F*** YOU!"

_Nero is suddenly consumed by a beam of raw 'Wolfie is pissed,' and is promptly reduced to little more than a small pile of dust._

Neru: "Isn't that... a little excessive?"

Wolfie: "No."

Neru: "Oh, okay then."

* * *

_Where the two pairs of twins were jousting... there's not much left._

Rin: "We really did a number on the landscape."

Len: "Wasn't there a hill here before? Not a crater..."

_They are now standing in a crater, atop the two mangled roadrollers sitting in the middle of it._

Lenka: "Yeah... I don't quite know how we did that..."

Rinto: "Great... another claim on the insurance..."

Len: "This makes 53 this month..."

_Both Len and Rinto cringe._

Rin: "Oh... there's Wolfie."

Wolfie: "Don't worry Rinto, you won't have to worry about the insurance."

Rinto: "Really? Why?"

Wolfie: _Pulls out a black notebook and writes something in it, _"You won't be around long enough."

Rinto: "What do you..." _Disappears._

Lenka: "Rinto! Nooo..." _Disappears._

Rin: "What the hell did you do to them?"

Wolfie: "This notebook is the 'Disappear note' from the 4Kids attempt at a dub of Death Note. 'The person whose name is written in this notebook shall go to the Shadow Realm.'

Len: "There was an attempt by 4Kids to dub Death Note?"

Wolfie: "No, thank goodness. There are few things that a 4Kids dub of would be worse... that said, Higurashi or Umineko would be worse, to name but two..."

Rin: "All three of those would become pointless... let us be thankful that 4Kids didn't get to them."

Len: "But to those poor series that were dubbed by them... RIP..."

_To all series dubbed by 4Kids  
1992-Present  
Rest in Peace_

Wolfie: "Anyway, time to move on..."

* * *

_Meiko and Meito are still fighting, their bottles now broken, and both breathing heavily. Kaito and Kaiko continue eating ice cream._

_Meiko slashes at Meito, who parries, and knocks Meiko to the ground, then prepares to strike the final blow._

Wolfie: "I wouldn't do that if I were you..."

_Wolfie appears out of nowhere and stabs his sword straight through Meito._

Wolfie: "...do you take my point?"

Meito: "That... was... a terrible pun..." _Dies._

Wolfie: "And those were terrible last words."

Kaiko: "MEITO! You bastard! You killed him!"

Wolfie: "Yeah, and?"

Kaiko: "You BASTARD!" _Runs at Wolfie, wielding an ice cream scoop._

Wolfie: "Magic Missile!" _5 missiles fly at Kaiko, all of them striking her._

Kaiko: "You... bastard..." _Dies._

Kaito: "What was that for? She was defenceless!"

Wolfie: "She was wielding a deadly ice cream scoop!"

Kaito: "How the hell is that deadly?"

Wolfie: "Dunno, don't care. That suffice?"

Kaito: "NO!"

Wolfie: "What a pity." _Disappears._

Kaito: "How... could he kill a defenceless innocent?"

Meiko: "With a magic missile spell..."

Kaito: "That's... true, but not what I meant..."

* * *

_Luka and Gakupo are still fighting their opposites with great difficulty._

Luka: "Come on, we can do this!"

Gakupo: "I'm not completely sure we can..."

Gakuko: "I'll beat you! Then I can prove my worth as a samurai!"

Luki: "I will beat the crap out of you!"

_While the four fight, Wolfie walks towards them, chanting under his breath..._

Wolfie: "...ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return... DESTRUCTION!" _Fires a ray of energy at Luki, who disintegrates._

Gakuko: "LUKI! Wolfie you BASTARD!" _Rushes at Wolfie._

Wolfie: "Quickened Slay Living!" _Lunges at Gakuko, at touches her shoulder, a dark flame running over her._

_Gakuko collapses, burnt to a crisp._

Luka: "Well that was unnecessarily violent..."

Wolfie: "It did the job didn't it?"

Gakupo: "He does have a point... just about."

Wolfie: "And now, only one remaining reflection Vocaloid to deal with. Just hang on Miku..." _a gleaming magic circle appears under his feet, _"I'm coming!" _Disappears._

* * *

_Miku and Mikuo are still fighting, both in World is Mine form, their paired spring onions flying round._

Miku: "I will kill you Mikuo! Don't you feel it? Wolfie's already defeated Mary Sue! He'll be here shortly and he will kill you!"

Mikuo: "Relying on that guy again are you? Well then you'll be disappointed, Wolfie will be the one to lose!"

Wolfie: _Appearing after teleporting, _"Speak of the devil and you shall hear his wings... or his teleportation spell..."

Mikuo: "Come on then Wolfie, if you can, kill me!"

Wolfie: "Oh, do you really want to make me kill you? Not that it matters what you say..." _A black circle appears under his feet, _"Darker than Black... DAMNATION!"

_A black sphere surrounds Mikuo, and Wolfie laughs._

Wolfie: "Enjoy Hell!"

_A sword slash cuts through the sphere from the inside, and Mikuo steps out as it fades away._

Wolfie: "The f***?"

Mikuo: "I have Stevette, the sword of not-time. Do you think such a simple attack would work?"

Wolfie: "But... in this world... I am the closest thing to God!"

Mikuo: "Yes... and I am a _God-Slaying Machine_."

_A white aura surrounds Mikuo._

Wolfie: "No... this is impossible... and at this rate I'll end up sounding like Derrick did when we kicked his ass..."

_The aura around Mikuo fades, leaving the boy with white hair. Eight metallic blades burst from his back, and bend round to point at Wolfie._

Mikuo: "The power of all the other opposites has become mine! Now you shall taste my power!"

Miku: "Wolfie! Write him out of existence!"

Wolfie: _Types on the keyboard quickly, _"There!"

Mikuo: "I'm so scared. I project a null-fic zone, so sucks to be you!"

Wolfie: "In that case, looks like we'll have to settle this the manly way. Miku!"

Miku: "Yes?"

Wolfie: "Time for plan B!"

Miku: "Isn't plan B...?"

Wolfie: "Yes... RUN!"

_The pair start running away from Mikuo, who chases after them._

Mikuo: "You killed my princess! You will die!"

Miku: "Any other ideas Wolfie?"

Wolfie: "I'm working on it..."

Mikuo: "When I catch you I'm cutting your balls off! DIE!"

Wolfie: "I've got one! The threat of my impending castration and death made my brain work faster. Misty!"

Misty (Both): "Which one?"

Wolfie: "BOTH OF YOU! It's time for you to unleash your true power!"

Misty (Original World): "Okay!"

Misty (Reflection): "Ready!"

_The two Mistys stand in Mikuo's way, smirks on their faces._

Mikuo: "What are you so smug about?"

Misty OW: "Well... it's time for us to show you our powers!"

Misty R: "It's time to..."

Misty (Both): "DNA Digivolve!"

* * *

Bis Bald

BW


	38. Betray 14

Betray the Writer! Ch13

_The two Mistys fly into the air, and spin round and round, while lights flash around everywhere._

Wolfie: "Remind me to fire the lighting team..."

Misty (Original World): "Mistman_X..."

Misty (Reflection): "...and Mistman_X..."

Misty (Both): "DNA digivolve to... Mistman_X...X!"

_Misty is now... pretty similar to the way he was. Only differences are the wings of mist and the longbow on his arm._

Mistman_XX: "We feel... badass!"

Wolfie: "Good, now, could you deal with the pressing problem?"

Mistman_XX: "Why? Can't you?"

Wolfie: "Okay then, let's have a competition, whoever kills Mikuo wins!"

Misty: "Deal!"

_The two turn to an unamused Mikuo, who glares at the pair._

Mikuo: "Finished mucking around?"

Wolfie: "Hell yeah! Prepare for some divine punishment Mikuo!"

Misty: "My powerlevel is now breaking the scouter, Mikuo you don't stand a chance!"

Mikuo: "Then come at me!" _The three leap into battle._

_Misty fires a dozen Mist arrows, while Wolfie raises his greatsword and slashes at Mikuo, who dodges each strike, and attacks Wolfie back, his eight metal arms rushing to attack._

Wolfie: "Quickened chill metal!"

Mikuo: "What the hell? That's a druid spell, you aren't a druid!"

Wolfie: "I'm the motherf***ing writer! I can do whatever the hell I like!"

Mikuo: "Fair point..."

_The three continue their fight, while Miku and the other Vocaloids, who have joined them, watch._

Miku: "We have to help them!"

Lumi: _Appearing suddenly, _"No, imagine what Wolfie would do if you were hurt!"

Miku: "Go crazy and tear the person who hurt me into tiny pieces."

Lumi: "You may have a point, but regardless, I'm going to help, but you guys can't, you're NPCs, you won't just come back." _Floats into the air, _"Chewy! With me!"

Chewy: "Coming!" _Leaps into the air as well, as Lumi casts fly on him._

Miku: "No, I can't just sit and watch!"

Kaito: "Why? That bastard killed Kaiko. She was defenceless, and he just killed her!"

Miku: "But... but..." _Gulps, _"Even if he's a crazy guy... even if he betrayed us before, even if he's a minor psychopath... he's mai husubandu... and I can't ever let him get hurt!"

_Miku glares at Mikuo, rage filling her eyes, and her bracelet begins to glow._

Miku: "Remember Mikuo... that Wolfie and I... are Two-Faced Lovers!"

_Miku glows..._

* * *

Wolfie: _Dodging an attack from Mikuo, _"F*** he's persistent!"

Lumi: "Yeah... Meteor Swarm!"

_Mikuo dodges the Meteors, and narrowly avoids Chewy's attack._

Misty: "What the hell are his AC and saves?"

Wolfie: "Knowing this story, they're all 8999 just to be pedantic."

Miku: "Wolfie!"

Wolfie: "Miku, what the hell..." _looks at Miku, _"...are you wearing?"

_Miku is... not... wearing... anything... apart from a lot of incredibly long chains... but by the power of a T-rating, we won't go into any more detail, but be assured all the important bits were covered._

Miku: "I unleashed my latest power!"

Misty: "Yeah, Wolfie, don't you know anything? The more scantily clad the girl, the greater her power!"

Wolfie: "Only by increasing the nosebleed coefficient of the area."

Misty: "Maybe... but that still helps."

Wolfie: "Not when there are guys on her side too!"

Misty: "Maybe..."

Mikuo: "Um... Miku, are you a slut or something?"

Miku: "No! Except for Wolfie!"

Wolfie: "How can you be a slut for one person?"

Misty: "I dunno... anyway, weren't we in the middle of a fight?"

_Everyone realises he is correct, and turns to attack Mikuo... except Mikuo of course, he doesn't turn to attack himself, that would be ridiculous, even by our standards..._

Mikuo: "GET ON WITH IT!"

Everyone else: "YES! GET ON WITH IT!"

_Okay, okay... sheesh, give a narrator a chance._

Wolfie: "How am I such a fool when narrating... well... that's sort of me... this is confusing."

_Clearly we just have multiple personality disorder._

Wolfie: "Right... let's go with that... now... Miku! Grapple him!"

Miku: "Okay!" _Chains whip up, flying freely, and approach Mikuo, who dodges them. _"Stay still you bastard!"

Mikuo: "I'm not stupid, I know exactly what will happen if you catch me with one of those! You bitchy whore!"

_Everyone becomes aware of a dark aura rising, everyone apart from Mikuo apparently..._

Mikuo: "I mean, who other than some kind of slutty little whore would wrap herself in chains?"

_The dark aura rises higher and more powerful._

Mikuo: "Honestly, are you proud of you own whorishness?"

_The aura intensifies to the point that even Mikuo can't ignore it._

Mikuo: "What the hell is that aura?"

Wolfie: _The aura coming off him, _"Mikuo... what did you say about mai waifu?"

Mikuo: "Erm... well..."

_Wolfie's eyes glisten darkly, as he raises his sword, and charges at Mikuo. Mikuo attempts to dodge, but is suddenly caught by one of Miku's chains wrapping around his foot. He attempts to block Wolfie's attack with his metal appendages, but a trio of well-aimed arrows from Misty, some magic from Lumi and a maul from Chewy destroy all the metal arms._

Mikuo: "F***!"

Wolfie: "DIE!"

_Wolfie pierces Mikuo with his massive sword. As Mikuo is penetrated, he gasps, shocked by the sudden pain, as Wolfie continues stabbing inwards._

Miku: "Okay, which yaoi fangirl pushed Wolfie out of the narrators seat?"

_There wasn't one, I just felt like a random innuendo..._

Miku: "Well kindly don't."

_Okay... anyways, the point is that Mikuo died, painfully. As in very painfully. As in excruciatingly painfully. As in..._

Wolfie&Misty&Miku&Lumi&Chewy: "WE GET THE POINT!"

Mikuo: "And I got the point..." _Dies._

Miku: "I almost feel sorry for him, having such a lame pun as his last words..."

Wolfie: "I don't feel sorry for him. That's why he had such a lame pun as his last words... now, Misty, I won our little competition, so I win bragging rights for the rest of this chapter, so sucks to be you."

Misty: "Oh no! How will I survive?"

Wolfie: "On sarcasm evidently. Now Lumi, are we ready with the story?"

Lumi: "We have the most vile and disgusting story ever ready to post, and to be on the safe side, we've put 'the mods on this site suck' in bold as the title."

Wolfie: "Then, upload it!"

_Lumi summons a laptop, and taps some keys, before hitting enter._

Lumi: "'Tis done!"

Wolfie: "Now we just need to wait..."

_Several hours later._

Wolfie: "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'C.'"

Miku: "Chains! Which I still haven't changed out of."

Wolfie: "Yeah, do you think you could change now? I don't like the way Kaito's looking at you... or was looking at you until Meiko gouged his eyes out with a broken bottle."

Miku: "Sounds painful."

Wolfie: "Meh, he's the comedy-relief character, he can survive anything."

Miku: "Fair point."

_Suddenly the scenery started disappearing around them._

Wolfie: "Ah, it has begun!"

_The mountain the are sitting on begins to uproot, as several moderators appear, wielding banhammers, and destroying the scenery._

Wolfie: "And now, here we go, back to my fic-zone!"

_The group are all sucked into a hole at the top of the mountain, and disappear._

* * *

Miku: _Mysteriously back in her normal clothes,_ "Well... this is... unexpected."

Wolfie: "Holy shit, the Big Bad took advantage of my absence..."

_The mountain, and everywhere for several miles around was scorched black, and several trees were on fire._

Wolfie: "He... did this to my fic-zone... I must summon the plot marines! Today we march on the Big Bad!"

Miku: "Wolfie darling, aren't you forgetting something?"

Wolfie: "Er... what?"

_Miku draws Steve and swings at Wolfie._

Miku: "YOU BETRAYED US ALL!"

Wolfie: "Oh... yeah... that... But Miku darling, there was a good reason behind it all!"

Miku: "And? I'm still going to kick your ass into the middle of next week!"

Wolfie: "And I didn't even have a chance to get laid before trouble hit again. Very well, if it's a fight you want..." _Sword materialises, _"...then I, as your doting hususbandu, must supply you with one!"

Bis Bald

BW


	39. Betray 15

Betray the Writer! Ch15

_Miku rushes at Wolfie, slashing at him. Wolfie parries and leaps back, before a fireball flies from his fingers, which Miku cuts in half (don't ask) before leaping to attack again. Their swords clash, and they strike at each other a few times before separating again._

Len: "Hang on... last time Kuin and Steve clashed, they tore a hole in time-space..."

Rin: "That's a point... how come it hasn't happened again?"

Misty: "It's simple, it is."

Luka: "What?"

Misty: "It is happening, each time their swords clash, they tear a hole in time-space, and then Wolfie is using his power to seal the hole immediately. Although I don't think he can keep it up for much longer..."

_Wolfie is already looking strained, as Miku strikes with a flurry of blows._

Len: "Isn't that Monk only?"

Rin: "And don't you have to be unarmed?"

_Shut up, you know exactly what I mean._

Wolfie: "Enough of this..." _His sword disappears, _"Steve was created as Kuin's bane, in the manner of all true super-broken swords. As such, time for another weapon..."

_Wolfie reaches out his right arm, and the fabric of space-time begins to bend around him._

Wolfie: "Come to me, my new weapon!"

_A greatsword forms out of nothing. The blade is wide, and glows blue._

Miku: "Holy... what the heck is that?"

Wolfie: "Indignation!"

Miku: "Enough of the Tales of references."

Wolfie: "No... that's its actual name. The sword is called Indignation." _Wolfie brings his arm forward to give a good view of the sword to everyone. _"Made of an unobtanium core, coated with copious applied phlebotinium and enchanted with the aid of green rocks, with it also being a big f'ing sword, it invokes more tropes than any other weapon created!"

Miku: "What about Kuin?"

Wolfie: "That doesn't invoke tropes like this one... not to say that this one is better, but what the hell, it's time we started fighting again right?"

Miku "I suppose yes."

_The pair charge at each other again, and sparks fly. Not because they clashed their swords, but because Wolfie felt like spamming the 'spark' cantrip._

Wolfie: "Hey, we play Pathfinder, I can use it as many times per day as I like."

_They trike at one another in a flurry of attacks, each blow being parried or dodged, each spell that Wolfie fires off being avoided, and the area around them beginning to look ever more like Hell._

Misty: "Well... this is exciting."

Lumi: "Misty! They're having a very important battle! Don't interrupt the narration!"

Misty: "Look, we all know that nobody reading this reads it for the battles, they all read it for the jokes."

Lumi: "Be that as it may, but there's still a requirement for plot progression!"

Misty: "Whatever, let's just get on with it if we must."

_Wolfie and Miku are both panting now, staring at each other a few yards apart._

Wolfie: "Last time you tired me out this much was much more enjoyable you know."

Miku: "Yeah... well sorry."

Wolfie: "It's okay... you know you've got a lot stronger."

Miku: "Really? You think so?"

Wolfie: "Yeah... you have... strong enough to challenge me..."

Miku: "Then... Wolfie... tell me... tell the girl who has grown to be able to fight you... why did you betray us? Why did you betray me?"

Wolfie: "You want to know that?"

Miku: _Tears beginning to well up in her eyes, _"Of course I do Wolfie!"

Wolfie: "Well then... fight me!" _Leaps at Miku, swing his sword._

Miku: "Why? Why did you do it?" _Counters and strikes back, cutting Wolfie slightly._

Wolfie: "Because..." _Swings again, and a cracking sound is heard, _"Because..." _The blades clash, and Steve shows a crack, _"Because you're mai waifu!" _Steve shatters as Wolfie strikes again._

_Miku falls backwards, dropping the broken-off hilt, staring up at Wolfie._

Miku: "What do you mean?"

Wolfie: "Because in order to protect you, I had to unmask someone else..." _Glares at the ground, _"Isn't that right... _Big Bad_?"

_The Big Bad steps out of a shadow, smirking._

Big Bad: "So... have you worked it out yet Wolfie?"

Wolfie: "Yes... and you know... I'm surprised... that you would go so far... but it's time to expose you! And then I'll destroy you!"

Big Bad: _An army appearing behind him, lead by Derrick_ "You and whose army?"

Wolfie: "Sergeant Angel-Chan!"

Angel-Chan: _Appearing from nowhere... like everybody else does it seems,_ "Yes!"

Wolfie: "Here's your goddamn cameo! Summon the Plot Marines!"

Angel-Chan: "Of course..." _Concentrates, _"Gate!"

_A portal opens near the group, and plot marines march out of it, including a couple of land raiders, a few predators, and a thunderhawk gunship surrounded by stormravens._

Wolfie: "Good job Angel-Chan, now you have a TV Tropes page to create!"

Angel-Chan: "Sure... I'll be back!" _Disappears._

Wolfie: "Now, Big Bad, in answer to your previous question: ME AND MY MOTHERFUCKING ARMY!"

Big Bad: "Why wasn't f*** censored there?"

Wolfie: "Because that's how pissed off at you I am! Oh and guess what? I took the Monkey's Grip feat, and all the two-weapon fighting feats." _Kuin appears, as he swaps Indignation to his other hand, _"Twin-wielding greatswords: the most ridiculous build ever created!"

Miku: "Um... what the hell is going on here?"

Luka: "I think we're going to have the final battle."

Miku: "And which side are we on?"

Meiko: "Wolfie's probably... I dunno... the other guy is called the 'Big Bad' so I get the impression that he's the guy we should fight."

Miku: "Whatever, I just want to kick some ass! This World is Mine!" _Spring onions appear, _"AndI think it's my time of the freaking month!"

Luka: "Meh... I suppose we are going to have to fight."

Gakupo: "Most likely."

Rin: "Len! Roadroller!"

Len: "We wrecked it in the other world, remember."

Rin: "Oh... yeah..."

Wolfie: "I repaired it..." _Roadroller appears._

Rin: "Wolfie! Thank you!"

Len: "Phew... one less claim on the insurance."

Kaito: "I still hate you for killing Kaiko you know Wolfie."

Wolfie: "And? You have one level in Commoner, you think I care whose side you're on?"

Kaito: "But I give moral bonuses to Meiko!"

Wolfie: "True, you might not be completely useless. Anyways, let us begin!"

Luka: "For tuna..."

Gakupo: "...justice..."

Meiko: "...a good drink..."

Rin: "...roadrollers..."

Len: "...insurance premiums..."

Lumi: "...an economic upturn to counteract the recent market collapse, which will allow us to enjoy the next decade without having to worry about careful budgeting..."

Misty: "...an end to this evil..."

Chewy: "...an ending to this excessively long battle cry..."

Miku: "...and supreme ass-kicking of the negi-kind!"

_The armies charge at each other, in the midst of a hail of bullets. This will be the final battle, the Armageddon... at least of this story arc. Who'll win? Who'll lose? What is Wolfie's real objective? For that matter, what's the Big Bad's? He hasn't exactly done that much evil... aside from kidnapping the writer... Will Miku forgive Wolfie? Will there be any more reviews when I check later? Will this thing have a TV Tropes page by next chapter? And why does this joke seem so similar to the one at the end of Betray 11? Find out the answers to a subset of these questions and maybe some others if the writer feels like it the next and final chapter of Betray the Writer!_

_Betray the Writer! Ch16, coming soon to all good Der Blaue Wolf fanfiction accounts near you._

Bis Bald

BW


	40. Betray 16

Betray the Writer! Ch16

_The two armies battle, lasers flying across the field and bullets felling plot marines and Big Badians alike. In the centre, Wolfie and the Big Bad duel._

Wolfie: "DIE!" _Swings his twin greatswords, which the big bad dodges._

Big Bad: _A spear appearing in his hand from nowhere, _"I don't think so, Wolfie. You are the one who should perish!" _Charges at Wolfie, lunging at him._

_Wolfie blocks with one sword, then swipes with the other, and the pair of fighters continue to whirl around each other, metal striking metal, as their forms begin to blur._

Miku: "We have to help Wolfie!"

Misty: "If we try to attack the Big Bad, we're just as likely to hit Wolfie. Concentrate on killing his followers!"

Miku: "Ah! Wolfie, don't you dare die on me!" _Rushes at her enemies, knocking them down with her negi._

Misty: "Ah... the joys of watching this, time to do my bit..."

_Misty flies on top of a land raider, and draws back his bow, aiming towards the hoard charging at the tank. He smirks, then suddenly leaps, spreading his wings of mist, and shoots downwards at the tank. The tank blows up, sending plot marine flying._

Luka: "Misty... what the hell are you doing?"

Misty: "Isn't it obvious? I'm the one who's going to Betray the Writer!"

Miku: _Turning to Misty, _"No... you bastard... how could you?"

Misty: "How could I not? How can you stand by him after all he's done? How can you support him?"

Lumi: "We're his friends. Friends help each other, even when it's things like burying the body."

Chewy: "At least, so says arc 6 of Higurashi."

Misty: "Well I'll be no party to it!"

Miku: "You bastard!" _Leaps at Misty, who flies out of the way, and shoots at Miku._

_Meanwhile, with Wolfie and the Big Bad..._

Wolfie: "I've known for ages who you were, bastard, but I just needed to confirm it!"

Big Bad: "Oh really? Then show me, who am I?"

Wolfie: "First, I present Derrick's statements when he was defeated..."

_Wolfie: "Who? Who do you work for?"_

_Derrick: Breaking into a frozen bundle of data, "The singer who is greater than... all... Vocaloids..."_

_Wolfie: "WHO?"_

_Derrick: "He's... just..."_

Wolfie: "So, from this we can clearly conclude you are a singer!"

Big Bad: "OBJECTION! He could have been saying that to confuse my true identity!"

Wolfie: "OBJECTION! He was the defeated major villain! He was certainly telling the truth!"

Big Bad: "Alright then, so I'm a singer. So? Do you have any more evidence as to who I am?"

Wolfie: "TAKE THAT! Derrick again, this time from Worship..."

_Derrick: "Yes, but that's because Mr Big Bad hadn't been revealed. Why do you think I became gradually more deranged as time went on? He was getting more desperate, and giving me weirder orders... or maybe he hadn't had his daily dose of YouTube dislikes."_

Wolfie: "So, a singer who has a lot of YouTube dislikes? Not too many of those. Also, I present Miku and Luka's opinions on your voice..."

_Miku: "Is it just me that feels that voice is suspiciously familiar, but that we won't realise why for the next ten chapters or so?"_

_Luka: "I know what you mean."_

Big Bad: "Oh shit..."

Wolfie: "You're famous, so really that leave little room for doubt. Also, there were 'Squees' emanating from your mansion, so you have fangirls. I think most of the readership has already worked out who you are. But there's one piece of evidence left that proves your identity absolutely!"

* * *

Miku: "F*** YOU!" _Hits Misty with her negi, knocking him a little way through the air._

Misty: "I have the power from both worlds! You cannot defeat me!"

Miku: "Maybe not, but mass plotter fire will do the trick I'm sure!"

_The plot marines fire their plotters at Misty. He dodges most of them, but some hit home, and he flies high to avoid them._

Misty: "Screw this!" _Draws back his bow, and fires into the sky, _"Astral Rain!" _Dozens of arrows come down, followed by an arrow of extreme energy as a cut-in of Misty's face appears. Several dozen plot marines, including terminators, are taken out._

Miku: "You bastard!"

Misty: "You really need to come up with a better insult you know. You overuse 'bastard' a lot. But now I take my leave!" _Flies towards the Big Bad's lines._

Miku: "Quick! We need to get to Wolfie!"

Len: "Why?"

Miku: "End of story arc revelation is coming up, and we don't want to miss it!"

Rin: "Get on the roadroller!"

_Everybody jumps onto the roadroller, Meiko helping Kaito up, because he failed his acrobatics check._

Meiko: "We're ready!"

Kaito: "We're good to go!"

Len: "Roller ready!"

Luka: _Drawing knives, _"Ready here too!"

Gakupo: "Let's see how they like my new eggplant bombs!" _Raises a vegetable with a fuse attached._

Rin: "Ready to roll!"

Neru: "GPS sorted!"

Miku: "Full speed ahead!"

_The roadroller accelerates towards Wolfie and the Big Bad._

* * *

Wolfie: "Recall, if you will, Derrick's final words."

_Derrick: "He's... just..."_

Big Bad: "What? They doesn't tell us anything!"

Wolfie: "But that's precisely the point! They are meaningless. 'He is just.' As in he is a just person, or is just something? No, we made an elementary mistake here."

Big Bad: "What? What mistake could you possibly mean?"

Wolfie: "I present, a capital letter!"

Big Bad: "What? What the hell are you smoking?"

Miku: _Arriving with the others, _"Wolfie! Give it all you've got! You can prove who he is!"

Wolfie: "Miku, I must first apologise. I needed confirmation of who this guy was, and I needed to draw him out. That's why I pretended to invade the internet. Even _I _am not crazy enough to think I can control the internet."

Miku: "So Wolfie, I was right! You only pretended to betray us!"

Wolfie: _Landing on the roadroller next to Miku, _"Yes, that's right... and now, for this arc's grand finale! Big Bad! What Derrick said was 'He's Just...'"

Big Bad: "Why the hell would 'Just' have a capital letter?"

Wolfie: "It's simple, he was trying to say your name!"

_Wolfie extends his arm and points with a single finger at the Big Bad. Everyone's eyes turn to him, as he opens his mouth, to reveal the identity of the hated foe._

Wolfie: "What he was trying to say was 'He's Justin *Bleep*er!' And again, damn my inability to use real names to avoid being sued!"

_Silence..._

Miku: "Ah f***!"

_Betray the Writer: Fin_

Auf Wiedersehen

BW

_Watch out for: End of the Writer!_

_The end in nigh! Wolfie and the Vocaloids must fight off the Big Bad, now revealed, and his hoard of fangirls. Will this be Wolfie's final battle? Will the Vocaloids survive to sing another day? Soon everything will be over..._

_Out: Soonish, but the creation of a certain page on a certain website might speed matters up, might it not Angel-chan?_


	41. Side Story: Preperations

Preparations of the Writer!

_About two months before we began this little adventure, in a shop on the FanFiction City high-street..._

Miku: "Oh~ I think this one looks really cute!"

Luka: "Hm... but do you want to be looking 'cute' on the day?"

Miku: "Oh... good point... I want to step in and for everyone to think I'm absolutely beautiful!"

Luka: "Everyone, or just a certain someone?"

Miku: _Blushing, _"We~ll... you know..."

Luka: "Well come on then, let's find you the perfect wedding dress!"

Miku: "Yeah!"

_The pair continue looking through the selection of white dresses, while a nondescript assistant stood by the cash register. You know the sort I mean, the ones where, in animé, they are literally faceless._

Miku: "Hau~ this is so cute!"

Luka: "No you can't take it home with you."

Miku: "Damn!"

Luka: _Sighing, _"Why did I agree to help you choose your dress again?"

Miku: "Because you're the maid of honour."

Luka: "Good point, now stop acting like a two year old fangirl and squeeing over every cute thing you see! This isn't like you at all."

Miku: "Well excuse me for being excited about choosing my wedding dress!"

Luka: _Sighing again, _"I wonder how the guys are getting on..."

* * *

Misty: "Why did I agree to help you choose your suit and stuff?"

Wolfie: "Because you're the best man... although there is some debate among certain quarters over whether you really are a man."

Lumi: "There's debate over whether just about every guy in this story is actually male apart from you."

Wolfie: "Hm... Len... Gakupo... Chewy..." _Thinks for a moment, _"Well he is a male... a male of what species is unknown though."

Misty: "The Big Bad... although we don't know why yet... Kaito is male!"

Wolfie: "Yeah, but I hate him."

Misty: "Good point... why?"

Wolfie: "What do you mean?"

Misty: "Why exactly do you hate him so much?"

Wolfie: "Do you need to ask that? Everyone seems to enjoy pairing MY Miku up with him, even though he's at least 4 years older than her. Also, he brings shame to the colour blue, and his ice cream addiction annoys the hell out of me!"

Misty: "Hm... maybe fair enough. But you're addicted to coke... the drink, not the drug."

Wolfie: "Yes but shut up."

Misty: "Just telling it how it is bro."

Wolfie: "Don't call me 'bro,' people might think we're friends."

Misty: "We are friends."

Wolfie: "Yes, but some people might not have cottoned on yet."

Misty: "Ri~ght... that makes so much sense it doesn't."

Wolfie: "That was the point."

Lumi: "Can we just choose the fecking suits already!"

Wolfie: "Fine, fine. Jeez, do you have to hurry us up that much?"

Lumi: "I want us to have actually bought the bloody things before the chapter end."

Wolfie: "Fair point, well let's go!"

* * *

Miku: "So... that's the dress sorted out... what's next?"

Luka: "We're meant to meet up with the guys for lunch, and then we get to the fun part... choosing the cake..."

Miku: "What's so special about the cake?"

Luka: "You'll see when we get to it."

Miku: "Right... oh, there are the guys! Wolfie~!"

_The three guys turn as an excited Miku rushes at her fiancé._

Wolfie: "Hey Miku, how was the dress-hunting."

Miku: "It was great, there were loads of really cute dresses, and the one we chose in the end... I can't wait for you to see it!"

_Miku keeps talking excitedly, while Luka steps up to the others._

Luka: "That was... tiring..."

Misty: "I can imagine..."

Lumi: "Oh yeah, Wolfie asked me to pass on his thanks."

Luka: "For what?"

Lumi: "Looking after Miku. Even he has trouble with her when she gets super-excitable. So yeah, he says thanks."

Luka: "Should I be more surprised that Wolfie recognises that Miku can be a handful, or that he thanked me for something?"

Lumi: "Dunno... anyway let's go get lunch, before we have to sit through the cake selection."

Luka: "Oh god yes... do you think we'll be able to get away beforehand with some excuse."

Lumi: "I don't imagine so... urgh... this will be fun."

* * *

_Some time later._

Miku: "Three!"

Wolfie: "One!"

Miku: "Three!"

Wolfie: "One!"

Miku: "Three!"

Wolfie: "One!"

Misty: "I can't believe they've been arguing over this for the last half an hour..."

Lumi: "Seriously though, spring onion flavoured wedding cake? Why the hell do they even do that?"

Luka: "I don't want to know. And I pray that Wolfie wins this argument. One layer of spring onion cake is more than enough."

Miku: "Okay, split the difference?"

Wolfie: "Hm... as long as it's the two smallest layers."

Miku: "No! If that's the case, I'll just have the largest one by itself!"

Wolfie: "Third largest!"

Miku: "Second largest!"

Wolfie: "Deal!"

_The pair shook on it, and turned to the rather bemused chef, and gave them the order of one six-tiered wedding cake... with the second largest tier made with spring onions._

Misty: "And he wonders why we try to have him visit a psychiatrist."

Wolfie: "Actually, no I don't. I know I'm mad, that's why I can't be bothered to waste a psychiatrist's time."

Lumi: "Oh dear..."

Misty: "That argument holds less water than the Sahara Desert."

Wolfie: "Actually it holds as much water as phenol!"

Lumi: "That's not very much."

Wolfie: "I don't care. Phenol is fecking cool, I mean, water dissolves in it. It's like the Russian reversed compound."

Misty: "Yeah... totally..."

Lumi: "We need to get him seen, now!"

Misty: "Agreed!"

Miku: "Are you guys threatening to force my fiancé to see a specialist?"

Misty: "Yes! Problem?"

Miku: "My negi say yes."

Misty: "Violence is never the answer!"

Miku: "Yes it is. As a simple logical example, I ask you the question, 'What is never the answer?'"

Misty: "Violence..." _Thinks, _"... ah shit."

Miku: "I win, now Wolfie~ku~n..."

Wolfie: "Too many '~'s in that... I cannot resist... what is it sweety?"

Miku: "I'm tired, can we go home and have a rest?"

Luka: "A 'rest?'"

Miku: "As in sex."

Wolfie: "Sure thing Miku, just let me wrap things up..." _Turns to readers. _

Wolfie: "So, yeah, uh... the last arc soon... wow it's gone quickly. This last arc should be about the same length as Save and Betray, maybe a bit longer, so don't worry, I won't do another Worship. And for those who've been wondering where the other 'loids are, don't worry, they'll be turning up soon too. If there are any you really want appearing then REVIEW and tell me. 'Kay? And there should soon be a TV tropes page for this thing too... dependant on when Angel-chan actually gets round to it."

Miku: "Wol~fie! I'm ti~red!"

Wolfie: "Okay sweety, let's go. So, 'til 'End' begins..."

Bis Bald

BW

Miku: "Come ON Wolfie!"

Wolfie: "Coming my love!"


	42. Genesis

Genesis of the Writer!

_In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was with the Writer, and the Word was the Writer. The same was in the beginning with the Writer._

_Well... kinda..._

_In the beginning, there were five bored guys at school. One of them decided to go and try (unsuccessfully) to get laid. The other four decided to create a world, as you do in between science lessons and discussions on the realisticness of fantasy RPGs._

_On the first day, Lumi created the poles, and the axis of rotation. Upon the North pole, he placed MIH: the department of Military Intelligence: Hentai and upon the South he placed MII: the department of Military Intelligence: Innocence. As such, the world would always revolve around innocence and depravity. Lumi saw the axis, that it was good. He settled himself in the North pole, and so it came to be that Hentai was his domain._

_On the second day, Misty created earth around the axis, and then got bored and decided he'd continue the next day._

_On the third day, Misty created the weather, and it rained, forming the oceans and the rivers, and the distinctive weathering patterns._

_On the fourth day the extreme humidity had created mist, and Misty took this as his own. And he became the Mist, and the Mist became him._

_On the fifth day, Wolfie created the plants, and the animals. However, upon realising that humanity would be a full day's work, he decided to leave it for the next day._

_On the sixth day, Wolfie created the humans of this world, and the Vocaloids, and all other humanoid beings that would inhabit the world. Then he came to them, and walked among them._

_On the seventh day, Chewy came to the Writer's World, and finding it complete already, began documenting its existence. And so he went among the people, to ask them various probing questions and to discover every detail about the world._

_Then, upon the eighth day, the four came together once again, and spoke of who should rule._

_Lumi stated that the whole world literally rotated around his creation, and could not exist without it._

_Misty argued that it was his weather that brought the greatest variety to the world, that truly shaped it, that formed it from the rough shape they had all hewn._

_Chewy explained that he had documented the most about the world, and thus was most suited to write about it._

_And Wolfie listened in silence to each of them, looking deeply interested in what they had to say, but once Chewy finished, he stepped forward and made one simple statement:_

Wolfie: "Yes, but I have the laptop."

_And so it came to pass that Wolfie was the Writer. And the Writer was Wolfie. That's obvious, I mean, if A=B, then B=A._

_Many were the adventures of the Writer, with his friends, his waifu, his acquaintances and Kaito._

_For it was the Writer that sealed away the daemoness Tei Sukone, and he who brought the Y.O.F.A.G. Union to its knees, and then saved it from itself. It was he that forced countless foes to rage-quit, and he who slew his foul opposite._

_And herein written is his greatest adventure. With his waifu by his side, with his friends around him, and with Kaito about ten yards behind, he would defeat the foulest of fiends. But what would be the cost?_

_This is that tale. This is the End of the Writer..._

Bis Bald

BW


	43. End 1

_Two days after the events of 'Save the Writer!'_

_Wolfie walks up a mountain alone. He stares up to the top some few dozen feet away, and sighs._

Wolfie: "Fine mountain, you win." _Spreads his wings, _"I give up on the exercise."

_He flies up and lands at the top of the mountain. He stares ahead, to where three elderly women sit._

First Woman: "Wolfie, you have come to ask us something."

Wolfie: "Yeah, you're the great prophets of the internet after all. You are TV Tropes, Wikipedia and Google."

Second Woman (Wikipedia): "Indeed we are, so, we shall answer you but one question each."

Third Woman (TV Tropes): "Ask away."

Wolfie: "First, TV Tropes, who is the Big Bad?"

TV Tropes: "A Big Bad could be a character with evil designs, or it could be a situation, such as a comet heading towards the Earth. It is behind all of the other bad happenings. The Big Bad can (and often does) exert effect across a number of episodes, and even an entire season."

Wolfie: "No, I want the big bad of this story!"

TV Tropes: "Then you should have been more specific."

Wolfie: "Okay, Wikipedia, what is the name of the Big Bad in this story?"

Wikipedia: "That page does not exist, here are some search results..."

Wolfie: "Never mind... okay, my last question, Google! Where should I invade?"

Google: "Game FAQs."

Wolfie: "Right, time to prepare the Plot Marines!"

Google: "Okay, as we were a bit pedantic, I'll answer your first question. He is one of the people you suspect, and for the record, your plan will work."

Wolfie: "Excellent!" _Turns away, _"Oh, and Google, watch out, I might be invading your territory soon. My apologies."

Google: "Sure, whatever, now there's just one last thing. In order to beat the Big Bad you will have to use your final attack."

Wolfie: _Pausing, _"As in... _that _attack."

Google: "The ultimate arte of a writer, but the one with the greatest cost."

Wolfie: "Very well, it looks like... maybe in a few months... it will be the..."

End of the Writer! Ch1

_Present day, where we left them, our heroes, heroins, villains, minor characters, Kaito, stage crew and those I may or may not have forgotten are staring at the now unveiled Big Bag..._

*Bleep*er: "NO! How could this happen?"

Wolfie: "You left too many clues, and I simply discovered your identity!"

Miku: "Why him? I mean, seriously, of all the self-centred, up-themselves pretty boys who think they can sing for us to have to fight... why him?"

Wolfie: "Because, Satoru Klein's first law of the world: life hates you."

Miku: "Shit, but why us? Why must we be hated so much?"

Wolfie: "Satoru Klein's second law of the world: life does not discriminate, it hates everyone equally. But some people are more equal than others."

Miku: "Wolfie darling, I hope you won't be offended by this, but shut up."

Luka: "So we are actually fighting a hoard of his fangirls?"

Neru: "That's what the fangirl counter on my phone is saying."

Len: "Your phone has a fangirl counter?"

Neru: "There's an app for that."

Rin: "Neru, what does the phone say about the fangirl level?"

Neru: "It's 453."

Rin: "...Oh..."

Gakupo: "Anyway, we shall destroy you *Bleep*er!" _Leaps at *Bleep*er and slashes with his sword._

*Bleep*er: "Nah... I don't think so." _Hurls two asterisks at Gakupo._

Gakupo: _Falling back onto the roadroller, _"Where the hell did you get those asterisks from?"

Bleeper: "My name."

Wolfie: "Thank goodness. Those asterisks were a pain to remember to type."

Bleeper: "Now! Fall before my might as I unleash my true form! Baby, baby, BABY!"

_Bleeper laughs evilly, and he grows to twice his normal height, holding a lance. All his clothes morph into a nappy._

Wolfie: "What the feck? I mean, I did create Miku's two-faced lovers form, but this takes them metaphorical cake."

Bleeper: "Hey, it's not like I wanted to do this! It's in my contract!"

Wolfie: "Is being a complete fool in there as well?"

Bleeper: "Yes actually."

Wolfie: "Would you do it regardless?"

Bleeper: "Maybe."

Miku: "Um... Bleeper... are you an idiot? I mean if you fight us now you're going to lose. I mean, there're how many of us? And one of you."

Bleeper: "And? I'm the motherf***ing Big Bad!"

Wolfie: "Literally motherf***ing if you believe the tabloids."

Bleeper: "THERE IS NO PROOF OF THAT!"

Wolfie: "Yeah, I know, at least not yet. But I do wonder why it just disappeared from the news overnight. Out-of-court settlement?"

Bleeper: "I'm going to kill you for that!" _Raises his lance, and attempts to attack Wolfie._

_Wolfie dodges, and flies into the sky._

Wolfie: _His second sword disappearing, leaving only Kuin, _"Miku, get the others out of here. Head towards the Great Seal and begin Operation Bitch Slap!"

Miku: "What? You aren't thinking what I think you're thinking are you?"

Wolfie: "Yes, I'm afraid I probably am. At least, if you think I'm thinking what I think you think I'm thinking."

Miku: "If it's really that desperate."

Bleeper: "I'll kill you all for stealing my popularity Vocaloids!" _ Attempts to charge at the Vocaloids._

Wolfie: _Blocking Bleeper's charge, _"GO NOW! I'll meet you as soon as I can!"

Miku: "But... Wolfie..."

Wolfie: "GO!"

_Miku nods, and Rin turns the Roadroller round, and speeds away._

Bleeper: "Do not come between the Bleeper and his prey."

Wolfie: "You will not have her!"

Bleeper: "No man can kill me!"

Wolfie: "I am no man... I am the FRIGGING WRITER!" _Rushes at Bleeper, and swings his blade._

* * *

Miku: "Hurry Rin! We need to get there as fast as possible!"

Luka: "Where are we even going?"

Miku: "To the Great Seal, where we locked away the one being in this universe that even Wolfie is afraid of, to release her."

Luka: "Who's that?"

Miku: "Tei Sukone."

_Everyone blanches, Rin's grip on the wheel tightens 'til her knuckles go white, and Len feints._

Rin: "WHY HER? SHE TRIED TO KILL ME AND EVEN WORSE! SHE TRIED TO TAKE MY LENNYKINS AWAY!"

Miku: "Yes, I know, that's why we sealed her, and now have all the Utauloids and fanmades take turns guarding the place."

Rin: "AND WHY DO WE NOW HAVE TO UNSEAL HER?"

Miku: "RIN! If Wolfie's afraid of her, Bleeper will be shit scared of her too if he actually has a brain."

Rin: "I still don't like this."

Miku: "Neither do I, but I trust Wolfie to actually have a clue what's going on."

Lumi: "Well he almost always knows what he's doing. Whether it works or not is the problem. He probably also didn't bank on Misty's betrayal."

Miku: "That's true, and next time I see that bastard, remind me to beat the crap out of him for betraying us."

Lumi: "Only if I don't beat him up first. I trusted him! He was always one of our closest friends!"

Miku: "I know, but now we're going to have to fight him."

Rin: "We're here!"

_A large building looms in front of them. It is surrounded by fences, and has a solitary gate built into it. In front of the gate stand Gumi and Teto._

Teto: "Halt! Who goes there?"

Miku: "Take a look!"

Teto: "As rude to me as ever I see Miku. Watch out, or I'll go Chimera on you!" _Her drills begin spinning._

Gumi: "Sorry Miku, she hasn't had her meds today."

Miku: "That's okay. Anyways, a message from Wolfie, commence Operation Bitch Slap!"

_Gumi and Teto both look startled._

Gumi: "N-not Bitch Slap..."

Teto: "You can't be serious... Bitch Slap is..."

Miku: "I know it's painful, but it must be done!"

_Gumi and Teto look at each other, then nod. Teto runs to a phone in a small building by the gate._

Teto: _Down phone, _"This is a message to all personnel. Code Teal, prepare for operation Bitch Slap! Repeat, prepare for Operation Bitch Slap!"

Luka: "Um... Miku... what is Operation Bitch Slap?"

Miku: "Wait a second..."

_Gumi goes up to Teto, and they both face each other, Teto still holding the receiver._

Teto: "Begin in 3... 2... 1... Begin!"

_Gumi and Teto simultaneously slap each other, as a resounding slapping sound comes from everywhere in the building._

Luka: "Okay... what the hell was the point in that?"

Miku: "The simultaneous slapping noise creates the exact frequency of noise required to remove the first layer of the seal."

Luka: "Why?"

Miku: "Would anyone ever imagine that was the first lock?"

Luka: "...That's either complete genius or utter stupidity."

Miku: "Let's go with genius, and continue to unlock the seal! In we go!"

* * *

_Back on the battlefield._

Wolfie: "BASTARD!"

Bleeper: "FOOL!"

Wolfie: "IMBECILE!"

Bleeper: "INCOMPETANT!"

_The two are standing about three feat apart, hurling insults at each other._

Wolfie: "You're horrible! I'm telling on you to Miku!"

Bleeper: "NO! Don't tell! I'm already on report!"

Wolfie: "Ah screw it! I'm out of here."

Bleeper: "How do you think you can escape."

Wolfie: "Like this. Gate!"

_A magical gate appears, and Wolfie steps through it before it disappears._

Wolfie: "Ah excellent..." _Realises he wondered into the plane of Death. _"Ah shit, well it will just take another gate to get out of here... Oh shit I'm out of 9th level spells for today..."

_Will Wolfie manage to spend a night in the plane of Death? Will Operation Bitch Slap work? Find out in the next exciting(ish) instalment of..._

_End of the Writer._

_And Please Review_

Bis Bald

BW


	44. Editor

End of the Writer! Ch1.5

_A figure walks up to the Big Bad's Stronghold, some time before the events of 'Betray the Writer!'…_

Gatekeeper: "Stop. Who would enter the Castle of Pop must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see!"

?: "Ask me the questions, gatekeeper. I am not afraid." _Smirks under a scarf disguising his identity._

Gatekeeper: "What… is your name?"

?: "Tch… I am most often known as Misty, but you may call me MistmanX."

Gatekeeper: "You!"

Misty: "Me!"

Gatekeeper: "You!"

Misty: "Me!"

The Reader: "Get on with it already!"

Misty: "Oh, sorry."

Gatekeeper: "You! One of the Writer's allies! You should not be here! What business have you?"

Misty: "I have a… proposal… for the big bad."

Gatekeeper: "Wait here…"

_Dear reader, you may be wondering what is transpiring here. Well, as Wolfie is… indisposed at the moment, shall we say, I now have practically unlimited power in this world. I am Misty, and for as long Wolfie is absent, as Editor, I have complete control of this world! Muahahahahahaha *cough* *cough*… hahahaha!_

Wolfie: "I've already done that joke."

Misty: "Quiet you! You're stuck in the plane of Death!"

Wolfie: "Whatever."

Adventures of the Editor!

_Three days after the events of 'Save the Writer!'… two figures sit opposite each other in a dark, badly lit room, smoke swirling around._

Wolfie: "We really didn't have this conversation in such a dark, dusty place."

Misty: "It matters not… I am the writer for now, and I wish to make this conversation more dramatic."

Wolfie: _Dragging from his cigar, _"What? I don't smoke!"

Misty: "Whatever, it adds to the drama. Now what did you want to talk to me about?"

Wolfie: "I… believe I know the identity of the Big Bad. However, we cannot win as we are. I need you to execute this plan:"_ hands over a piece of paper,_ "Plan Omicron."

Misty: "Omicron? How many plans have we gone through already?"

Wolfie: "I lost count, but I'm pretty sure we haven't had Omicron yet."

Misty: "Fine…" _Reads the paper,_ "WHAT? You can't be serious, there's no way I'm doing this!"

Wolfie: "I knew you'd say that… but unfortunately, we will lose if you do not do this for me…"

Misty: "NO! I've had it up to here with you giving me orders! I can't stand this any more! I refuse!"

Wolfie: "Fine, but know this… if you are not with me you are against me."

Misty: "…" _Looks again at the piece of paper,_ "So be it…"

* * *

_Present day, on the battlefield…_

Misty: _Firing an arrow straight through another Plot Marine, _"Ahaha! What fun…" _Looking around, _"It is time. My Generals, to me!"

Five flashes of colourful energy appear around Misty, which quickly materialise into five armoured figures.

Misty: "Outstanding, my five generals… Asuka the Red, Rei the Blue, Mari the Green, Shinji the White, and Kaworu the Black! It has been a while. It is excellent to see you once again."

Asuka: "Thank you sir, we are pleased to be able to serve you once more."

Misty: "Great, now… down to business…" _Slashing a plot marine that attempts to sneak up to him,_ "Generals Asuka, Mari and Shinji… take to the skies, and give the order for my troops to retreat!"

Mari: _Saluting, _"Yes, sir!"

_The three sprout angelic wings of pure coloured energy from their backs, and, spreading them, take to the skies._

Rei: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't mean to offend, but… why are we retreating? Our army obviously has the upper hand here. If we continue as we are it looks like it'll be a smooth victory."

Misty: "ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY ORDERS? Luckily for you I need you around right now, but bear in mind that you'd best not question me in future, because after this you won't be quite so… irreplaceable."

Rei: "Y-yes sir."

Misty: "That's better. Now, you two, with me! We lead the retreat out of this god forsaken killing ground!"

Kaworu: _Saluting,_ "Yes, sir."

* * *

Sergeant Pi: "What… what is going on? Part of their army is retreating? This makes no sense, they had the upper hand…"

Plot Marine: _Taking down a fangirl, _"I dunno what their game is, but at least for the moment, this is looking good. With their numbers down, it looks like we have a decent chance!"

Sergeant Pi: "You're right… As sure as I am that this is a trap of some kind, we can only look at it in a positive light… for the moment, we capitalise on it! Full offensive, men! Fire all cannons!"

* * *

_Once again, some time before 'Betray', at the Big Bad's Stronghold…_

Misty: _Kneeling, _"Big Bad, sir."

Big Bad: "What… are you doing here?"

Misty: "I come with… an offer."

Big Bad: _Raising an eyebrow,_ "An offer?"

Misty: "Yes… it is quite simple really. I start working for you, undercover, feeding you intel on the writer's exploits… and when it comes time and I reveal I am working for you, you give me a third of your army to command… as your right hand man…"

Big Bad: "Why on earth would you do that? I thought you were the writer's pet."

Misty: _Looking unashamedly annoyed,_ "For that exact reason. I'm tired of following his orders like a lapdog. It's time I turned the tables on him."

Big Bad: "And why should I trust you?"

Misty: "Because I'm the only chance you have to gain important intel on the writer's movements. He guards his secrets carefully… surprisingly so, in fact. And the only people he keeps around him are those he trusts. He's very paranoid like that. Almost as much as Coteaz... if that reference will work."

Big Bad: "Wow, that is very paranoid…"

Misty: "Not only that, but I am one of the few who know how to properly defeat the writer… it is not easy, but with me on your side, it is more than possible."

Big Bad: "Hmm… tempting. I shall consider your offer, and let you know when I have reached a decision. Now, begone!"

Misty: "Thank you for your time, your Big Baddiness…"

* * *

_Present Day at the Big Bad's stronghold…_

Misty: "Excellent work, generals, it looks like we're out of there with minimal casualties."

Shinji: "I have the figures here sir…"

Misty: "You… took a register of every single one of our troops?"

Shinji:_ Nodding,_ "Yes, sir. I even tracked the bodies of those that were missing to confirm that they were in fact killed in action."

Misty: "Uh… wow. You're certainly an odd one. Nevertheless, well done."

Shinji: "Thank you, sir."

Misty: "Anyway, moving onto business… Asuka, my fiery redhead, come to my side, will you?"

_Asuka nods, and steps towards him. In the background, Wolfie's voice calls out _"SLUT!"

Mari: "Asuka's always his favourite…"

Shinji: "Yeah, it's always her."

Kaworu: "Absolutely not fair."

Misty: "Come now, you three, you know I love you all equally. Is it not always amazing when we have our massive *censored*?"

Kaworu: "Well, yes, but you seem to have solo *censored*s with her way more than the rest of us."

Rei: "And you never *censored* with me!"

Misty: "Well, yes, but that's because, frankly, I dislike you Rei, always have, there's no way I'd ever *censored* with you. And Kaworu, I only do it so that it makes when we do *censored* much more *censored*! I'm sure you'll agree with me in saying that it's successful. You know I love your huge *CENSORED*"

Wolfie: "STOP IT YOU'RE WEARING MY CENSOR OUT!"

Misty: "Oh, do be quiet, will you? You're not even supposed to know where this stronghold is."

Wolfie: "Whatever, just… move things along, will you?"

Misty: "What, you mean I have to miss the part out where we all *censored*?"

Wolfie: "Yes. Especially that bit."

Misty: "Damn you and your overarching writer's powers. Leave me be!"

Wolfie: "Yes, well, I have places to be, 8 hours undisturbed sleep to attempt to get. See ya."

Misty: "Well, now that's done, where were we? Ah yes, you four, prepare the troops, I have an announcement to make!"

Mari: "Yes, sir!"

* * *

_An unrealistically small number of minutes later, a crowd of soldiers await Misty's address…_

Misty: "Ahem. Now, I know I have not commanded you for long, however… I have unfortunate news. The Big Bad, our leader, is, for all intents and purposes, as good as dead. Faced against the writer's wrath, he may as well be dead already. So, in his absence, as his second in command, you now will all take orders from me!"

Fangirl 1: "Woah, what? I thought we were winning!"

Fangirl 2: "Yeah, me too… we had it all under control, even our leader seemed to be winning against the writer!"

Misty: "SILENCE! In the absence of the Big Bad, you fight for me, under my name! As of now, you shall be disillusioned to the terrible pop that the Big Bad produced and turn yourselves to metal! You will bow to the same gods as I do. Listen!"

_Br00tal metal rings out from the speakers in the stronghold._

Fangirl 1: "Wow, I never thought I'd like metal, but I do!"

Fangirl 2: "This stuff is awesome! Way better than that terrible Justin Bleeper stuff we used to listen to!"

_The metal cuts out._

Misty: "Now, before we return once more to the battlefield, I feel we should celebrate our newfound love! Deck the halls of this place with all this br00tal, tralalalala-la-la-la-la, then we shall depart! For metal!"

The Fangirls (As one): "FOR METAL!"

Misty: "Ah wait, we can't have you still called fangirls… let's change that to…"

The Metalheads (As one): "FOR METAL!"

Misty: _Rubbing his hands with glee _"Excellent…"

* * *

_Back in time again… _

Misty: "I hope this works…"

_A soldier runs up to Misty._

Soldier: "The Big Bad requests your presence once more, sir!"

Misty: "Excellent. Take me to him."

Soldier: "Yes, sir!"

Big Bad: "Welcome back, Misty."

Misty: "So?"

Big Bad: "Rather impatient, aren't we? I have considered your offer, and I have decided to accept."

Misty: "Thank you very much, your Big Baddiness, I hope I serve you well…"

Big Bad: "As do I…"

* * *

_Skipping forward to present day (this is getting tiring)… After a matter of seconds, the stronghold has been refurbished. Posters of Bleeper have been taken down and replaced by Red Zeppelin, Metallikon, Strapping Young Dude and Magnetic Wizard posters._

Misty: "Much better."

Kaworu: "I agree… I was never really one for pop."

Misty: "Then why were you part of this army?"

Kaworu: "I was more in it for the yaoi, but I never felt as strongly as most of the others, hence why I was never highly promoted until you came along, sir."

Misty: "Good lad. Remember, readers, there's nothing wrong with yaoi, as long as it makes sense!"

Asuka: "Sir, the troops are ready to depart."

Misty: "Excellent. Onwards, to the battle!"

* * *

_The battle is still raging strongly as the metalheads approach._

Sergeant Pi: "Ah, as I expected… they return, refreshed, with new armour and weapons!"

Plot Marine: "Yes, that's true, but… they're not wearing the same armour. It's all… black and… dare I say it, br00tal now."

Sergeant Pi: "You're right… what on Earth is going on?"

Plot Marine: "I'm not sure, but, sir, I don't believe we're on Earth."

Sergeant Pi: "Ahh, that's true, but I have no idea quite where we actually are."

Plot Marine: "Me neither, sir…" _Quickly dispatches a fangirl that charges him._

Sergeant Pi: "What's your name, soldier? I like your style."

Plot Marine: "Toto, sir!"

Sergeant Pi: "Well, Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more."

_Silence._

Brother Toto: "Sir, please work on the jokes."

Sergeant Pi: "Okay... fair enough."

* * *

Misty: "I think here is far enough…" _Materialises a loudspeaker from a plot hole, _"Ah, it's so nice being writer. I get to create as many plot holes as I like, which only increases my power!"

Asuka: "What are you talking about, sir? I thought Wolfie was the writer?"

Misty: "Ah… never mind…" Raising the loudspeaker to his mouth and turning to the metalheads, "All right, my metalheads! You have all been promoted to Plot Hole Marines, and I give you new orders! Your new target… is the fangirls!"

Metalhead 1: "What? But… we once fought alongside one another…"

Metalhead 2: "And we used to worship Justin Bleeper…"

Misty: "Yes, I know what you are thinking, but remember… now you are metalheads, and you serve the gods of metal… and the gods of metal instruct you to attack Justin Bleeper and his army! He opposes all that is metal! And his music sucks!"

Metalhead 1: "Hey, yeah, he's right! His focus on image over the actual music is part of the parasite killing the music industry and preventing real musicians from getting a break!"

Metalhead 2: "And his music… if you can call it that… does suck!"

Misty: "Yes, yes! Now, my Plot Hole Marines, charge! For metal!"

The Metalheads (As one): "FOR METAL!"

* * *

_Going way, way back to four days after the events of 'Save.'_

Misty: _Sighing,_ "So, let me get this straight. You want me to pretend to betray your army, join the Big Bad's army, all to get a large chunk of his army to defect."

Wolfie: "That's pretty much the long and short, yes."

Misty: "This is madness."

Wolfie: "Madness? THIS IS…"

Misty: "Ugh, please, just stop right there. I mean, there's overdoing a meme, and then there's what you were just about to do to those poor Spartans."

Wolfie: "Anyway… will you do it?"

Misty: "Well, I'll grant you it's crazy, but at the risk of being cliché, and the risk of sounding like you, it may just be crazy enough to work."

Wolfie: "When have any of my crazy plans _not_ worked?"

Misty: "Never. That's what's really crazy."

* * *

_At the Great Seal…_

Miku: "So what's happened since last chapter?"

Lumi: "Absolutely nothing. Convenience dictates that we haven't moved an inch since we were last written about, unless it is specifically stated at the start of our section."

Miku: "Hmm… all right then… I guess that means that something important is going to happen now… perhaps we will break the next layer of the seal."

Lumi: "As much as I like to say that's what will happen, we haven't made any advance on it yet, so I'm assuming that something will appear, right about…"

_A loud 'bang' resounds and in front of the group a shadowed figure appears, wearing a scarf to protect his identity._

Lumi: "… now."

Miku: "What the? Who are you? Why are you here and… and… how do you even know the location of the Great Seal?"

?: "It should be obvious who I am. Especially to the reader. After all," _Pulling his scarf off,_ "Who else has the ability to jump through plot holes like that?"

Lumi: "Misty! You bastard! How could you betray us like that? And your powers don't usually make loud bangs like that either…"

Misty: "Artistic licence, my friend."

Lumi: "How can you call yourself my friend after what you've done?"

_Lumi, Chewy and the Vocaloids all raise their weapons to attack Misty._

Misty: "Pitiful…" _Raising one hand, he clenches his fist,_ "I come here in peace, not to fight."

_As he says this, all the Vocloids' as well as Lumi and Chewy's weapons (including the roadroller) disappear from their hands. From behind Misty, there is a clattering as the weapons all fall in a heap behind him._

Misty: "I urge you to take a look at the battlefield…"

Lumi: "What, on whatever the hell this place is, is going on?"

Misty: "It was a stupid plan really. Simple but stupid. Between us, Wolfie and I decided that the fangirls must be utterly stupid if they worshipped Bleeper like that, and thus it shouldn't be too hard to disillusion them with the powers of metal. And once they're onto metal, they'll do whatever the metal gods demand."

Lumi: "Wow… a truly cunning plan, if not somewhat evil and devious. Like Wolfie's usual bastardly plans."

Misty: "Indeed. Now, the Big Bad no longer has a stronghold, and the tables have been completely turned in the battle. I just wanted to let you know that I didn't betray you guys, before I went off to do what I must."

Lumi: "And what is that?"

Misty: "I must… end the writer…"

Miku: "What? But I thought you said you weren't betraying us!"

Misty: "I am not betraying _you_. I am betraying Wolfie and Wolfie alone. Please, do not think wrongly of me. I am simply tired of the way he has treated me…"

_And with that, he disappeared._

* * *

_In the plane of death…_

Wolfie: _Dispatching another fiend from the plane of death with an appropriately awesome finishing move,_ "Ugh… I'm tired of this… I really need my eight hours sleep so I can get out of here…"

Misty: _Appearing through a plot hole,_ "It is done."

Wolfie: "Misty? Ah, excellent, then the plan is going smoothly?"

Misty: "Of course."

Wolfie: "You know, you're just the person I wanted to see. Can you get me out of here with a plot hole?" _Notices something off about Misty,_ "What's wrong?"

Misty: "It's time we finished this, Wolfie."

Wolfie: "…oh... right... I'm slightly surprised it hadn't come to this sooner."

Misty: "MY GENERALS, TO ME! I wish you to witness the destruction of a God."

_Five flashes of energy appear behind Misty, materialising to the five generals._

Wolfie: _Raising his blade,_ "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Misty: _Summoning a blade of mist,_ "As sure as I'll ever be. Now come at me! With my generals as witnesses, I will defeat you!"

_What a cliffhanger! Two best friends, about to fight to the death! Who will win? Will this be the end of the writer? Will the Vocaloids be able to unlock the great seal in time to defeat the Big Bad? Have we overdone this ending? Find out next time!_

Peace out,

MMX

Wolfie: "HANG ON! I'm taking back the power of the writer!"

Misty: "NO!"

Wolfie: "Now I'm the writer again, so see you guys next chapter."

Bis Bald

BW


	45. End 2

End of the Writer! Ch2

_The Plane of Death..._

Wolfie: "You know, I was wondering how long it would take you to grow a pair and fight me Misty."

Asuka: "He already has a pair! A very good pair."

Wolfie: "Shut up slut. I'm talking to Misty."

Misty: "Well now I'm going to beat you!"

Wolfie: "Yeah right. Like that'd ever happen. I have only one word to say to you Misty."

Misty: "What?"

Wolfie: _Holding Kuin in front of him, so that it covers half of his face, _"Bankai."

_Blue light fills the area, hiding Wolfie from view._

Kaworu: "Misty! Get back!"

Misty: "NO! I will fight him regardless of his form."

_Wolfie's sword slices through the enveloping light, revealing him in purple full-plate armour, glowing slightly. A wolf-head visor covers his face, and he grips Kuin tightly in his hand. The blade is now in greatsword form, and glows blue. His wings are spread wide, and his left hand is wreathed in ice._

Wolfie: "It's time, Kuinagi no Katana no Hory Shitsu."

* * *

_The Great Seal._

Kaito: "WHY? Why did this happen? That blasted roadroller landed on my ice cream supply."

Miku: _Hugging her negi, _"It's okay darlings, the nasty man won't throw you around any more."

Lumi: "Has it occurred to anyone that I didn't have a weapon for Misty to remove?"

Miku: "Your weapon was Chewy."

Lumi: "So that's why he was dropped there as well."

Chewy: "It bloody hurt!"

Teto: "Okay guys! Now I've had my meds, shall I show you inside?"

Miku: "Sure freebie."

Teto: "I'm not a freebie! I'm just free, and don't make people pay extortionate prices to buy."

Miku: "Yeah, but you sound crap."

Teto: "Cash Cow!"

Miku: "Robo-voice!"

Teto: "Leek brain!"

Miku: "They're scallions, bread-head!"

Gumi: "Girls! Calm down!"

Miku & Teto: "She started it!"

Gumi: "I don't care who started it, both of you finish it now!"

Miku: "But..."

Gumi: "No buts!"

_Miku looks sad, then turns and starts running away._

Miku: "Waaah! Wolfie... where are you? I need a shoulder to cry on and somebody to tell how mean Teto was to me!"

Voice of Wolfie: "Sorry Miku darling, I'll be with you once I've finished being awesome."

Miku: "But that will never happen."

Lumi: "But you never started."

VoW: "Good girl Miku. Shut it Lumi. Anyways, I'll see you later Miku, so you be a good girl and play nicely with the other girls and I'll be there before you know it!"

Miku: "Yay! I love you Wolfie!"

Wolfie: "And I love you too, bye." _Sound of machine being turned off. Gumi quickly hides a tape recorder._

Lumi: "What is that?"

Gumi: "Oh, just something Wolfie gave me in case Teto upset Miku. It happens a lot."

Teto: "She upsets me too!"

Gumi: "Yes, I didn't say she didn't. But's what's worse: an upset demi-chimera with a pair of drills, or a negi-wielding maniac on her period?"

Lumi: "Common sense says the former. However my Knowledge (Writer) skill says the latter."

Gumi: "Precisely."

Miku: "Now, let's go deeper in towards the seal!"

Luka: "Aren't you worried about your husubandu? He is currently fighting probably the 4th most powerful entity in this universe, after Bleeper, Tei Sukone and Wolfie himself."

Miku: "Yes, but this is Wolfie. He will win."

Teto: "How can you be so sure?"

Miku: "Simple, who da writer?"

* * *

Wolfie: "I'm the motherf***ing writer!" _Slashes at Misty, then fires a beam of ice from his left hand. _"And you will lose!"

Misty: _Leaping back to avoid the attack, _"No way am I losing! Spread!" _A pillar of water rises from under Wolfie's feet._

Wolfie: "Absolute!" _The water freezes. _"So you can instant-cast mid level spells. I can instant-cast high spells. Meteor Storm!" _Meteors fly at Misty._

Misty: "I thought you were out of 9th level spells for today!"

Wolfie: "Different game system! To the point I'm tempted to change the title of this fic to 'Tales of the Writer.'"

_Misty dodges the meteors, just, then spreads his wings of mist, and flies at Wolfie._

Misty: "Sonic Thrust!" _Stabs Wolfie with his sword, then a blue hedgehog does a homing attack at Wolfie._

Wolfie: "Oh dear." _Grabs Misty's sword, which forms ice, then shatters. _"You really should have realised I have a ridiculous ability to sunder, I mean that's what I was doing the whole of the battle with Miku."

Misty: "What? You weren't trying to hit her?"

Wolfie: "What kind of man do you take me for? I wouldn't hurt the girl I love, I just wanted to destroy Steve, that's why I kept missing. I was actually hitting her sword."

Misty: "I did wonder, I mean... what is your Base Attack Bonus?"

Wolfie: "26, 20 levels in 'Writer,' 10 levels in 'Diabolist' and 1 level in 'Badass.'"

Misty: "Ah... 'Writer' is a base class now?"

Wolfie: "Yeah. It grants the ability to spontaneously cast any spell you want, without arcane spell failure, with the number of spells of a sorcerer plus a wizard, and then you gain the psionic ability of a Psion plus a Wilder Plus a Psychic Warior, and the weapon of a Soul Knife... in my case Kuin. Throw on high BAB, all high saves, a d20 hit die, a laptop companion and 20 + intelligence skill points, and you have the most ridiculous class ever conceived."

Misty: "Then why did you multiclass?"

Wolfie: "Variety."

Misty: "Ri~ght."

Wolfie: "So yeah, I just destroyed that sword of yours, you ready to die yet?"

Misty: "No, I won't die! Generals, prepare for the final stand!"

Asuka: "You..."

Mari: "...can't..."

Shinji: "...possibly..."

Kaworu: "...mean..."

Rei: "..._that_!"

Misty: "Yeah, that!"

_The five generals nod, then form a pentagon around Misty, as lines join them to form a pentagram._

Wolfie: "Oh no you didn't..."

Misty: "Oh yes I did! My generals, let us fuse... let us become one!"

_The five generals turn into balls of light, which fly towards Misty and cover him._

Misty: "I feel the power!"

_The light consumes him, then fades to reveal his new form._

Misty: "I am... Mistman..." _A red arm reaches out, _"...X..." _A blue foot steps on the ground, _"...X..." _Another foot, this one pink, and a white arm are revealed, all attached to a purple body and Misty's helmeted head, _"...X!"

Wolfie: _Smirking, _"You shouldn't have done that Misty."

Mistman XXX: "I have fused with 5 Evangelions! I am now a being even you cannot defeat Wolfie!"

Wolfie: _Chuckling, _"Mistman XXX, due to you being 'XXX' and this fic being T-rated, I declare you as too adult for this fanfiction!"

Mistman XXX: "What? NO!"

Wolfie: "I declare you... CENSORED!"

Mistman XXX: "NOOOOO..." _Is enveloped by a large box, reading 'censored.'_

Wolfie: "You underestimated me Misty."

*Censored*: "No... please... let me go..."

Wolfie: "Oh, don't worry, I'll let you go... back into the past!"

*Censored*: "What?"

Wolfie: "Remember '*censored*' the character from Save chapter 3? The one who directed Kaito and Meiko to the Key of XXX? That was/will be you!"

*Censored*: "Oh shit... it's almost like you planned this."

Wolfie: "Yeah, but I didn't, so f*** yeah! Now back you go!" _Opens up a hole in the time-vortex, _"Back you go!" _Kicks *Censored* through the hole._

*Censored*: "NO!" _Disappears into the hole._

Wolfie: "Hell yeah, now... how to get out of here..." _Thinks, _"Oh well, looks like it's time to activate plan Epsilon..." _Concentrates, and a hole appears in time-space. _"Cool, now this had better be the direct time-space hole to the Great Seal, 'cause I'm getting on it!"

_Wolfie leaps into the time-space hole._

Bis Bald

BW


	46. End 3

End of the Writer! Ch3

_At the Great Seal_

Miku: "Wow, Wolfie really put a lot of money into this place."

_Closer to, it is clear that the building is a massive fortress, with gun turrets positioned all around the outer wall._

Luka: "But... why did we never know about this place? I mean, it's a freaking massive fortress in the middle of an open plane, with no form of shielding from vision."

Teto: "Where there's a will there's a way. Also Wolfie wrote that nobody not strictly involved with the fortress's protection would come here."

Rin: "Then why bother with the protection at all?"

Teto: "There are ways around a writer's power. Null-fic zones, etcetera. He's also rather paranoid about it."

_The enter the building, and Len looks curiously up at the gun emplacements._

Len: "Why are some of the guns on the turrets pointing inwards?"

Gumi: "We are housing the 3rd most dangerous being in this fic-zone, after Wolfie when he's pissed off and Miku on her period. If she should ever escape, we want some way to attack her."

Meiko: "But why not just kill her?"

Gumi: "She regenerates. Once we tried burning her. She regrew from the ashes. It would take the ultimate power of a writer to kill her."

Kaito: "What 'ultimate power?'"

Gumi: "The De..."

Miku: "NO! It is not to be spoken of... that power is too terrible. It should never be used."

Gumi: "I suppose you're right..."

Rin: "That just makes me more curious."

Miku: "Curiosity killed the cat, and also hacked off the head of the orange-obsessed girl."

Rin: "Ouch... fine, if you really don't want to talk about it..."

Miku: "No, I really don't." _Hears people approaching, _"Oh, who's that?"

_Piko, Miki and Iroha approach._

Iroha: "Wow! Everyone's come to visit nyan. Miku~nyan, it's been too long!"

Piko: _Stepping up to Miku, _"Sorry, she got infected with a severe case of Nyan Cat a few weeks ago. She stopped singing it at least, but she's still saying rather a lot of 'nyan's."

Miku: "Oh dear... well I hope she gets well soon."

Miki: "Yeah, it's been horrible trying to *censored* with her saying nyan after every gasp."

Piko: "Yeah... damn Momo for singing that thing."

Miku: "I apologise too, I sang the original version... so you three are still together?"

Piko: "Oh yeah, although several yaoi fangirls keep telling me I should get with one of the guys... but they keep changing their mind who."

Miku: "Oh dear... well at least when it's 'loids then there isn't really a cannon, so the pairings can be literally whatever you want."

Len: "Although it's a nuisance, I'm not even sure if Rin really is my sister."

Rin: "Well it doesn't matter, I'm still going to *censored* you no matter what."

Len: "I know Rinny."

Miku: "Anyways, Miki, could you show us to the next layer of the seal."

Miki: "Sure, come this way."

Iroha: "I'm coming too nyan!"

Piko: "If the girls are going too I'll come along."

Miku: "Okay, then show us the way."

_The group are shown through the centre of the building, into a large room, which is circular, and contains a circular pillar with a door on it._

Piko: "That's the lift to take you down."

Miki: "Oh, and there's a couple of people waiting down there for you."

Miku: "People? Who?"

Iroha: "People you'll be happy to see nyan. Or at least one of them you will nyan."

Miku: "Okay... I suppose I'll find out when I get there."

_The group all get into the lift, leaving Gumi, Teto, Miki, Piko and Iroha behind._

Miku: "Okay... which floor..." _Looks at the control panel, and presses the button marked 'Seal.'_

_The doors close, and the lift descends. Cheesy music starts playing._

Luka: "Who chose the music?"

Miku: "When they made this place, Wolfie didn't want to favour anyone, especially as favouring me would have pissed off the Utaus and fan-mades, so he got music that everybody would hate equally."

Luka: "Wolfie-logic strikes again."

_The lift doors open, and they all step out._

Voice: "And Checkmate!"

Voice 2: "Damn! You got me."

Miku: "I know those voices!" _Dashes forward._

_Miku comes across a table, with dozens of board games around it. Several packs of cards lie strewn here and there, and empty bottles of Coke and Pepsi are strewn around. Sitting at the table are two figures, who we all know well._

Miku: "Wolfie! Misty! What the hell are you two doing here?"

Wolfie: "Ah... Miku... it's been a while."

Miku: "It's only been three chapters."

Wolfie: "For you, yes, for me, it's been rather longer."

Misty: "For me it's been three story arcs to the chapter since I saw any of you guys."

Luka: "Can somebody please explain this? Please!"

Wolfie: "Okay..." _Breathes in deeply, _"Misty and I had a battle, during which I censored him (but did not *censored* him) for being XXX and sent him back in time. I then jumped through a time-space hole, which I thought would bring me here in around five minutes from now. However, it actually sent me back in time to about the beginning of Betray, so I had to sit here and wait for a month or two. Meanwhile, Misty had managed to split part of himself off so he was no longer XXX and only X^2.8, so he was no longer censored, and decided to come here to wait for everyone so that we could progress with the story. He arrived here about a chapter after me, so we decided to play a few games while we waited." _Breathes in again heavily._

Misty: "For the record, it was Rei that I kicked out. She's currently stuck somewhere in MIH."

Lumi: "Excellent, I'll ensure that she gets her just deserts."

Misty: "Meaning?"

Lumi: "Tentacles. Her ass. Any questions?"

Miku: "Wolfie, can you please throw these two through time-space? PLEASE!"

Wolfie: "The trouble is, if I did that they'd probably just be waiting further in for us anyway, having made additional progress in the time they had."

Miku: "Fecking time travel."

Wolfie: "Quite, well now we're all together again, shall we go to the next layer of the seal?"

Rin: "Does the next layer involve slapping people?"

Wolfie: "No... in fact I think you'll rather like it."

_The group move to another room, which is large and circular, and the floor is a large painting, with a male and female sign on next to each other, along with a cross-over version, presumably for gender-ambiguous, and a circle with just a line, maybe for neuter?_

Wolfie: "Welcome everyone to the Seal of *Censored*."

_Everyone stares at him._

Wolfie: "Given the first seal was call the 'Seal of Bitch-Slapping,' what do you think you have to do here?"

_Everyone looks at each other bemused, then Miku leaps at Wolfie._

Miku: "Wolfie~"

Wolfie: "The answer is yes Miku."

Miku: "Yay!"

_Rin jumps Len, and Gakupo steps up to Luka. Meiko pounces on Kaito, and an M-rated scene ensues._

_Pity for you that this fic is T-rated really isn't it? Just suffice it to say that *censored* and *censored* while Wolfie *censored* Miku and she *censored* back._

_And then Wolfie's censor broke._

Miku: "AH! Wolfie!"

_Quick... while we repair the censor... CHAPTER BREAK!_

Bis Bald

BW

_...And don't forget to review._


	47. End 4

End of the Writer! Ch4

_Lumi and Misty fiddle with the wiring of the censor while the M-rated scene continues._

Lumi: "Ah! Here we go!" _Touches two wires together._

Miku: "WOLFIE! Oh my *censored.*"

Lumi: "We did it."

Misty: "Thank goodness... I did not want to know the details of what was going on."

Neru: "Well I've got it all recorded on my phone."

Misty: "We now have the greatest blackmail material ever!"

Wolfie: _Stepping away from an exhausted Miku, _"Ah... no you don't. And before you ask why, because I deleted it."

Neru: _Staring at her phone, _"How did you delete it?"_ Thinks for a minute, _"F***ing writers."

Miku: "Hey, only I'm allowed to f*** a writer... or at least this writer."

Wolfie: "Yeah... I think that joke's getting a little old now."

Miku: "When did you care about jokes getting old."

Wolfie: "Since a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away."

Misty: "I would say that's an old joke itself, but..."

Wolfie: "Then I'd say that, at the risk of sounding cliché, was the point."

Miku: "Anyway, the seal opened up now, so let's get going again."

_The group go to a stairwell which had risen out of the ground during the *censored* and start their descent._

Luka: "So how many seals are there left anyway?"

Miku: "There's just one more, then we get to Sukone."

Luka: "What's it the seal of?"

Miku: "Um... what was is Wolfie?"

Wolfie: "The Seal of Badassery."

Miku: "So we need to do something badass to open it?"

Wolfie: "Yeah, basically. Though how we're going to do that I'm not sure."

Misty: "We could always have a badass entrance."

Wolfie: "No, we couldn't. Can you imagine us trying to have a badass entrance?"

Misty: "Okay, point."

Miku: "Oh yeah, Misty, why are you suddenly on our side again? I mean, you were trying to kill Wolfie not that long ago. At least according to our time."

Misty: "Well partly because I realise that we need to work together to defeat Bleeper, and partly 'cause I lsot a game of backgammon 13 chapters ago."

Wolfie: "We made a couple of bets early on, and I mysteriously won all the games."

Misty: "Cheat."

Wolfie: "Well you really should have thought about it before consigning your fate to a game against a guy who controls, and screws with, probability."

Misty: "Well screw you kindly sir."

Wolfie: "Remember what happened to the last guy who told me that?"

Misty: "They were a minor character and enemy."

Wolfie: "True, but you've spent your time as an anti-hero too."

Misty: "I hate you, you know that?"

Wolfie: "Of course Misty, and I hate you too."

Lumi: "We really are all the best of friends, aren't we?"

Chewy: "Lumi, what's an anti-hero?"

Lumi: "Go and look it up on TV Tropes."

Chewy: "Okay." _Eyes glaze over as he searches the web._

Kaito: "What did you do that for? Now he'll be stuck on there for hours."

Lumi: "I know, that was the plan."

Wolfie: "Okay then, you drag him along."

Lumi: _Grumbling and dragging Chewy, _"Great, I do a good deed and get punished."

Wolfie: "No, you give us a different problem, and then are expected to solve it."

Lumi: "You know, my character has been gradually becoming more hateful towards you Wolfie. Why do you think that may be?"

Wolfie: "Simple: Spring Onion Cake."

_Miku, Misty, Lumi, Chewy (even though he's still on TV Tropes), Luka, Rin, Len and Meiko blanch._

Neru: "What am I missing?"

Kaito: "Uh... what's going on?"

Miku: "Oh... yeah... you weren't there for my wedding were you Neru? And you were unconscious when it happened Kaito..."

Kaito: "What happened at the wedding?"

Lumi: _On the floor curled up into a ball, _"Please... not the scallion cake... anything but that..."

Kaito: "On second thoughts, please don't tell me."

Miku: "I'm sure Wolfie will tell us about it in a special chapter some time or other."

Lumi: "Please... don't... it was too horrible..."

Wolfie: "Now, would you kindly stop complaining and let's go to the seal."

Lumi: "Just promise you'll never mention that thing again."

Wolfie: "I promise I'll never speak of the spring onion cake again, until such a time as spring onion cake ceases to terrify you, or until I absolutely must mention SPRING ONION CAKE."

Lumi: "Just... please... stop..." _Passes out._

Misty: "Oh well done Wolfie, now we have two people we have to drag around."

Wolfie: "Yeah, well..." _Chewy and Lumi start floating, _"I just have to screw with gravity around them."

Misty: "Ugh... why do you have to be like this?"

Wolfie: "Like what?"

Misty: "Never mind."

Miku: "Anyway, can we get moving to the seal please? Preferably before I decide to find a new home for my Negi inside somebody's gut."

Misty: "But when you eat something it's meant to go into your gut."

Miku: "Not straight through their chest and in."

Misty: "Okay, you've made your point."

Wolfie: "Anyway, we're here now."

_Everyone realises that while they were talking, they reached another room similar to the previous seal room._

Miku: "Okay, now we're here... what the hell do we do?"

Wolfie: "I have an idea..." _A look of concentration appears on his face, _"Summon!"

_A black portal opens in front of them, and purple electricity crackles around it. Then, from the portal steps..._

Misty: "Oh f***ing hell you did not."

Kratos Aurion: "Why did you summon me?"

_The seal breaks open._

Wolfie: "We just needed you to speak to allow badass energy out into the area, and open the Seal of Badassery."

Kratos: "Oh... is that all?"

Wolfie: "Yeah, so see you later."

_Kratos disappears in a puff of awesome._

Misty: "Wolfie, huge man-crush."

Wolfie: "No, the only person I could ever love is Miku!"

Misty: "She's not a person, she a computer program!"

Wolfie: "A minor detail."

Miku: "Yeah, or are you a racist? Saying that a human and program can't be together?"

Misty: "I give up... now let's go and release Sukone."

Wolfie: "Ah... yeah... before that... girls, and Len, you need to stay here."

Rin: "Why?"

Miku: "Don't ask Rin, just trust him."

Luka: "You know something don't you Miku?"

Miku: "Yeah... it about where she's kept..."

Luka: "Can't you tell us?"

Wolfie: "Guys... let's go."

_The guys, apart from Len, leave, going down the stairs which have appeared out of the ground._

Miku: "It's because of what this place is to Wolfie and me..."

Luka: "What do you mean?"

Miku: "This is the place... when Wolfie and I were trying to seal away Sukone... we were the only ones left remember?"

Luka: "I remember... and when you returned you never told us what happened."

Miku: "Right... and you remember anything else?"

Luka: "Yeah, it was right after you came back that you and Wolfie started dating."

Miku: "Yeah... it was here... when we thought we would die... Wolfie confessed to me... and it created a Tsun-Yan Suppression Field."

Meiko: "A what?"

Miku: "It's what happens when a tsundere is confessed to by the guy she likes. A field that suppresses the tsun of a tsundere, and the yan of a yandere."

Luka: "So you're saying that..."

Miku: "Tei Sukone is locked within the field."

Rin: "So why can't we go down?"

Miku: "Look at us all. We're all Tsunderes, and that's a fecking strong field. We'd all go dere-dere instantly."

Len: "And what about me?"

Miku: "The girl who went psycho over you is down there. Do you really want to go down?"

Len: "N-no..."

Miku: "Precisely, I just hope that Wolfie's fine down there."

* * *

Wolfie: "Here we are..."

_The group has reached a door at the end of a long corridor, and Wolfie stands ready to open it._

Misty: "Well then, open the damn door."

Wolfie: "Here goes..." _Opens the door._

_Inside is a spacious room, decorated as a living room, with a sofa in front of a TV. Sat on the sofa is a girl with long grey hair. She turns her red eyes on the group, and smiles sweetly._

Tei Sukone: "Hi there! It's been a while since anyone came to visit, do come in."

_The boys enter, and Tei stands up and walks over to them._

Tei: "Wolfie! It's been a while, how's Miku?"

Wolfie: "Miku's fine, we got married a few months after we last saw you."

Tei: "Oh wonderful! And Gakupo, how are things going between you and Luka?"

Gakupo: "Oh... they're going great thanks."

Tei: "I'm so glad."

Misty: "Wolfie... I thought you said she was a dangerous psycho."

Tei: "Oh I was, but then I was locked in this Tsun-Yan Suppression Field."

Kaito: "What?"

Wolfie: "Can we please just assume I explained it off-screen, I don't want to type it out again."

Misty: "You could just copy and paste."

Wolfie: "But that would be cheating. Anyway, Tei, I think it's time we talked business."

Tei: "Business? What business?"

Wolfie: "Have you heard of Justin Bleeper?"

Tei: "Oh yes... tell me more..."

Bis Bald

BW


	48. End 5

End of the Writer! Ch5

Tei: "So... you want me to fight Bleeper, so that you and Miku and co. can live your happy peaceful lives, without any benefit to myself, who is... or at least was locked in the most secure prison in fanfiction?"

Wolfie: "Yeah... I didn't really think about what we'd do for you in return..."

Tei: "In that case, this isn't really even a choice. I accept."

Wolfie: "I didn't think you would... wait WHAT?"

Tei: "I accept."

Misty: "Are you mad? I mean... you don't get anything out of this... not that I want to dissuade you, but..."

Tei: "Look, I've spent how long locked in her? A year at least. I would quite like to get out somewhere, even if it is to fight a battle that I have a 50% chance of dying from. Also, while I've been in here, I've thought about what I did, and... I want to make up for what I did."

Wolfie: "Very well... but I'm sorry to tell you that as soon as you leave here... you'll go crazy again."

Tei: "I know... but that's okay... just tell Len and Rin... and Miku... and everyone... that I'm sorry."

Wolfie: "I promise... now it's time to let you out of here..." _Steps over to a computer sitting on a desk to one side._

Misty: "What are you doing?"

Wolfie: "Undoing the final seals... to open up the roof..."

_The ceiling suddenly parts over their heads, reaching all the way up to the outside of the building, revealing the sky above. Tei looks up and smiles._

Tei: "The sun... the sky... again... I'm coming... world."

Wolfie: _Speaking into a microphone, _"All personnel, this is Wolfie. All personnel are to evacuate the building, were're leaving. I'm going to initiate an emergency lock-down after all personnel have left. We are releasing Sukone, do not, I repeat, do not engage her. This is a Priority 0 order."

Tei: "I'll be able to leave here... at last."

Wolfie: "Guys... go and tell the others to get moving. Once you're out, call me, and I'll initiate the shut-down."

Misty: "Why are we shutting the place down? This is the most powerful fortress in fanfiction, we could use it!"

Wolfie: "If we were going to defend, yes, but we aren't. We'll attack with all we've got! Now go!"

_Misty and the others run off, back the way they came._

Wolfie: "So... Sukone... tell me... do you hate me?"

Tei: "What?"

Wolfie: "Come on, tell me straight. I've locked you in this place for more than a year. I prevented you from getting the guy you loved, and now I've come back only to use you. So tell me, do you hate me?"

Tei: "You really want to know?"

Wolfie: "Yes!"

Tei: "I utterly detest you Wolfie."

Wolfie: _Nodding, _"As I thought."

Tei: "But... at the same time, I respect you. What your friends say of you is true. You're a complete prick, but a nice prick."

Wolfie: "Well that's not my place to say, you should ask Miku about that."

Tei: "Can't you be serious for 30 seconds?"

Wolfie: "Yes, I can, and have been known to, on occasion, manage a whole three minutes of seriousness."

Tei: "I give up, you're hopeless."

Wolfie: "So they keep telling me, but that's never stopped me."

Tei: "I know... that's a bad thing."

Wolfie: "Well, at the risk of sounding cliché, screw dat."

_A muffled 'World is Mine' begins playing._

Wolfie: "Oh, my mobile..."_ Pulls the phone out of his pocket and answers it. _"Misty? You're all out? Good, I'll begin shut-down now." _Moves back to the computer, and hits some keys. A big red button appears._

Tei: "Seriously, a big red button?"

Wolfie: "Yeah." _Hits the button. Another, smaller, green button appears._

Tei: "What the hell?"

Wolfie: "Don't ask." _Presses the green button._

_A siren sounds._

Robotic Voice: "Danger, beginning lock-down. Repeat, beginning lock-down. Please evacuate the building."

Wolfie: "I shouldn't have let Teto do the voice-overs... now here goes." _Grabs Tei and pulls her into the centre of the room. The floor under their feet begins to rise._

Tei: "So... this is going to take us out?"

Wolfie: "Yeah, now here we go..."

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

Miku: "Are you sure that Wolfie'll be okay."

Misty: "For the 312th time, YES!"

Miku: "But he's with that dangerous psycho!"

Misty: "He IS a dangerous psycho!"

Miku: "Precisely! Put two psychos in a room together, and one of them will die!"

Misty: "That doesn't even... I give up. Look, he's going to be fine. If he isn't, then we'd be seeing evidence of them fighting right about..."

_A massive explosion resounds from the seal's roof, and beams of blue and silver energy fly above the building._

Misty: "...now. Oh for f***'s sake! Timing people, timing!"

Miku: "Wolfie! World is Mine!" _Negi appear in her hands, and she runs towards the building._

Teto: "Oh dear... well I suppose we should go help, right Gumi?"

Gumi: "Yeah, and we can get SeeU, Yuki, Haku and all the other fanmades, Utauloids and assorted other 'loids who haven't made an appearance yet, but who Wolfie knows some people want to be in this story to help!"

Teto: "That's convenient, that everyone's here."

Yuki: "Well the whole seal-thing was probably just an advanced plot device, used to introduce extra characters to the story in order to please readers whose favourite Vocaloid-series characters had not been introduced."

Haku: "Yuki... how do you know about that?"

Yuki: _Smiling brightly, as lolis do, _"I've been studying with Kiyoteru-sensei. He also taught me anatomy!"

_All the assembled 'loids turn to glare at Kiyoteru, who shrinks back._

Kiyoteru: "She... She asked me where babies come from! Alright?"

Iroha: "You deflowered our little Yuki-chan's mind Nyan! You must be punished NYAN!"

_Everyone leaps at Kiyoteru, ready to attack._

Misty: "*Ahem* May I call everyone's attention to the rather pressing issue at the moment?"

SeeU: "What issue?"

Misty: _Pointing at where Wolfie and Miku are fighting Tei, _"That one."

* * *

_Miku and Wolfie are busy dodging Tei's wild attacks, while trying to come up with a plan to beat Tei._

Wolfie: "Oh great! Why the hell didn't I think before releasing the biggest sub-villain this story has?"

Miku: "Because you forgot quite how much of a bitch she is?"

Wolfie: "Possibly... let's go with that."

Tei: "GIVE ME LENNY! GIVE HIM TO ME~!" _Flies at Wolfie and attempts to punch him._

Wolfie:_ Dodging, _"Right... Miku, there's only one way out of this, just play along with what I say."

Miku: "Like I have a choice!"

Wolfie: "Tei! You should be attacking Bleeper!"

Tei: "WHY~?"

Wofie: "Because... Bleeper said that if he won against me, that he'd *censored* Len!"

_Tei stops in mid air, and looks at Wolfie, then snarls._

Tei: "Where is he?"

Wolfie & Miku: _Pointing towards the Big Bad's castle, _"At the risk of sounding cliché, thataway."

Tei:_ Looking and seeing the castle, then flying towards it, gnashing her teeth, and crying out _"LENNY! I'll protect your poor *censored* from that nasty Bleeper's *censored*."

Wolfie: "Miku... did that actually just work?"

Miku: "I think so..."

Wolfie: "How did it work?"

Miku: "I wouldn't think about it too hard darling."

* * *

Bis Bald

BW


	49. End 6

End of the Writer! Ch6

_Flying at high speed, Tei Sukone flies over the battlefield, and spies Bleeper's banner, then flies towards it._

Bleeper: _Unaware of the impending danger,_ "God... those Metalheads... thank goodness we drove them off... somehow."

Bleeperite Sergeant: "They'll be back though... our own turncoats... it's terrible."

Bleeper: "Indeed... and why are my villain-senses tingling with the sense of an impending threat?" _Looks up, _"Ah, because we're about to receive a high-velocity yandere..." _Blinks, _"Shit!"

_Tei collides with the ground, creating a massive explosion, sending everyone flying._

Bleeper: _Flipping in mid-air, _"Phew... that was close."

Tei: _Stepping out of the crater made by her landing, _"Bleeper... you were going to *censored* my Lenny... so you have to die." _She smiles a demented smile, the sort that would make babies cry._

Bleeper: _Crying, _"Okay... then I'll fight you, I expect Wolfie put you up to this anyway, and you're an Utauloid."

Tei: "DIE!" _Charges at Bleeper._

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

Miku: "Thank goodness we got out of that safely." _Lands near the others, with Wolfie flying down beside her._

Misty: "Wolfie! Miku! How the hell did you manage that one?"

Wolfie: "I'm not even sure myself... and why is Kiyoteru being murdered by the other 'loids, while Miki covers Yuki's eyes?"

Misty: "Oh, apparently Kiyoteru deflowered Yuki..."

Miku: "WHAT? HE'S DEAD!"

Misty: "...'s mind."

Miku: "Oh... what?"

Kiyoteru: _Gasping for breath from within Iroha's headlock, _"I was just educating her!"

Iroha: "You were thinking pervy things while doing it though Nyan."

Kiyoteru: "No I wasn't."

Gumi: "Being the calm and sensible one here..." _Everyone else laughs, _"...I would like to suggest that we do this is a civilised manner."

Kiyoteru: "Gumi... please... I didn't do anything wrong!"

Gumi: _Eyes becoming slits, and glowing red, _"Bring out the guillotine!"

_Piko, Dell and Akaito drag a guillotine out of somewhere, and SeeU, Iroha and Teto lift Kiyoteru over to it._

Wolfie: "Um... people, this is a little extreme..."

Teto: "And? He deflowered our little Yuki's mind."

Wolfie: "So?"

Teto: "So? SO?" _Thinks for a minute, _"So... he mind-raped her."

Yuki: "I enjoyed being taught by Kiyoteru-sensei. He's so fun!"

_Everyone stares at the little girl, who still has her vision obscured by Miki._

Iroha: "Oh... Nyan... I can't do this!" _Drops Kiyoteru, _"We can't kill him when she feels that way."

Teto: "Yeah, we'll let you go this time Kiyoteru."

Kiyoteru: "Phew... what a relief."

Wolfie: "O~kay... let's just pretend that none of that happened."

Miku: "Yeah... that'd be for the best."

Sergeant Pi: _Running up to them from somewhere, _"Commander Wolfie! The battle on the Plains of [insert poncy sounding name here] is over! We lost half a company, but cost the enemy 1000 girls!"

Luka: "That sounds quite good."

Wolfie: "Um... half a company is 50 men. That's a twentieth of our fighting force. 1000 girls is much less than a twentieth of all of Bleeper's supporters."

Misty: "What about the third of his army I made betray?"

Pi: "Them? They were crushed under a mound of squee. The last few that survived fled the field, and are holed up in the Castle of Metal."

Miku: "What's it made of?"

Pi: "Stone, why do you ask?"

Miku: "No reason."

Wolfie: "Well, we'd better go and support them I suppose. Pi, how are the plot marine forces?"

Pi: "Battle-ready sir! I have a line to Captain Obvious."

Wolfie: "Then call for an advance! We are to head for the Castle of Metal, there to rendezvous with the Plot Hole Marines." _Pi runs off, _"Lumi!"

Lumi: "Yes?"

Wolfie: "I need you to gather your forces from MI:H, and then join the battle!"

Lumi: "Okay, then I'll be back in a few." _Transforms into light, and flies away towards the North Pole._

Wolfie: "Right, it's time for me to take absolute command of our armies. Misty, I need an appropriate vehicle to command our forces from, any suggestions?"

Misty: "Interesting that you asked. Teto!"

Teto: "Yeah?"

Misty: "Bring out our little present to Wolfie."

Teto: "Oh, that thing?" _Pulls out a remote control and presses a button._

_The ground a little way off suddenly opens, and something rises out of the ground. Soon, a huge space-ship has risen out of the ground._

Rin: "Wow! It's so big..."

Teto: "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the utter craziness that is the Supreme Badassery IV!"

Wolfie: "Hang on... the last one was just the Supreme Badassery, so what happened to II and III."

Teto: "Um... well Iroha happened to II, and III was crashed when it flew over the Mountain of Murder when that hole in time-space opened up."

Wolfie: "Okay... let's just progress on. I love this! Let's go!"

_Everyone runs aboard the Supreme Badassery IV._

Wolfie: "Piko, Kiyoteru, Dell, Akaito, go to the guns. Girls, man the support computers! Misty, you're pilot."

Misty: "Why? What are you doing?"

Wolfie: "I'm trying to coordinate an entire battle. I don't really want to be steering as well."

Misty: "Fair enough I suppose."

Wolfie: "Ah, Miku, I've prepared a little something extra for you."

Miku: "What?"

Wolfie: "Come here a second..." _Takes Miku's bracelet, and after fiddling with it for a minute, returns it, _"Power-up. It should allow you to manifest the powers from multiple songs more easily."

Miku: "Cool!"

Wolfie: "Now, ship, prepare to take off!"

Miki: "Engine in peak shape!"

Iroha: "Shields up Nyan!"

Luka: "We have thrusters prepared, ready to go!"

Neru: "All systems are a strange shade of teal."

Haku: "I think that's meant to be green Neru."

Neru: "Oh... right, then all systems green!"

Wolfie: "Prepare to take off in 3... 2... 1... Take off!"

_The engines roar to life as the ship hovers for a moment, before speeding away._

* * *

_The battlefield..._

Tei: "DIE!" _Punches at Bleeper, who dodges._

Bleeper: "Gah! You bitch! Get away!" _Swings his spear, which Tei dodges._

_Tei draws knives from somewhere, and hurls the one in her left hand at Bleeper, cutting his arm slightly, then stabs with her right hand._

Bleeper: "Bitch!" _Dodges the knife, but it catches his side, and Tei slashes to her right, cutting a wide gash. _"AH!"

_Bleeper collapses, while Tei slowly advances towards him, a sick smile on her face._

Tei: "I'm going to enjoy cutting you up."

Bleeper: "Ha! You really are a fool." _He stands, swaying slightly. Tei looks on in surprise as his wounds heal, _"As long as I have fangirls, my great tower shall repair my body over and again!"

Tei: _Smirking, _"Oh, an immortal! What fun! This'll be the best battle of my life!" _Leaps at Bleeper again, _"I'll become the God-Slaying Machine of this story."

Bleeper: _Raising his spear, _"No... you will die!"

_The pair charge at one another._

* * *

Bis Bald

BW


	50. End 7

End of the Writer! Ch7

_The Supreme Badassery IV flies towards the Castle of Metal at an undetermined velocity, which Misty is trying to work out._

Wolfie: "Just remember Misty, kinetic energy = (mv^2)/2."

Misty: "SHUT UP!"

Miku: "What's that all about?"

Wolfie: "Oh, we both just had a physics exam, and _somebody _forgot to divide by two."

Misty: "Okay, okay, now shut it."

Wolfie: "Hey, I'm just making sure that you get your energy calculations correct. We don't want to think we're going root two times slower than we actually are and crash."

Misty: "Okay, for the last time, shut it or I crash this ship!"

Wolfie: "Okay, okay. Sheesh, can't you take a joke?"

Misty: "I'm piloting the only aircraft ever created big enough to hold your ego, do you want to ask me that question?"

Wolfie: "Okay... point."

Piko: "Enemy fangirl fleet to port! Scanner indicates around twenty ships."

Wolfie: "Turn guns to port, keep going straight Misty, we have no time to lose!"

Piko: "Permission to fire guns."

Wolfie: _Staring at monitor, _"We're in range, afire those fecking lazors!"

_The ship's laser-cannons fire at the enemy fleet, which had somehow managed to fail their perception checks to see the fecking massive ship coming towards them. To say they were destroyed is similar to saying the North Pole is chilly, or that Hentai is NSFW._

Wolfie: "Well that was easy."

Misty: "Yeah, using the single most powerful ship in existence to attack a small unsuspecting enemy fleet with all our guns, was easy."

Wolfie: "Do you have a snarky comeback for everything I say?"

Misty: "Not quite, but I'm working on it."

Wolfie: "Ri~ght. Moving swiftly on, are we almost there?"

Misty: "It will take us another few hundred words. We're currently moving at 5 metres per word."

Wolfie: "Did you remember the two?"

Misty: "I am preparing to crash this thing!"

Wolfie: "Okay, power of retcon, I did not ask that."

Misty: "Good."

* * *

Tei: "DIE!"

Bleeper: "NO!"

_The pair attack each other brutally, strike after strike landing, and slowly the pair wear away at each others' strength._

Bleeper: _Leaping away, _"Distortion!"

_Tei is trapped suddenly in a time-space tear. Struggle as she might, she fails to escape, and is forced into the rift._

Wolfie: "Su... le... fa... la... MI!" _The rift suddenly closes, after forcing Tei back out._

Bleeper: "What the hell? Where did Wolfie's voice come from."

Wolfie: _In voice only, _"I am everywhere, and nowhere, that's why I'm here. I am everything, I am nothing, and in actuality, I'm busy right at the moment, so please leave a message after the beep." _A beep sounds._

Bleeper: "Oh for f***'s sake."

Tei: "And this is the part where I kill you!" _Leeps at Bleeper, drawing a knife and throwing it, before taking another and lunging at Bleeper._

_Tei's first knife pierces Bleeper's left arm, while her thrust stabs straight through his heart._

Bleeper: "Ah!"

Tei: "AHAHA! Now you've reached your DEAD END!"

Bleeper: "No..." _Collapses to the ground._

_A shimmer appears behind Bleeper, and a figure steps out of it._

Derrick: "Master! I'm sorry I was too late... but now I'll avenge you!" _Draws his sword, and rushes at Tei, _"Yaoi Fang!" _Slashes, unleashing a shockwave._

Tei: _Leaping back, _"Damn you! I'll kill you too!"

Derrick: "Don't imagine you can! I can fight toe-to-toe with Miku Hatsune, and my skill with a blade matches even the Writer!"

Tei: "Ahaha! Feel my wrath!" _Glowing light surrounds her, _"My fellow yanderes, give me strength!" _Flashing faces of other yanderes pass in front of her, and she smiles, the demented look inspiring fear in Derrick, _"Yandere's Arc!" _Beams of light strike from the sky, striking Derrick for ridiculous amounts of damage._

Derrick: "Ah!" _Collapses to one knee._

Tei: "So weak... so very pityful."

Derrick: "No..." _Stands, _"I will not fall! I will destroy you!"

Tei: "Ahaha! Ahahaha! You think you stand a chance? Fool!"

Derrick: "Yaoi! Give me power!" _Lots of yaoi images, all of which are *censored* fly past him. _"I who stand in the full light of the yaoi command thee who opens the gates of yuri, come forth, divine tentacles! Indigrapetion!"

Tei: "The f***?"

_Giant tentacles reach down from a tear in the sky, and grapple Tei, pulling her upwards, while *censored* her._

Tei: "No! Only Len is allowed to *censored* there!"

Derrick: "Ahaha! My yaoi powers surpass yours!"

Tei: "NO~!" _Is dragged into the tear, as it seals up, leaving no trace._

Derrick: "I have done it... but..." _Collapses, and his data begins to separate, trailing up into the sky._

Bleeper: "Derrick, you did well."

Derrick: "Thank you... master." _Disappears._

Bleeper: _His wounds healing, _"Ah..." _Stands up, _"Damn... the damage will take too long to heal... I need to get to the Tower of Pop..." _Begins walking away._

* * *

Wolfie: "Ah... a great imbalance in this world's yandere levels has occurred."

Miku: "What?"

Luka: "Translation?"

Wolfie: "Tei is dead. Or at least, she may as well be."

Kiyoteru: "What in the world do you mean?"

Wolfie: "I sense that Derrick called upon some of the nastiest element of Lumi's domain to defeat her."

Miku: "Ugh... icky."

Wolfie: "I dunno, some people might like an eternity of violation from something resembling a giant squid."

Miku: "Still... even she didn't deserve that."

Wolfie: "More importantly, she didn't defeat Bleeper, but she should have held him up for long enough for us to get into position."

Miki: "We're approaching the Castle of Metal!"

Iroha: "We'll be arriving in three Nyans!"

Wolfie: "Three Nyans?"

Iroha: "Yes Nyan, well now it's slightly fewer Nyan!"

Misty: "We're there!"

Wolfie: "Right... okay..."

Neru: "We're getting incoming signals, three of them!"

Wolfie: "Route them to the main screen!"

_Three images appear on a large screen in front of them._

Sergeant Pi: _On one of the feeds, _"Plot Marines, ready for orders!"

Lumi: _From the second feed,_ "I am in position, command as you see fit."

Plot Hole Marine Girl: _From the final image,_ "This is Captain Germanium of the Plot Hole Marines/Metalheads First Company."

Wolfie: "Germanium? Isn't that only a half-metal?"

Captain Germanium: "Yes, so?"

Wolfie: "Just checking. Anyway, Captain, how are things in the castle?"

Germanium: "Well, it's a bit draughty, and it gets rather chilly in the evening, but apart from that..."

Wolfie: "That is exactly not what I meant."

Germanium: "Oh... oh we're battle-ready, and armed to the teeth."

Wolfie: "Really?"

Germanium: "Yes sir! We filed them specially!"

Wolfie: "Right... okay. Now, I'm sending the battle plan to everyone's computer systems, 'cause I'd rather do that than explain it all in detail to our readers right now. Oh yeah, Sergeant Pi!"

Pi: "Yes sir?"

Wolfie: "Consider yourself promoted."

Chapter Champion Pi: "Sir... it's a great honour!"

Wolfie: "Excellent, now... it's time for us to begin our offensive! Put me through to all our soldiers!"

Pi: "Routing audio now!"

Lumi: "Visual routing completed!"

Germanium: "The floor is yours."

Wolfie: _Stepping towards the screen as his image and voice are projected to the troops, _"Friends! Marines! Countrymen! Lend me your ear... or aural appendage for those monsters who lack ears. Today, we shall fight for the sake of the world. I created this land, and I will see it safe once more."

_Monsters in Lumi's army look with reverence at the image, while Plot Marines stand to attention, keenly focussed on the message, while the Metalheads have even turned down their music for the announcement._

Wolfie: "But... I cannot save this world by myself. I ask all of you... fight! Fight for our right to exist, for the freedom to write on this internet site we call FanFiction! Fight! Fight! FIGHT! Throw off the oppressive hand of Bleeper! Cast his followers away by the roadside as we march to victory... and above all... remember..." _Wolfie draws a deep breath, _"Kick ass every step of the way!"

_All the onlookers salute, whether with hand or tentacle, they are all of one mind._

Wolfie: "And remember, I am the Writer! I am Legion! I do not Forgive! I do not Forget!"

_The soldiers move as one, rushing to their battle positions, as a fleet of purple Plot Marine ships rises around the Supreme Badassery IV. The army moves as one._

Wolfie: _Through the audio link to all soldiers_ "And if any of you should see Bleeper, tell him this: EXPECT ME!"

* * *

Bis Bald

BW


	51. End 8

End of the Writer! Ch8

_The Supreme Badassery IV floats towards an oncoming army of fangirls. Beneath it, three armies march, with a single purpose: the destruction of the fangirls. The plot marines march with resolve in their hearts, and valour as their weapon. The metalheads advance, knowing that if they die, they will go to Valhalla, the only version of an afterlife which is br00tal enough to hold them. The assorted monsters and strippers from MI:H march... or move in the appropriate fashion for those monsters without legs, knowing that whatever happens, they'll have some fun afterwards anyway, so it doesn't really matter._

_Inside the Supreme Badasssery..._

Wolfie: "All hands, man the guns! Prepare the graviton cannon! Take aim with the turbo-laser destructor!"

Misty: "Do we even have either of those?"

Wolfie: _Tapping on his keyboard, _"We do now."

Misty: "Sure, whatever."

Miku: "What should I do Wolfie?"

Wolfie: "Ah, Miku, Luka, Rin, Len, Meiko, guy I hate, Gakupo and Neru, go to the holding bay. There should be a lander there, we'll use that to get to the front lines!"

Neru: "Why am I coming?"

Wolfie: "Because you're good for a laugh."

Kaito: "And me?"

Wolfie: "Meat shield."

Kaito: "I shouldn't have asked."

Miku: "Okay guys, let's go!" _Runs off, with the other 'loids following._

Wolfie: _Pressing a button on his console, _"Captain Obvious, come in, this is Wolfie!"

Captain Obvious: _Through communicator, _"Sir! We're almost in position!"

Wolfie: "Excellent, then we begin soon." _Pressing more buttons, _"All troops, prepare to begin operation Lambdadelta! Begin countdown, present time is T-5 lines!"

_Across the battle field, all the troops ready themselves for the assault._

Misty: "T-3."

Kiyoteru: "T-2."

Iroha: "T-1."

Wolfie: "T time gentlemen, go, go, GO!"

_Simultaneously, the Writer's forces charge across the battlefield, towards the line of fangirls._

Wolfie: "It has begun. Misty, I'm going out there now! You have the plan, now let's kick ass."

Misty: "For once, I agree with you absolutely."

Wolfie: _Smirking as he walks towards the holding bay, _"Yeah... for once we do."

* * *

_Tower of Pop, the Big Bad's base..._

Bleeper: "All troops, hold the enemy off! If you see Wolfie himself, send an instant report!"

Derrick: "My lord, I have returned, and am ready to serve once more!"

Bleeper: "Ah, Derrick, good timing. I need you to lead the attack..."

Fangirl: "Sir! A smaller craft has just left the Supreme Badassery! It's carrying high tsundere readings, and has a badassery level of 312!"

Bleeper: "Ah... so Wolfie decided to come himself, and bring his Waifu. In that case, Derrick, you know what to do!"

Derrick: "Of course!" _Activates his phated, _"This time, Hatsune Miku, I will kill you!"

* * *

Miku: "Okay, Wolfie, are you sure you know how to fly this thing?"

_The craft they are in is veering left and right, seemingly randomly._

Wolfie: "No I'm sure I can't fly this thing! I never said I could."

Miku: "Well you're the one in the pilot's seat!"

Wolfie: "Okay, you have point sweety, but look on the bright side."

Miku: "WHAT BRIGHT SIDE?"

Wolfie: "That's what I'm trying to find right now... oh shit..."

_The aircraft begins to fall from the sky._

Wolfie: "Right... Miku, come here."

Miku: "What is it?"

_Wolfie pulls her on to his lap._

Wolfie: "Ejector seat!"

_Wolfie and Miku fly out of the top of the aircraft, while the other 'loids realise they're done for if they stay, and leap out the sides, as the plane crashes among fangirls._

* * *

Rin: "Phew... that was close. Thank goodness I landed on something soft."

Len: "That would be me."

Rin: "Oh, sorry Lenny!" _Gets off him._

Len: "That's alright Rinny, I'm used to you injuring me. It's just this time it was unitentional."

Rin: "I beg your pardon."

Len: "Nothing!"

Mysterious voice: "Ah! You two!"

Len & Rin: _Turning to the voice, _"My god it's you!"

Mary Sue: "Yes! I have returned!"

Len: "But Wolfie beat you."

Mary: "Yeah... I used to be a writer like you, but then I took a Wolfie to the Fic-zone."

Rin: "So what the hell are you doing here?"

Mary: "I'm a PC, I don't die. Although all my creations did, and my fic-zone was destroyed, so I came back to beat the crap out of Wolfie, and take his fic zone as mine!"

Rin: "But if you do that... I mean, this world is cocked up enough with Wolfie in charge, but with you..."

Mary: "Yes! Everyone will know what an absolutely evil guy Wolfie was, and how I, the wonderfully perfect Mary Sue graciously defeated him."

Rin: "Len, we have to stop her."

Len: "I can't agree more."

Mary: "Haha! I may not be a writer any more, but I still have all the powers I gave myself, you cannot defeat me!"

Len: "Actually, yes we can."

Mary: "Why do you think you can do that?"

Rin: _Smirking, _"Because I'm the Princess of Evil." _Golden light surrounds her._

Len: "And I'm her Servant of Evil." _The same light envelopes him._

Rin & Len: "And together this is..." _A cut-in of their faces flashes across the screen, _"The Saga of Evil!"

_Len gains a sword from nowhere, as Rin's clothes swap to a long dress, as Len rushes at Mary Sue, slashing at her._

Len: "For my princess, I would even become evil!" _Stabs Mary Sue._

Mary: "NO! I will not fall to you!" _Leaps back, and clutches her hand over her wound, _"You want to fight... then I'll destroy you!" _Draws her rapier, _"It's time for this to end... Armageddon!"

_A cut-in of Mary Sue's face appears followed by a sudden earthquake, which strikes all around her, but the ground she stands on stays still._

Len: "You will not harm my princess!" _Leaps at Mary, stabbing her straight through the heart, _"You will not even touch her!"

Mary: "No... again... I've been defeated..." _Collapses, and her data separates._

Rin: _Standing from where the earthquake had thrown her, _"Good work my servant, now, we must be off, we have fangirls to kill."

Len: _Kneeling before Rin, and taking her hand, _"Of course, my dearest princess." _Fangirls squee as Len just became awesome._

Rin: "Okay, fangirls, he's MINE!"

Len: "Yeah, I'm her servant, not anyone else's! If anyone disagrees, I'll skewer them!"

_The fangirls flee._

Rin: "Excellent, now let us proceed to defeat the rest of the army!"

Len: "Of course, princess."

* * *

Miku: "Dammit! First my husubandu fires me out of our plane with the ejector seat without telling me, then we get separated, this really isn't my day."

Derrick: "It's about to get worse."

Miku: "Oh... oh great... another recurring villain who we'll never really be rid of."

Derrick: "Oh, well I have a feeling that if I lose this battle, I won't be returning."

Miku: "Really? Why?"

Derrick: "My contract with Bleeper's only good for another month, and I don't think another loss would make him want to rehire me much."

Miku: "Okay, so if I kick your ass, you have to get a better job."

Derrick: "Yes, but you're not going to."

Miku: "We'll see about that." _Smirking, _"Did you know, there's a new animé series which started airing yesterday?"

Derrick: "Oh, what was it?"

Miku: "Black Rock Shooter!"

_Black aura surrounds Miku._

* * *

Wolfie: "Oh, and by the way, the new BRS series is already frigging awesome. If you haven't already, go and watch it, now!"

Bis Bald

BW


	52. End 9

Wolfie: Okay, a forenote, which is on a slightly serious tone, it has come to my attention that certain unknown individuals have been going on YouTube, and making reports against Vocaloid videos, primarily Miku videos, of false copyright infringement. I will not stand for these affronts on mai waifu, and for further information on what everyone can do to help, see the message in my profile. If they want to take her down, then they'll have to get through us first!

Now, on with the chapter:

End of the Writer! Ch9

_Luka and Gakupo run in the direction they think that the others went in._

Luka: "Why did we have to get split up from the others, and how come we got split up into our pairings?"

Gakupo: "Well we were holding hands as we jumped, and fiction probability bears 0 resemblance to actual probability anyway."

Luka: "What do you mean?"

Gakupo: "Look, suppose I have to fight to protect you, and my sword is sufficiently damaged that after one more hit, it will break. Suppose that, also, there is an enemy who has a weak point in his armour, and if I hit that point, it will kill him. Now, suppose that my sword covers an area of 10cm^3, and the area I'm targeting comprises 1cm^3 out of 100cm^3 I may hit when aiming, with the weak point somewhere random, what are the chances that, knowing the location of that weak point, I will hit it?"

Luka: "1/10?"

Gakupo: "Wrong! It's either 1 or 0, depending on whether I am meant, by the plot, to survive the battle, and save you. Usually, it's 1, so in the general case, I have about a 99/100 chance of successfully hitting the weak spot."

Luka: "That's... worryingly true..."

Gakupo: "I know, that's the First Law of Fiction Probability: the chance of something happening in a story bears no resemblance to the chance of it happening in real life."

Luka: "So what's the second law?"

Gakupo: "Probability is a bitch, and she just slapped you."

Luka: "...Okay..."

Gakupo: "Don't even get me started on fiction physics."

Luka: "No, I wasn't going to."

Gakupo: "Oh, really? Okay."

Luka: _Sighing, _"Oh well, at least things couldn't get worse."

Gakupo: "NO! Don't you know the Third Law of Fiction Probability: things can always get worse?"

Luka: "Ah... oh shit..."

Rei Ayanami: "Oh, yes, shit would describe your current situation very well."

Luka: "You? But weren't you taken away to MI:H to be violated for eternity."

Rei: "Yes, but I managed to beat the crap out of all the monsters, and came to take revenge upon Misty."

Luka: "Wait... so there's a villain who doesn't want to take revenge on Wolfie?"

Gakupo: "That's... amazing."

Rei: "Meh, no skin off my nose."

Luka: "Hey, aren't you meant to have no personality?"

Rei: "Yeah, well tell that to Wolfie, he can't write people without personalities very well."

Luka: "Right... that totally makes sense."

Gakupo: "The worrying thing is that it does."

Luka: "Yes, I know, I was just trying to convince myself that it didn't."

Rei: "Anyway, it is time for my lack of personality to absorb your personalities! I will devour you both!"

Luka: "Not if I have anything to do with it!"

Rei: "And how would you have the power to stop me?"

Gakupo: "I dunno, maybe..."

Luka: "...just maybe you should..."

Luka & Gakupo: "Go Google it!"

_Flashes of purple and pink light rises around the pair, and then fades, leaving them... looking rather like they did before._

Rei: "Um... what was the light-show about?"

Luka: "Go Google it!"

Rei: "Er... why won't you answer my question?"

Gakupo: "Go Google it!"

Rei: "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!"

Luka & Gakupo: _Pointing their fingers in a Phoenix Wright-style point, _"GO GOOGLE IT!"

Rei: "NO! Stop saying that!" _Glares, then something rises from the ground behind her, _"Ah... my transport!" _Eva Unit 00 rises up, and Rei leaps onto its back, and gets into the plug, before it inserts itself, and the eva activates._

Luka: "What the hell are we meant to do against that thing?"

Gakupo: "Run?"

Luka: "That sounds like a sound strategy!"

_Gakupo and Luka start fleeing, but of course, a 50ft tall bio-robot is slightly faster. I mean, it must qualify as a gargantuan creature, that's about 60ft per round base land speed._

Gakupo: "Shit!"

Luka: "How the hell are we going to get out of this one?"

Misty: "Rei! You won't touch them!" _Flies at Rei,slashing with a blade of mist._

Luka: "Misty? You came!"

Misty: "Yeah, this bitch is my responsibility!"

Gakupo: "Speaking of responsibility, weren't you responsible for flying the plane?"

Misty: "Oh come on, I didn't do a Wolfie, I got Kiyoteru to take over first."

Luka: "Oh... cool, then we'll just let you have your little battle." _Runs away with Gakupo._

Rei: "Misty! I've found you! Now I get to kill you!"

Misty: "Rei... I'm wondering why I didn't kill you earlier, and now I really wish I had. So I'll remedy my mistake now!" _Charges at Rei._

* * *

Miku: "Derrick, DIE!" _Fires the BRS gun at Derrick._

Derrick: "Why so bitchy today?"

Miku: "Some twats have been getting my videos deleted! That's what's putting me on my period early!" _Shoots him again._

Derrick: "Okay... I'm going to have to finish this quickly!" _Starts chanting, _"I who stand in the full light of the yaoi..."

Miku: "Too slow!" _Shoots straight at Derrick._

Derrick: _Dodging, but breaking his chant, _"Damn... time for plan B."

Miku: "Run away?"

Derrick: "No," _Draws a sword, _"Beat the crap out of you!" _Leaps at Miku._

_Miku leaps away, and fires again. The pair dance around the area, attacking each other, but neither hits._

Spectator Fangirl 1: "Wow, they're good... kinda."

Spectator Fangirl 2: "They keep missing."

SF1: "They also keep dodging."

SF2: "I suppose, but fights are boring when they're this good."

SF1: "I suppose."

_Derrick leaps at Miku, and Miku dodges, then fires again, Derrick dodging the shot, which this time flies straight at the two spectating fangirls._

SF1: "Oh shit!" _Crushed along with SF2._

Derrick: "Finally, they would not shut up."

Miku: "I know that feeling, now I think it's time I ended this!" _Rushes at Derrick, _"Have a taste of my power!"

Derrick: "Yeah, yeah, you used your mystic arte on me before, and at the time, it wasn't half bad, but now it'll just be weak."

Miku: "That's why it's time for the second one!"

Derrick: "Oh shit... I didn't think of that..."

Miku: "Now... fall before... My Supercell!"

_Miku glows green._

* * *

Laws of Fiction Probability:

1. The probability of an occurrence in fiction is in no way related to its probability of happening in the real world.

2. For all stories, probability is a bitch. As a piece of fiction approaches completion, the probability that the bitch has slapped you approaches 1.

3. Regardless of the implausibility of a situation getting worse, there is always a chance that it will.

4. Should the words 'things couldn't get worse' or words to that effect be uttered by any character, the situation will get worse with probability 1.

5. The author may ignore the effects of real world science for his own convenience. What goes up will not come down unless the story dictates it is so.

6. In a large sample, there is always the one person who will attempt to screw with these rules just for the hell of it. This is not possible, as it is dictated within the rules that it is so. In fact, the only way to screw with the rules is now not to screw with them, or attempt to do so. In so doing, you have screwed with this rule, but if anybody points it out, then the rules have no longer been screwed with. Therefore, you cannot deny these rules.

* * *

Bis Bald

BW


	53. End 10

End of the Writer! Ch10

Kaito: "Why did I have to end up with only Meiko? Why?"

Meiko: "Well we had some fun last chapter when we didn't appear."

Kaito: "You mean you repeatedly violated me, until I gave in and stopped resisting."

Meiko: "Yes. Is there a problem?"

Kaito: "There are uncountably many problems. However, they aren't going to be solved just by standing around here, so let's get moving."

Meiko: "Sure, whatever, just as long as I can get some more of your *censored*."

Kaito: "I can't believe I'm glad of something that Wolfie did, but thank you for censoring that."

Wolfie: "No problem."

Kaito: "Wolfie? You ended up here?"

Wolfie: "Yeah, it seems that Miku fell off the seat when it ejected."

Meiko: "Wouldn't the fall have killed her then?"

Wolfie: _Waves hand,_ "Yes, but don't tell her that."

Meiko: "Right... that makes no sense."

Wolfie: "I know, but planet vs Miku, who'd win? Also, how do you like the new look of the Mountain of Murder?" _Pointing to where a giant lampshade is atop the mountain, _"I think that should cover the hanging for the whole story so far."

Kaito: "Okay... would somebody please explain to me what the hell is going on here?"

Meiko: "Trust me, ignorance is bliss."

Kaito: "Yeah... I think I might agree with you there."

* * *

_Misty and Rei continue to face-off against each other, staring each other down, and ready to battle._

Rei: "I'm going to kill you, then I'll devour your personality!" _Charges at Misty._

Misty: "No... I won't let you!" _Rushes at Rei._

_Suddenly, both are transported to a completely different location: a filming studio._

Misty: "What... what the hell happened?" _Blinks, _"No... Wolfie... you didn't... NO! Give me terrible battles! Give me bloody violence! Give me a capitalist state, where the only equal thing is taxation! But not this!"

Rei: "What are you so worked up about?"

Mysterious voice: "Hello and welcome to the Jimmy Kale show."

Rei: _Blanching, _"Oh gods no..."

Jimmy Kale: "Today, we have a lady who believes that a newcomer has made her become left-out of her group of closest friends, and she wants her friends to choose, their old friend, or their new, Rei's on the show give her a round of applause!"

_Misty and Rei give each other a look._

Misty: "Truce?"

Rei: _Lifting up a machine gun, _"Yes, definitely."

* * *

Miku: _Her Black Rock Shooter gun still attached to her left arm, while she now holds an extremely large Negi in her right hand, _"Fall before My Supercell!"

Derrick: "You said that last time."

Miku: "Just reminding everyone."

Derrick: "Whatever you throw at me, I'll dodge it!" _Leaping at Miku._

Miku: _Smirking, _"But what if it just takes That One Second, In Slow Motion!"

_An image of Miku in orange clothes flashes past, and Derrick freezes._

Miku: "No remember, Love..." _A huge tower with speakers rises from the ground behind her,_ "...is..." _The speakers turn to face Derrick_ "...War!" _Another image of Miku flashes past, this time of her standing in front of a huge tower, with bomber planes flying over head, as Derrick takes huge amounts of sonic damage._

_Derrick is thrown back, and he staggers to his feet._

Derrick: "Is that all you've got?"

Miku: "Melt!" _Yet another picture of Miku flashes past._

_Derrick is hit by a wave of intense heat._

Miku: _Rushing at Derrick, as a series of images flash past, _"Parade of Liars!" _Kicks Derrick in the face, leaping into the air, _"Black Rock Shooter!" _Fires at Derrick, then flips in mid-air, and raises her Negi, _"World is Mine!" _Hits Derrick with the Negi, _"And this is... Supercell!" _The word 'Supercell' appears at the top of the screen, and the weapon in Miku's hand discharges a huge amount of electricity._

Derrick: "No..." _Staggers back, _"Now my contract... won't be renewed." _His data begins to unravel, _"Not that it matters... I know Wolfie will win in the end."

Miku: "What do you mean?"

Derrick: "When it is time, the writer will unleash his true power, and destroy Bleeper forever, but at a terrible cost."

Miku: "What kind of half-arsed prophecy is that? Of course I know Wolfie's going to win!"

Derrick: "Well... sorry my last words weren't better..."

Wolfie: _Appearing from nowhere, as he does far too often, _"Derrick, you were a good foe."

Derrick: "And you were a good fight too. Maybe... one day I'll fight you again. But the damage to my data is too severe... I won't return in this story..."

Wolfie: "Well Derrick, the day you do come back, come and find me. I might have a good job offer for you."

Derrick: "Wolfie... you aren't so bad really."

Wolfie: "And Derrick, you were the most fully developed villain I've ever had the pleasure of writing. May I shake your hand."

Derrick: _Reaching out his right hand, as his left dissipates, _"Of course... my respected foe."

_Wolfie takes the hand, and they shake. Derrick smiles._

Derrick: "You never did work out what gender I was did you?"

Wolfie: "Nope, and if I don't know, nobody ever will."

Derrick: "Well then... Miku... Wolfie... goodbye... and if you see Becks again... tell her I'm sorry..." _His data falls apart, and he is no more._

Miku: _Staring blankly at where Derrick was,_ "I... killed him."

Wolfie: "Don't go all emo on me Miku, he's just the avatar of the guy... or girl, behind the computer. It's not like he's actually dead."

Miku: "Yes... but... he was a named character!"

Wolfie: "Miku, is that something bordering on moralistic I detect in you?"

Miku: "Hang on... you're right." _Shakes herself, _"Right! I have some ass to kick!"

Wolfie: _Smiling and nodding, _"Right on darling, right on!"

* * *

_No gender-unspecified fans of Yaoi were harmed in the writing of this chapter. I did murder two After 8s, and I don't know about the studio audience of the Jimmy Kale show, but that's irrelevant._

Miku: "To have two after 8s, what time does it need to be?"

_After 4 in the afternoon._

Miku: "How so?"

_8 times 2 is..._

Miku: "16."

_And 16:00 is..._

Miku: "Okay... why does the narrator have to be so much less awesome than Wolfie, even though they're the same person."

Wolfie: "Well nobody could be as awesome as me."

Miku: "Not even yourself?"

Wolfie: "Not even myself."

_That's so contradictory it hurts... and I'm the one saying it. Anyways, yeah... that's all folks. See you next chapter._

* * *

Bis Bald

BW


	54. End11

End of the Writer! Ch11

_In the remains of the Jimmy Kale Show studio, Misty and Rei look around satisfied with their work._

Misty: "Well that was fun."

Rei: "Yeah, that's the first time I've actually enjoyed your company."

Misty: "Yeah... it's kinda strange, I enjoyed it too..."

_They look at each other, their looks softer than before, then both smirk and draw their weapons: a knife for Rei, and a rapier for Misty._

Misty: "That was fun, but defeating you will be more so!"

Rei: "Hey, don't steal my lines!" _Rushes at Misty._

Misty: "Time to end this!" _Charges forward._

* * *

Wolfie: "Ah... so this is the Tower of Pop? Excellent, almost all the pieces are in place."

_Wolfie and Miku are stood before a huge tower, made of bright pink stone... don't ask why, I haven't the slightest clue._

Miku: "It's very... pink."

Wolfie: "Yeah... it's kinda unnerving actually. It also looks suspiciously like that fortress from Save 8 to 10, you know, the place with Y.O.F.A.G. where Derrick locked me up."

Miku: "Maybe they borrowed the blueprints."

Wolfie: "Yeah... maybe."

* * *

_Meanwhile, Aboard the Supreme Badassery IV._

Kiyoteru: "Approaching target at 5 meters per sentence, ready the Grammar-Canons!"

Iroha: "Who died and put him in charge Nyan?"

Miki: "Misty, but he didn't die."

Iroha: "That was a rhetorical question Nyan."

Piko: "Can we just do as he says, I mean he is the one flying the ship."

Iroha: "You may have a point Nyan."

Kiyoteru: "No talking in the ranks!"

Piko: "Okay, now you can complain."

Iroha: "This is confusing Nyan. So when can I and can't I complain Nyan?"

Piko: "Oh dear lord, why did I have to fall in love with a girl whose brain only ever works on something if it relates to Hello frigging Kitty?"

Iroha: "Because I'm just that sexy Nyan."

Piko: "Unfortunately true. You are quite amazing in bed."

Miki: "What... are you comparing her to me? Am I not good?"

Piko: "No! You're also wonderful, I love you both and you both make me feel incredible!"

Iroha: "Aw~ Nyan. I love you so much Nyan! And Miki too Nyan!"

Miki: "Me too!"

Piko: _So the girls don't hear him, _"Phew... crisis averted."

Kiyoteru: _To Yuki, _"And that, Yuki, is why threeways are often problematic."

Yuki: "Really? So the fact that one person can often feel rejected if the other two end up spending more time together, thus leading to a relationship break-down, and the general stigma of society against such relationships in the modern world have nothing to do with it?"

Kiyoteru: "...Well those might be reasons too."

Yuki: "I see, so aside from economic concerns, the lustful nature of humanity as well as humans' desire to be loved and held in high regard lead to an innate problem with polyamorous relationships, while society's current lack of acceptance of it leads to few people wishing to enter such relationships."

Piko: "Where did you learn about human lust Yuki?"

Yuki: _Smiling brightly, _"Kiyoteru taught me."

_Everyone turns to Kiyoteru._

Kiyoteru: "Looks like my polyamorous friend got me in a mess of trouble again.

Gumi: _Coming out from below deck,_ "So just when you think that you're alright, I'm crawling out from the inside!"

Kiyoteru: "She just came across the mention of lust and love in a poem she was reading, and asked me what the difference was!"

Teto: "You still attacked our poor innocent Yuki's mind!" _Advances on Kiyoteru, her drills spinning._

Yuki: "But I love Kiyoteru-sensei! Please don't hurt him."

Teto: "But he probably lusts for you!"

Yuki: "No he doesn't! He's only ever taught me, and answered my questions. He wouldn't hurt me!"

_All the 'loids look at Yuki, who looks to be on the verge of tears. Teto's drills slow to a stop._

Teto: "Ah... she's just too sweet, I can't hurt him now..." _Returns to her position, as do the other 'loids._

Kiyoteru: "Phew... that was close." _Thinks for a minute, _"For the record, why did we bring Yuki? A battleship in the middle of a war zone is hardly the safest place for an eight-year old girl."

Yuki: "It's simple."

Kiyoteru: "Really?"

Yuki: "Yes, could you have managed that waste of nearly 300 words without me?"

Kiyoteru: "No."

Yuki: "You see I act as the joke catalyst, mainly by my excessive knowledge for a girl of my age, thus bringing in an extended joke, and a chance for Wolfie to provide entertainment, while using up words in a chapter when he cannot be bothered to simply advance the plot. I am, if you will, acting as a literary tool for creating a joke."

Kiyoteru: "Um... what?"

Yuki: "I'm here so Wolfie can make jokes and waste time."

Kiyoteru: "Ah... right."

Yuki: _Yawning, _"Oh dear, it's nap time! Then when I wake up I'll have to find myself a cookie and my own milk as the others are all busy."

Kiyoteru: "Tell me, are you five, eight, or twenty?"

Yuki: "I dunno any more, but I'm sleepy, so I'll go nap."

Kiyoteru: "Okay, see you later."

Chewy: _Suddenly blinking from the corner he'd been standing in, _"Ah... I finally got off TV Tropes... where is everybody?"

* * *

Rei: "DIE!"

Misty: "DIE!"

Rei: "NO YOU DIE!"

Misty: "NO YOU DIE!"

_The two continue to swing at each other._

Misty: "Haha! I'll kill you!" _Swings at Rei, who blocks._

_A little red orb just above Rei's head breaks suddenly, and Mist hits the right shoulder button._

Rei: "What the f*** is going on?"

Misty: "You're going to die! Critical Finish!" _Thrusts his sword repeatedly into Rei, who gasps at the sudden feeling of being penetrated for the first time in her life._

Rei: "That sounds so much worse than it is, why do you always have to narrate things to make them sound so disgusting?"

_Because I do, now can we get on with the fact that you're dying?_

Misty: _Thrusting violently into Rei, _"You're finished!"

Rei: "No! It hurts! It's going so deep!"

_Okay, let's finish what I started before this turns into one massive *censored* joke._

Misty: "Good idea."

_So yeah, where were we? Oh yes, Rei was stabbed to death, painfully._

Rei: _On the ground, bleeding to death_ "Ah! No... this is not over... one of my myriad of clones will hunt you down and kill you!"

Misty: "Really? 'Cause most of your clones don't even know I exist."

Rei: "I... I... I... did not think of that." _Dies._

Misty: "You know, those were really awful last words. Anyway, time to join Wolfie."

* * *

Wolfie: "And another enemy piece is removed."

Miku: "You're being a chessmaster now?"

Wolfie: "No, of course not. If a game were to go against me, I wouldn't make careful moves with the pieces. I don't change the pieces, I change the freaking board."

Miku: "That's... true."

Wolfie: "Anyway, the plot marines are nearly here, and Lumi's monsters are close behind. The metalheads have already taken down the left flank. Soon, very soon, the Tower of Pop shall fall, this will be the end of them! And I still haven't got that TV Tropes page."

Miku: "Yeah, we'll crush them!"

Wolfie: "Just one thing left to do..." _Takes out a bow an arrow, and shoots through a window in the tower before them._

Miku: "What the...?"

Wolfie: "You'll see."

* * *

Bleeper: "So... They are at our very gates..."

Fangirl General: "Sir... we don't stand a chance in the open. We must retreat to the Tower."

Bleeper: "No... we will not retreat! We will stand and fight with honour!"

_Wolfie's arrow flies through the window, and embeds itself in the wall next to Bleeper's head._

Bleeper: "What the...?"

_Bleeper takes the arrow, and a scroll unwraps from around the arrow._

Letter: "Dear Big Bad, I just though I should let you know the following. We have taken the plains and the castle. You have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes, drums... drums in your keep. You cannot get out. A wolf lurks in the dark. You cannot get out... I am coming."

Bleeper: _Shaking, _"Withdraw the troops. Every fangirl is to return as fast as they can. We will hold the tower with everything we have."

Fangirl General: "Yes sir... at once." _Leaves._

Bleeper: "And so they come, with plotter and tentacle, to bring me to my end."

* * *

Wolfie: "The story grows old, and reaches out to every person... to those who march on this field of battle... to those who wait at home, for their loved ones to return. And I swear those who wait will not wait forever... for I am the Writer!" _Shouting at the tower, _"The Wolf of Hermes is my name! Eat my claws to make me tame! But no more! No more! Hear me now Big Bad! I will destroy you! I will tear down your high tower! I will destroy you, as you destroyed my world."

_Wolfie's sword appears in his hands, as the plot marines march up behind him, followed by Lumi heading the monsters, Misty with the Metalheads, the Supreme Badassery IV overhead, the Vocaloids stepping up towards him, and Miku at his side, all with grim determination on their faces._

Wolfie: _Turning to the army at his back, _"Once more, unto the breach dear friends, once more, or close the story with our noble dead! In peace there's nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness and humility. But when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger: stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood, disguise fair nature with hard-favoured rage then lend the eye a terrible aspect."

_A cheer is heard throughout the army._

Wolfie: "This is the day of Valentine! And gentlemen at home and now a-bed shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap while any speak of those who fought with us upon Saint Valentine's day!"

_A second cheer, as the army turns its sights to the tower before them._

Miku: "So here we go."

Luka: "Let us pray we all survive this fight."

Wolfie: "All men, all women, all monsters and those of doubtful gender, all of you who fight today, I hope for your safety. My guards! To me!"

_Chapter Champion Pi and the rest of an honour guard squad surround him._

Pi: "We are ready when you are."

Wolfie: "I ask you, today protect Miku. If anything should happen to her..."

Pi: _Nodding, _"I understand, Commander."

Wolfie: "Very well..." _Breathing deeply, then shouting, _"Begin the assault!"

* * *

_And so we come to the final battle... there will be no more postponing, no more waiting... this is it..._

_Well, after I do the last special chapter._

Bis Bald

BW


	55. Side Story: Wedding

The Wedding of the Writer

_One month before the beginning of Save the Writer, in a registry office in the centre of FanFiction City..._

Wolfie: _In a suit, pacing around a dressing room, _"Oh god... I'm not ready for this... I'm not ready..."

Misty: _Sitting in a chair, watching Wolfie's pacing, _"You should have thought of that earlier. Like two months ago when you asked Miku to marry you."

Wolfie: "Yes, but... ugh just shut up. You're my best man, you're meant to provide emotional support!"

Misty: "There are some times when you've just got to let thing collapse, rather than trying to support it any longer."

Wolfie: "Oh god... I hate you so much right now."

Misty: "And I hate you too, and stop frigging pacing, it's reminding me of the time you were wondering how to propose to the girl."

Wolfie: _Stopping pacing, but now scowling, _"Okay... how long until we begin?"

Misty: _Looking at his watch, _"I'd give it 16 lines."

Wolfie: "Right... okay, here we go." _Leaves the room, followed by Misty._

* * *

_In a car on the way to the registry office..._

Miku: "Oh god... this is amazing... oh my god..."

Luka: _Sighing, _"Calm down Miku, you don't want to be too excited to say your 'I do.'"

Miku: "I can't help but be excited Luka. It's my freaking wedding day!"

Luka: "Yes, I know. That's all you've been talking about for the past week!"

Miku: "I know, but I still can't believe that by the end of this chapter I'll be a waifu!"

Luka: _Sighing again, _"I just can't wait until this is over... ah, we're here."

_The car pull up in front of the building, and the pair step out, and walk up the steps, to where Kiyoteru is waiting for them._

Kiyoteru: "Remind me why I'm the one giving you away Miku."

Miku: "Er... think for a moment, who else would do it?"

Kiyoteru: "Well there's..." _Thinks for a minute, _"Okay... point."

Miku: "Now... we're ready to start..."

* * *

Wolfie: _Standing at the end of the hall, awaiting the beginning of the ceremony, _"Oh gods... we're starting soon... oh my god..."

Misty: "Wolfie, calm down."

_Music begins to play._

Misty: "Ah, 16 lines, just as I predicted."

_The doors open, and Wolfie gulps and looks back._

Wolfie: "So... beautiful."

_Miku enters, in a long white dress. Her normal hair-ties have been replaced with ribbons, each with small pink flowers in them. She has earrings with little sapphires in them, and a necklace with a treble-clef pendant. A diamond-encrusted tiara on her head along with a veil complete the outfit._

_Miku smiles at Wolfie, as she is lead up the aisle by Kiyoteru, with her bridesmaids following her._

Haku: _Conducting the ceremony, _"We are gathered here today..."

* * *

Haku: "...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

_The couple turn to each other, and Wolfie lifts Miku's veil, before leaning forward and kissing her. The sound of d'awws rings throughout the hall, before the pair turn and walk arm-in-arm together down and out of the hall._

Wolfie: "Miku... I'm so glad..."

Miku: _Holding Wolfie's arm tighter, _"Me too Wolfie, me too."

_The pair stands outside, with their friends, as Kiyoteru quickly readies a camera. The camera flashes, and everyone sighs in relief._

Miku: "Now... party time!"

* * *

_Shortly thereafter..._

Lumi: "Just watch them..."

Misty: "They're completely mad, even on days like these."

Chewy: "Waaagh!"

Lumi: "Yeah, I suppose you're right Chewy, we should let them off, just this once."

Misty: "It is their wedding day after all."

_Wolfie and Miku are dancing in the middle of the hall, as 'World is Mine' plays loudly, while other couples dance around them. Meiko is looking over Kaito, where he lies unconscious from one of Miku's spring onions._

Misty: "Well, I suppose it's almost time for the highlight, the cake."

Chewy: "Wagh?"

Misty: "You'll see Chewy, you'll see."

Wolfie: _Stopping dancing as the song ends, _"And now, the cake!"

_A huge wedding cake is brought out._

Wolfie: "First, my beloved waifu..." _Cuts a slice for Miku from the second largest layer, _"And now the rest of you," _Cuts pieces from the bottom layer._

Everybody: "Cheers!" _Takes a bite._

_Everyone simultaneously blanches, apart from Miku, who eats contentedly._

Wolfie: _Turning to his new Waifu, _"Miku... darling... why does this layer taste like spring onions? It was only meant to be the second largest layer!"

Miku: "Oh, well after we *censored* the night after we chose the cake, I read Angel-Chan's review, and liked her idea, so I called Baker's after you were asleep and changed our order."

Wolfie: "So... how much of this thing is..."

Miku: "Oh, only all of it."

Wolfie: _Looking round, as everybody runs for the bathroom, _"What have you done?"

Miku: "I think it's nice." _Eats the rest of her piece._

Wolfie: _Seeing Lumi, on the ground, with negative hit points, _"Lumi!"

Lumi: "I... I ate the whole thing at once... I don't think I'll make it..."

Wolfie: "NO! Lumi!" _Starts muttering, _"Heal! Greater Restoration!"

_Lumi continues the descent into negative hit points._

Wolfie: "NO! Don't die! I didn't prepare resurrection this morning!"

Misty: _Rushing back from the toilet,_ "I did! All I need is a diamond worth 10,000gp!"

Wolfie: "Where the heck are we gonna get one of those..."

_Both Misty and Wolfie look at each other, then turn simultaneously to look at Miku, who is casually eating the cake, and their eyes fall on her **diamond-encrusted **tiara._

Miku: "Why are you guys looking at me like that?" _Her eyes follow theirs, _"No! Do you know how much this thing cost me?"

Wolfie: "I'd guess just over 10,000gp."

Miku: "NO!"

_Misty grabs the tiara, and starts casting._

Miku: "No!"

Wolfie: "Who was it that changed the cake?"

Miku: "Um... me..."

Wolfie: "So who has to pay for the resurrection?"

Miku: "...me... I guess..."

Wolfie: "Good girl, now I'll buy you a new one, how much was it?"

Miku: "Um... 9,999gp."

Wolfie: "WHAT?"

Miku: "I'm kidding, it was 25,000 gp."

Wolfie: "I suddenly wish that cake had destroyed his body, that's enough for True Resurrection."

Miku: "Well wouldn't this mean that you'll have 15,000gp worth of it left?"

Wolfie: "I dunno any more..."

* * *

_Present_

Luka: "What are you doing Miku? It's time for the epic battle of finality and epicness."

Miku: "Oh, I was just thinking. I didn't realise until just now, but this is Wolfie's and my anniversary."

Luka: "Oh yeah... not the best way to be spending it I suppose."

Miku: "Well at least he and I are together."

Luka: "Yeah... I suppose that's a good thing."

* * *

_Just two notes, first as it now says at the beginning of this story, if anybody wants to use Derrick, Wolfie or any original character, then just ask, and I'll probably say yes. The exceptions are Misty, Lumi and Chewy, who are representative of other people, so you'll have to ask them._

_Second, we have given ourselves the metaphorical green light, and, at some point in the future (probably this summer) I, along with Mistman_X and Illuminati_47, are going to be working on _**Adventures of the Writer: The Not Quite Animated Series. **_Basically, this is going to be something like a picture drama, which will be drawn by Lumi. However, we need voice actors for all the 'loids, as I am not going to buy all the software, and then fight with it to make it sound like English, and then make them say all the lines. More details will be available on my profile in the near future._

_And so, next chapter is the last, final, no more random continuation, genuine finished article. The final chapter looms, and don't worry about waiting, it'll be here by the end of the day._

_So, I'll see you so very soon._

Bis Bald

BW


	56. End 12

End of the Writer! Chapter 12, the Grand Finale

_The armies under Wolfie break through the gate and into the Tower of Pop in a suitably bloody and violent fashion._

Chapter Champion Pi: "Men! Keep up the assault!"

Captain Obvious: "Kill the Fangirl, Burn the Bleeperite, Purge the Popster!"

_The Plot Marines and Metalheads unleash a hail of bullets into the fangirl hoard, while tentacles wrap around the fangirls and... oh... I don't think that's normal battle procedure..._

Wolfie: "Captain, Sergeant, keep it up! I'm going to assault Bleeper's throne room."

_Wolfie flies through the halls, dodging attacks from fangirls, and hurling beams of ice and flame at his attackers, until he bursts through a pair of huge doors, to a large circular room, and opposite him sits Bleeper._

Bleeper: _Standing, _"So... you have come Wolfie."

* * *

Miku: "Keep moving forwards!" _Blasts fangirls in the face with her BRS gun, then slashes with her huge Negi Blade._

Luka: "Miku, Wolfie has gone to attack Bleeper directly!"

Miku: "What is he thinking... by himself he can't..." _Pales, as realisation strikes, _"No... he can't mean to..." _Starts running towards the throne room, but a hoard of fangirls block her. _"Wolfie!"

* * *

_Bleeper and Wolfie stand facing each other in Bleeper's throne room._

Bleeper: "So... you've come."

Wolfie: "Since Tsukone couldn't kill you, I have to do it myself."

Bleeper: "You don't stand a chance! My castle is a null-fic zone! You're powerless!"

Wolfie: "Not quite..." _Kuin appears in his hand. _"I will still destroy you!"

Bleeper: _A spear appearing in hand, _"It would seem the time for words is over..."

Wolfie: "Indeed... Bankai!" _Wolfie transforms into his armoured form. _"Kuinagi no Katana no Hory Shitsu."

Bleeper: "Release Restraints!" _His spear grows, and two more spikes grow from its tip._

Wolfie: "Let us end it here!" _Spreads his wings and flies at Bleeper._

Bleeper: "Now die!" _Charges Wolfie._

_The two slash and stab at one another, cutting each other here and there, but no final blow being struck. Wolfie blasts ice at Bleeper a few times, but Bleeper dodges._

Bleeper: "Give up now!" _Stabs again, _"I WILL MAKE YOU BOW BEFORE ME!"

Wolfie: "I WILL NOT BOW!" _Parries and strikes._

Bleeper: "Argh!" _Takes a hit, and staggers back._

Wolfie: "Hang on... that's a song title... a metal song title... your weak spot!"

Bleeper: "No... don't."

Wolfie: "Bleeper..." _Singing, as music begins to play in the background,_ "You had to have it all... but have you had enough?"

Bleeper: _Shrinking back, _"Stop it, stop it, STOP IT!"

Wolfie: _Advancing on Bleeper, and swinging his sword up above his head, pointing it down at Bleeper, _"You greedy little bastard you, you get what you deserve. When all is said and done, I will be the one to leave you in your misery and hate what you've become!" _Pulls back his sword, _"Heaven help you!" _Thrusts his sword straight through Bleeper's heart. _"HEAVEN HELP YOU!"

Bleeper: _Collapsing to the floor,_ "You think you win? I will not die, this Tower of Pop will sustain me forever!"

Wolfie: "You think you've won this fight? You've only lost your mind..." _Raises a communicator, _"All troops, withdraw, get at least a hundred yards from the tower! That is everyone!"

Miku: _Through communicator, _"What is it Wolfie? Please tell me you aren't going to..."

Wolfie: "It's time I unleashed the forbidden power of the writer."

Miku: "No Wolfie! You mustn't!"

Wolfie: "Miku... I'm sorry... I love you. I wish our anniversary could have been better... I'm so sorry." _Crushes his_ _communicator._

Bleeper: "What are you planning?"

Wolfie: "To use the writer's forbidden arte. The one with the greatest power, and the greatest sacrifice. The one that shall end you, Bleeper!"

* * *

Miku: "NO! I HAVE TO GO AND STOP HIM!"

Lumi: _Dragging the girl away, _"No Miku, I can't let you." _There is a look of grim determination on his face._

Chewy: _Helping Lumi_ "Wolfie can't fully control it, he wants to protect you." _Bites his lip, and looks fearful._

Misty: _Dragging Miku as well, _"We owe this to him as his friends." _He chokes slightly on his words._

Miku: _Crying, _"WOLFIE!"

* * *

Wolfie: "...That arte... is Deus Ex Machina!" _Wolfie's entire body glows._

Bleeper: "But this is a null-fic zone! You can't use your power here!"

Wolfie: "Deus Ex Machina is a writer's greatest power, it can do anything required to ensure the villain loses and the heroes get out alive. But..."

* * *

Miku: _Now held back by Luka and Neru_ "If he uses that power, Wolfie will die! Deus Ex Machina is literary suicide! No writer can ever come back from a Deus Ex Machina end!"

Misty: "Don't you think we know that? He's doing this for you, and every part of his creation. He loves you, and he loves the world he forged with his own hands. Let him protect it in the way he sees fit."

Miku: _Tears flowing fast now, _"I know this is what he wants, but I don't want to lose him!"

Luka: "I know you don't Miku, but this is the only way to defeat Bleeper."

Miku: "Wolfie... Not today... why... I don't want to be a widow after only one year... WOLFIE!"

* * *

_Wolfie's wings are spread wide, and he and Bleeper float up through the tower. Kuin returns to Wolfie's hands, and he slices through the top of the tower._

Bleeper: "Why... did you bring us up here."

Wolfie: "I wanted you to look at the world you wanted to destroy, and I wanted to see it one last time."

Bleeper: "Oh great, are you trying to get me to have a tearful change of heart, and suddenly become a good guy?"

Wolfie: "I admit that was on the cards, but I take it that won't happen."

Bleeper: "No chance. If I'm doomed I may as well take you with me."

Wolfie: "Very well... now... I will unleash my full power..."

_Blue light flows from Wolfie, and he raises Kuin, then turns it to point the tip straight down._

Wolfie: "This is my Final Mystic Arte..." _A cut-in of Wolfie's face appears, _"DEUS EX MACHINA!"

_Wolfie hurls the sword at the ground. It passes straight down through the tower, and buries itself to the hilt in the ground. A cut-in of Wolfie's figure, clad in his full armour flashes past, before a beam of continuous blue light fires straight up from Kuin._

_The tower begins to shake, and it cracks, falling to pieces._

Wolfie: _Turning to Bleeper, _"Now... DIE!"

_A beam of blue light fires from Wolfie's hand, enveloping Bleeper, and his body disintegrates._

Bleeper: "I just... wanted... them not to take my popularity..." _All but his head is gone, _"See you in... Hell..." _Disintegrates completely._

Wolfie: "Bleeper, rest in pieces, you twat!"

_The tower collapses, and the pieces disappear as they fall, leaving only small pieces of rubble. The ground around the tower suddenly starts to go green again, as the land heals. Where all was ashen and waste there is now grass and flowers._

Wolfie: "My world... Restored..." _His body begins to glow blue, and his armour dissipates._

_Wolfie's feet begin to dissolve, and he flies down towards Miku._

Miku: "Wolfie!"

Wolfie: _His voice sounding hollow, _"Miku... I killed him... It's over... this is the end of the adventures of the writer." _His legs are completely gone by now, and his chest begins to dissolve slowly._

Miku: "Wolfie!" _Leaps at Wolfie, and wraps her arms around him, _"I love you! Don't die! Don't leave me! It's only been a year... please... don't die!"

Wolfie: _Smiling sadly, _"It's too late for that... Miku... now... goodbye... my love." _His body vanishes as the pillar of light from Kuin fades, and Miku is left clutching air._

Captain Obvious: "Blow the victory horn, and salute our glorious dead!" _Salutes, as do all the Plot Marines, Metalheads, 'loids, monsters, as well as Misty Lumi and Chewy, while a horn is blown._

Miku: "Wolfie... no..." _Hurls her head back and screams,_ "NO!"

* * *

**Credits: (To 'Can't I Even Dream,' Miku version)**

**Writer/Wolfie: Der Blaue Wolf**

**Miku Hatsune: Herself**

**Luka Megurine: Herself**

**Misty: Mistman_X**

**Lumi: Illuminati_47**

**Chewy: Nobody's quite sure**

**Meiko Sakine: Herself**

**Gakupo Kamui: Himself**

**Rin & Len Kagamine: Themselves**

**The Ice Cream Addict: Itself**

**Neru Akita: Herself (In her profession as Internet Mistress)**

**Tei Sukone: Some nutter**

**Any other 'loids: Themselves**

**Mr. T: Himself (Now can you remember when he turned up?)**

**Derrick: I have no clue**

**Becks: Herself**

**Bob: Somebody (See if you can remember who he is)**

**The Big Bad: Itself**

**Sergeant/Chapter Champion Pi: ****3.14159265...**

**Captain Obvious: You ought to know.**

**Google: A search engine-crazed old woman**

**TV Tropes: A troper who was stuck there for several years**

**Wikipedia: Some know-it-all**

**The Yaoi Fangirls: Various**

**The Plot Marines: Some repainted Space Wolves**

**The Bleeper-Fangirls: Some poor sods who caught Bleeper Fever**

**Special thanks:**

**To Queen of Double Standards, for introducing me to IrohaXPikoXMiki in one of her excellent stories,  
To Angel-Chan and OtakuGirl347 for repeat reviews,  
To every other reviewer, for the support you gave me,  
To Misty and Lumi for constantly putting up with me throwing test-run jokes at them, and their feedback,  
To all the bands and songwriters who create Vocaloid songs,  
To all those who worked to create Vocaloid in the first place,  
And, last but not least, To all of you who have read this story to the bitter end.**

_And so it comes to pass that it is..._

_**The End of the Writer: Fin**_

...

..._Or... is it..._

Epilogue of the Writer

_The banks of the Lake of Cocytus, Nessus, the Ninth layer of Hell_

Asmodeus, Arch-lord of Hell: "Oh come on, now that I've finally got you, I'm not just letting you go back to life."

Wolfie: "Okay, what if I can prove by argument that I'm alive, then will you let me go?"

Asmodeus: "I suppose I'd have to, but that's impossible, you used Deus Ex Machina, you know what that does."

Wolfie: "Okay... so I used Deus Ex Machina, but tell me, as the ending stands, is it a Deus ex ending?"

Asmodeus: "Well... not really I suppose."

Wolfie: "And why not?"

Asmodeus: "Because you died."

Wolfie: "Precisely, so I should be alive."

Asmodeus: "But then, you would have created a Deus ex, so you should die."

Wolfie: "But then the Deus ex would cease, so there would be no reason for me to die!"

Asmodeus: "So what you're saying is..."

Wolfie: "I am alive and dead at the same time, and am also neither. I am, if you like, Schrödinger's Wolf. Thus, I am alive, and you agreed to allow me to return to life!"

_Silence rings out across the frozen lake, as Asmodeus stares at Wolfie._

Asmodeus: "Very well then, begone! I hope you live long and prosper, as I don't want to see you again for at least another century."

Wolfie: _Beginning to float upwards, _"I'll do my best."_ Disappears._

* * *

_The ruins of the Tower of Pop_

Miku: "Wolfie... why?" _Walks towards the centre, and begins to move rubble aside._

_After a while, she uncovers Kuin, covered in dust and dirt, and she reaches out to touch it._

_As she is about to touch it, a hand appears out of nowhere, and raises the sword from the ground. Miku looks up, to see the armoured hand is attached to a man in full-plate armour, of a familiar tint of purple, with an ornate wolf-head helm._

Miku: "Wolfie... it can't be..."

_Removing his helmet, revealing the brown-haired face, with that poor-shaven chin that Miku knew so well, Wolfie smiles._

Wolfie: "Hell itself spat me back out."

Miku: "Wolfie..." _Jumps at Wolfie, tears overflowing. _"WOLFIE!"

Wolfie: _His armour turning back to his normal clothes, and his sword vanishing as her grabs Miku in a tight hug, _"Miku... I'm back..."

Miku: "Wolfie..."

Wolfie: "Miku... I love you."

Miku: "Wolfie... I love you too..."

_The pair's lips edge together..._

Misty: "48 minutes to argue your way out of Hell. Wolfie, you're getting slow."

_The couple turn to see all their friends standing around them, smiling._

Wolfie: "Ah, sorry, I had a conversation with Einstein and Gandhi on the way down."

Chewy: "What were they doing in Hell?"

Wolfie: "They weren't Christian. So when all of us die, we get to go to a massive party with some of the greatest people in history, and the best central heating system ever created!"

Lumi: "Still, Schrödinger's Wolf? Even for you, that's a little over the top."

Miku: "Nothing's over the top for Wolfie."

Luka: "Anyway, I guess this is really it."

Misty: "Yeah, this is it."

Lumi: "We've been on a long path."

Chewy: "We've travelled far."

Meiko: "We've had good times."

Kaito: "And some bad."

Rin: "We've beaten up our enemies."

Len: "And some of our friends."

Neru: "I got a new phone."

Gakupo: "And we fought for great justice."

Captain Obvious: "But after all that, we're here."

Chapter Champion Pi: "Here and now."

Miku & Wolfie: _Staring at each other, _"This is the **End of 'The Writer.'**" _Kiss._

_So goodbye everyone, it really has been a long time, and this has undoubtedly been my greatest and most successful fanfic. So I hope you enjoyed it, and I'll see you next time._

Miku & Wolfie: "And at the risk of sounding cliché... Motherf***ing hell yeah!"

_**Adventures of the Writer: Fin**_

Matane

Der Blaue Wolf

…

_But... what's this coming... Memories... so many... memories... of Wolfie and Miku, before they even started dating... when they fought the daemoness Tei Sukone._

_Look out for the prequel as a separate story... Memories of the Writer. Coming soon._


	57. Extras

Wolfie: Hello one more time. I decided, bored as I am, that I'd add the extra random fun stuff I got bored enough to create for Adventures, but have never had an appropriate opportunity to post. Also, I wanted to again say two things. First, there is a prequel in the works (AKA, it's currently fermenting in my brain).

Second, this will be made into a picture-drama type thing, but we're desperately short on VAs. (Closer to) Complete details can be found on my profile.

Now, first, the random theme song:

Writer's Paradise (To the backing music of Gansta's/Amish/Gendo's Paradise)

A Parody of a Parody of A Parody

Yes, that is Parodyception

Derrick: So you gonna tell me what this is all about?

Wolfie:

As I walk through the fic-zone built up by me and Cal,  
I take a look at my Waifu, and realise she's fictional.  
But that's just perfect for an Otaku like me,  
You know I shun fancy things like reality.

At 4:30 in the morning I'm writing fics.  
Good old Chewy asks questions and Lumi draws chicks. Fool.  
And I've been typing and writing so long that  
Even Mistman_X thinks my mind is gone.

I'm a man of some class, I'm into ass-kicking,  
I got Miku in my bed, and stubble on my chin,  
But if Miku wins all her fights, and Derrick you lose, then  
She will Save the Writer like she did in chapter ten.

Misty & Lumi & Chewy: We've been bored for most of our lives, living in a writer's paradise.

Misty: I've edited just once or twice, living in a writer's paradise.

Lumi: I've let my monsters sacrifice, living in a writer's paradise.

Chewy: I ask questions which aren't that nice, living in a writer's paradise.

Wolfie: My reflection bitch came to my story last week,  
I didn't smile at her, 'cause she really ain't a geek.  
I really don't care, in fact I wish her well,  
'Cause living without Miku must be some kind of hell.

And she ain't ever punched Nero even if he deserved it,  
A boukaloid with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of.  
He has no manners, and looked quite good dead,  
And he always made me get angry and red. Fool.

If you come to visit, you'll be driven to tears,  
We haven't had a mental check-up in three hundred years.  
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare,  
We're just psychologically impaired.

Misty & Lumi & Chewy: There are Writers, 'caloids, Fic-zone fields,  
And a single brilliant me.  
A bunch of crazy cases for  
Freud's psychopathology.

Misty & Lumi & Chewy: We've been bored for most of our lives, living in a writer's paradise.

Misty: We're just super-complex guys, living in a writer's paradise.

Lumi: There comes a time to throw the dice, living in a writer's paradise.

Chewy: So just roll that d20 twice, living in a writer's paradise.

Wolfie: Lying to the party, typing on my keyboard,  
Started one year past see, soon I'll go overboard.  
Think that I'm a psycho? Think I ain't got a heart?  
Well I know I'm a million times a crazy as thou art.

I'm the psychotic bastard stupid Kaito wants to be like,  
In my chair day and night, typing crap flowing from my mind.  
So don't complain, and don't be scary,  
Or else, Kaito, you may end up just like that foolish Mary.

Misty & Lumi & Chewy: We've been bored for most of our lives, living in a writer's paradise.

Misty: We've been spreading madness, right, living in a writer's paradise.

Lumi: Even though I just turn into light, living in a writer's paradise.

Chewy: But you'll probably think it's a blight, living in a writer's paradise.

Everyone: AH! AH! AH~AH AH! AH! AH! AH! AH~AH AH! AH! AH! AH! (Repeat 3 times)

* * *

Wolfie's Move Set

This is the Tale-style move set that I created for Wolfie, including some original moves, some of which he did actually use in the series. I've given a brief description for those that he didn't.

Wolf Fang  
Double Wolf Fang  
Lupine Chaos

Fang Rain (Stabs foes, blade shatters and strikes the enemy repeatedly)  
Fang Rain: Erste (Fang Rain plus a final up slash)  
Fang Rain: Zweite (Fang Rain: erste plus a downwards slash)

Tempest  
Black Tempest (Tempest, but inflicts dark-element damage in addition to normal damage)  
Devastating Tempest (Black Tempest, but on landing a Dark-Type explosion occurs)

Temporal Blade (As Lightning Blade, but inflicts Time damage)  
Eternal Blade

Lupe (Like Beast, but with a wolf)  
Hunting Lupe

Icicle Rain  
Frozen Embrace  
Fimbulwinter (Just think lots of ice, lots of damager)

Fireball  
Solar Flare (Fire-type spread)  
Ragnarok (Like Fimbulwinter, only fire)

Lightning  
Thunder Blade  
Indignation

Nightmare  
Bloody Howling  
Damnation (Dark-type Judgement)

Photon  
Prism Swords  
Judgement

Distortion  
Extension  
Dead End (Hits all foes once with Distortion)

Mystic Artes:

Lupine Rage (Think final fury)

Eternal Finality  
Eternal Damnation (Basically what it says on the tin)

Indignation

Götterdämmerung

Deus Ex Machina

* * *

And yeah, that's the extras.

So yeah, all that remains is to thank a few people again. Basically, Lumi and Misty, who have given me huge amounts of inspiration, and in some cases whole jokes. You remember that conversation between Misty and Wolfie about Yuriston arrows (and how Misty only had five left)? Guess who had that conversation on MSN?

If you can't wait for the prequel series or the semi-animated version, I have conveniently put all my other stories in the general continuity of the 'Writer's World' in one community. It's the only one on my profile, and currently only contains stories by me, and is more for convenience than anything else. But if anyone else were to write something for it, I would take it as a compliment.

So, see-ya people soon, with Memories of the Writer. This is the last time this story's getting anything added, so, keep your eye out.

Bis Bald

BW


End file.
